Disclaimer: Before long, life has become comfortably numb

ESCAPE FROM RANMA SAOTOME!
Presented by the Anonguy Workshop

[Step 5: So Your Unwanted Harem Dumped You]

A Guide for the Suddenly Single Harem Guy

Outside of Ucchan's, Ranma kicked over a trashcan and then proceeded to stew. He had just been dumped by Ukyo, and was now all but persona non grata at the restaurant. Behind him Mousse was stuck over the plan and wondering where it failed.

"Che, you stupid duck!" Ranma snapped, grabbing up the Amazon by the front of his robes. "You said there was no way this would fail!"

"I miscalculated, I underestimated just how far you've fallen in her eyes." Mousse said calmly. "It should have worked but it seems there was unseen barrier that prevented the attack from landing."

"Ukyo-chan doesn't like pretty boys." A garbage can to their side said.

"You, I know you..." Ranma said, pointing at the garbage can. "You're... Tsubasa!"

The cross dresser poked his head out with a smirk on his face. "You were doing okay but you went the wrong direction. Ukyo-chan doesn't like you for your looks, it's about your determination and guts."

"If you were listening," Mousse said, pulling free from Ranma. "She doesn't like him much anymore."

"That's because you're being a clown." Tsubasa rested his hands on his chin. "When have you actually tried to get Ukyo to pay attention to you?"

"Never, she... always does it on her own." And like that, Ranma felt incredibly stupid.

"She's a hunter man. Prey can't come stalking her, it's gotta let her ride the vibes and pounce." Tsubasa said, shaking his head.

"And has that worked for you?" Mousse asked.

"I'm not Prey to her, but I'm trying to get there." Tsubasa pointed at Ranma. "But you've always been a goal of hers, so of course she's going to hunt down after you. But if she's truly taken her eye off you, you're pretty much boned."

"I don't need a lecture from someone who never managed a slight bit of concern from her." Ranma said, turning away in a huff.

"And what do you plan to do smart guy?" Tsubasa asked slyly. "Strip down to a speedo and shake your junk at her?"

Ranma and Mousse both looked stricken at that.

"Do you guys even know what to do if flexing doesn't work?"

There was a still silence.

"Oh. That's kinda sad."

"Shut up." Mousse said, 3000 years of Amazon history had no answers for this. Chasing endlessly while showing off your prowess didn't seem to be on the table here.

Ranma had never actually had to try with girls. He just showed up and they gravitated towards him through sheer animal magnetism. But now... it seemed like it wouldn't work anymore. Akane was 'like that', which meant she didn't respond to him at all. She was gone, Akane was...

"Damn it all," Mousse said, punching a fist into the air. "We have to come up with a better plan." Or else, Shampoo will...

"Well, why don't you study?" Tsubasa asked, feeling just a tad sorry for the two bozos.

"Study?" Ranma asked, was there a class for this?

"Sure sure, just pick up some date sims and go from there. There's romance manga, anime and even dramas to look at too." Tsubasa said, shaking his head. "It's not perfect in any stretch, but you guys don't know a thing as it stands."

"You know where to get this stuff?" Ranma asked, looking at the cross dresser with suspicion.

"Don't you have hobbies beyond fighting?" Tsubasa asked, giving Ranma a flat look.

"Of-" Ranma started but he was smothered by Mousse's hand.

"Be quiet!" The Amazon ordered. "I have some money, so if you'd take us to where you get this at..."

"Sure sure." Tsubasa said, hopping out of the can in full dress.

"We appreciate the help." Mousse said, forcefully nodding Ranma's head too.

"MPLGH!" Ranma tried to speak against the guard and it didn't work out. Prying free, he decided to ask what's up. "Why are you going along with him?"

"Because I'm out of ideas!" Mousse returned, cuffing Ranma upside the head. "If blatant sex appeal is out, we need something!"

"But do we have to follow his advice?"

"Do you have any ideas?"

Ranma opened his mouth.

"That aren't variations on what we've tried?"

Ranma closed his mouth.

