Spirit of the Night

Daryl remembered Janie. He remembered meeting her in a bar when he was sixteen and she was fifteen. Neither of them were supposed to be there but they were and that was that. He remembered following her around every Thursday, he knew she'd always be there cause that's the day Jeff worked and he didn't care that they were underage. Back then he thought he loved her but he wouldn't admit it now. He remembered she had straight blonde hair that she always wore in two braids. She liked to wear shorts too, and he remembered how it drove his teenage brain wild. What he remembered most about her though was her laugh. But it wasn't in a good way. He remembered her looking at him and laughing as he stupidly fumbled in the back seat of her dad's Crown Vic.

Sitting on the roof of their current hideaway home, Daryl felt his face tensing more than usual when the memory came to mind. He chewed on the inside of his cheek trying to think of something, anything else. He tried to focus on scanning the area in front of him, but ended up just staring straight ahead while his mind continued to go back to that moment. He clenched his jaw as he remembered the sound of Janie's laughter, "what're you? Stupid or somethin'?"

He smashed his fist into the siding of the house, only making him angrier as he remembered he was just mirroring the actions from his memory. Placing his face in his hands as if he was trying to rub the recollection out of his mind he recalled punching the window of Janie's Dad's Crown Vic, not hard enough to break it but enough to leave a small crack. So mad was he at his own awkwardness he dealt with it the only way he knew how, with anger. That was the closet he ever got to a girl before.

He pulled his jacket tighter to his body, his cross bow in his lap, breathing out a puff of white as his hot breath touched the cold air. He tried to remember the last time he had a cigarette. He clenched his jaw again. Why did he have to keep reminding himself of things he didn't want to remember? That was the worst part about keeping look out. You have nothing better to do then think all by yourself for hours. Daryl liked being alone for long hours, but he didn't like thinking. He purposely tried to keep himself busy all the time so he wouldn't be trapped alone with his thoughts. But on look out that's all you really had.

The thing he kicked himself for the most about his incident with Janie was the fact that he told Merle. He would never live that down as long as Merle was still alive. That thought killed him as he realized that Merle might as well be good and dead and his words still haunted him. How pathetic. It was his fault he was thinking about it to begin with.

Daryl looked over top the forest around him, thinking that the way the bare treetops met the matted black sky almost looked unreal, like a painting or a photograph. He remembered the night that seemed like forever ago, when Merle was still with the group, before Rick had shown up. Merle and Daryl set up camp slightly separated from the rest of the group, with one tent on one side, one make-shift tent using a canvas tarp on the other, and a tiny low lit fire between them.

"You gonna die a virgin, baby brother?" Merle's sudden words spoke above the crackling of the fire, startling Daryl, but he was smart enough not to react. Merle continued, "I know I taught you better than that," still Daryl didn't react. He knew Merle was just bored and wanted to get a reaction out of him. There was no TV so what else did he have to do? Daryl couldn't blame him. Merle's dry laughter cut into the air and Daryl could just imagine the wide smile on his face. He didn't have to look at him to see it and he wouldn't. Daryl just kept poking at the fire with a stick, staring into the flames, welcoming the burn on his eyes.

Hesitantly he answered, "that ain't true," saying it more to the fire than to his older brother. He knew Merle didn't believe him. Daryl wished he was a good liar. He wished he could say he fucked so many girls in Merle's absence growing up, but he knew even if he could come up with names and details Merle wouldn't have any of it. He regretted telling him about Janie. About how he got so close to fucking her, but was too stupid and awkward and ran out of the car with a bloody fist in just his boxers and boots. Merle was around long enough to know there were no other girls after her, that she was his one and only chance at loosing his virginity and he blew it. Ever since then he'd been too afraid to approach another woman. Merle knew this. Daryl clenched his jaw.

"Yer one of the last men on earth and you still can't get laid," Merle laughed some more, "My brother, you must be breakin' some kinda record here."

Finally, Daryl got the courage to look Merle in the face, he glared up at him across the fire with furrowed brows, even though he knew his intimating gaze had no effect on his brother, "ain't much else on the women end neither."

"Oh hell I dunno about that," Merle breathed out, "what about those blonde girls, they pretty enough for you, brother?" Daryl looked back down at the fire but Merle didn't stop, "you need me to hold your hand? Or do you want me to show you how it's done? You can watch me fuck the older one and then you can get 'er sister."

