AN: I'm so so so so so sorry for the delay. As it's been months since the last update, some of you might want to reread some of the previous chapters to remind yourself what happened! Longer AN after. xx

ELENA

What? What? I literally cannot believe my own ears. He's in love with me?

There's no way. He can't be serious.

I take the chance and look up into his beautiful blue eyes. And all I see is blatant truth, and a bit of concern. Because he just told me that he was in love with me, and I've just been sitting here like an idiot, not responding.

I love him. I'm in love with him. And he might think that he's in love with me. But I know his track record, and I know that he's never stayed with one woman for long. He got burned so badly, he vowed to never love again. He might believe that what he's feeling for me is love, but it's probably nothing more than lust.

Someone has to make the right decision here. And it has to be me. I'm not losing my family over something as stupid as sex, as fabulous as that sex promised to be. I need to get over this. It's possible, it has to be.

I look into his waiting eyes. He's still crouched on the ground by the side of the bed, his hands pressing lightly to my knees. The skin on skin contact is making my brain fuzzy. I want him to slide his hands higher, to grab my hips and pull me on top of him. No.

I grab his warm hands and pull them off of my knees. He looks a little confused, and he must notice my facial expression, because he whispers my name and raises his hands, as if to touch me again.

"I'm sorry Damon," I croak, and quickly move off of the bed and away from him. Grabbing my makeup bag off of the counter and gathering a few more of my toiletries, I rush to shove them in my suitcase.

Damon still hasn't said anything, and I'm moving as fast as I can, trying to avoid looking at him. I'm opening the top drawer of the dresser to scoop out my underwear to throw in my suitcase when Damon is upon me again, grabbing my hand and spinning me around.

"I just told you that I'm in love with you, and you're ignoring me. Why?"

I can't. I can't answer his questions. It's too much. I might blurt out something that I'd regret saying. Something like "I'm in love with you too, please fuck me."

Just thinking the words sends a shiver down my spine. I steel myself, break from his grip and continue to transfer my clothes into my suitcase.

"Why?" He demands. "Why won't you give us a chance? The sexual attraction is there, you have to admit that after this morning! We could work, why won't you try?"

I methodically continue, focusing on the clothes in my hands, ignoring him.

"Elena," he says. "Elena!"

I stop and brace my hands on the dresser. This hurts. This shouldn't hurt so badly.

We stand in silence for a whole minute. I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm struggling to keep my body and my tongue under control. Composure, Elena, composure. I just need to get out of here, away from Damon, and then I can fall apart, cry for days.

He speaks again, and his the dejected tone is audible. "I get it. It's fine. You're happy with Matt, and I'm putting you in an awkward position. I wouldn't be good enough for you anyway, you deserve better and I would just…"

His words break me. I whirl around and my hand connects with his face before I can stop it. How dare he? How dare he speak of himself like that?

"You listen to me, Damon Salvatore. You are the best man I have ever known, do not talk about yourself like that! You hear me?"

The dam breaks. All of my composure flies out the window. Tears flood down my cheeks and I bang on Damon's chest with my fists.

"Why would you say that? You're ruining everything!"

He grasps my wrists in his hands. "Elena, what are you talking about?"

I'm blubbering now. Tears are rolling down my face and I'm sobbing uncontrollably. "You're in the wrong spot. You're my best friend, my family, and you're trying to fuck it up! I can't believe you would do this to me! Why, why?"

I'm trying to find some semblance of control. Something to keep me from submitting to Damon's hands. All of my emotions are pouring over me at once; my love for him, my sadness that I can't have him and my rage at the man for putting me into this situation. Fuck him! Why couldn't he have left it alone?

His hands smooth from my wrists and up my arms, pulling me into a hug, attempting to calm me down. The second his chest presses into mine, heat floods my body and spirals to my core. Stop.

I try and pull away from him, but he holds me in his grip. "Elena, you're not losing me. You're not. I just want to be more. Even more than what we are right now. You mean everything to me. Everything! I just can't keep living like this, wanting you, wanting more, and not being able to…"

I raise my hands and push against his chest. "No Damon. No."

"Why not?"

"It won't work out. We'll fall apart, and I'll lose you. You can't stay with a woman for the long term, we figured that out with Andie! I need you in my life. And the only way that you'll stay there is if we don't cross this line. You won't be able to stay with me…"

"God, Elena, stop saying that! That's bullshit and you know it. You're it for me, you have to know that…"

"Damon! You thought the same thing about Andie! You told me after you ended it with her that you were done with monogamous relationships, that you could never stay with one woman again…"

He runs his hands through his hair and tugs on the ends, obviously frustrated with me. "She fucked my brother Elena! She was cheating on me with my fucking brother for nine months and I was too infatuated and blinded by lust and love to notice. Nine fucking months! What was I supposed to say after that? Huh? All women are fantastic and none of them are fucking cheaters, liars or sociopaths? I was angry, Elena, of course I said those things!"

