smile, girl

Her name is Beca Mitchell, and Jesse is determined to make her smile.

The first time, they're strangers, and he sees her out the car window looking maybe as lost as he might feel. She's small and skinny, wearing dark clothes and dark makeup, but her eyes are sharp and he wonders how her mouth would look curved into a grin.

He thinks it would look a little more than adequate.

Of course, he serenades her. What's the life of a composer, or even a music student, if you don't have a soundtrack for every one of life's moments?

And of course, she just looks at him, her eyebrows raised, her lips curved into a maybe-smirk but not a smile.

Then the car moves off and he's left staring at a new set of nameless strangers, all of whom he has no desire whatsoever to sing to.

The next time, Jesse can't believe his luck when the second intern at the radio station is Beca. It's like fate, or karma, or whatever. And he is so not turned on by the way she looks at him - eyes wide, teeth clenched, ear spike scary as hell. Not at all.

When Luke leaves them alone (Jesus, that guy is such an ass; Jesse doesn't miss the fact that the senior's eyes don't once leave Beca's chest) Jesse sidles up to Beca and gives her a grin. "So, what's your deal? Are you one of those girls who's all dark and mysterious, then she takes off her glasses and that amazingly scary ear spike and you realise that, you know, she was beautiful the whole time?"

Beca just blinks. "I don't wear glasses."

"Then you're halfway there." He thought maybe he'd elicit a laugh; a smile, or even a cough. For anyone else he would. But not Beca Mitchell, because all she does is roll her eyes and start to stack the CDs according to genre.

And Jesus, she has a voice that makes him want to -

He doesn't even know. But it makes him want to do something.

She's late for the audition, and he's sort of kind of maybe surprised she turns up, because this is Beca Mitchell and he did not see her as a Bella.

And because she's Beca Mitchell she doesn't even have to sing Kelly Clarkson (which was absolute death for his vocal chords, by the way, he has no idea how anyone can sing that high). Instead, it's some sort of folk song he's sure he's never heard before but sounds kind of familiar; like it already held a place in his heart and Beca's rendition only reminded him of that fact. Something like that, anyway.

He's waiting for a smile to grace her lips once the performance is over, but it's just her usual half-smirk, half-gulp, and he's just a little disappointed, because damn, if her voice does stuff like this to him, he's almost afraid to know what her smile can achieve.

Aca-initiation night starts off fun and ends blurry. Jesse has vague recollections of singing, and dancing, and drinking (Jesus, the drinking), and of course Beca Mitchell everywhere he turns.

He pretends he doesn't remember anything about the night when he wakes up the next morning, because Beca's face is so firmly imprinted into his mind he thinks - no, he knows - he's done something awfully embarrassing and sure to bring their friendship back to square one (not that it had ever really advanced to square two yet, but still).

The next time he sees Beca he gives her a smile and she gives him the finger.

When he gives her the juice pouch he swears he sees her grin. Later, she actually does, but it's fleeting, like she has better things to do with her time than talk to nerds like him and watch movies she doesn't even like (what is her deal about that, anyway?) and pretend she's interested in what he has to say.

Actually, come to think of it, she probably has got better things to do.

But that won't stop him from trying.

"It feels like the first time," Jesse sings. "It feels like the very first time."

Beca gives him an eye roll as he pretends to pull off his Treble hoodie, and then it's as if her whole being is lit up from the inside out. She races forward, and Jesse has the oddest feeling that she's about to kiss him - that she'll just keep running and he'll stop singing and their lips will mesh because as much as he wants to see her smile he knows kissing her would be something else entirely - but then she pulls up and starts rapping and the moment passes (though maybe not the feeling, not at all, not even a little bit).

And of course the Treblemakers win, but maybe Jesse might feel a little sorry for Beca.

Okay, scratch that. He only wishes the Bellas weren't disqualified because then Beca would just keep on singing and he could listen to that voice all fucking night and he might have even gotten a smile out of it.

He keeps trying to give her a moviecation and she keeps trying to shut him out. After The Breakfast Club, he tries to show her I Am Sam, and The Matrix, and even stuff like Pirates of the Caribbean, but during every one of them she falls asleep just as the movie reaches its climax.

(He still cannot believe she dozed off during the fish tank scene in Romeo + Juliet. What kind of extraterrestrial species is she?)

This one night, however, they're lying side by side on Jesse's bed and trying to ignore Benji's muttered incantations, when the credits start to roll and Jesse realises Beca's eyes are still wide open.

"Oh my God!" he yells, sitting up so fast the laptop almost slides off the bed onto the floor. "Oh my God," he says again, pointing a shaking finger at Beca. "You're awake! She's awake!"

He can see her trying to fight off a grin. "Don't get too used to it, nerd," she grumbles, but the usual sarcastic barb in her voice is mellowed. "I skipped intro to philo today so I'm not as tired -"

"No excuse, Becaw," Jesse crows delightedly. "Welcome to the fold of dweebs and nerds alike who stay awake until - horror! Gasp! - the end credits of a film!" And then a moment later: "Not the face, Beca, not the -"

She laughs. She actually, legitimately laughs. Jesse is so happy he almost lets her win the pillow fight - but it's a pretty big almost.

