Innocent Trip
Chapter 9: Other Ending - The Neon Genesis
DISCLAIMER: For the last time, I still don't own Evangelion. Now run along, people eager to sue me for whatever reason.
A/N: We are at the end of the line. Like I've mentioned, this is a sort of "other ending" that I wrote as insurance, for a lack of better words. But we'll get to that later. So in the meantime, enjoy the final chapter. Place in canon is up to you if you care or something. As in, it doesn't have to be canon if you don't like this ending. You can just choose to ignore this and decide that Chapter 8 is your real ending. So yeah, as requested, warning to y'all, this is something of a downer ending, if not a bittersweet ending. To lighten the mood, I'd listen to whatever heartwarming song you'd have, like Debussy's Claire de Lune or I Was Lost Without You from the Mass Effect 3 soundtrack. Anythin' that fits your needs.

What are dreams?

Your dream is the continuation of reality.

Shinji Ikari woke up to reality. The waves of the LCL ocean splashing against his shoes. The clingy sand crushed underneath his body weight. He was lying on the beach. The red sky tortured him. Lilith's smiling face mocked him. A small sandcastle stood beside him. It was all a lie. All along, it had been a lie.

It was all some sort of twisted dream that was way too good to be believable, and yet, Shinji was stupid enough to accept it. He was not a confident chef in his late twenties. He was only a self-hating wreck of a fourteen year old boy. He was not peacefully living in Tokyo-3. He was living on a beach that had an ocean containing the souls of every human.

Realizing where he thought he was, and realizing where he is now, Shinji could already feel hot tears coming. He tried to hold them back, but to no avail. No, no, no! It wasn't supposed to be like this! His fists clenched tightly, but other than that, he couldn't seem to make a single movement. All he could do right now was be angry and cry.

It couldn't have been a lie. It couldn't! It all felt so real! The one time he had found happiness and it turned out to be nothing more than a damned dream! A stupid lie!

Shinji sat up, staring at the horizon. He felt so alone in this cruel world. Hugging his legs, he buried his face into his knees and sobbed quietly as he made sense out of all this. Maybe it was more than just a dream he had. Maybe…no…

Maybe it really was a dream and a lie. Flashes of Instrumentality. Perhaps even after it all ended, he was having hallucinations of a beautiful world where he believed he would've found happiness. But even so…Instrumentality was false happiness. That was why he rejected it.

And yet, it all felt so real!

Slowly but surely, Shinji stood on his feet, though his weak legs could barely support him. He was shaking, and rightfully so. His feelings were betrayed again. But who exactly betrayed him? There was no one around to point fingers at. Maybe Lilith? Father? Or maybe even himself?

Tears continued to run down his cheek as he stared at nothingness. This place. He hated it. He hated everything about it. The damned filthy sand. The stupid LCL that smelled like blood. The eerie face that used to belong to Rei Ayanami, or rather, Lilith, staring into his very being. The smile mocking him.

Goddammit, Shinji thought desperately, Please, let me come back. Please, let this be another dream. Please, someone help me. Please, let it be that I'm with Asuka again. Please, let me be happy again.

But did he really want that? Did he really want to return to something like Instrumentality?

In his desperation, Shinji turned to the small sandcastle beside him. It reminded him of Instrumentality. God, he could even hear the voices again.

"Hey, Shinji, c'mon!" A young girl piped up at the playground.

"Let's build a sandcastle!" Another kid continued, to which the younger Shinji smiled and nodded.

The swing swung without anyone riding it.

Shinji was often alone, so he enjoyed the company that the girls gave him. It was fun playing with other kids. Building something. Watching something be created by your hands in front of your very eyes.

"Look, Mom is here!" The first girl eventually yelped as she looked up, seeing a woman sitting on a chair, watching the children.

"We gotta go now. Bye!" The second girl said, and before he knew it, Shinji was all alone again. They had left him. Abandoned him. Just like Father. Just like everyone else in his life.

