Pairing: Kaoru x Sentarō, mentions of past Kaoru x Ritsuko

Notes: This is set intending to be an alternate ending. Sentarō still left, but their lives took different directions, just in case anyone wonders what is going on!

Simplicity

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Contrary to what everyone had thought, Sentarō doesn't end up with a large family. He lives in a small apartment close to his family home, alone. He's dated on and off, but none of the women have stuck around for long enough. Eventually relationships crumble is what Sentarō's learned in his life, but that doesn't mean he doesn't hold out hope.

Kaoru is visiting for the week and he raises an eye at Sentarō's living quarters. He's messy at best, but the rooms look as if they haven't been cleaned for months.

"Doesn't Ri-chan bother you to clean up anymore?" he asks, but Sentarō just shrugs. They're in their mid-twenties at this point, all having gone their separate ways and yet still tightly packed together. Kaoru sends letters and receives them back, something that makes his heart warm and fingers tickle as he plucks the envelope open and devours every character with his eyes.

"She's just busy with school these days," Sentarō replies and Kaoru frowns. He hasn't heard as much from Ritsuko these days, though she always manages a letter for the important days.

"I think she's seeing someone," come the next words and Kaoru sits down onto his folded legs, looking down. "Thought I should let you know."

Sentarō's smiling, yet there's a stiffness to it that Kaoru doesn't quite understand. He doesn't push the subject further, simply nods, stands back up and suggests they should head to Welcome Records.

Kaoru thinks about Ritsuko as he walks in, but then his mind is full of his piano and Sentarō's drumming, too much music for his mind to think about his emotions. And if he holds a few melancholy notes longer than necessary… well it's been a while since he played quite so freely.

.

It's an unusually cold spring, but that doesn't stop Sentarō hopping on a train to visit. He's carrying his drumsticks and ruffle's Kaoru's hair as he enters his home. Like Sentarō, Kaoru lives alone in a small apartment. He lives in Tokyo and it's all that he can afford, even with working a handful of jobs.

In another life, Kaoru was supposed to graduate as a doctor, become a top in his field, spawn some children – a male, preferably more than one to continue the family, was a necessity – and creep towards his grave in his mundane life.

Nothing ever happens so simply though. On a whim (fuelled by a bottle of strong sake and a month's worth of correspondence from Sentarō), Kaoru had left college, giving up his studies when he realised his heart wasn't in it. He'd avoided most of his family after that, though he had heard what had been said, people blaming his flakiness on his mother with snide comments of 'well, what would you expect with a mother like that'. It didn't help his father barely stuck around and while he was ostracised and practically disinherited, there wasn't really anywhere to miss.

Home had never been the house his family lived in. Home had been the basement under a record shop, the moment Sentarō had engulfed him with his arms or the moments Ritsuko had flushed and turned away from looking.

"My mother's waiting for us," Kaoru says as Sentarō dumps his luggage on the floor. "She says the ladies are excited."

The evening is great. They play 'Lullabies of Birdland' at the end, steeped in nostalgia, and his mother demands they make the most of the free bar. Sentarō digs in straight away, ice and liquor in his glass as he thanks the crowd. He pushes the drink onto Kaoru and they sit at the bar, catching up on everything they've missed of each other in the past few months.

And if they stumble home drunk, leaning into each other a little more than appropriate then… well they're still in the prime of their life, late twenties and full of booze. And if they collapse on the floor in a heap of limbs and maybe, perhaps, seek a little comfort in each other's embrace, let their lips meet as two lonely souls in a giant world, then it doesn't really mean anything. It's not as if the world hasn't pushed them into this situation before.

So as they trade clumsy kissed and fumbling hands wander, Kaoru closes his eyes and tilts his head back, showing his neck as he did once before (more than a few times) when the world got too much and his emotions too heavy to handle.

In the morning, life resumes and they don't speak of what they did. They never do; the past is the past and that's that.

.

It doesn't surprise Kaoru when he receives an invitation to Ritsuko's wedding. By most standards, she's getting a little too old and while her father wouldn't force her into anything, society rears its ugly head and Sentarō confides in him that that's the main reason Ritsuko's marrying.

The man she's chosen seems nice enough. He's clean cut, has a bright smile and wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. He treats her like a queen and she treats him like a king and on that day they seem happier than Kaoru has ever seen them. Well, Ritsuko. He's never seen her husband before now.

"Well that was a chore." Kaoru isn't surprised when Sentarō sits down beside him. The wedding itself has ended, now the true celebrations can begin. He's staying at Sentarō's and there's no one else he'd rather be with at this wedding.

"You look great," Kaoru says with a grin, ducking the arm that made to lock his head under Sentarō's armpit. People grow, but they never change and Kaoru was glad of that.

A little while later, Sentarō asks a question quietly, barely a murmur. It's a secret question, one that Kaoru's known has been coming for a while and yet never quite made it past Sentarō's lips.

"Does it hurt? Seeing her…" he coughs, trails off.

Kaoru thinks about it. He'd always imagined there would be one great love in his life and, when he'd met her, he'd thought Ritsuko was that one.

