Just a fun story to be updated sporadically ;D Follows the case files of Pleasant and Cain through the years and times when they're not out there saving the world - cuz they have a job, right? They're detectives and they got stuff to solve and find!

Valkyrie is a different age every case - cuz, you know, we just be browsing through their case files ;D

Valkyrie: 12

OPEN

Case File #0001: Elder's Staff

Assigned Detectives: Sanctuary Prime Detective Skulduggery Pleasant, Trainee Detective Valkyrie Cain

Objective: Retrieve the staff

Referred by: Grand Mage Thurid Guild

Signed by: T. Guild

Other notes:

Bloody left the staff for a single bloody second and an Imp got it. Not a word to anyone, Pleasant, or I'll have your head.

And by god, I'll make it hard for you to find another one.

Skulduggery looked at his pocket watch, sighed dramatically and cocked his shotgun.

She had one job, one job: to flush the imp out.

Was it that hard for a twelve year old to flush out a two foot imp?

Were all twelve year olds so incapable nowadays?

Skulduggery couldn't exactly remember what he was like when he was twelve, but he figured he probably wasn't as useless as Valkyrie Cain was proving to be right this very minute.

He walked to the tiny, child-sized hole in the cliff side and crouched, using the shotgun as a lever as he peered into the darkness. Everything was as an imp hole should be, and he lit a small flame in his hand and reached his arm in. The tunnel went further than the firelight could illuminate and there were clearly no signs of his twelve year old companion.

If circumstances demanded it Skulduggery would have most likely been able to fold himself into the hole and could have flushed the imp out himself, but that would have required a whole lot of grunting and elbow scraping on his behalf; not to mention all that dirt and rock damaging his good suit. And besides, young Valkyrie had seemed plenty eager to prove her worth.

After he had ordered her to go in.

Well, asked.

Bribed.

Something about wanting tickets for something or other. But he figured if he didn't bring it up Valkyrie would forget about it and get on with her life. Twelve year olds were often forgetful. Stupid, actually. Really gullible.

Skulduggery studied the edges of the hole and sighed again.

Maybe she had got lost, or stuck, or maybe she had somehow gotten herself killed.

He cocked his head to one side and tutted. There was nothing else for it. With a groan he took of his hat, pulled off the jacket of his suit and placed it folded neatly beneath it, removed his tie and got down on his hands and knees. The damp dirt around the imp hole soaked the knees of his suit pants as he dragged himself into the gap, pushing the shotgun forward.

It was long, arduous and tedious work, but after five minutes Skulduggery found himself travelling along at a reasonable pace. Push the gun, kick forward, slide, reach out again, push the gun, kick forward, slide – it was almost like the breast stroke, except, on the ground.

In an imp hole.

In the dark.

The ten minute mark came and went and Skulduggery ground-swam-breast-stroke-style for another whole minute before he was aware of the air changing shape around him. Here the tunnel widened and it was enough room for him to get to his knees and kneel. Tenderly, he raised an arm above his head and slowly reached upwards until the damp roof of the tunnel met his palm. It was perhaps five feet high.

Skulduggery rearranged his stance and restarted down the tunnel at a crouched jog.

After a few metres he heard the distinguishable sound of shuffling up ahead and retreated to one side of the tunnel wall and pressed himself against it. The shuffling came closer and a light began to glow around the tunnel's bend up ahead. Skulduggery stiffened as the light suddenly went out and led to a deep, dark silence.

He lifted the shotgun a little higher and bent his legs underneath him.

And lunged.

The body he collided into was small, somewhat skinny and sounded remarkably like the startled screams of a little girl.

Skulduggery rolled across the ground like a barrel as the girl fought back, a stray punch landing square on his jaw with a bony clack.

"What the hell," she hissed and a weak flame was summoned to her small, pale, shaking hand. "Skulduggery?"

He rubbed his jaw. "I thought I told you to suss out your opponent before attacking him!"

Valkyrie gaped in the sputtering light of her spark. "But it was you who attacked me?"

"And I could have easily over powered you!"

"You jumped me! In the dark!"

"And that's how lessons are learned," Skulduggery concluded finitely and a fire jumped into his palm. He bent down and picked up his fallen gun and noticed that Valkyrie's leg was twisted in a disturbing fashion. He pointed to it, "How did that happen?"

Valkyrie looked at it, seemed to pale even more and swallowed angrily. "You know how you said, I'm pretty sure there's only one Imp, Valkyrie, a toddler could wrestle it to the ground with one hand."

