"You were the closest to me, Kisame. I'm sorry for deceiving you."

"So," intoned a voice that was so casual in its boredness that it almost seemed interested in the conversation it was having, "you have finally awoken, Kisame."

"Itachi," Kisame Hoshigaki groaned out, his beaten and scarred body lying limp against the side of the jail cell he was propped up upon, "didn't you die?" Though the pain seared through him, he reveled in the showing of his insanely sharp teeth. "For that matter, didn't I die?"

"You are here," began a masked member of Konoha's ANBU, but was interrupted before she could continue by Kisame's ramblings.

"Yeah, I did," he said as his grin increased to impossible dimensions, "I remember my sharks tearing the flesh from the bone, as I became nothing more than blood in the water. It was a good way to go, in my opinion."

"You are here, and alive, due to an...accident involving Naruto Uzumaki," replied Itachi.

"I heard from Tobi," it was here that Kisame inwardly smiled at the smallest of twitches that Itachi's ironclad control let slip in regards to the muscles around his eyes, "that you were dying of sickness, overworking your Mangekyou in the process of freeing your brother, and then died not knowing your sibling would take it the wrong way." He chuckled at this as he allowed his eyes to close while he sunk further against the stone wall behind him.

"I'm counting on you, Kisame."

"So, you really were a spy from the Leaf Village, then."

"Yes," was all of Itachi's reply.

A sigh. "Then I suppose that one of us is about to die then, no?"

"Are you that loyal to an almost annihilated organization?"

"I will free you from the pain of falsehood."

Kisame huffed in amusement. "It's always about organization and ideals with you, Itachi. But in my case, you would be wrong. In the moment of my death, I finally discovered what kind of man I really was, just like you said." Eyes glinting, he leaned forward towards the bars of his cage, his resolve unshakeable. "I am, and forever will be, loyal to that person and their plans and ideals. In life or in death, it doesn't matter."

"It seems," said Itachi as he drew himself to his full height, "that things I had always wondered about you have just become abundantly clear. You were part of the inner workings of that organization, even more so than Konan or Pain, weren't you?"

"If you're asking whether or not I've been aware of Project Tsuki no Mei for years now, then the answer is yes. From before I was a missing-nin, in fact."

Itachi's eyes widened the barest fraction of a millimeter. "From before you were-?"

"Now, if you don't mind, Itachi," Kisame said as he raised his suddenly bare wrists, the chains falling to the floor in the process, "I believe I should get started on ripping your limbs from your body."

"I will make a place for you, Kisame."

"Shit! He's gotten loose!" began one of the ANBU that was with Itachi, before a fist on the end of a mass of tentacles punched him square in the jaw, sending him flying into the cage bars. The metal shrieking, the bars of the cage bent outwards due to the sheer force of the blow, allowing Kisame to step out should he wish it and greet the masked man he knew quite well when he was still alive.

"Hell, Kakuzu," Kisame said as he cracked his knuckles, "you get brought back too?"

"Kisame, what's going on?" groused Kakuzu as he tossed his compatriot a kunai, "I woke up in a cell, alive after I remember dying, and get jail broken by Tobi of all people." He narrowed his eyes in the other man's direction, "Who, last I checked, was both a fool and a man, not a competent badass Uchiha and a woman."

"Did she have any orders for us?" Kisame said, his grin widening at the slight confusion showing on Itachi's face.

Kakuzu shifted his way only slightly, making sure to be on guard against Itachi and the remaining Konoha ANBU. "The place where the deal with Hawk was struck, apparently."

Kisame's hands were a flurry of activity as he began forming seals. "Then we shouldn't keep the boss lady waiting, now should we?"

"I have to admit," began Kisame as he walked towards the bridge overlooking the quaint underground river that lazily meandered through the underground complex, "I like the new eye you've acquired. It makes you look far more commanding than I ever thought possible, Mizukage."

The Uchiha woman smirked as she turned around to speak to her subordinate face-to-face, her arms crossed as she leaned against the intricately designed railing. "You come back from the dead, and the first thing you wish to tell me is how good I look? No questions about what has happened?"

"You are the one closest to me," Kisame paraphrased back at the sharingan wielder, "you said you would make a place for me." He reached out a hand, cupping her cheek in his hand, "Therefore, no matter what, you can always count on me, Tamiko. Or would you still prefer Tobi?"

"I can count on you, no matter what I ask you to do?" the Uchiha pariah said as she gently rested her hand on the one cupping her face. "Even if I do this?" She moved her lips close to his own in a sudden rush of movement, the action itself being her request to him.

Kisame proved in an instant the she could always count on him.

FIN

AN: Because Fem!Obito x Kisame should totally be a thing, especially if they're both being their wonderfully villinous selves.

For those wondering what the accident was... I won't get into detail, but I will say that it resulted in both good and bad people being suddenly brought back to life, and all within Konoha's last remaining prison (that they had intact).