For the past while, this story has plagued my exsistence... literally. I needed to get it out somewhere and hopefully you like it. Inspired by many posts on Tumblr and some things in my own life. Sterek will happen... I AM EXCITED to write about my OTP. I am feeling shaky thinking about you guys reading my take on Sterek. Cannot wait! Will be slow-burn so don't be expecting them to hit it off after a chapter or two. :) This is in no way related to my "The Awakening" and "The Survival" stories. I will be updating them too, so don't worry about that. I just need to clear these ideas out of my head before they take over everything.

First chapter is basically Stiles' musings about life in general. A few loose ends tied up before I begin with the action is always the way to go.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Wolf or Sterek or anything... but I would like to own Dylan O'Brien. So if that can be arranged then please give me a call.

Stiles was fed up. He was eternally fed up of being the weak link of the pack; the weak, forgotten human that was always left behind. It was all right for Scott, he was the co-captain of the lacrosse team with an exceptionally hot girlfriend. Plus he was a werewolf with super abilities and healing powers. It seemed that Scott had been given everything, the main man up in the sky had evidently forgotten about Stiles' existence. That was okay, though. I mean, it's not like Scott was that intelligent – he wasn't. Stiles always had the upper-hand when it came to tests and, especially as it was coming up to the end of the year, maybe Stiles could catch a break. Maybe.

But Stiles couldn't wait until then to shine, even if his light would only be a slightly dim one. He wanted to shine now; he wanted the spotlight to be on him. It was silly to be so jealous of your best-friend, but he wasn't just jealous of his best-friend. He was jealous of them all, the whole pack. He was jealous of how powerful they were and he'd come to accept that a long time ago.

It was actually unfair how much pain he had to go through every Thursday night during "pack meetings", if you could even call them that. Derek had tried to assemble the pack and 'protect' Beacon Hills, but so far... he wasn't exactly doing the best job. It was an impossible task to get teenagers to co-operate together without making-out, never mind getting them to co-operate and fight to protect their town. Stiles always wondered if Derek had bitten off more than he could chew, literally. Why hadn't he just bitten adults? They would have behaved more sensibly or at least not been as idiotic as most of the pack were. But anyway, Stiles had to endure a few hours of the werewolves showing off their skills, while he tried not to sit there and look awkward.

And he really envied them, but he didn't. He didn't want to be a werewolf and be hunted. He realised a long time ago how that was not the life he wanted for himself... or his father. Every choice he would make would affect his father, and that scared the crap out of Stiles. He didn't want to hurt his father anymore than he already had. He didn't want to make his father lose his job yet again. Stiles wanted the power of being a werewolf without being a werewolf, and that was practically impossible.

Stiles wonders if the werewolves noticed anything different about him recently. About how upset and lifeless he'd become, how unnecessary he thought he was. But then he realised that they wouldn't have noticed anything different. None of them cared about him, really. He was just the human researcher who spoke too much and annoyed the crap out of most of them. Scott hadn't even noticed and Scott was meant to be his best-friend! Best-friends until the world ends... sure. None of the rest of the pack would have noticed either. Erica, Boyd, Isaac, Jackson... they weren't exactly his biggest fans out. He hoped Lydia and he might have become closer since they shared a moment once... but nope, nothing. And Derek wasn't exactly the nice guy you could pour your heart and soul out to. Derek was the alpha, and Derek still scared him.

He wasn't really sure why Derek scared him. It wasn't like Derek was the "bad guy" he'd once been. Derek was actually on their side now, he was their alpha. Or the betas' alpha... Stiles wasn't really sure where their relationship status was at right now. But Derek still made him shiver, made his heart beat irrationally in his chest and he didn't know why. It was weird to feel so vulnerable around someone, so weak and scared. Especially someone who was meant to be their leader – it didn't make sense.

Stiles had long ago accepted that Derek was a fine specimen of man. He was lonely, extremely lonely and he often found himself appreciating Derek's body from a far distance. But that didn't mean anything, right? It just meant that Derek had a scarily good body and that made complete sense. The guy worked out every day and he was a werewolf! Of course he was going to have enviable abs. Stiles wondered if Derek knew he was checking him out sometimes. And he hoped that Derek didn't know... and if he did know, he chose not to think about it, ever. It was embarrassing and definitely nothing to worry about or think about. Stiles even found himself checking Danny out in the boys' locker rooms. It just meant that he was appreciating their bodies, not that he was in any way interested in guys. Because he wasn't and he isn't. Stiles is straight, forever in love with Lydia Martin... right.

However, it is pretty hard to love someone when they show no interest in you. I mean, it was okay for the past few years. Stiles observed from a distance and was in awe of her, of Lydia. But it's even harder to watch her proclaim her love for Jackson while he temporarily died in front of the whole pack. That sucked. It actually did more than suck though; it took the wind out of him. It made him realise that his plan to woo Lydia and marry her was definitely not going to work. His years of admiring her from afar had been wasted completely on a girl who was not meant for him. And that sucked even more.

Stiles wanted to move on, he wanted to find someone else. That plan would have worked except he didn't really know how to move on and find someone else. He wasn't exactly the hot topic of Beacon Hills... it didn't take a genius to work out what sort of guys were. Those guys did not include a Stiles Stilinski. Those guys definitely didn't include him, not one bit. He was the guy who talked too much, the guy in your maths class that always did his homework and asked too many questions, the guy who always ate the canteen chicken curry that was definitely not made of chicken. And he was okay with that... to an extent.

He guessed that maybe his longing to shine came from the fact was he was so alone. He didn't really have anyone anymore. No one really took an interest, no one really cared, and no one really tried to make an effort.

However, as Stiles ran his hands through his hair before brushing his teeth, he decided that from now on, from today, from this freakin' moment he was going to become a different Stiles. A happier one. And maybe things would change, maybe he wouldn't be so afraid, maybe something would actually happen to him... maybe.

Tell me what you think. I'm open to suggestions and criticism or whatever you want to tell me. :) Have a wonderful day!