"I may have said something vaguely along those lines, yes."

"Well, there wasn't just one. There was more than just one. In fact, there's a whole bloody city down there! I wasn't prepared, they jumped me, I got captured, I managed to escape, I fell off a ledge, I broke my leg, I'm in shock, I just want to go home and forget about this stupid case!"

Valkyrie and Skulduggery stared at each other in the flickering lights they had conjured in their hands.

Skulduggery jutted his jaw out stubbornly. "But we haven't retrieved the staff-"

"Forget the staff, Skulduggery! It's gone! We're just going to have to tell the Elders that, wham, the Imps' got it. We fought bravely but it was futile."

The skeleton changed his stance and braced himself against his opposite leg, folding his arms thoughtfully. "How many imps are we looking at?"

The twelve year old blanched. "Are…are you kidding me? Did you just ignore me? There's thousands down there. I'm not even joking. The staff is gone. Can we go home now?"

Skulduggery looked at the young girl, studied her dirty clothes and broken leg and messed-up black hair and sweat-dirt marks covering her pale skin – those dark eyes imploring, dull with weariness. He raised his arm higher to cast a longer light down the tunnel. But then the job wasn't done: the staff needed to be retrieved.

He looked back at Valkyrie. There was a deep gash on her cheek and she was shivering.

He looked up at the tunnel.

But the job…

Skulduggery realised he was gradually being defeated by his concern for the child and sighed. "All right, forget the staff. If the Elders' were stupid enough to let it fall into the hands of a race of mindless Imps then I suppose it's not of any remarkable value. We tried, and that's what matters."

Valkyrie brightened.

"Come along then, Cain," he said, amused by her sudden joy and led her forward.

He watched her from the sidelines of his vision as she hobbled after him, face contorted in a stubborn joy and a suppressed pain as she struggled to keep up on her broken leg.

For a twelve year old she showed a lot of resilience, and was pretty annoying when she wanted to be. Except right now. Right now she had all the right in the world to be crying from the pain, in tears, begging for him to carry her and yet, no. She was dragging her broken body alongside him, firm, resolute. Stubborn to the teeth. Probably a trait that was going to get herself killed someday soon, but…

Skulduggery leaned her way and wrapped an arm under her and helped her onwards.

She muttered a snarky comment about him being soft.

He grinned.

Ah, this Valkyrie Cain, tough as nails.

But completely and utterly useless.

"All healed up?" He asked cheerily as Valkyrie walked out of the Sanctuary's hospital ward, stepping tenderly on her newly healed leg.

She grinned brilliantly. "Almost as good as new!"

Skulduggery doffed his hat with an ivory grin. "I'm glad to hear that," he spun the staff smartly through the air and held it out to Valkryie.

"Oh my god, you got it!" She took it from him and weighed it in her hands. Gold plated and embedded in jewels, approximately five feet long, and intricately carved with Celtic knots. She looked at the skeleton. "How!?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "I remembered that Imps have a habit of holding their treasures in obvious spots. I just waited at the hole and followed one to a log and found it sitting there, pretty as a penny."

Valkyrie gaped.

"It sounds simple," Skulduggery continued, "But it is brilliant in its simplicity."

"You made me go down there, into a hole, and break my leg for a staff that was sitting in a log!?"

"It might seem that way," he said quickly, detecting the angry tones. "But just think of all the experience you garnered! You faced a thousand Imps and survived! That's something you can tell all your friends about."

Valkyrie took several deep breathes and turned on her heel and began to walk up the corridor. "I'm not even going to get angry about this."

Skulduggery trotted after her. "That is very mature of you, Valkyrie."

"And I'm not going to seek revenge either."

"And for that, I am grateful."

"Because you promised to buy me those tickets and that was our deal, so I'm happy with that."

Skulduggery stopped dead in his tracks and watched her swing open the end doors and leave the ward.

Perhaps twelve year olds weren't as forgetful as he had initially hoped…

CLOSED

Case File #0001: Elder's Staff

Additional Notes:

Reminder: Imps hoard stuff in painfully obvious places.

SkulduggryP

I always speculated how Skulduggery went from gung-ho solo detective to caring brother-figure to Valkyrie...and I don't think the transition was immediate. Yeah sure, the end of the world probably pushed them together, but then what...? Did that make Skulduggery, a man who is probably so job orientated, suddenly think having a 12 year old partner would be easy. Nope. No it wasn't.

He had to kick-ass, be awesome, look great, and baby sit.

Culture shock.

:D Review if ya have a sec!