It hurts me to see him relive a darker moment of his recent past. I know how badly Andie had hurt him. She was the first woman that he really opened up to, and they were in a serious relationship for almost a year and a half. When he found out that she had been unfaithful to him, with his own brother no less, he cracked.

I want to hold him. But I need to stay strong, I need to salvage our relationship while I still can.

"No one was expecting you to just start trusting again, but you haven't been in an actual relationship since! Which is your prerogative, but I'm not some rebound. I won't be!"

"You're not a rebound!" He protests.

"No Damon. We're not going to let some hormones and lust break what we've had our whole lives. You are my whole life. I can't lose you. I won't."

I turn back to the dresser, intent on grabbing more clothes, when he's suddenly behind me. His hand scoops up the hem of my tank top, and rubs my tattoo. His warm thumb is gently circling on my skin, and the rest of his hand is gripping my bare hip. I can feel him behind me, warm, solid and deliciously hard. His hot breath hits the back of my neck. "Forever, Elena. I promised you that I wasn't going anywhere. And I intend to keep that promise."

I'm going to lose my mind if he doesn't stop touching me. Thankfully, his grip slackens against my skin and I miraculously find the self-control to push away from him, instead of falling back into his hard chest.

"Exactly. I won't lose you and you won't lose me. We'll be fine. Everything will be exactly the same as it always was."

"Elena…"

I grit my teeth and close my eyes. "Besides Damon, I'm with Matt."

Taking a deep breath, I continue. "I love him. And he can give me what I need; stability, reassurance, children. I won't have to worry about just being a rebound, or just one girl in a string of many with him."

He looks stricken standing there, still shirtless, slack-jawed and upset. "Is this about kids Elena?"

I shake my head, I should have known better than to bring that up.

He continues, "Because I'll try, I could try for you. I'd probably be a shit father, but if that's what you want, if that's what's keeping you from us, I'll try I promise."

"Damon, it's not about that."

My voice softens, my aggressive tone settles a bit. "You would be a wonderful father. I've told you time and time again. What Andie did was awful. She shouldn't have pretended that Stefan's baby was yours. And when she told you the truth, she shouldn't have said such awful words. She's a vindictive bitch, and she wanted to make herself feel better for cheating on you and getting pregnant by making you feel like it was your fault. She left to be with Stefan because she wanted to, not because you would have been a horrible father."

He just stares at me.

"Damon. I love you so much. And I can't lose you. Which is why we need to pretend this never happened."

"Elena…"

"No. Damon. This discussion is over. I'm sorry. But I just can't."

I finish putting the last of my clothes in my suitcase, and zip it up. He sits on the bed with his head in his hands. My heart is breaking, and I know that his is too, but this is for the best. This is the only way I can really keep him, even if I can never have him the way I want to.

I move to the threshold, and he doesn't look up.

"I'm sorry…" I begin.

"Save it, Elena."

"Damon…"

He finally looks up at me, and the pain that I can see in his eyes is almost unbearable. It reminds me of the worst night of my life, the night where Damon became the only thing that I couldn't live without.

I steel my shoulders. I need him. And this is the only way.

"Elena, you've made yourself extremely clear. I think my heart's been stomped on enough, so maybe you should just go. Go home to Matt."

"Damon, that's not…"

"Go, Elena! I need some space. And come to think of it, I'll probably need some space back home too. We need some time apart."

No. No. No! This is exactly what I was trying to avoid! I need him, not space! "Damon…"

"Go!" He roars.

And I do just that.

I run down the halls, and out of the house, to the edge of the driveway. I am calm and collected as I call a taxi to take me to the airport, I'm calm as I book a flight, I'm calm as the taxi driver picks me up and then deposits me at the terminal. I'm calm through the flight, and through my subway ride back to my apartment.

But the second I step into my home and shut the door, I fall against it and begin to sob.

I was saving our relationship, so why do I feel like I've lost it?

AN: I'll save everyone the long, rambling author's note explaining my almost six month absence. I moved across the country, switched schools, had a few hospital visits, and funerals to attend. I am truly sorry to make you all wait, and I love each and every one of you! There will probably be two more chapters, and I'll try to do them asap! xx