Chapter 7. Nightmare.

"Sasuke, you are drunk" I pressed my hands against your chest and firmly pushed you away.

"So what, Itachi?" you leaned down again holding my face in your palms as you nuzzled my neck and stroked my chin.

"Enough." I repeated and hit you in your stomach.

The punch was not hard but it sent you off the bed. I saw how your face turned gray and shaking from side to side you eventually got up, measured me with your gaze and moved towards the door. Just before opening it you looked back at me, smirked and said nothing more.

"Nanako!" I heard you screaming. "Give him his fucking medicine!"

I looked at the clock on the wall. This was not the right time for my medication yet, it was several hours too early.

I heard Nanako-chan quietly protesting then I heard a shriek and the sound of running legs. Nanako had left.

"Sasuke!" I called."What have you done?Sasuke?" But there was no answer.

You had made a big mistake by hurting a person who had been kind to me.

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Slowly and steadily, one leg after another, I made it up to the opposite wall. I looked at the clock, it took me almost half an hour but the further I walked the easier it became. Through the door, out , along the corridor, past the bathroom, past the living room, past the small hallway and there it was, your room.

When I stood right next to your door, leaning against it, I could hear no sounds coming from behind it.

"Sasuke" I called and knocked. You didn't answer. I pulled the door open and entered.

It was dark. I could hardly see you. It had been a very long time, Sasuke, since I came into this room, and much it had changed since then. You used to have so many things laying around, now it was almost empty, as if you had gotten rid of everything besides the mattress on the tatami and a few cardboard boxes that your clothes were thrown into. It smelled untidy in here and the windows were covered with dark blinds. In comparison with my room, Sasuke , yours looked like it was a part of another home, a poorer and a dirtier one.

You were laying on the bed, face down, your hand halfway on the floor and the other one under the mess of a pillow. Was it even a pillow, Sasuke? To me it looked like a rolled up piece of clothing you had taken off. You had only your briefs on and I saw the duvet was crumbled under your feet as if you had just crushed on your bed not bothering to cover yourself up.

It felt chilly. And you could really use a blanket not to freeze.

I called you again.

"Sasuke."

You didn't answer but sighed and murmured something in sleep. I slowly walked over to you and stood just above, observing how your back and your shoulders were moving up and down every time you breathed in and out. I lowered, being extremely cautious not to fall down and eventually I sat on the floor , next to your so-called bed.

Sasuke I had come here to ask you about Nanako, to tell you how wrong you had been by treating her the way you did, and now after almost an hour of walking where were my thoughts?

What I saw in your room shocked me. It contrasting so much from the rest of the apartment, what with all the mess and dirt. Was there truth in what Nanako-chan had told about our financial state? Why would you hide it from me? Were you purposely keeping me unaware of things making me believe that we had it as fine as before while you were existing on minimum?

Was that the real reason why you never wanted me to walk and move around the house? Or was this just a coincidence? And why would you sacrifice your luxury that you used to fill up your life and surrounding with and had left only the most essential and basic things while my room was continuing to be as it used to be?

You moaned again.

"Sasuke" I touched your shoulder. Just now I noticed how covered in scratches, bite marks and even bruises your body was. There were old scars on your pale skin and many new ones.

"Mmm..there, right there" you murmured and moved a little. You were still asleep and I shook you a little.

"Sasuke, wake up." you lifted your head, keeping your eyes closed and just turned over to lay on your back.

You threw your arm over your eyes and put the other one on my wrist, lifted my hand and placed it on your stomach, still holding it with yours. I looked at your face, brother. You were fast asleep, your face was calm and relaxed. You were breathing through your mouth and I could distinguish the mixture of several types of alcohol coming from you. Suddenly goosebumps covered your chest. Were you getting cold?

You moaned again and arched your back a little. Then you dragged my hand and placed it on top of your briefs.

"There. " you mumbled and moaned again. I took my hand away.

This was nothing I wanted to witness and there was no point staying in here any longer. I got up, slowly and carefully, still looking at you, how you were holding your hand over your underwear. I turned away and moved towards the door.

"Itachi..I want you" you moaned again. And I could hear you started pleasuring yourself with no control over your actions.

You called my name, Sasuke. Were you having a dream about me? A sexual dream?

I turned to look at you again. Your eyes were wide open and a smile played on your lips. "Already leaving, Itachi?" you asked me, fully awake all of a sudden.