"Fuck you, Merle!" Daryl stood up, throwing the stick he was fiddling with into the fire, "You don't know what yer sayin'! Fuckin' hell man!" He yelled behind him as he stormed of into the dark woods with Merle's unmistakable dry laugh echoing at his back.

Daryl breathed sharply out of clenched teeth at the memory. He hated himself for thinking about it, and what was worse is he hated himself for missing his brother. Maybe he could of used Merle's help. He hadn't really thought about dying a virgin, it didn't concern him too much. But it was kind of pathetic. He didn't like people and he figured that what happened with Janie and him was a sign from God that he needed to stay away from them. And when he thought about his dad he realized he probably wouldn't be a good husband or father anyway. He let out another sigh at the thought of 'a sign from God,' yeah right.

"Daryl," he jumped at the sound of his name and shot up to his feet, almost loosing his balance on the slanted surface of the roof he was sitting on, and awkwardly tried to collect his bow on his shoulder. Carol reached out and grabbed his arm to help steady him.

"Dammit, don't do that!" He jerked his arm up, ripping it out of her grasp, and dropped his bow to his side.

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd hear me crawling through the window," She just smiled, tilting her head back to the window they'd been using to get to the roof, "You must have been slacking on the job."

He didn't respond to that, not wanting her to know he'd gotten lost in his thoughts of his brother and failed relationships, or just relationship.

"I couldn't sleep," she explained, even though he didn't ask her to. He just glanced sideways at her, his eyes darting from her to back in front of them, scanning the forest.

"Yeah, lotta that goin' round," They stood in silence after he spoke. He didn't feel like talking. He placed his crossbow against the siding of the house and stretched out his arms, before dropping them to his sides. He was still half-way lost in his thoughts, but he didn't even think to tell her to leave, so they both just stood there on the roof, staring at the picturesque quality of the cold night before them.

Carol usually wouldn't mind the silence, but something about it that night made her feel uneasy. The way the bright moon made the sky a flat black sheet with not a star insight made it feel kind of eerie.

"If it weren't so cold it might've actually been a nice night," she decided to break the silence with a light tone in her voice, gripping the blanket over her shoulders tighter. Daryl just grunted in response.

"Are you cold up here?" She asked, "I can get you a blanket."

He just shook his head before looking down at her, "you should get back inside if yer cold."

"No, it's nice to get some fresh air," she sighed breaking his stare and looking out before them. Again they stood in silence.

Carol wasn't sure if it was the moonlight or maybe just her lack of sleep but after a few moments she blindly reached her hand out to his. When she was alone with Daryl she had always felt a strong connection to him, and she could tell tonight that something was on his mind, so it only felt right to reach out to him. Plus, there was no harm in trying. She only lightly grazed it before he pulled away. She turned her head to look at his face, and when she saw it was void of emotions she thought that maybe he just thought it was an accident, so she did it again. When he pulled his hand away this time he brought both his arms up and crossed them in front of his body, continuing to look forward with no expression on his face.

"Daryl," she breathed softly, but before she could continue Daryl cleared his throat as if he was going to say something but he didn't, he knew it was all he needed to do to get her to shut up.

"I'm sorry," she said as she began to turn towards the window to make her exit, knowing he'd rather be alone.

"For what?" She almost didn't hear him. Carol turned back towards him a little shocked. He cleared his throat again and stared down at his boots, with his arms still crossed in front of him.

"It's just," she paused, not even sure what she wanted to say. She gripped the blanket on her shoulders tighter, nervously clenching and unclenching her fists around the fabric, "I thought—"

"You what?" This time cutting her off for real, he snapped his head in her direction, and stared down at her. She saw the muscles in his jaw twitch.

"I don't know."

Daryl breathed harshly out his nose, looking down at her pathetic thin frame, drowning in the old tan blanket draped over her shoulders. He tore his eyes off her, looking back to the trees, "you best be gettin' inside now."

His words felt like a smack to the face. Carol knew she shouldn't have bothered, but before she was about to leave there was something in the back of her mind that made her stay. She stood staring at his back, thinking about how just moments ago she was leaving when his quiet words brought her back. "For what?" She repeated it in her head. She knew he wanted her to stay, but she just didn't know if he knew it, but she knew she had to tell him, or at least show him.