"I'm not like that anymore," he says instead, hoping Sentarō can understand everything in those few words. From the silence he receives, Kaoru thinks that Sentarō's having one of his rare intelligent moments. Or perhaps they don't really need words anymore, knowing each other as well as they do.

"Besides," he adds, with a small glance around. Kaoru bumps his leg against Sentarō's under the table, staring straight ahead. "I have you.

.

Kaoru returns to Kyushu on sad tidings. Tsutomu passed away.

Ritsuko's belly is large with her second child, but she wastes no time in coming to his side and taking him out of the room of people dressed in black. They're both dressed in black too, but Ritsuko wears it with grace. There is sadness in the lines on her face and her hands tremble, but she is still every bit as beautiful as she was at fifteen.

"It's so good to see you," she begins as they sit down. They've walked a little way and they're now surrounded by blossoming trees and flowers. They can hear the road, but the wind takes the noise way dutifully. It is almost picturesque for lovers, but that was a long, long time ago.

"I only wish it was under better circumstances," Kaoru says truthfully and Ritsuko rubs a hand over her belly, smiling sadly.

"He knew he was going soon. My husband and I have been helping out with the shop but… now that he's gone…" Ritsuko pauses and the wind catches a strand of hair. Where once Kaoru might have fixed it for her, he leaves her small hands to take care of it herself. She doesn't need him anymore and he doesn't need her, not in that way at least.

"I'm glad you're my friend. Especially for Sentarō. Before you came, he was…" Ritsuko trails off and shakes her head. "Thank you for loving us."

The words aren't a farewell, though to anyone else they may seem as such. They're just words, her hands stroking his arm as she loops their limbs together. She's thanking him for everything, for being there when they both needed and for needing them in turn. He could have been happy with Ritsuko, but Kaoru knew that she wouldn't have. Not really.

Their love had been a fledgling spring still in winters grip. The snow had begun to melt and the sun shone weakly… but it would never be more than that. And that was okay.

"I love you Ri-chan. Both you and Sen," he says quietly as they stood and Ritsuko turns back to the gathered mourners. She smiles sadly and they return to the room. It isn't long before Sentarō sneaks beside him and they return to his little house, all soft, and smiles and slight murmurs of comfort.

.

"He wished that I'd take over the record shop," Sentarō says the next morning. Kaoru thought it strange that he wasn't eating his onigiri and now he knows the cause.

"It's true I've had trouble holding down a job recently, but…" Sentarō shakes his head and Kaoru lets his thoughts slip to somewhere indecent.

He's always thought of Sentarō as attractive, everyone noticed him yet only saw his true worth, but almost everyone agreed that he was good looking. He's older now, but age has only helped his looks. Kaoru's chest tightens and he looks away.

"Ri'ko's the one who keeps pushing me, but…" Sentarō looks up and Kaoru can't keep his eyes away. "I don't think I could be there alone. Ri'ko's letting me have the house too – written in the will actually – but I just…"

Sentarō chews on his bottom lip, a nasty habit he's acquired in the last few seconds. Kaoru doesn't know what to do, for all his smarts and experience in life, he doesn't know how to help his best friend.

"Is there something holding you back?" Sentarō asks suddenly, cheeks flushed ever so slightly. He looks away, the question clearly more than a casual observation.

"I have a job," Kaoru replies, though his job doesn't matter. Jobs have only been to bide the time between journeys to Kyushu. He's never settled for one for too long, never felt like his life in Tokyo was really permanent. He'd only moved away from Kyushu for Tokyo university and when that had fallen through… well a disgraced son could hardly return to a family home and no one else should have had his burden.

"But it's nothing special." He looks away, feels Sentarō's eyes settle on him, warm and loving. This is what it's liked to be loved, a true, slow-burning love. "It's not important to me."

He hopes Sentarō hears the underlying words; you're important to me, you're special to me, I'd do anything for you, as he eats his onigiri. It's one of the few things Sentarō can cook to perfection and Kaoru will never tire of them.

"Would you… I mean…" Sentarō flushes again. Despite age, despite knowing each other for ages and despite, well, everything, Sentarō still struggles to open his heart and feelings to those he cares about. That's okay though, Kaoru loves it.

"Neither of us have anything special going on for us, but I was wondering if… maybe you'd want," he breathes in deeply. "If you'd want something special here. With me. And the shop. And me."

There are perhaps a thousand reasons why Kaoru shouldn't say yes, but they all fade away as Sentarō's eyes meet his. There's nothing but love in them, love for Kaoru and love for their jazz. Times may have changed and the record shop may be selling more eccentric genres now, but the room downstairs would forever be theirs and their music.

It's not easy to say yes, but Kaoru shows it in the way he kisses Sentarō.

.

They don't end up with the sprawling family Kaoru said Sentarō would have. They have a small pack of children – and yes, they were a pack – from various orphanages and shop that is their home. They have their music and they have each other. They're far from rich and Kaoru goes through a stage where he feels sick every time he thinks about the bills they need to pay… but they manage.

Whatever the season, music filters through the shop and onto the street, a routine known by their neighbours. In those moments, even the busiest workman stops to listen to the jazz echoing from the record shop, a soft smile on their lips as they hear the love that resides inside of the shop.

And no one can take that happiness away from them

.

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