This was an idea I've been dancing around with. I haven't written in a very long time, and I'm not exactly the most compelling author, but I try. This idea has rooted itself in my head and refuses to untangle until it is written. Unfortunately this is un-betaed, and you will encounter many mistakes. I apologize for that and take full responsibility. There are homosexual themes, as well as insinuation of rape, amongst other things that are going to be mentioned throughout the story, so be warned. This is a Hawke/Fenris story,or at least it is leading there. :) Thank you for reading, and if the spirit moves you, don't be shy about reviewing.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Bioware, I am but a mere puppeteer playing with their marionettes.

Fenris was a man chained to the heavy rocks of his past, until he met Hawke. He had been suspicious as well as baffled by the incessant compassion the remarkable leader of the band of misfits showed and shared with almost anyone and everyone. He got to experience her warmth the very first time they met, as Hawke did not even ask for coin after he had put her life on the line fighting demons in search of his former master. Most would have fled, being too terrified to fight the evil spirits but Hawke was undeterred. Her laugh rang like bells through the halls of the antiquated mansion, and he did not know whether to be mystified or confounded by her lack of fear. "Fearless leader" the dwarf had called her one day as they were traipsed about Sundermount. Fitting. Sometimes however, Fenris could not help but wonder if it was wit she lacked, because he supposed you must be lacking in that department to seek danger, or more like attract in Hawke's case, and be completely at ease with it. Her clever tongue assuaged any doubts he might have had regarding Hawke's intelligence, sometimes she was much too quick to figure out a situation and there were times where even Fenris felt that her crystalline eyes penetrated even through his most persevering barricades that preserved the obscurity that was his heart, or what remained of it.

Even after his profound and clear demonstration of distaste for mages, Hawke had been undeterred. She didn't cower from him like most did when they experienced the gory show of tearing a living man's beating heart and tossing it like an old toy and she wasn't afraid of refuting his adamant opinion of mages whenever possible. Despite their usual arguments however, Hawke never shunned his company, which he would have thought might have been the first action any sane person would have taken. In fact, she often sought him, trekking all the way from Lowtown to his dilapidated mansion in Hightown dragging him out even on days where there wasn't missions to accompany her on mundane tasks, or simply sharing breakfast. She would prepare a basket of food, and let him try all sorts of fruits and dishes, paying close attention to what he approved of and what he did not. He never thought anyone would go to such lengths for his sake, and even felt spoiled by her magnanimous behavior towards him.

"You are very lanky, even for an elf." She had told him once when he had questioned her motives regarding her regular attentions towards him.

"You look famished, and seem like you are in dire need of more nutrients in that belly of

yours." She had said while poking his chest plate.

Hawke was not the feminine type, Fenris had noted. In fact, she was anything but, if her short, shaggy hair, and loose leather pants (instead of mage robes) had anything to say about it.

She even went as far as binding her breasts, for there were times he had gone to meet her in her uncles shambles well in the morning, and she would come out through a door in the far back, rubbing her eyes and yawning, being completely immodest for the absence of her breast band wouldn't go unnoticed by anyone, especially the pirate, who would smirk seductively and give Hawke the once over. Fenris knew that the mage and the pirate had some sort of connection. It was difficult to miss, for during Hawke's visits, she would bring a model of a ship toy, telling him with a glee all the marvels of the thing and her plans to purchase an actual one for her pirate lover after their expedition into the deep roads.

Fenris felt an unease with his emotions, and something coil within him when he saw the admiration in her eyes,and though he could not explain it, he most certainly did not enjoy it. This feeling would continue to nag at him until he came into terms with his emotions one unlikely day.

Adventuring through the Wounded Coast, Hawke had once again dragged out the hodgepodge of her friends, Fenris included, to find a Harlot's Blush, a herb the circle mage Solivitus requested of Hawke in exchange of coin. Fenris had found this amusing, for Hawke had risen to nobility after the success of the expedition, (though that success had come at too great a cost for Hawke, as she had to sink a blade into her very own brother in order to spare him the agony of the darkspawn taint). Slavers, sent by his former master had impeded their path, demanding that Fenris be handed over, lest blood be spilled.

"Fenris is a free man!" Hawke had shouted, after becoming perilously furious, and it was then that Fenris realized he had delved into the strange waters of love.

Of course, he did not paid much heed to it until he made sure his master's snake of an apprentice was rotting in the void. He had exploded with a sea of dark emotions that had threatened to suffocate him so many times before, and it had surprised him the magnitude of his abhorrence for any magic-tained being. His preceding flee from her to a place of solitude was when he became inundated with only his thoughts of her and her sea-colored eyes with her hurt expression plagued Fenris. He knew Hawke had someone, the pirate wench, which Hawke spoke fondly of, and he knew that his feelings weren't reciprocated, yet he could not help but think about her.