Slowly, Carol crept up behind him, dropping the blanket from her shoulders, and grabbed his arm, spinning him to face her. He had his hand raised, ready to push her away, but before he could she quickly leaned up and planted a kiss on his lips. She lingered there for a moment, Daryl's arm still raised, and it wasn't until he slowly began to drop it that she pulled away. His eyes were slightly wider than his usual squinting stare, and she knew he hadn't closed them during the kiss like she had romantically imagined in her mind.

He dropped his arm completely, both of them dangling idiotically by his sides and said nothing. Carol wished he would say something, she wouldn't even mind getting yelled at, she just hated the never-ending stare he was giving her.

After a few moments she decided that no response was better than him saying a flat out "no" so she leaned up and did it again, this time she grabbed both sides of his head with her hands, cupping his face and feeling the grittiness of dirt and scruff against her palms.

When she pulled away Daryl still had that dumbfounded look on his face and his arms still hung by his sides. He looked kind of odd without the usual crossbow in his hand. Carol giggled thinking of how funny it was that he was defenseless in more ways than one.

"Why're you laughin'?" His gruff yell smacked the smile of her face. He tightened his stance and bawled his hands into fists. Confused, Carol backed away slightly, dropping her hands from his face to his forearms.

"N-nothing. It's just," she paused and smiled again, "you look kind of cute."

"Cute?!" He yelled and if he could of backed up he would have but if he did he'd fall of the roof. He mentally cursed to himself for being trapped like this.

"Yeah," Carol continued, "it's not a bad thing Daryl," she laughed a little again.

Daryl didn't loosen up. He kept his tense stance and stern gaze on her, but other than that he didn't know what to do. Was Carol laughing at him? He couldn't tell, but her laugh did sound different than the one of Janie's, which haunted his dreams for all his teenage years and plus some.

Carol reached down one hand to one of his bawled fist. She forced it apart and placed hers inside. "Daryl, you've saved me so many times," she looked up at him sweetly, her voice soft and her eyes shimmering with wetness.

This time Daryl did loosen up. He let his hand be held and he unclenched his jaw, "What're you sayin'?"

Keeping her gaze on his Carol grabbed the back of his neck with her free hand and pulled him in for another kiss. She smiled into it slightly as she could feel he was less tense. "I'd be dead if it weren't for you," she started when she pulled away, "I owe everything to you, but now," she kissed him again but only a short peck this time, "I think it's my turn to help you."

Daryl felt like he couldn't move when Carol begin to kiss him again. This time she pressed her body against his and placed his hands on her hips. Then, she moved her hands back up to his head, one gently grazed his cheek and the other wrapped firmly around the back of his neck, pushing him deeper into the kiss. She began to kiss him more roughly, opening her mouth and prodding his open his her tongue. Daryl's hands hadn't moved at all from the position she put had placed them in. In an effort to entice him more she dropped one of her hands to his lower back and pushed him into her, tightening the gap between them. To her surprise she heard a whimper escape his lips, muffled by her own. It wasn't an excited whimper though, despite feeling the slight bulge in his pants now that their hips were firmly pressed together.

She pulled away, but only a little, enough to see his eyes that wouldn't meet hers, "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer looking everywhere but her face, and his looked darker with redness in the moonlight.

"Daryl, you can talk to me," she put on hand up to his face again, trying to guide him into looking in her eyes. He refused and he had lost his growing erection by the time he answered.

"I don't, uh," he paused, "I ain't never— "

She didn't need him to finish his sentence and she knew he probably wouldn't have anyway, so she just started to kiss him again. With each passing second she grew more and more eager. Giddiness and delight spread through her knowing that she got to be the one to do this. The badass, tough, Daryl Dixon had never had a women before and when she thought it about it wasn't all that surprising considering his relationship with his father and brother, but she was just glad that she could be the first.

Carol wasn't innocence, obviously. She had a husband and a daughter, although sex with Ed wasn't much to talk about. This reminded her of high school, before she met Ed, and secretly meeting a boy at the make-out point to nervously experience her first sexual encounter. She felt like a teenager again and it excited her. Pulling Daryl by his jacket she tugged him away from the edge of the roof and leaned down, guiding both of them to lie on the blanket that had fallen earlier.