"So if this gives us ideas, what's the harm in going for it?" Mousse punched Ranma's shoulder. "Stop being a chicken and realize that if you don't start making new allies, you're going to be stuck in a 3 on 1 forever. You've failed miserably against Akane and Kuonji, and Shampoo will likely carry a water bottle to run you away. It's time to stop acting tough and man up already."

"I still don't get why you're so invested in this." Ranma turned away, if only to control his impulse to punch Mousse in the face.

"Your failure is my failure. Shampoo's beyond my reach for now, so you'll have to bring her back down." Mousse gave him a serious look. "I can walk away and you can have no one to help you. Do you think that idiot with the wooden sword would help you? Your father and hers would be better for you?"

"Sorry, it's just hard to trust anything." Ranma spat at the idea of asking his father for help. Bad enough they'd dare lecture him about things, he didn't need to cut his legs off before the race began.

"Then let's follow and see what happens." Mousse said, as they two hurried after Tsubasa.

"Maa, maa, maa~ It's good to see you again Tsu-chan!" The old woman behind the counter said. She smiled in that Auntly kind of way that seemed to put the customers at ease.

"I brought some customers," Tsubasa said, hooking a thumb towards Ranma and Mousse. "They're looking to get into Visual Novels and Date Sims."

"Certainly all types huh?" They didn't look like otaku by any stretch, but they looked hungry for something. "They have their own gear or will I be performing another service?"

"Yeah, you should set them up with mobile capable stuff." Tsubasa said, taking a good long look at the pair. "They're not looking to set down roots for this kind of thing."

"Just got some tablets in." the shopkeeper said, pointing to the back. "Since I know you have a head for this, I'll let you come back and pick things out."

"I'll be back with what you need, so don't break anything!" Tsubasa said, walking behind the counter and following the woman.

"I still say we don't need this stuff." Ranma said, glowering hate at some of the stuff.

"Yes and like the last ten times you still said it, until you have a better idea, shut up." Mousse retorted, putting on his glasses to check titles.

"I could talk to Akane." Ranma finally thought of something.

"You already did that and you blew it." Mousse said, shaking his head.

"It was your idea to go for sympathy." Ranma countered.

"And what will you say this time?" Mousse examined a particular one set during the middle of an invasion by alien humans from the distant future past in an alternate reality. What the hell...

"Something!"

"And will 'something' work?" Mousse was intrigued about the ancient Chinese robot demigods from the fifth solar empire. Did they have anything like that back home?

"I don't know but I think it's worth a shot." Ranma just didn't want to have to owe Tsubasa anything if this idea worked.

"You think a lot of things are worth a shot, like brewing coffee in your mouth because you don't want to wash the cup." Mousse put the one he had been looking at back and looked at another. Magical sword fighting girls at school? Must be some kind of lesbian title.

"It only burnt for half a minute." Ranma said, feeling defensive.

"And it wouldn't have burnt at all if you washed the cup." Mousse said, rolling his eyes. A sword fighting technique that requires two people to execute? What a crock of shit.

"So we shouldn't try it because you're too scared of it working." Ranma challenged.

"Saotome." Mousse said slowly, putting the case down. "Do you really think you could say what you need to say to bring her back around?"

"How hard could it be?"

Mousse broke the Fist of the White Swan over his head.

"Ow! What was that for?" Ranma rubbed the top of his head.

"You stupid fool, if it were really that easy, this wouldn't have gotten this far." Mousse blurred his hands and picked up the mess he made.

"Che." Ranma looked away but couldn't think of much to say.

"That's what I thought." Mousse said, going back to his browsing. This sounded promising, a magical academy for mages and monsters.

"You don't think it'd work?" Ranma asked softly.

"I know it won't, because we went after Kuonji instead." Mousse retorted. "You said that neither of them hit you and that you completely couldn't get a single word of significance out. You tried, you failed, you have no plan." Was that a snakegirl? Weird.

"Why would I need a plan?" Ranma boasted, trying to force his way through pig headed confidence.

"Because you can't say anything to Akane Tendo." Mousse moved on to another title, having grown bored of the last one. This one said something about Feudal Japan and was immediately set back down by the Chinese boy.

"Of course I can."

"Are they good things?"

"What do you mean?"