Whether it was the finely prepared nourishment she shared with him or her abyssal of compassion, he knew he had fallen for her. Though the realization was liberating, as he found that he was still capable of caring for another, making him capable of living as a free man would, he remained immobilized. Not even as a slave had he felt so incapable of acting, and there was no one to shackle him this time, except for himself. He knew rejection would be certain were he to confess, and moving on wasn't an option when Hawke kept seeking him out as she did whenever she wasn't in company of Isabella, which seemed to be becoming more and more often at present. Hawke vaguely told him the wench's whereabouts, and it seemed to him that Hawke didn't know herself. She would have a forlorn expression when he asked of the pirate, which soon replaced itself with a forced smile and she would respond that her lover was looking for a relic she had misplaced. Fenris wouldn't complain, for though Hawke's presence was torturous at best, he welcomed it, as it assuaged all his dark moods and put him at ease despite everything.

Sometimes, he could not tell whether her coquettish behavior was deliberate or not. He opted more on the latter, for he knew the mage had eyes only for Isabella, and it was very likely that the pirate's demeanor was simply rubbing off on Hawke, though that did nothing to prevent his euphoria whenever Hawke complimented him. He considered this as he sat in the arm chair before the fire one afternoon, the mage in question sitting not too far from him.

"You have a very pleasant voice. Do you sing? I would pay you to serenade me." She laughed then at her own ridiculous, uncommon notion of paying one's own wooing serenation. The apex of narcissism, she supposed.

"I do. Magisters are often in need of entertainment for their pompous gala. Slaves are best when skilled

in many areas. Why do you stare at me so oddly- No Hawke, I won't sing for you." He told her as she wore that same look of when one of her big ideas made themselves present in her mind, and he smiled at her pleading expression.

"And why not? Surely it can't be stage fright. What if I ask nicely?"

And before he could stop himself, Fenris said "Depends how nicely." Initiating, what he knew, would be an indecipherable line of flirtation.

"What if I tell you that you have a gorgeous smile, and it's infuriating that you don't smile more often?" Fenris knew that her intention wasn't to come off as if she had genuine interest for him, but that did not stop him from feeling false hope. He knew he had to halt their teasing before he pushed himself to do something reckless.

"Hmmm. Not bad, however, I reserve them for special occasions, as I do my singing, therefore I will sing when the time comes." His heart swelled a little when he saw Hawke's pout.

"Wait! That was a contradiction! If you smiled then this occasion is marked as special, that means you must sing!"

"Give it up Hawke, I am not singing."

"Not fair!" Fenris chuckled slightly at that. After a few minutes of silence, she began talking again.

"Fenris, I have a question, if you will indulge me."

"I would have answered 'anything' if I wasn't aware that your clever wits would turn that against me." Fenris said with a smirk.

"What manner of manner-less person do you think me to be!" She said with a giggle "Alright, yes, I would have made you sing. You know, I need to stop spending so much time with you, you're getting to know me much too well." Though she had meant that in a teasing manner, Fenris felt his heart sink a little. He shook himself off quickly, lest the clever-witted mage noticed his pause and told her:

"Deprive the prickly elf of the only company he has. Fitting way to enjoy my freedom, isn't it?" Fenris said, suddenly bitter.

"I... That wasn't... I didn't..." Hawke's loss for words made Fenris mentally admonish himself and he quickly changed the topic.

"Did you not have an inquiry?" Fenris reminded Hawke, and she quickly composed herself.

"Yes. It is all related, now that I think of it. Fenris, I'm not the only company you have, there is Aveline, Donnic, Sebastian, Varric, Isabella" and then she carefully said, "And even Merrill and Anders, as much as you two are at each others throats."

"Aside from the abomination and the blood mage, I suppose you are correct. I apologize for my ingratitude. What I had meant was... your company is the closest I've ever had to a genuine friendship. I would dislike it if it weren't to continue" Fenris looked awfully awkward as he said this and Hawke smiled.

"Even though I am a mage?" she felt daring enough to ask.

"Hawke, for every mage with your tenacity, there are a hundred who will succumb. I have experienced both extremes of the spectrum, and while I concede that you are unlike anyone I've ever met, I will not lower my guard. You know I am a byproduct of malignant magic."

"Flatterer." Hawke said with a cheeky grin, and Fenris sighed.

"Point: missed."

"To return to my initial topic, why do you prefer to remain like this? I often see you, and it seems to me that you are very lonely, your slouched posture and often grim expression can be seen from a mile away. Which is a shame, truly, because you are a marvel to look at, and you should be standing tall and proud. Not to mention, that's being shallow, but I can name hundreds of great qualities about you." Fenris quirked an eyebrow at this.

"Oh don't you look at me like that. When you stare at the mirror, you probably think the same. I know there's an inner narcissus in you. I haven't met a man as attractive as you, and I know that elves are pleasant to look at. Any woman you want would swoon if you were to even approach her. Maker,

I sound like Varric, minus the broody babies part. What I'm trying to say is that surely there must be someone who interests you?"

"Hawke, won't your pirate be jealous if she hears you talking about me as if I am some god?"

