I'm awaiting more interest in my Sherlock/Torchwood crossover before I continue it, and in the meantime I'm starting this story. If people like this, I'll make more chapters. This is partly a strategic exercise to prove to myself that I can write het romance. :p I really enjoy guy/girl ships, I just haven't written much on them yet. So this story is about one of my favorites, Rose and Ten. Also writing first person for the first time. I might change POV throughout... not sure yet.

Spoilers: You need to have seen all of the David Tennant episodes up to "Journey's End" before you read this, or you will have big bad things spoiled for you. :p

Note: this story assumes that the deleted scene in which Ten gives the duplicate Tardis coral did not actually take place, even though I am a fan of the scene. This story is more about Rose and Ten's relationship than adventures, so I'm leaving the Tardis out. Sorry, Tardis. :p

This New Life

Chapter One: Journey Home

The Tardis was gone. Rose stood uncertainly, more torn than ever, even though it was too late. She just stood there, staring.

I wanted her to come back to me. I'd enjoyed that one painfully happy moment when I believed that she'd chosen me, but now I wasn't sure anymore. Why wouldn't she turn toward me? I couldn't wait anymore. I stepped up next to her and took her hand. I was careful to be gentle, not forceful. I knew she was terribly confused and I didn't want to risk upsetting her.

I wanted her to look at me. To take her eyes off the spot where the Tardis had vanished. I turned my head toward her and she did look at me, at the same time. I won't pretend it wasn't awkward. I knew she was thinking of me as a stranger because I was new. But I had all the same memories... everything she thought of him, I deserved for her to think of me, and I wanted so badly to say so. But I suppose a part of me didn't quite believe it either.

I was brand new. All I had done so far was destroy the daleks. Which, in my opinion, deserved some credit. But I wasn't holding my breath for anyone to say "good job." I wondered if Rose thought of me as a killer. If she felt the same disgust for me that I had seen in my own eyes. In the Doctor's eyes.

We were the same person, but I felt when I looked in those eyes that there was a man that could command my attention if ever anyone could. He seemed very old. Very stern. Not unlike a schoolmaster. So righteously angry. I didn't know whether I wanted to be afraid of him or to laugh at the notion that I was having a go at myself, or to offer him my allegiance. Rose wasn't the only confused one.

By rights, I should have been more confused than her. He said... the other Doctor said... that I would age at the same rate as Rose. But how did he know that? Just because I have only one heart, he assumed my aging process would be comparable to a human's? Or did he know something I didn't? How could he know something that I didn't? That was the most intriguing question. I wouldn't get tired of mulling that one over for years. But in any case, there was plenty more to be confused about.

Why did he give her up so easily? Was he that afraid that I'd blow up the universe? Did he seal us off in this universe to make sure he'd never have to lay eyes on me again, and give me Rose to make sure I'd stay? Did that mean he hated me? If so, did that mean he hated himself? Enough to give up Rose? Or was he not in love with Rose anymore? No... I was certain it wasn't that. He'd love Rose until he died, same as me.

"What do we do now?"

So many ways I could answer her question. So many... but I seized on the first thing I could think of that wasn't offensive or careless or stupid: "Whatever we want."

She squeezed my hand a little, and I felt marginally better. I'd forgotten all about Jackie. She soon reminded me of her presence.

"No, what you do now is get us home! What the devil was he thinking, dropping us here? Why couldn't he take us to the house? It's miles! We'll have to stay the night somewhere! I ask you!"

I steeled myself for what was probably to be a day or two's hard journey with one nagging woman and one very confused woman. And both bound to be very emotional. Good lord, I've finally gone domestic.

"All right, Jackie, I'm sorry about the inconvenience, but this is where the CVE came out. They're extremely rare and difficult to navigate through—couldn't have done it without Donna's help. We're lucky to be on the right planet. But, as we are, I suggest we start walking." I led Rose back toward her mother. I offered them each an arm and stiffened my resolve again. Heaven help me.

