The interview

Part 1

It is already half past ten when Rachel finally gets to relax on the couch with a cup of scalding black tea in her hands. She feels tired like most of her nights.

She grabs the remote and turns on the tv. She doesn't watch a lot of it these days – apart from the imperative dose of cartoons – but tonight she is waiting for a specific program to start, The Tommy Thomson Show.

She is not a fan of it. In the two years of airing she has only caught clips of interviews the man did with her Broadway idols, but tonight she has a good reason to watch it live.

Finn is not there with her. He is out at a bar with some of his friends catching a football game and having a drink. She won't ever admit it but she loves the occasional nights he is not around; they are breaths of fresh air to the suffocation she is feeling at spending time with a man she has started to resent.

Their son is asleep in his room. Rachel has read him two chapters of 'The Golden Compass' – Andrew loves listening to her mother reading him stories more than hearing her sing – before he closed his eyes and Rachel went downstairs to make tea.

Now – hot drink already finished – Rachel's exhaustion is catching up with her and she is on the verge of dozing off when the loud intro to The Tommy Thomson Show startles her awake.

Rachel blinks away her sleepiness and sits up straighter on the couch. She has to wait fifteen minutes before the host announces the guest she is so anxiously waiting to appear.

Quinn Fabray enters the studio acclaimed by the audience. Rachel watches as the actress waves at the audience and then at the cameras as she makes her way to Tommy. Rachel recognizes the confident walk as the one that Quinn – clad in her cheerleader uniform – sported back in the hallways of McKinley.

When the camera zooms in on Quinn's face after the actress has taken a sit, Rachel's air is stolen from her lungs. Quinn's eyes are as mesmerizing as ever, and the look of happiness in them is so new and vibrant.

Quinn has been an actress for little more than two years. She made her debut on a romantic comedy that Rachel has found particularly dull, and has just started a guest star appearance on the show 'Us against Love'.

Rachel hasn't seen or heard from her since the summer of three years before when Quinn came to Lima for a quick visit. She had invited Quinn over for dinner and the girl had talked about her classes at Yale and her life in New Haven, and played with 2-year-old Andrew who simply adored her. At the time Quinn wasn't even considering becoming an actress.

Rachel only found out about Quinn's acting career because of the proud articles dedicated to her on 'The Lima Gazette' and from her talks with Tina and Kurt. It had hurt her so much to know that the girl was making a name for herself while she was stuck in Lima forever.

The interview has started and Rachel listens attentively to every word that Quinn says. The actress replies to every question with wit and deepness. She talks about the tv show, her life in LA, and her love for crosswords. Tommy and the audience are charmed, enthralled by Quinn's beauty and brilliancy.

Rachel is affected by the passion that her former friend radiates, something she has never seen in Quinn and much as beautiful it is also very painful. That passion was Rachel's seven years ago, that fire was what animated Rachel through her high school experience and every song she performed.

Rachel is also taken aback by how much honesty and openness there are in Quinn's answers: the stoic, cold and defensive Quinn Fabray is nowhere in sight.

"Your first movie and the show have a common theme: romantic love. Is it also a part of your life? Tell us, have you ever been in love?" Tommy asks Quinn. The soft and shy smile that appears on Quinn is so beautiful and makes the answer so obviously positive.

"Yes, once, back in high school," Quinn replies and Rachel is surprised. She is surprised that Quinn has to recall her high school days to talk about being in love and she is also surprised because she doesn't remember Quinn ever loving her boyfriends: Finn had just been the mean to win Prom Queen and affirm her status, Sam a brief distraction and Noah a mistake.

"Those were very hard years for me; back then I saw my life crumble in front of me more than once," Quinn elaborates and Rachel is sure that Quinn is now thinking about her pregnancy and her car accident. "But in all the chaos that was my life, there was one person who always anchored me, offering me their support, their friendship, their caring and their sensible words."

Rachel is at loss. She doesn't understand whom Quinn is talking about.

"Ambitious, passionate, forgiving, smart, and so talented, it was impossible not to fall," Quinn pauses, takes a deep breath and goes on, "not to fall for her."

"Her?" Tommy asks bewildered.

"Yeah, her," Quinn reaffirms and someone in the audience whistles in approval. Quinn has just come out on national tv but Rachel doesn't even realize it. Her mind is repeating Quinn's description and she is sure that she is not being presumptuous in thinking that Quinn is talking about her.

"I never told her I was in love with her. She probably wouldn't have believed me; I spent a lot of time bullying her before reluctantly accepting her friendship." It's unmistakable. Quinn is talking about her. Rachel's blood starts to pound hard in her head.

"Knowing and loving her was one of the most enriching experiences of my life," Quinn concludes, sealing the words with a bittersweet smile.

"Well, what if the girl you're talking about was watching us right now, what would you say to her?"

The actress turns fully towards the camera. "Thank you. You were kind to me even if I didn't deserve it. And I'm sorry, Rachel," Quinn eyes widen in shock, letting the name escape clearly wasn't her intention, but she goes on, "I'm so sorry because I didn't try enough to make you follow your dream…"

Quinn clears her throat and turns back to Tommy who thanks her for the interview. Quinn says her goodbye as the audience loudly applauds her.

Rachel is stunned. She has never imagined that Quinn might have loved her once. It's a new information that her mind doesn't seem able to process.

"Quinn Fabray was in love with me," Rachel repeats the sentence a few times emphasizing its different elements and trying to make it sound less surreal.

Mixed emotions surge in her body; there's anger, disbelief, smugness, but the most prominent one is shame.

Rachel feels ashamed because the person that Quinn loved does no longer exist. She feels ashamed because the woman she is now would never enrich someone else's life: her ambition was left behind long ago, her passion was forgotten, her talent was wasted on teaching singing lessons to four spoiled and mediocre girls.

And ultimately Rachel feels ashamed because there's a strong temptation inside of her to consider Quinn responsible for her miserable life.

If Quinn had confessed her feelings, she would have known that she was lovable, that someone else than Finn – the quarterback of a team that only ever won three games, the boyfriend who never stood up for her, the reluctant Glee co-captain without any ambition – could love her. And that someone was Quinn, smart, gorgeous, tenacious and so beautifully broken Quinn.

And if Quinn had confessed her feelings, maybe she would have opened her eyes and left Finn; she would have gone to New York and had her chance to become the star she dreamt of being since she was three.

Letting her mind thinking like that is plain stupid. Rachel has chosen this life by herself. Quinn did try to deter her from it (maybe that's the biggest proof of Quinn's love for her: the desire for her happiness, the need to steer her away from an unwise marriage) but back then no one could have destroyed the image of Finn as the dreamy leading man, as the perfect boyfriend and as all she needed to be happy that she had recreated in her head.

No one but herself. And with time Rachel did.

Rachel finds herself silently crying herself to sleep some nights, when the oppression of her crumbled dreams and her mediocre life becomes too much.

That night is one of those nights.

A/N: First attempt to write a more organic/less fragmented fic. Hopefully, it won't be a total disaster.

There's only 4 other parts (about the same length of this one) to come. I hope you'll be willing to read them.

English is not my native language, I apologize for any mistakes.

Thanks for reading!