"Oh please. Nothing makes Isabella jealous, I mean, unless you have a bigger boat than she does, but that's being extreme. And she knows you are very attractive she has certainly not been subtle about it, and often comments on it. It was her that made me notice how true that is." Fenris felt his heart sank yet again at the last part. So Hawke had not initially found him attractive, and now only did so because of the pirate's influence. He felt his hope waning with that realization.

"I mean, I wondered why I couldn't tear my eyes off you when we met, and as you know, I'm not exactly particular to men." Fenris interest was piqued again, and his hope flared a bit more at hearing that. So she had found him attractive, she just hadn't known.

"Hawke, you sound as if you're about to profess your undying love for me." Fenris said jokingly, though he felt a fear root itself within him at the number of negative answers his teasing could provoke. To his relief, Hawke laughed and answered lightly:

"I know right? Maker, this must feel awkward to you."

"Hearing your admiration for my physique does not bother me at all." Fenris said and smiled when Hawke laughed again.

"Someone ought to burst that blossoming pride of yours. Don't tempt me to be the one to do so."She said with a smirk.

"But you haven't answered my question. It's been over three years since we met, yet I've never seen you going after anyone, or even seen you being remotely interested. There isn't someone you fancy?" Fenris knew this question would bring him to a dangerous area to tread in, his inner side of logic that told him to reign in himself and desire telling pushing him to be reckless, to throw away all his years of discipline and expose his deepest feelings to the mage before her, something that would have been impossible prior to her.

"There is... someone." He said carefully, and saw Hawke's face brighten.

"See? I knew it! How exciting. Well, who is she?"

"And why do you assume it is a 'she'?" Fenris cocked his eyebrow.

"Okay, fine. Is it a woman or a man? If it is a man, I want to see some first hand action!"

"Isabella is getting to your head, Hawke." Fenris said, amused, "But to answer your question, you were right in your first assertion. It's a woman."

"You tease! I knew it! How long has it been?"

"I only realized it recently. She's a beauty." Fenris said and his eyes softened. A voice in the back of his head screamed that he was allowing his whims to manipulate his better judgment.

"She has to be. If she isn't at least as attractive as you, which is a pretty tough challenge, I'd be questioning your tastes." Hawke said, attempting to restore a healthy self image to the warrior. Perhaps he'd stop looking so morose and allow others other than herself to experience this alluring side of the elf she knew him for.

"Do you think me so shallow that I will only look for her physical attributes?"

"No, not at all. I was exaggerating. But surely, she must be beautiful."

"This one happens to be as beautiful as a bird" More specifically, a Hawk. Fenris thought to himself allowing a his visage to soften. No, this needs to stop. I will condemn myself if I do not put a halt to these fruitless flirtations. Fenris thought to himself, despite his enjoyment of her obliviousness.

"Well, aren't you romantic?" Hawke said, propping her chin on her hands and her elbow on her knee.

"You could have any woman you wanted. Why haven't you confessed?"

"I am certain she will not accept me."

"What? That's ridiculous! Are you trying to pull a fast one on me?"

"I am not. Having 'any woman' is much too broad a term and too immense a request."

"I am certain she would have you! Oh you must be the shy type then. Just confess to her! You'll thank me for it later."

"Hawke, you do not know what you are requesting of me. This woman... already has someone dear to her."

"Oh please! You're simply going to give her up? Just like that? I am certain she must not know what she wants if she is so intent on ignoring you. You should catch this little bird before she flies away."

"Even if that bird was a hawk?" Fenris said and his eyes widened. Fasta vass! what have you done, you fool? You know what will become of this.

Hawke scrunched her eyebrows in confusion, a look of realization lit her eyes and her eyebrows shot up instantly, her mouth gaping as if she was about to comment on what he had just confessed. Fenris looked around frantically, finally settling his gaze on his lap. He felt utterly vulnerable, a feeling he despised, for he had spent years honing his skills so that he would never be the quarry again. Yet here he was, a mere mice about to be snatched by a might hawk, his thoughts willing the moment to end. He didn't think he would be able to take the sure rejection she had in store for him. After the few seconds (which had felt like hours) passed, he risked one looked at her face. He noticed a blush had bloomed on Hawke's surprised face, starting from the base of her neck. Could it be...? No, it couldn't. It is too much to hope for. She's smitten with the wench.

At that instant the door slammed opened and Isabella sauntered in. She skimmed the room and saw their faces pale, as if they had seen a ghost, or more interestingly in Isabella's mind, as if she walked on two children exchanging secrets.

"Well, aren't I gifted with good timing? I know I've been missing some fun around here, but you don't need to stare as if you've seen a ghost." Isabella said with a predatory smile.

"Izzy! Here I was wondering where you had gone. There is something I have being meaning to show you!" Hawke said quickly getting up from her chair, suspiciously overly excited to see her. Isabella cocked an eyebrow at her and Fenris as she was being pushed out, and noticed the defeated look of the latter, his elven ears even drooping a little. 'Puppy eyes' was the description Merrill had chosen, and Isabella couldn't help but agree.