Rose didn't say much as we walked along. Jackie prattled on about how she couldn't believe Mickey had decided to stay behind, and how Pete would be worried sick about them, and how Tony was probably having fits. It occurred to me suddenly that if Rose married me, I'd have a baby brother. That was mind-blowing enough to keep me quiet until Jackie scolded me for not listening to a word she was saying.

Fortunately someone gave us a lift soon after we reached the highway. I made up a story about our craft expelling us on the beach and then disappearing... I managed to make it sound like a shipwreck, and not like a time machine deposit. The van driver expressed his sympathy and his amazement that we had survived the ordeal. I told him we hadn't been far from shore when the incident occurred. That much was more or less true. I've told many a fib in my time, but when speaking to good, normal people I try to keep close to the truth if possible.

That kind man took us a good part of the way back and dropped us on a bus route so we could get the rest of the way there. When I thanked him he said he wouldn't expect anything in return, which I thought was just as well: I had no money, as usual. However, when he was gone Jackie revealed that she'd left a tenner by his console where he wouldn't notice it until someone got in the passenger side. I took that show of goodwill as a good sign that Jackie and I would get along. I was desperate for a good sign. And Rose still wasn't talking.

Jackie finally fell asleep on the bus and I knelt in the aisle by Rose. I was killing my knees on the hard floor, but it was worth it to be able to hold her hand without making her reach backward awkwardly or lean across the aisle.

"Are you all right?" I asked her softly.

"Yeah... s'pose so. I dunno. What about you?"

"I feel..." I searched a long time for the right word, but I couldn't think of it. "Good," I said at last. "Weird, but good."

She squeezed my hand again, and again I felt slightly reassured. "It's just so... different."

"Me?" I swallowed. I didn't want to hear about her insecurity regarding me. But I knew it was better to know the worst to begin with. "One heart? No Tardis?"

"...From what I thought it would be. Going to the other universe, finding you. Finding him..."

I kept my face straight, but I winced on the inside. This was going to be awkward for a while. She didn't know whether to refer to us separately or as a unit. "I never thought it was possible," I heard myself say. I realized that so much I'd been wanting so badly to say was about to rush out all at once if I wasn't careful. I did my best to monitor the situation as my mouth ran on. "I wanted you back, but I tried to make myself happy knowing that you were safe. That Pete saved you and he'd look after you and I should stop feeling sorry for myself..."

She started rubbing my hand, then. I spared barely a moment to wonder if it was out of affection or merely comfort. I didn't let myself dwell on it long enough to hope that it was both.

"I felt like I'd let you down. I did let you down. If Pete hadn't come back for you..." I had to pause then. I hadn't controlled myself well enough, and my voice would have cracked on the next syllable if I'd gone on.

Then her other hand was on my face, slipping to the back of my neck, pulling me closer until my forehead rested against hers. "It's okay. I made my choice to stay with you, and I'm the one who decided to take a chance to pull that lever back. You did everything you could to protect me."

"That's it, though. I did all I could and it wasn't enough. I shouldn't have thought I could do it."

"Doctor."

We were too close together to look at each other properly, but I tried to focus my eyes on hers anyway.

"Hush."

I didn't have an argument. I dipped my head to the side and kissed her temple. She was too good to me.

She stroked my hair. "Now go and sit down—that can't be comfortable."

Ah, how right she was. I couldn't keep all the pain off my face as I got to my feet. My knees were screaming at my brain. Something like "What were you thinking?! See if we ever carry you up flights of stairs in your old age! You should take better care of us!"

I let myself fall into the seat across from Rose. She leaned back and closed her eyes, but I don't think she fell asleep. I leaned my head against the seat in front of me and just watched her. I realized she was all I had. I hardly knew a thing about this universe or how it was different from mine. I had no Tardis. Rose and Jackie and Pete were the only people I knew here. I didn't even know if time lords existed in this universe. I suddenly felt very alone.

Why did the Doctor leave us here? We belong in the other universe anyway... all of us except Pete. But better one displaced soul than three, right? Mickey got to stay there. No matter how I looked at it, it didn't seem fair. I should have insisted on taking some time to discuss our options. But... the Doctor had been so firm. So sure that this was what we had to do. It hadn't occurred to me to question him. Maybe it was because he was me... maybe I figured I knew best. Most of the time, I tend to trust myself. And if I was honest, I was probably just a bit thrilled that I got to be with Rose... without him.

