From: Yuta Kajima
Subject: We Did It!
Date: Thu, 03/21, 07:03
Good morning!
Five months today, Katie! When you look at it like that, it doesn't seem too bad, right? We're doing really well so far.
Tell me all the LI gossip! The guys hardly ever email me. Except Saeki, but only when it's 5am and he's a little loopy from writing all night. I never know what he's talking about. I don't even know he knows he's doing it!
Hey, you've been counting the days too, right? Tell me it's not just me.
Love, Yuta
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Re: We Did It!
Date: Thu, 03/21, 07:16
There's not too much news over here. Uncle Kuni and Ren had a bit of an argument over Ren falling asleep behind the bar one night, and now Ren's doing some kind of silent protest. Or, well, I think he is. It's Ren, so it's hard to tell.
If Saeki's bothering you at 5am, I'll tell him to stop. You need to get your rest! I'm sure you're already working too hard as it is.
Well, I'd better get ready for work. I love waking up to your emails! It really encourages me to do my best every day.
It's 11pm there, so I guess you'll be going to bed soon, if you're not asleep already. Good night!
Love, Katie
It wasn't until after she had pressed send that she realized her mistake. If Saeki was sending Yuta messages at 5am Tokyo time, then Yuta would be getting them at 6, 7, 8... 9pm Paris time. It wouldn't be a bother to him at all. Annoyed at herself for wasting precious text space talking about something irrelevant, Katie tried to shake it off and set about getting dressed.
Work passed in a blur, as it always did these days. Her cooking did seem to be improving, and the students were as fun and stimulating as ever, but she was always aware of the phone in her pocket, heavy and silent. She came to wish fervently that Yuta would have a sleepless night and email her to work through his insomnia. Then she would feel guilty, and chide herself for her selfish childishness, though she wouldn't take back the wish.
From: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Whoa!
Date: Fri, 3/22, 07:22
One day I'll take you to the Arc de Triomphe! It's shameful, but today is the first time I saw it up close since I've been here. It was really cool! We shot some footage right underneath it. I don't know if I gave it my best, since I was too busy staring!
So, hey, tell me about work. Did they give you your own restaurant yet? Ha ha! I'd eat there every night! As long as I could have your special omurice made just for me, of course!
It's really weird sometimes, emailing when it's so late for me and so early for you. I feel like we must be in such different worlds. You're busy, getting ready to go to work. And I'm just here in my room, with nothing to do.
I miss you, Katie. Do you miss me?
Love, Yuta
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Re: Whoa!
Date: Fri, 3/22, 07:56
Sorry, Yuta! I was in the shower. I thought I had my phone volume up really loud, but I must've forgotten to turn off silent mode. I hope this isn't going to wake you up.
I'm so jealous that you get to see all of these amazing things! One day you have to show me all of the sights, okay?
Work is going well, thank you! The teacher is a little harsh with me still, but she only does it because she wants me to become a good assistant. I'm just happy that she has faith in me.
Sleep well tonight, Yuta. It's good that we can say good morning and good night to each other.
Love, Katie
Running a little late this morning, Katie rushed off to work with that last email fresh in her mind.
She wished she could go and see Yuta, the way they casually talked about yet never actually discussed. But they both knew that there were too many barriers. She would have to get that time off work, which was difficult enough. And even if she did manage it, he wouldn't be able to do the same. And then she would just be bothering him while he was supposed to be working.
Yuta always asked these little questions: Have you been counting the days? Do you miss me? And Katie always ignored them, and replied as if they had never been said at all. Because how could she answer truthfully? Yes was too small and too weak a word to fully express the extent to which she missed him, the obsessive counting and re-counting of the days in any spare moment of her time. The truth was a much bigger, tangled, ugly thing, and something that she absolutely could not share. Yes was meaningless. So she said nothing.
From: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Kaaaaatie!
Date: Fri, 3/22, 22:38
Surprised? Ha ha!
In a lunch meeting right now, though I'm starting to suspect that it was just an excuse to get drunk in the middle of the day! The French really know how to live, right? Ha ha ha!
Are you at home right now? Are you free? Would it be okay if I called you? I bet I can slip away for a few minutes. These guys won't notice!
You know, you've been a little cold lately. Don't you think? Why don't you email back and tell me that you love me? Say, "Hello, my name is Katie and Yuta rocks my world." Ha ha! Then I can show it to these guys and make them all super jealous!
Wow, I am really tipsy.
It's kinda
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Re: Kaaaaatie!
Date: Fri, 3/22, 22:47
Ha ha, Yuta! I think you hit the send button too early.
Looks like meetings in France are way more fun than in Japan, huh? Be careful not to drink too much, though it might be too late to say that!
I'm working at LI right now, so I can't really talk on the phone. Not without an audience. Maybe some other time?
Everyone says hi, by the way!