I had come to ask you about Nanako. I had tried to wake you up with no success. Now you seemed awake and I had no words to answer your question. No words even to ask you mine. I observed you for a minute then left. You were drunk and didn't realize how sick what you were doing was.

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Sasuke, the same evening you came into my room and made me an injection. You didn't say a single word until the medicine started working. I was already drifting off when you suddenly sat on my bed and said, looking in my eyes.

"Itachi, do you want to hear a funny thing? It's about you. You probably don't remember it now after all this shit you've been pumped so full of . Because your brain is not like it used to be."

You mocked and fake sighed.

"So this is what I want to tell you, Itachi. Your company, well, I have sold it. Actually, no, I've given it away to somebody. Yes, just given it away, as a present".

A laugh.

"It meant a lot to you, didn't it? All this time you spent with your fucking stock analysis, reports and all that shit. Itachi-"

you touched my cheek with your cold fingers.

" and those employees of yours, they all ended up losing their jobs. Because...yea, it went bankrupt, the whole shit. " you grinned satisfied.

"Itachi, I wanted to deliver this news to you myself but fucking Nanako-"

I opened my eyes. Sasuke, you were playing a dangerous game now. I hoped you would stop yourself in time and not pour dirt onto the person who was kind and considerate of me all along. But no, you were evidently enjoying this. Was this a part of the payback?

"Itachi. I see that you can hear me."you smirked and traced my lips with your thumb, then leaned above my face

"what if I tell you that she will never ever come here again. Huh, Itachi? And I will be back to taking care of you?"

That thought had occurred me before, Sasuke. I had expected it to happen any time.

"No? Not afraid? And what if we try differently? One more urabon in front of you?"

you studied my reaction closely. It made you smile a genuine smile

"I see, this is getting better. " you kissed my cheek, watching my eyes the whole time.

"and I will hurt her and make you watch how she screams in pain while I'll be fucking her "

My fingers would not move and my body was completely paralyzed by the medicine now.

"Yes, Itachi," you whispered just above my mouth. You parted my lips with your tongue you continued "God, how good you taste, Itachi. I wish I didn't have to drug you every time and we could just enjoy each other..." you pushed in to mouth, pressing my jaws open with the fingers of your right hand.

Sasuke. Why would you want to do this to me?

You kissed me, Sasuke. And this was the last thing I could remember before it all went black.

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When I opened my eyes the next day I saw you crouched on the sofa, sleeping in your boxers only. You had spent the night in my room, Sasuke. There was the question in my head that I needed to know the answer for.

"Sasuke" I called. You opened your eyes and stared at me.

"What the fuck?" you asked in a sleepy voice.

"Koi, I want to ask you something."

"Fuck off Itachi. I'm not your dog. Ask from there".

This was not the time for jokes.

"Koi." I repeated firmly. You growled and after a hesitation you came up.

"This better be import-"

I didn't let you finish the sentence and caught your hand yanking it towards me. Your face was above mine.

"Itachi. What the fuck?!" you whispered instead of screaming. You froze just above my lips. So this was not my imagination. Sasuke you were attracted to me more than you should be.

"What is it?" you asked me quietly and pressed your lips against mine.

"Why, Sasuke? We are brothers.."

You smirked. "How the fuck should I know , why?" Now you moved away from me, sat on the bed, staring blankly in the wall.

"Don't you feel the same for me, Itachi? " you pronounced after a pause then you slowly turned your head and looked in my eyes.

I didn't answer.

You shrieked at me

"Don't you fucking feel the same?" your lips covered mine and you kissed me.

Sasuke this was no dream, I felt how hard it was to breathe when you saddled my stomach.

You began biting at my lips and my tongue and you were hoarsely moaning as your body was grinding against mine, your knees pressing at my sides. You rolled me over you, now you were laying under me your back on my bed, my hands touching and admiring the bare skin of your chest, your shoulders, your neck.

Sasuke. A sudden thought. Feeling you so close to me I felt a desire to squeeze your throat. I could do it just now if I wanted to, did you think about that?

"What's wrong , Itachi?" you asked, feeling my studying gaze on you. We were both panting, Sasuke. How beautiful you were, your lips so dark red, so moist, your eyes clouded …I smiled to you and kissed you again.

"Itachi, you could..." your hands slid over the front of my track pants. Now you knew Sasuke. You felt it now. You stopped what you were doing immediately and whispered. I felt your erection throb against my leg.

"Itachi...you don't …?" fear and shock in your voice.