He prays she has a solo during Regionals just so he can hear that voice again, just so he can hear her say "I told you so" when the Bellas win (because, let's face it, with Beca's voice everything else in the world just disappears), just so he can reply "I know" and kiss her before she can pull away.

But she doesn't. And they don't.

(And the Treblemakers win, of fucking course, and even though both teams from BU are going to the semi-finals the victory still seems shallow; especially after Jesse makes the mistake of looking into Beca's eyes as the winner is announced and almost imploding then and there.)

Afterwards, when Beca punches the guy Jesse's meant to be punching - well, it's not like he can just leave her there in gaol, is it? So maybe he calls her dad and maybe she's frothing at the mouth, but it was the right thing to do.

Right?

(So why does he feel so wrong when she drives away and doesn't look back at him once?)

Okay, so, it's not like he's mad or anything. Beca Mitchell shuts everybody out. It's second nature to someone like her. He shouldn't feel rejected or anything because this is just what she does.

It's been a week since Regionals and she still hasn't graced him with a smile, or even a glance.

Something must be done.

The first note he leaves tucked inside her laptop as she's at some Bella rehearsal and Kimmy Jin lets him into their dorm. The second's beneath her pillow, because he knows for a fact she lifts it up to fluff it every single night and it'll be near impossible to not notice the slip of paper underneath. The third he hides in the CDs she'll be stacking during her shift at the station; the fourth he manages to slip inside her sheaf of Bella music scores, on top of Eternal Flame but below Turn the Beat Around.

Every note says the same thing, in case she only recovers one.

She finds him in his dorm the next day and Benji leaves the two of them alone, on the pretext of "finding Mr. Giggles; he always goes walkabout before dinner," though Jesse isn't sure the excuse is entirely false (he sincerely hopes Mr. Giggles won't turn up between his sheets tonight. He hates the feeling of hamster crawling up his leg).

"So, I, um, got your stuff," Beca says, sitting down on the bed he's declared hamster-free.

"Right."

"And I, um, wanted to say -" she rummages through her bag before pulling out one of the notes and reading it - "'sorry for being such a nerd and not listening to your awesomeness when I should have.'"

"You know that was my apology, right?"

"I'm the one who should apologise, Jesse. I was a dick."

They sit together in silence that's not really awkward. Beca shifts almost imperceptibly and Jesse sees her smile from behind her hair. "And I promise I won't impale you with my ear spike. You really did provide some graphic imagery in this apology, you know."

"I was channelling my inner Becaw."

And this time, when she laughs, she glows.

But then it's Semi-finals and this time they're literally back to square one.

He hates the way she makes him feel, like he's boiling hot and freezing cold at the same time and his heart is thumping somewhere in his throat and his tongue feels heavy as lead in his mouth which is not the best feeling you want to have before going onstage to sing. He hates the way they're friends, then they're more than that, maybe, then they're starting all over again. He hates the way she makes him feel so fucking small, like he's tried and tried to please her but can't reach the impossible heights she wants him to. He hates the way she makes him hate her like this, and he hates the way he knows that whatever they have going on will have to end because he doesn't think he can survive this any longer.

(And to think, once upon a time, all he wanted was to see her smile.)

When she apologises he feels the swooping sensation of déjà vu in his stomach and he almost, almost lets her back in.

It would be so easy.

So natural.

So right.

But he can't, because this is Beca Mitchell and she's owned his heart for far too long and he's far too afraid that the next time she stomps on it the whole thing will crumble and all that will be left are dust and memories.

The Trebles give the second solo to Benji because he deserves it far more than the rest of them do. Jesse can't help but feel just a little nervous before walking onstage at Lincoln Centre, for fuck's sakes. He doesn't want to stuff it up and he doesn't want Benji to stuff it up and he doesn't want Beca to steal his heart all over again when she sings.

He's waiting in the wings when a small "Hey" makes him jump. There she is, Jesus, there she is, looking so much like Beca it hurts to look for too long.

"Hey," he says back because he's pretty much speechless right now.

"Good luck," Beca tells him, and goddamn fucking smiles and why does she have to do this to him now?

"Yeah," he hears himself saying in return, "You too." You too, Beca, God. You fucking too.

She's singing to him. He knows it.

(He's never heard a sweeter sound in his life and he thinks maybe he's close to tears and he can see Donald's side glances and smirks but doesn't fucking care because Beca is goddamn singing to him and God, this is better than any apology she might've ever written or said.)

"Told you," he says after the performance when she walks over to him and smiles like he's imagined her smiling ever since they met. "Endings are the best part."

"You're such a weirdo," Beca laughs, and then they don't say much more for a while.

(She kisses him and it's better than he ever imagined.)

Her name is Beca Mitchell and Jesse is determined to make her love him the exact way he loves her.

Author's Note: My attempt to equal stopthenrewind's ridiculously amazing BecaJesse stories. (CHECK. THEM. OUT.) Obviously, this spans the whole movie. Review?