"Momma, momma!" They called eagerly, running to the mother. They walked off, the woman holding their hands.

It must be nice having a mother, Shinji thought enviously. It must be nice having someone who loves you. Young Shinji found that he was almost crying again. Why couldn't he have someone to love? Why couldn't anyone care for him the way a mother did? Why didn't Father care for him? Why did he abandon him?

Attempting to proceed with building the sandcastle, Shinji patted the castle with his small hands, though his arms were so shaky and weak. He whimpered as he continued to build by himself.

The swing swung without anyone riding it.

Finally, little Shinji had finished building the castle. It was more like a pyramid, but it still looked nice, right? Shinji stared at the damned thing, wishing he could be proud of himself for doing something like this on his own.

But he couldn't. He was abandoned again! He was left alone! Why, why, why?!

Shinji stomped his shoe against the castle.

Why?!

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

Please, someone be with me!

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

I don't want to be alone!

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

Someone…please…care for me…

The swing had stopped swinging.

The castle, or rather pyramid, was utterly destroyed. Sniffling, Shinji stared at what he had destroyed. What he was now without. Now, he had nothing to show for the several minutes of loneliness. Dropping to his knees, the little boy attempted to rebuild the castle, occasionally wiping his tears.

It was time to rebuild.

Stop. Stop it! Stop this! STOP IT ALL!

Goddammit, stop this!

It was happening again. Shinji didn't know where this sandcastle came from, but he had to get rid of it. It was reminding him too much of the moments that led to Instrumentality. Third Impact. It was reminding him too much of his ultimate failure as a human being, and of where it got him.

Like he did all those years ago on the lonely playground, Shinji stomped on the sandcastle until it was nothing. Sobbing quietly, Shinji stared at the destruction. This was childish. He was like a baby again.

Running away when things got hurtful. He was a coward.

If I can't have you all to myself, then I don't want anything from you!

The words of Instrumentality were still echoing in his head.

Shinji dropped to his knees, his legs finally giving up. Looking down at the rubble, Shinji took a handful of sand and stared at the castle. Was he doomed to repeat things? Had he learned nothing? Had he really learned nothing? Had he learned nothing from saying goodbye to his Mother? Nothing from Instrumentality? Nothing from the dream?!

Shinji was about to contemplate rebuilding the sandcastle like he did when he was a small child. But then something stopped him. A footstep. And a menacing figure in red within peripheral vision.

Asuka towered over the kneeling Shinji, staring down at him coldly with her eye. She glanced at what remained of the castle, before focusing her attention back on Shinji. She didn't say anything. She didn't even have to. The boy could practically guess what she was thinking. A swirl of negativity.

How disgusting, the words rung in Shinji's ears.

Shinji looked up at Asuka briefly, before looking back down to the remains of the sandcastle. He probably looked stupid. Hell, he always seemed to be doing something stupid in front of Asuka. Tossing aside the handful of sand, Shinji grunted as he attempted to stand up again. This was one sandcastle that would not be rebuilt.

He had to face up, or else things would always the same.

"I never wanted this pain…" Shinji murmured, glancing quickly at the sand, "I never wanted his life. This suffering…"

"Well, that's too bad, Third Child…" Asuka replied venomously, "You shouldn't deal in what you want if you obviously can't get it, so stop complaining. You've made your choices. So live with them."

"I…I can't," he whimpered pathetically.

"You have to," the injured redhead responded coldly.

Shinji couldn't come up with a response. What could he say? That she didn't understand? Unlikely. She went through the things he did. Christ, she even died and Shinji had the gall to say that she didn't understand? She had suffered more than he had. Instrumentality showed him her past. Her mother's suicide, and how she decided to reject everyone around her, while putting on the belief that people needed to depend on her.

Turning around, Shinji hung his head low, clenching his fists again. "I…I'm…"

"What, you're sorry? Is that it?" She said softly, her voice cutting deeper than any loud yell could.