"No, Sasuke. I don't." I whispered back, frowning.

"The fuck?!" you screamed and pulled my track pants down. I had no erection, Sasuke. You did, but I did not.

You looked at me.

"Is this some kind of sick joke, Itachi?" you asked.

"No."

You gasped and just kept staring at me.

"You have planned it all along, haven't you?"

I sighed.

"I needed to know" I said.

"Needed to fucking know what, Itachi? " you shrieked in my face, your fist in the air, at ready to land in my face, depending on my answer. I see.

I answered honestly.

"I needed to know if you were really attracted to me, Sasuke. And how much in this case."

"Yea? Well you fucking found out now, didn't you?" you were still aiming your fist at me.

"Yes, now I know. Thank you, Sasuke." You punched the pillow centimeters from my head.

Suddenly you grabbed my head with your two hands and kissed my lips, passionately. I kissed you back. Sasuke.

"So it's your game, Itachi? Like that?" your fingers running in my hair, your breath hot on my face.

I closed my eyes.

"There is no game, Sasuke."

I had dreamt of it so many times and now for the first time I could enjoy it in reality. I had admitted it to myself. Yes, I wanted you. I loved you. The same way as you did. This was dangerous and worrying and I would never be able to pleasure you.

My limbs were getting paralyzed more and more. Already now I could hardly feel my legs, not talking about something as complicated as that. This was beyond my capability.

"Itachi"

I opened my eyes.

You went down my stomach, lower and got into position between my legs, took my soft member in your hand and brushed with it against your cheek, opened your mouth and froze just above its head.

"Watch me." You said.

Sasuke. This was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. How your head was going up and down, how your hand moved so playfully, so skillfully, the way your tongue was drawing incredible patterns on my skin.. Sasuke...it was both amazing and in vain. You worked yourself off after an hour. I was stroking your hair and your beloved face, your lips around my flesh.

"Fuck you, Itachi". You said at last, exhausted, and lay next to me on the bed, resting your head on my chest. Your back and face were all sweaty after the hard work. I stroked your shoulder and kissed your forehead.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I wish I could."

You sighed.

"The meds?" you asked.

I kissed your forehead again and didn't reply.

You thought a little bit then said.

"We'll take you off them, Itachi. You don't need them."

I pushed you a little to look in your eyes.

"No."

"What do you mean, no, Itachi?" you exclaimed

"No, Sasuke. I need them, you know that yourself."

"Bullshit, Itachi. If you are addicted, we'll just reduce the dose, little by little. You'll be fine. "

"No."

Now you got angry.

"What the fuck no, Itachi? Why? It sounds like you want it yourself, do you? To be a vegetable. Not being able to walk, fuck and take a shit by yourself. Not being able to do anything. Is that how you like it?"

I kissed your forehead again.

"If we finish with my injections, Sasuke, it will be dangerous". I said.

"Tch. Crap. Dangerous? What fucking dangerous, Itachi? I'll talk to the doctors, if you have an abstinence we can get some relaxants for you or something. Your body can handle without it. Fuck, you sound like a drug addict, Itachi."

I smiled at your words.

"Yes, Sasuke. I am addicted to this medicine. But it's not what I mean"

"No?"

"No"

"So what is it then? You're gonna run around smashing things and singing Ave Maria in the middle of the convenience store? That is dangerous?"

I looked you in your eyes and stroked your cheek gently.

"No, Sasuke. If we stop with my injections I will kill you." I said seriously, stroking your velvety skin.

"I don't want to do it, Sasuke. But I will kill you."

You paled. I read fear in your eyes but after a hesitation you put your head back on my chest and sighed, stroking my hand.

"Do it." you said.

"What?"

"Kill me. If you want it so much, come on, kill me."

All of a sudden you jumped off the bed and ran out of the room, leaving the door open. I heard your steps in the kitchen, then you entered the room again.

You were back. You had a butcher's knife in your hand, Sasuke.

I covered my eyes with my hands. It was getting hard to breathe. I whispered to you as you came and sat next to me on the bed.

"Sasuke, please. Take it away." You ripped my hands off my face.

"Here" you said, pointing the tip of the knife into your chest, holding the handle against you with your other hand.

"Here, Itachi. All you have to do is press it. Go for it. Do it. Kill me. If you want to." My hands were trembling.

"Sasuke, please, don't. You know how dangerous.." I swallowed.