I might have dozed a little. I didn't really feel tired, but I guess I was. Next thing I knew, I heard Rose telling Jackie to wake up.

"I texted Dad; he should be waiting for us."

"Good," Jackie said sleepily. She took Rose's hand as they shuffled into the aisle, and I awkwardly took up the rear.

I wanted to be beside Rose, holding her hand. But that would just be awkward with her mum already holding one of them. Though it might have made an endearing picture for Pete, to see us all come out like that. Might have scored me some points with the dad of the girl I hoped to marry. Oh well. Too late now.

Pete hugged Rose first. He held her tight and mumbled things I couldn't quite make out. I realized that he hadn't expected her to come back. Her plan had been to stay with me in the other universe. That had always been her plan. For the first time since being reunited with Rose, I felt sorry for Pete. I knew what it felt like to lose a child. To have one stolen from you. I needed to be clever... act like it had been largely my idea for us to come back to live in this universe. Then Pete would be grateful and not give me any trouble about being with Rose.

After he hugged and kissed Jackie, Pete turned to me. "Didn't expect to see you back here, Doctor," he said.

"It was... rather sudden," I said.

"What's become of the Tardis?"

"That's a long story."

"Let's get home first," said Jackie. "We could all do with a cup of tea."

Jackie and her insistence on tea save the day again, I thought. And I smiled. Maybe Jackie and I really would get along.

The house was spacious, but it had a warm, lived-in feel. When we arrived, Pete paid the babysitter and looked in on Tony before we sat down to our tea. Then the story came out a little at a time.

I think we were all three of us very reluctant to explain it all. It was very hard getting started. Rose had apparently kept her parents up to speed on her attempts to contact me, so she didn't have to tell much of anything before I came into the story. I took it on myself to explain about the stolen planets, but I had no enthusiasm for it. I hated talking about the daleks. I hated explaining who Davros was even more. I was grateful to gloss over some of the details, like how the Doctor gave up hopes of survival before I was born, and how he thought that Davros had killed Donna in the Tardis. But it seemed wrong because Donna was brilliant. Everyone should know what we did together and how amazing it was... even if I did show up in front of her without the protection of any clothing... somehow that detail really didn't bother me. Donna was like a sister—to me even more than to my predecessor. Donna and I were a unit in our own way. I would miss her terribly.

I let my mind rabbit-trail a bit while Jackie told Pete about her part in recent events. I wondered about her end of the human-time lord meta crisis. Would she stay super clever? Would it wear off? Could her human brain contain it? It worried me. Of course I would take care of her—the other me—but I wanted to be the one to take care of her. I wanted to be sure she was all right.

I felt Rose's hand slide over mine on the table. It was warm from holding her teacup. I turned my hand over to hold on to her, reminding myself to be grateful for what I had and stop worrying about things I couldn't change.

"So, if there's two of you," Pete said when we were finally done, "and you're the same person... do you share thoughts?"

"We share memories," I answered. "Up until the point of the almost-regeneration. But if you mean do we have a psychic link, then no we don't. Whatever happens to me here won't affect him. We are the same person, but from now on we're forming separate memories. We're becoming different people." I wondered how Rose felt about what I was saying, but her face remained blank as she stared into her cup.

"And he just... left in the Tardis. Left you here."

"Well... only room for one Doctor in each universe, eh?"

Pete looked at Rose. "You were going to stay there..."

"That wasn't what he wanted," Rose said with a tiny shrug.

I felt a twinge then... did she think he didn't love her? I shouldn't mind; it just meant she wouldn't be pining for him... but he was me, and I felt the injustice personally. I put my arm around her and laid my cheek on the top of her hair. "He knew that I needed you. That your mum and dad need you too. This was the best way." I still wasn't completely sure I believed that, but I decided to have a little faith in the other Doctor to try to instill some in Rose. She needed to believe that this was where we belonged. If she could believe it then I could, and then it might be true.

I'll probably add more chapters to this, especially if I get encouraging reviews. Thanks for reading.