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, I am. But…that won't fix anything, will it? But that's all I can do. I can only apologize. After all, I…I can't do anything else right. I'm a screw-up. I'm the lowest…"

Asuka didn't say anything. She merely stared coldly at him.

The only sounds present were the waves of the LCL ocean.

"You know…" Asuka spoke up after the pause, "I had a dream. It was a nice dream where we had moved on from Third Impact…" She said, walking over to Shinji's side, looking at the horizon, "We were older. A lot older. Like, we were in our twenties or so. And…well, we had matured a great deal. We…we met each other and…it was nice."

Shinji's eyes widened as Asuka described her dream. Though she was a bit vague about it, it was just like his dream! But then, Shinji reminded himself not to get his hopes up. For all he knew, they…the dream really could have been just…

"Flashes of Instrumentality…" Shinji murmured, his voice barely audible, but still able to be heard by Asuka, who gave him a look.

"What did you say?"

"I…I had…it couldn't be a coincidence…" Shinji said, his voice getting somewhat louder, though he only continued to mystify Asuka.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" She shouted, looking at him irritably. Asuka hated Shinji when he was like this. Actually, she hated him period. So why…why was she still with him? Why couldn't she just leave? After all, she was better off alone. Right? That was how she had been all her life, so what was a little bit of more loneliness?

"I… I had the dream too. Except…to me, it all felt so real. I was…happy. It was nice to have believed I moved on and left everything behind. It was nice to have thought I put my demons to rest. But…then I woke up. I had to accept that that fantasy world was just a lie…" He said bitterly, clenching his fists even harder. It was all he could do to prevent him from doing something again. Like…choking Asuka. Hurting her. Betraying what little trust she still held for him.

"Sometimes, the only happiness we can find at the moment is believing what we want to believe, but eventually, we all have to face reality. It doesn't matter if we deserve happiness or not. It's something we all have to go through…" The redheaded girl simply sighed.

Shinji couldn't help but begin to cry again. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything."

Asuka didn't reply. She was busy being confused by Shinji's sudden shift in mood. Where was this coming from?

Shinji continued. "I'm sorry for rejecting you. I'm sorry for not being there. I'm sorry I can't give you everything. I'm sorry I betrayed you. I'm…" He choked back a few sobs, "I'm sorry for ever hurting you."

Asuka still said nothing. She simply sighed silently and looked at him. God, he was a mess. Then again, so was she. Eye-patch here, bandages there, and so forth. And on top of that, bloodshot eyes and a hell of a tired expression.

Then again, Shinji's eyes weren't any better. In fact, Asuka might even say he looks worse than she does in terms of mental health. He looked like he would go insane at any moment now, assuming he wasn't already out of his mind. Meanwhile, Asuka didn't know what to do as the boy she thought she knew sobbed his little eyes out. She couldn't hug him. She was afraid that if she even touched him, he might end up strangling her again.

The redhead had since forgotten about trivial things like "pride" and "arrogance" so she could focus on surviving this harsh world for now. Asuka sighed deeply, before betraying her better judgment by taking Shinji's hand and holding it gently. A soft touch. A caress. She didn't know what she was doing here, but then, she didn't exactly know what she was doing when she touched his cheek either.

She offered him comfort while debating with herself about whether or not he deserved it. As she did so, she continued to stare at the red sea.

LCL. Blood. Red. Neon.

Third Impact. Rebirth. Beginning. Genesis.

It was a red beginning. A neon genesis.

Shinji moved a bit towards Asuka, causing her to shift a bit in resistance, but when she saw that his hands weren't moving towards her neck, she stopped resisting, wondering what he planned to do now. He wrapped his arms around her, planting his head on her shoulder, and continued to cry. It was a sad image.

"I…I would have loved to forget the past, Asuka," he said in between whimpers and sobs, "I would have loved to just forget everything. To…to let go of everything. And move on. But I can't! I just can't forget everything that I've done!"