"Here" you put my hand on the knife and pushed it. I saw the metal blade penetrate through your skin and dark red bubble of blood started growing turning eventually into the stream that was running down your chest, your abs, onto my skin...

"Kill me.." you said again. And took your hand off mine. It was me holding the knife now. Only me.

You didn't move more and just watched me getting panic and excitement and fear and happiness and pain and love and...

Black rings with bright orange circles found their way back into my vision. I took several seconds to keep my breath in as I shut my eyes gathering my will. I cast the knife on the floor. "Leave." I said "And don't come back. I want to get back to the hospital."

You sat there and looked at me, then wiped off the blood drops from your chest. The scratch was not deep, but I didn't want to see it a second more. I didn't want to see you. It was not safe. It took all my willpower to resist this game that you had put up for me and the second time might not be as lucky. I couldn't afford staying here any longer. I had to return back.

"No." you said.

"Sasuke...-" my throat was dry and it was hard to speak. "...you have to take me back " I choked out, looking at you, trying to make you realize before it was too late.

"No" you repeated.

I felt my hands start sweating, sweat was running under my arms, down my back, from my neck, down my chest, I felt sweat stinging my eyes.

"Sasuke, this is not safe. I don't want to hurt you. But this will happen if you.."

"No." Stubbornly you were repeating this stupid word. Like a kid. Like a brat, Sasuke. The brat that needed to be taught a lesson.

I bit my lip. And closed my eyes tried to relax, feeling how the trembling in my hands was starting to get to the other parts of my body. I felt cold. You covered me with a blanket and wiped the sweat from my face with a cloth, brought for me a glass of water, but I couldn't drink. I spilled most of it and you had to move me on the dry side of the bed, now my whole body shaking and you were trying to hold me still in your arms, stroking my head, my back. You were saying something to me Sasuke, but I couldn't hear. Soon I couldn't even see you, or any other objects around. It all blurred in one and started spinning.

When my shaking lightened, and you laid me on my pillows, the duvet under my chin, you kissed my forehead and said.

"You are not going back to the hospital, Itachi. We are taking you off these meds, brother. Even if it costs me my life."

I closed my eyes, praying this was a dream. My worst nightmare, Sasuke. I prayed I would open my eyes and see you holding the syringe with the yellow liquid that you would stab me with until I pass out. I wished I never had to live through this day again, never see you again.

Sasuke, what I saw with my closed eyes, hardly regaining the ability to lay still, what I saw was the vision of your chest sliced up with the steel butcher's knife that you had put into my hand earlier on. I could even sense the metallic scent on my fingers, though my hands were at my sides under the duvet. I could even taste the metal in my mouth, on my tongue, as if I had licked the blade clean after it had sliced through your chest. Sasuke. All I needed was just some rest for my muscles before I could do it. Did you know, Sasuke, how hard it actually was to cut through the human ribs to open the chest of a man? It's not the same as when you butcher meat or chicken, not even a wild boar. It's a hard job. And you don't want to do it too slowly, like when opening the bear can. Or a tin of tofu. You stab with the opening knife through the aluminum lid to get to the insides. But you do it so that not to hurt yourself and not to vandalize the container.

Sasuke, this is how your friends met their deaths. Do you remember? Can you still remember the sounds of their throats bubbling red foam when I opened their chest containers? Such melodic sound, Sasuke. First it's almost like slicing a ripe watermelon, when it cracks open and all the red juice is running out, spraying your face and hands, sweet red juice. If you keep slicing it you can hear this mesmerizing sound of digging through the hard parts, like crushing of the ribs of a human body...the freshly opened pipe of throat, if you open it fast enough you can still hear the whistling of the oxygen escape through the hole in a tube, bubbling and spraying the red juice everywhere. Such beautiful music Sasuke. Fascinating. Hypnotizing. Making me drunk . I would love to open your container, Sasuke, and listen to its music. All those sounds your body could produce for me. I would do it slowly starting with simple accords of a slice of the skin and a crack of one bone. We could listen to it together, Sasuke. For hours. But first I needed some rest. Then I could gather my strength and do it. For you. For us.

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N/A: I must say this chapter has a very special place in my heart. A very special one. I hope you will find it at least entertaining as it's been written with a lot of emotion and love. As Always, it's important for me to know your opinion. Especially after this one.

I will not be updating for a couple of weeks now. My beta is going on a holiday and I'll be patiently waiting for her return. I hope the length of this chapter and the next one will make up for the wait.

And now I'm off to waiting for your comments. Thank you for reading. As Always.M.