Title: Beautiful Monster
Chapter: One - The not so good news
Disclaimer: Not mine,Marvel owns all rights. (Damn)

~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~

I hated Doctors, and I hated the Med-Lab. Now whether this was a byproduct of having to meet with Dr. Grey or a holdover from Logan's memories I couldn't say. Just having monthly test done on you; only to be told that no progress had been made towards controlling your powers was no fun. And well that grew kind of old the first three months; we are now going on month eight.

I waited for Dr. Grey to finish her hemming and hawing and begin to go over my test results. I glanced over to the other room in the med-lab where Bobby lay. His attempt to steal a kiss two days ago had resulted in his lying comatose. True it was only a few seconds but my mutations seems to have grown in strength, and control was not coming as quickly as I would like. Jean looked up at me and nailed me with the weight of her gaze. In that gaze I saw pity. I'd rather see revulsion than fucking pity.

"Rogue, I've reviewed the results and your mutation is changing. With it getting stronger I am not sure if you will ever get control of it. You've been here a little over six months and have not made a significant amount of progress, even with the Professor's help. I think you need to come to terms that your mutation may prevent you from ever being able to lead a normal life. The risk for you to be held or kissed is at this point simply too much. For now it's a coma. Soon it may be death. Could you live with that on your conscious? I know that Bobby will probably rethink the whole dating you thing. Also it's well known you have a major crush on Logan. But neither of them will ever be able to have a normal relationship with you and it that really isn't fair to either of them."

I sat straight up on the table and looked her in the eye. Meanwhile wondering if Doctor Grey was finished so I could get the hell out of here; never to darken the Med-Lab again. I guess I kind of phased out and then back in because I barely caught the end of her speech. "Please don't think I'm saying this to be cruel, I just think you need to examine your life."

I froze. I knew from her scent that while she was trying to maintain a professional persona she was actually stressed and for some reason a little weary. I wouldn't tell her that though. Then she would know how long my absorption of power lasted. And I would be dammed if I would tell the self-righteous bitch anything about myself. It wasn't like I asked Bobby to kiss me! I hopped off the table and thanked in her in a contained voice. Anything else and I would start raging. Really telling an eighteen year old what amount to 'sorry old bean, you'll never find love in your lifetime and basically be all alone' The fucking topper of that particularly bad statement was that on some level she thinks she's doing the right thing.

As I went to my room, I could see all the kids veering out of my path. Like any moment I was going to go on a rampage and tag all of them. Even in Mutant High with all the freaks I was the outcast. Suddenly I'd had enough. Enough of not having a family, because obviously I was the spawn of the devil and no longer their daughter so they threw me of the only home I've ever known after legally making sure they were no long responsible for me. Enough of surviving on the road for over a year before Logan saved me. Enough of him drifting in and out of my life because hey I was just a kid, never you mind that collectively I had over 100 years of living in my head. Enough of being feared, most folks wouldn't even touch me and when they did, well double and triple checking that I was 100% covered was the norm.

The only person who never hesitated was looking for his past. A past that the Professor was trying to lead Logan; lead him in the right direction without giving him all the answers, helping him in his own unique way. And as for me, well drowning on the inside would be a good way to describe it. As I gazed around me I knew. I knew that I would be forever haunted by facts. Fact #1: I stole Logan's power when he skewered me with his claws. Fact#2: I had Magneto force himself inside my psyche so that I could power up his damn machine. Which very nearly killed me, thank you very much! Fact#3: In order to save me, Logan gave me more of his power. So he and Mag's are permanent residents. Fact#4: I was poison. Looking at me you could probably call me death incarnate. Fact#5: Trying to find something worth living for was really unsuccessful at this moment.

And so a plan was born. First thing I did was ask Scott to drop me off in town. I told him that I would take a cab back to the mansion. Second thing I did was grab the two photos I had printed from the computer. Rogue was taking control of her life such as it was. I arrived at the tattoo parlor and waited for my turn. When I showed the Kanji to the artist she did a double take. Fuck it would be my luck to get person who can read what I want to put on my skin. "Sweetie, I'm not one to tell folks what to put on their body. But are you absolutely sure you want to place the characters for sweet poison on your skin?" I nodded in affirmation. It would be a constant reminder to me that I was alone and always would be. As I sat there letting the artist tattoo both my wrist I was mildly surprised that it barely hurt.

I loved the tattoos, but still they weren't enough. So to the piercing place I went. Yeah I've got money. I just don't like to use it. Blood money was what I thought of it. After all my parents gave that to me so that I would never darken their doorstep. But I thought it fitting that the money they gave me would help sculpt the new me. I briefly pondered a new wardrobe. But let's face it right now everything I brought would be black and more black. So ears, nose and tongue all done…got to love that healing! Tattoo permanent, piercings healed and I still had time to kill. I meandered over to Barnes & Nobles. This time instead of looking for the latest Ilona Andrews book I went to the self-help section. Looking for books on meditation; next was a Yoga DVD. Even if I could never control my mutation at least I could help quiet down all the voices inside.

Finally I was more or less ready to head back. I called a taxi service to take back to the school. School huh, more like a fucking prison at this point. Yep life in a fishbowl! The closer I got to the school the more my internal o-shit-o-meter was buzzing. So tempting to just have the taxi turn around and go back into town. But I ain't ever one to back down in the past and I sure as shit wasn't gonna start now. When we pulled up to the gate I paid the driver and hopped out, made sure I had all my bags and then started walking up the drive. Each step was like walking through water. I was absolutely positive that this day was going to get worse.

How much worse…well that's to be determined…..

End of chapter 1, TBC...