Love, Katie
She sighed and put the phone down on the bar, turning her attention back to mixing Yamato's drink. That had really thrown her off, getting an unscheduled email from Yuta at just the time of day when she was most desperately trying not to think of him.
Cold, he had called her. Maybe that was true. But then what was the alternative? An outpouring of pathetic emotion that would only make him feel guilty or annoyed or otherwise distracted from his job.
No, better to keep going forward as she had been. Keep everything inside, where it couldn't hurt anyone. Be positive, be there for him, and be strong. That was the mantra.
From: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Re: Re: Kaaaaatie!
Date: Fri, 3/22, 23:01
Seriously, so cold! Right now I need you to be like Okinawa, and you're being like Hokkaido! Oh well, I'll forgive you, since you're my cute wife Katie.
I'd better get back to the "meeting" anyway.
You know, you don't have to let Kuni drag you into helping out at the bar when you're already working so hard at those cooking classes. I can't help feeling a little worried about you. But I trust your judgement, Katie. As long as you're happy!
Loooooooove, Yuta
She didn't even realize she had another email until she had left Long Island for the night and was walking towards the train station.
It was a fairly innocuous message, but, by the end of it, she felt something inside her - something strained and brittle - snap.
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: [no subject]
Date: Fri, 3/22, 23:48
You asked if I was counting the days? The answer is no. No, I don't count the days. I count the minutes, I count the seconds, every one of them, because I can't help it, I can't escape them. Do I miss you? I can't stand thinking about you. Yet it's all I can do. As long as I'm happy, you said? I'm not happy, Yuta. I'm miserable, and angry, and alone. I hate talking to people, to anyone, because I only want to be talking to you.
But you think this is easy? Those five months just flew by? Whatever world you're living in, I want to live there! I want to be able to go about my life, just for one day, and not think about you at all. I want to forget you. Just for one day. Just one day when I can breathe again. One day. That's what I want. That's all I want.
He hadn't replied.
The next morning, Katie woke up with a feeling in her gut far more nauseating than any hangover. She hadn't been drunk - she'd only had a couple of drinks at the end of the night; He hadn't said anything wrong - she had just reached her limit and lashed out at him for no reason.
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Hey
Date: Sat, 3/23, 06:00
Good evening, Yuta.
Ugh. I'm up so early, even though it's a Saturday! It's nice to be able to relax on the weekend, huh? Are you free today, too? Or I guess I mean tomorrow. Your Saturday. Maybe we could try that phone call?
I love you.
Katie
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: By The Way
Date: Sat, 3/23, 07:03
I'm sorry about last night. I must've had waaaay too much too drink at LI. I think I said some weird stuff, but you can't trust what a drunk says, right? Anyway, you should just ignore all of it.
Love, Katie
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: An Idea
Date: Sat, 3/23, 10:36
Sorry, I know it's really late over there. I just feel weird about last night still.
I had an idea how I can make it up to you, though. How about a Punishment Game? You can tell me to do anything - anything - and I have to do it! Go ahead, Yuta! Do your worst! Hee hee!
Love, Katie
Seven unanswered emails later and she was beginning to feel like a stalker.
When she tried calling Yuta on the pretense of being able to say good morning at his local time of 9am and was met with nothing but a beeping tone and the message that his phone was currently unavailable, the fluttering nervousness in her stomach turned to a cold, quiet terror.
Dialling another number, she got through to his manager, who was out in Paris helping Yuta with some show negotiations right now.
"Good morning! It's Katie. Um, sorry to bother you, but... is Yuta working today, by any chance?"
There was a long pause. "Yes, he is."
"Can I speak to him?"
"...Hang on a minute, please."
It wasn't just her imagination. Yuta's manager sounded uncomfortable and maybe even a little worried.
After a while, he returned. "Are you still there?"
"Yes." Katie's breath caught in fear and anticipation.
"I'm sorry, but Yuta is... unavailable at the moment."
Did he say he didn't want to speak to me? she wanted to ask.
"Oh, I see. Well, thank you anyway. Sorry again!" she said instead, and hung up the phone.
She sat on the sofa, unmoving, for a long time. She felt numb. She felt... so angry at herself, for messing up everything she'd been working so hard to keep safe. She'd wanted to be Yuta's support. She'd wanted to make sure he never had to worry about her, that he'd never have a chance to regret going to Paris. She didn't want to do anything to push him off-course or make him come to resent her. She didn't want to ruin his dream. And she didn't want to ruin their relationship.
And she had the terrible feeling that last night she'd managed to do both.
Eventually, as the light shining in through the apartment windows faded, sensation began to bleed back into her world. She was hungry.
In an act that could only be labelled as pure self-indulgent pity, she made omurice for dinner and placed it down on the table. She had only managed to take one joyless bite, when the doorbell rang.