"Can you say, 'I like you'?" Mousse said, finally finding something else that caught his eye. Giant robot fighting school? Okay, maybe he'd buy that for his own personal use.

"I like you." Ranma said, rolling his eyes. "Come on."

"Okay, say 'I like you, Akane'. Shouldn't be hard right?" Mousse said, nodding as he read the box further. Definitely had to buy this one.

"I li- I l-l-li..." Ranma shuttered as he tried to say it, but he saw her hateful glare in his mind and faltered again.

"That's what I thought." Mousse said, looking at Ranma fully. "Do you think you could say that to her and have it work?"

I hate you... Ranma shivered as he remembered those words.

"Look, when someone offers to help you, the idea is to not argue with them over and over and let them help you." Mousse didn't sound sympathetic at all. Mainly because he was only half paying attention and arguing just to keep Ranma in place.

"I have my pride." Ranma muttered, looking sullen.

"That's about all you'll have." Mousse said, sighing a bit. "But sure, let's just try your idea and fail again, further pushing her and the others away from you. Maybe we should just fuck off on out of here and ask your dad what he thinks of just telling Akane Tendo how you feel works."

"Like that wouldn't be his opening idea." Ranma growled with a frown.

"Do you think he's smart for suggesting it?"

"Hell no."

"Then stop thinking like him and think like yourself." Mousse found another intriguing title. A shrine of demon slayers who have to wear skimpy outfits to wield their power correctly. Might be good...

"Do you really think this will help?"

"Better than just running in and getting slapped aside again."

Tsubasa came back at the right time to have missed the entire argument.

"Hey, come up to the counter, I got your tablet PCs ready." The cross dresser said with a smile.

"Tablet what?" Ranma asked.

"They're a handheld computer, very portable and very trendy," Tsubasa explained, pointing to a stack of PC boxes. "See that box over there?"

"Yeah?" Mousse decided to speak up because Ranma seemed lost.

"It's basically like that but something you can easily carry around without too much hassle." Tsubasa said shrugging. "I got a desktop at my place."

"Do you now?" Mousse said, not caring.

"Well, anyways these are the latest that just came out in America last week." Tsubasa said, picking up the thin, flat black device with a shiny screen. "High definition display, has a keyboard so you can use it as a laptop as well. Has a disk drive and several USB ports as well. Speakers to play audio too. Built in wifi adapter for browsing the internet."

Ranma had no idea what Tsubasa was talking about.

"Now gentlemen," the old woman said, deciding to do some of the work. "Not all the latest in Visual Novels or Date Sims are on disc, so you can buy the download here at the counter and I'll give the keycode to download it, but it'll cost you extra."

"That's fine, I have plenty of money and a need to spend it." Mousse said, in a tone that spoke don't upsell me and I'll make it rain yen notes on you.

"Maa, Tsu-chan can help you find the best starters for you. I'll be at the register ~ 3."

Mousse wondered if he should ask about the heart.

"So, who do I start with?" Tsubasa asked, hoping it wouldn't be Ranma.

"Just me for now, I'm the brains of the outfit." Mousse said, putting an arm around Tsubasa's shoulders.

"I'll have to help him too right?" Tsubasa asked, looking back towards Ranma.

"No, because he probably doesn't understand any of this." Mousse said, before making a demonstration. "Saotome, what's that on the counter?"

"A... er, table PC?" Ranma sounded hopeful too, how sad.

"I rest my case." Mousse said as Tsubasa looked like he ate some poison.

"So how come I don't get one of them things?" Ranma asked, trying not to be jealous as Mousse played with his new gadget.

"Because you'd likely break it and you complained about it so much." Mousse said, flipping through a web page for the news.

"I didn't say I didn't want one."

"Well you should have thought about that before you bitched about things." Mousse said, leading them to a house by a river. "Good, looks like no one is here."

"What're we doing here?" Ranma asked, looking at the small building with curiosity.

"We're staying here for the time being," Mousse explained. "I managed to set it up with the owner while you were in the bathroom back at the gas station."

"Lucky." Ranma said with a whistle.

"We'll have to go for our own food, but it's close to the nearby woods that we'll be able to train and I'll have a place to keep this charged." Mousse said, holding it up. "I'm going to be training my brain so I can come up with a plan to win this little fight of ours."