"Get over it!" Asuka suddenly snapped, "You can't undo everything so I suggest you man up and get over yourself!" She shouted harshly, grabbing Shinji by his shirt with her good arm through gritted teeth, the boy looking at her with utter fear, "You can't redo your days as a pilot! And as much as I'd like to do everything all over again, I can't. You have to live with your choices, do you understand?" She asked, her voice getting softer as her grip on Shinji loosened.

"Asuka…" He whispered.

"Don't pity me. I'd rather you pity yourself, but then, you can't afford to do that right now. You need to let go, do you understand me?"

Shinji slowly nodded, the familiar feeling of fear rising up within him, though the fear quickly disappeared when he realized something. Her voice was different. She wasn't yelling at him like she used to, calling him an idiot and accusing him of stealing her panties or something. She wasn't yelling at him to hurt him. Here, she was yelling at him about growing up because she wanted to help him. Because, dare he say, she cared. "I…I understand. Thank you."

Asuka simply nodded, letting go of Shinji, "Let's sit down," she sighed, before doing so. It wasn't long until Shinji joined her, the two of them sitting on the barren wasteland, "There's no use in wishing for something that may never happen, you know. As much as I…I wanted to stay in that dream…"

Shinji nodded in agreement, before reluctantly placing a hand on hers.

Asuka stared at the hand. She never wanted anyone's help. She believed she was invincible, that no one was above her. Asuka Langley Sohryu was the best pilot around! And yet, it was then that her pride and security was taken from her that she realized that she was running away. She was just like him, but she'd be damned before she'd accept that.

And yet, her damnation came first when the spears punctured her Unit-02. But she was here again. She was back. She had been resurrected by him in some odd way, regardless of whether or not she'd accept it. While it was true that she was the one who technically brought herself back, Shinji was the one who allowed humanity to return by its own accord.

"Asuka," he spoke up, "Do you hate me?"

The former pilot blinked at the abruptness of the question. It had practically come from nowhere. She didn't know how to answer frankly. After all that had happened, could she bring herself to sincerely hate him? When she first met him, she only saw him as petty competition. A rival who can and will be beaten. As she got to know him better, her thoughts and judgment became clouded. Was he more than competition? Maybe. Asuka dared to consider him a friend, though she would always assure herself that she didn't need anyone. Maybe not even Kaji, wherever the hell he is now.

"It's okay," Shinji sighed, finding that he wasn't going to be answered, "I suppose it doesn't matter," he continued, his grip on Asuka's hand slightly tightening a bit, "I really did mean what I said when I said that I would have loved to move on. To be with you. I would have loved to stay in that fantasy world with a daughter and a pet, but I know now that if I were to stay, I would've been running away again…"

Asuka simply nodded. If she guessed correctly, she experienced the same things Shinji did in the dream. Everything.

From the night he bumped into her while he was walking in Germany to the day they had confessed their love to each other.

From the day Shinji had run away to the day Asuka had followed him home.

If the Asuka Langley Sohryu that existed within the dream admitted she loved Shinji, then was it the same for the Asuka Langley Sohryu that existed in this world as well?

Would she be able to bring herself to be with the idiot? If she could, why? What had he done to deserve love? If he wanted to be cared for, he'd have to earn the privilege! After all, people who work for their rewards will earn their rewards. They aren't just handed out freely!

"Dreams can never come true," Asuka spoke, "That's why there's a difference between the real world and the dream world."

"Even so…I still want to be with you. For real." He said sincerely, his hand still touching hers, "I won't run away again. I'll be with you for as long as you'll have me," he promised, daring to put out a small smile.

Her eye widened, remembering all the times he offered that smile to her. Whether it be when they'd just having a nice conversation while walking home on a normal day, or when he'd announce that dinner was ready. It was almost like his happiness depended on her happiness. But that was…that was preposterous!

