Thank you to the wonderful Archet for the main plotline!

For those who haven't read Haldir Interview's Sir. Douglas Mawson, expect a lot of randomness, very … OOC characters and shopping malls amidst all the madness.

A/N UPDATE: This version is the re-write of chapter 1

It had been some time now since the Interviewing Crew and their interviewing days had ended, and they did have such an end which involved fires, crazy old men, meat sauce and Tom the janitor. But that's a whole other story, which one would wonder how it ended in so much madness. All that can be said in the end is that Haldir lost his hair, Gandalf lost his patience, Legolas had never been more traumatised and Pippin and Merry had the day of their lives.

But what ever happened to Faramir and Aragorn? The last anyone heard, they were the new janitors at the old folk home in Adelaide – after an incident with Tom involving meat sauce and rolling many flights down the stairs. How will Aragorn ever become king of Gondor now? And how will Faramir become cooler than Boromir (to his father's eyes)?

Gandalf was pacing back and forth in the tense atmosphere of Lord Elrond's study, thinking of the past events and recounting it to Elrond.

"... then Merry and Pippin set his kitchen on fire … and Haldir burst in and had his hair set fire to … then I saved the day by diminishing the great flames … then Haldir ran out crying, and I got Legolas to catch him and calm him down with a … are you even listening?"

Elrond had somehow fallen asleep upon his desk.

"Hm. I guess not,"

Leaning in close to Elrond's ear, the wise Maia whispered, "My lord, your father is here."

"Huh? Where!?" Almost immediately, Elrond leaped to his feet and looked frantically around the room. "WHY WOULD HE BE HERE!? – Oh, hello Gandalf, did I fall asleep?"

"Yes you did. Now please at least try to appear interested in my tale."

With a disappointed sigh, Elrond seated himself and continued to listen to Gandalf's story.

" … and then we ran out of the old folk's home and forgot Aragorn and Faramir. There, I am now done."

Elrond looked confused. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because," Gandalf said. "I believe that you will give me advise on this matter."

"Advise on what?"

Gandalf sighed. Sometimes he felt as if he were the only sane one left in Arda.

"Advise on how to get Aragorn and Faramir back! Gondor is left without a king and a nutcase is ruling instead, and that nutcase is probably wondering where his beloved son is!"

"Mithrandir, I do not think it is wise to call Denethor a nutcase, nor do I believe that he cares about Faramir."

"That is beyond the point!" Gandalf stated.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is! Now come up with something to solve this problem!"

"What if I don't want to?" Elrond folded his arms and glared at the wizard.

Gandalf glared back at him. "This is not the time for foolishness! Now think!"

Elrond scratched his chin in thought, apparently calculating how far he would get from Gandalf if he leapt out the window and into the stream below. He was no strong swimmer, but his mother had done something similar to escape a rather … difficult situation and it seemed to work for her.

Gandalf was deeply thinking of all the possible things to do. If only Aragorn wasn't the only heir to the throne of Gondor, and if only Faramir wasn't such a nice guy he could have left them there. But after some more deep thinking, Gandalf finally had an idea.

"I have it! I shall go to the 21st century and get them back!" he declared.

"But you have no idea where they are, or if they are still alive." Elrond said.

Gandalf heeded not his words.

"And with me I shall take the remaining members of the Interviewing Crew – except Pippin and Merry, they'd just get in the way like usual. But Legolas and Haldir will surely help me!"

Elrond blinked for a while, not quite sure on what to make of all this.

"Um, okay. Take Glorfindel with you. He's moping around for something to do around here and it's getting irritating."

At this moment, Elladan and Elrohir burst into the room in a loud and ungraceful manner.

"Ada, you won't believe what Lindir just did in the Hall of Fire!"

Elrond rubbed his temples and sighed. Weren't his sons too old for this? "Let me guess, he managed to turn 'The Fall of Gil-galad' into a drinking game and now half the house is overly intoxicated?"

"Well, no, not exactly."

"Then what?"

The two stood side by side, arms folded across their chest and both bearing wide grins. Elladan replied, "Nothing as drastic as that, but it did involve a rather tipsy Erestor throwing his goblet at him after claiming that he had sung far too many ballads and shouted that he wasn't any good anyway. Then Lindir threw his lyre upon his head and nearly throttled poor Erestor to death!"

"And so we grabbed him and threw him into the cellar!"

Gandalf coughed awkwardly. "Grabbed who, Lindir or Erestor?"

"Erestor! He was less pissed off. Lindir's gone back home to write … how many did he say again, Elladan? At least ten new ballads which are all going to be about prissy chief counsellors!"

Elrond sighed, pretending to be writing a piece of great importance across parchment as he said, "That's nice boys, now if you don't mind, Mithrandir and I are in the middle of an important discussion about a quest he is organising to save Aragorn and Faramir, now …"

"A quest?" The twins' grey eyes brightened. "Can we come?"

Gandalf's eyes flared up in fury. "No! You will most definitely not!"

Elladan looked hurt.

"But we promise to help find Estel!"

Elrohir nodded.

"And the other ranger!"

"And we won't be annoying!"

"Nor shall we speak unless necessary!"

"Or breathe!"

"Yeah – wait, what? Elladan, I think we need to breathe," Elrohir gave his brother a puzzled look.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Well, we promise to not get in the way!" Elladan summed up.

"No!" Gandalf snapped. "The 21st century is far too dangerous for the likes of you!"

"Are there orcs there?" Elrohir questioned.

"No, but ..."

"Then what is so dangerous about it?" Elladan asked.

"Trust me, a lot of things besides orcs. Now go and get Glorfindel and tell him what's going on!"

"No." one of the twins replied. "Not unless we get to go too."

Gandalf looked at Elrond. "Well?"

Elrond pondered on this matter for a long time. It would be nice for some peace and quiet for a while …

"You can go, only if you give me the key to the cellar. I don't think Erestor is enjoying it down there ..."

"What!?" Gandalf roared, not believing that he would still be annoyed even if Pippin and Merry weren't going with him.

"Here you go, ada!" Elladan reached in his pocket for the key and passed it to Elrond.

Elrond took it with grace and grinned. "Yes! Peace and quiet in Imladris!"

"I cannot believe my luck already..." Gandalf grumbled. "One chapter into this tale and I'm already cursed with these two!"

"Aw, c'mon old guy! We're not that bad!" Elrohir patted Gandalf's head lightly, causing Gandalf to scowl.

This tale is going to end just as bad as the last … He thought.

Well predicted, Mithrandir! Now if you don't mind, I need to get a certain chief counsellor out of the cellars before he becomes delusional, and a certain minstrel perhaps needs to see someone to deal with his anger issues and his um, ego?

Telepathy is handy for secret conversations, no?

You do that. And if these twins somehow get lost in the city, attacked by insane 21st century people or run over by a bus, you get the blame. Honestly, the way you raised these two!

Such joy had filled the hearts of the twins that they both burst into sudden song. Something they had learnt from Pippin and Merry after they returned from the modern world.

"It's going down! I'm yelling timber!"

Oh, and Mithrandir?

Gandalf sighed. Yes?

They are aspiring singers.

"I can see that!" Gandalf snapped aloud.

"I'll be the one, you won't forget!" They completed their little routine with high fives and hearty pats on the back, their laughter loudly echoing across the room.

This quest is already doomed ...