Katie padded over to the door on bare feet and opened it.
Yuta.
It was Yuta.
He opened his mouth as if to say something. Maybe something cute and wittily casual like, "Hey. Can I come in?"
Instead, he said nothing and simply stepped inside and slid his hands into her hair, pulling her in for a messy, graceless kiss. It was desperate, and unreal, and Katie was aware that she was making noises, little embarrassing noises of confusion and relief and want.
They fell to the floor together, her underneath. But he soon pulled her up so she was atop him, straddling his thighs while he leaned back against the wall. They pulled at each other's clothes, although they couldn't manage to get fully naked before the need was too much, and they were abandoning everything right there in the hallway. Decency, logic, words - all rendered pointless in the face of this all-consuming passion.
Afterwards, they remained like that, her sitting atop him, her arms tight around his neck, his face buried in her shoulder. Their breaths were ragged, their limbs trembled.
"Katie," Yuta said, and it broke the spell. "That was... scandalous!"
They laughed, both shocked and increasingly embarrassed by their own actions. Pulling away and straightening their clothes until they looked semi-decent, they migrated naturally to the living room where they both stood, staring at each other, unsure what to say first.
Yuta's eyes flicked over to the long-forgotten dinner on the table.
"Did my manager give it away?" There was an edge of annoyance in his voice.
It took Katie a moment to work it out, but suddenly the events of the day - the distressing silence from Yuta and the nervous avoidance of his manager - began to take on a much less awful meaning than before.
"Oh! No, actually, that omurice was... for me." Well, that was an embarrassing admission. "I had no idea..."
A slightly pained look came over Yuta's face, and he took a step closer. "I'm sorry. You must've thought I was ignoring you or something."
Or something. She choked on the words before they could make it out of her throat.
"I booked the flight half an hour after your email, you know." Yuta said, scratching the back of his neck. "But it got cancelled, so I had to fight a hundred other passengers to get on another one. And then that one was delayed. And then there was all this trouble at the Narita Airport train station. And my phone battery died, so I couldn't even... ugh. My plan was to arrive way earlier, before you drove yourself too crazy with worry. Sorry."
"I- I wouldn't say I drove myself crazy," Katie replied, hedging. "...How long?"
Yuta paused for a moment, wincing. "I got my manager to agree to the weekend. But now I've wasted so much time... I have to catch a flight back tomorrow night."
One day.
"I'm so sorry." Yuta came in close, wrapping his arms around Katie's waist. "I know it's not much."
One day.
Yuta peered into her eyes, guilt plain on his face. "I'm really sorry."
Katie smiled.
"I get a whole day?" Her eyes were bright, and not just with tears.
"Uh, yeah." Yuta began to smile, too. "A whole day, just for us."
Suddenly Katie pitched away, her mind buzzing and unable to focus. "We- we should tell the others."
She reached for the phone, but Yuta grabbed her hand and pulled her into a tight hug. "Don't you dare!"
"B-but, they'll want to see you..."
"What they don't know won't hurt them, right?" Yuta grinned, leaning in for a firm, hard kiss. "I mean, I came to see you. I was kinda hoping I could monopolize you for the next twenty-four hours. I guess... I guess that makes me a really selfish guy, huh?"
"...Maybe." Katie smiled, pressing a kiss onto his jaw. "But I must be just as selfish, because that's what I want too."
"Well, then." Yuta returned the kiss, just beneath her ear. "Let's get started."
Then the kisses were numerous, uncountable, like water passing over cracked and long-dry lips.
Just over twenty-four hours later, there was a very familiar scene in the departures area of Narita Airport. Katie and Yuta clung to each other as they said their goodbyes.
"Listen, don't keep it all inside, okay? I know it's hard for you, because it's so hard for me. So tell me if you feel lonely. Tell me if you're angry, or upset, or hurting."
Katie nodded, though she wasn't sure she could promise to do that. But she did feel strong - truly strong, this time. Like seeing Yuta had given her back something that she had lost in these past five months.
When she thought about the remaining time that they would have to be separated, it no longer felt like a lie to say that she knew they could make it.
Because he had come all this way for her. He had felt her pain from thousands of miles away and came to soothe it. He had suffered through such a long, exhausting journey just for one stolen day. If he could do that, then she could wait just a little longer.
And as Yuta started walking away, she watched him with tears in her eyes and a real smile on her face.
Suddenly he stopped, and she saw him fumble his cell phone out of his pocket and start typing.
Her own phone pinged.
From: Yuta Kajima
Subject: [no subject]
Date: Sun, 3/24, 19:14
I love you.
She laughed, a tear breaking free and sliding down her cheek.
To: Yuta Kajima
Subject: Re: [no subject]
Date: Sun, 3/24, 19:15
I know.
-END-
(Special thanks to Katie, for whom this was written as part of a fic trade.)