Wasn't it?

Asuka looked at Shinji, still taking in what he said. "I…" Asuka closed her eye, attempting to snatch the confidence she once had. After all, in some twisted way, she was his strength. What kind of leader showed weakness? "I'm stuck with you for now, so I suppose I'll have to make do for now."

Shinji's smile never wavered. He squeezed her hand one last time, before letting go. "And I'll be here for you if you ever need something."

"We'll see." Asuka said as she stood up. Shinji got up as well, before looking back.

"I guess we should go now. No use in staying here. Come on, let's find some—" Shinji began, before being interrupted.

He stopped right when Asuka hugged him. It was a complete change in attitude that threw the boy off briefly. Shinji never could figure Asuka out, and maybe it'd be a while before he could. As Asuka hugged him tightly, Shinji decided not to make the same mistake twice when it came to Asuka being in such close contact to him and hugged her as well.

"Thanks," Asuka whispered, before letting go. As Shinji did the same and also let go, Asuka took his hand and began walking, though she seemed to be limping a bit too. "You're right. Let's go. We may not know what will lie ahead of us, but…it doesn't matter, I guess."

Shinji took it upon himself to play the role of "The Invincible Shinji" that Asuka would dub him mockingly one more time and helped Asuka walk, though according to her body language, she seemed to insist that she'd walk in front, "Yeah. Stay close to me," Shinji replied. It was an odd feeling. It was almost like for the moment, he really could forget everything. For the moment, it almost felt like he and Asuka were just bantering again for old time's sake.

"Whatever. Let's get a move on," She said, walking a bit faster now, her hand still tightly clutching his.

Your dream is the continuation of reality.

Shinji stopped dead in his tracks, causing Asuka to also stop as well. What was that? Was that…Rei? It sounded like her. And did she…did she just say—

"Baka-Shinji! What'd you stop for? Come on!"

"S-Sorry," he said, before walking again.

While Asuka was muttering to herself about how much he apologized, Shinji went over the mysterious voice. My dream is the continuation of reality? Shinji thought, puzzled. What the hell did that mean?

It…it can't…Rei couldn't possibly mean the dream that Shinji and Asuka shared, could she? And yet, if that's not what she meant, what did she mean? As he continued walking, Shinji looked back one last time, facing the decomposing face that used to be Lilith.

The continuation of reality was the new beginning. Life after Third Impact. If his dream was indeed the continuation of reality, then…perhaps what he had seen in the dream could still come to fruition?

Hmm, Shinji mentally sighed, It doesn't matter. I'll go wherever my life takes me. This is my life to live alone, after all.

Smiling to himself, Shinji glanced at Asuka, who he dared to call his beacon of hope, before straight ahead towards the road he walked. Perhaps it didn't matter if it turned out his dream wasn't a lie all this time, but rather, a foreshadowing of sorts. All that mattered was that right now, he was with Asuka. He couldn't exactly tell if she had forgiven him, but if she didn't, maybe he'd just have to work for that forgiveness.

The two children walked hand in hand, ready to face the struggles that the new world would give them together.

The kindred spirits wandered across the sand and into the unknown

THE END

A/N: Well, that's it! Anyway, to elaborate on what I mean by this being insurance, I wrote this chapter partly so I can feel better about myself, my writing "skillz," and this fic even though I know I'm not the first one to use this kind of "Haha, just kidding. It was all a vision" twist. I feel that one of the unwritten rules of writing Evangelion fanfiction is "Thou shalt insert a lot of angst in at least one chapter," so I put it all here.

I also felt that associating a happy ending with something Evangelion-related just sorta…out of place. So akin to EoE, I presented this bittersweet ending. I tried to balance out "bitter" and "sweet" equally as well. Anyway, that's all I have to say about this. Overall, I'd like to know what you, the reader, thought of this fic. Let me know in a review what I could have improved on or whatever else you want to say in a review.