Daryl let himself be pulled down on the roof and laid over Carol between her legs. Now that they broke the kiss he was left staring down at her. This time he was able to look her in the eyes. She looked so different than she usually did. Something about the way she looked up at him made him feel different too. He clenched his jaw, not sure what to do, confused. He liked this feeling of course but felt so stupid at the same time, and he was mad at himself for letting his nerves bother him so much. The only thing that kept him from getting lost in his thoughts was the throbbing in his pants.

Carol could feel it too. She also could feel that he was unsure of himself. To help she pushed her body upward, and shoved him to her side so he was on his back and she was on top of him now, "Don't worry, I'll do everything."

Daryl stared dumbly up at her as she began to unbutton and peel back each layer of clothing he was wearing, leaving them on but only exposing his chest. The cold air made him gasp for breath. Steadily she leaned down, brushing her fingertips down his chest making him shiver, and began to nip at his neck. Then, she worked her way lower, leaving a trail of kisses until she found a nipple, and lightly circled her tongue around it.

Gasping Daryl arched his body forward into Carol's, making her teeth graze his nipple. He bucked his hips, surprised at how good it felt, "Fuck," he breathed.

Carol lifted her head slightly and looked up at him. He wanted to look away out of embarrassment but he couldn't, he just stared back at her as his face reddened. He always thought girls got their nipples played with but not guys, he didn't know it could feel good for them, and he was embarrassed thinking maybe it was girly for him to enjoy it.

Joy electrocuted its way through Carol. She was ecstatic. Never before had she been in control like this, and with someone like Daryl. It made her feel powerful and important. She had never felt happy like this in so long, and the look on Daryl's face as he stared at her with unknowing eyes drove her mad.

Without hesitation she continued further down his chest and stomach, stopping just above his waistband. She pulled herself up and looked at him as his breath hitched in his throat. He felt embarrassed as the squeak-like sound came from him. Smiling, Carol began to unbutton the few layers of shirts she was wearing, peeling them back to expose her chest. Looking down at Daryl she watched his eyes travel down her body and that jolt of excitement spread through her body again. She'd never felt more beautiful than with Daryl looking at her with completely new eyes. Attentively he reached his hands up to her waist, and then slowly began to move them upward toward her breast. She nodded giving him silent approval, proud of him doing things for himself, before he grabbed a hold of her breast. Softly he began to message them in his palms, like he wasn't sure how rough he should be with them.

Carol smiled down at him and lifted herself up once more so she could unbutton his jeans, right away exposing his erect cock, as he wasn't wearing any underwear. He breathed in harshly again in response to the cold air. Carol then unbuttoned her own pants and shimmied them down past her knees, giving her enough freedom to straddle herself over his hips.

Daryl was frozen beneath her, his hands just resting on her breast now, as he was mesmerized by Carol as she lifted herself over him and slowly dropped herself down onto him.

"Fuck," he couldn't help but let it escape his lips, it was too much, and he didn't know if he could even handle it after not having it for his whole life. After being afraid of it for so long. Carol began to rock her hips slowly on top of him. She quietly moaned basking in the feeling of Daryl being inside her.

"Oh God, Carol," Daryl didn't mean to say her name but he did. It just slipped out between his heavy shallow breaths and grunts. The feeling was unbearably good.

Carol enjoyed Daryl's voice. Ed had spoken a lot during sex, too much. He said harsh words that made her stomach churn and made her want to be sick afterwards. Daryl didn't say much of anything but his breathing was enough, and when he said her name she almost cried out in joy. She began to rock faster and even let a tiny, "Daryl" slip from her lips.

When Carol began to move faster Daryl grunted loudly, cursing again. Then, when she moaned his name, he gasped long and loud and exploded inside her, not being able to hold back even if he tried. But then it was over way to quickly. What had felt endless actually ended in roughly four minutes. Briefly Daryl worried he would hear Carol laugh at him for finishing too early. He didn't know much about sex but he knew it should have been longer than that, and he knew Carol probably hadn't been satisfied like he had.

Feeling himself leaving her as she lifted off of him made him flinch slightly and he avoided her eye contact, blushing deeply. A hand came up to his face and he was forced to look Carol in the eyes. She smiled sweetly down at him, "Good?"

He nodded, feeling dumbstruck, "you?"

She laughed, but it was a fun lighthearted laugh that didn't scare Daryl, instead it made him smile shyly, and he actually felt happy. Then, when he tried to think about it, he couldn't even remember Janie's laugh anymore.