"And what am I doing?" Ranma asked, picking his nose.

"Training yourself so you stop flinching in front of the girls." Mousse said with a shrug.

"But how?" Ranma asked.

"I don't know, how did you learn not to flinch when someone tries to punch you?" Mousse asked, glowering at him. "Look, there's some instant food in the house so let's eat and then figure this crap out ok?"

"Geez, don't have to bite my head off." Ranma grumbled.

"Look, Saotome." Mousse said trying to reign in the impulse to tell him to fuck off. "I hate you and you probably think I'm an asshole so let's can the bullshit. I need you and there's no one left for you to turn to for help, so just stop complaining about everything if you can't come up with better."

"You think this is easy on me?"

"I don't give a rat's ass how easy or not it is for you." Mousse said, contemplating trying to bury a knife between the mouthy bastard's eyes. "All I care about is for you to shut up and stop second guessing me when you got shit all for suggestions."

Ranma stared at Mousse and it seemed a fight was imminent.

"Go ahead, fight me. Then run off back to your dad and beg him to help you." Mousse replied, wilting Ranma's posture immediately. "You think he'd do better? That he won't rub your nose in it that you fucked up even if it isn't your fault?"

"I know he would."

"Then believe me, I would be happy if we didn't have to even talk to each other." Mousse said, gesturing between them. "But we need to come up with something and if you don't have anything that will improve our chances, keep it to yourself."

Ranma looked at the ground and then back up at Mousse. The desire to fight was still there, but diminished greatly.

"You know, I'm putting myself out for you. I bought this shit so you could learn how to woo Shampoo. I'm helping you learn how to capture her heart and that could pretty much place her out of my reach forever." Mousse verbally hit Ranma in his gut, right in his guilt complex where he had that beautiful tendency to crumple if he felt he was at fault at all. Not that he'd admit it, but it was obvious that he wouldn't argue back much more.

"I didn't ask you to do it."

"You didn't turn me down."

A wind blew and Ranma spun on heel, signifying he was conceding the argument.

"This had better work." Ranma said, marching for the house.

"If you don't fuck it up." Mousse returned, finally going back to his browsing.

And so over the next several days they settled into a routine, Mousse consuming all sorts of romantically inclined media and Ranma training himself to stop stalling out in a conversation with Akane. It wasn't exactly ideal but it was all they had for now. Results were slow, but they were coming along nicely.

The sea, to Cologne's sensibilities, fully reflected how she was as a person: calm and serene, yet capable of great turbulence and destruction. Though for much of her long life, she had lived too far inland to be able to see it often, but she still felt calmed by it nonetheless. It had been a haven for her doing her youth, when it seemed like the world was going to fall out from underneath her.

So many of her relatives, friends and other people she at least knew had died in the wars back then. So many people with hopes for a better future for the tribes were gone in the blink of an eye. Even her own daughter, who exiled herself in protest of carrying on a long and drawn out war, had long walked away from her.

Now she sought the sea's calming effects as she mused over Shampoo's similar departure from her life and the effort to bring her back into it by the one person she ought to not trust with the task.

"So reflective this morning Grandmother?" A man said from behind her, he was dressed all in black with a pair of shades on despite the lack of sun.

"It can't be helped," Cologne replied, turning to look at her sudden conversation partner. "It's been over two weeks now and no word from that foolish boy."

"He probably won't quit until he's dead." The man said, shaking his head. "No matter how much she rejects him."

"You walk a thin line Razor."

"I suppose the habit runs in the family. My daughter, me, my mother, and you." Razor laughed a little, a wild guttural sound from his belly that sounded almost like the growlings of a wild animal.

"Hmph, you still have a mouth on you." Cologne said, smiling with genuine warmth despite her sharp words. "I suspect you are correct though, I was just hoping for a sign."

Much like his namesake, he struck the heart of the matter. "Just like with Mother, you couldn't raise your hand against Shampoo at all."

"That time, she had expected me to strike her down. She was willing to die and have me removed from power in order to save us all." Cologne turned back to the sea, squinting in the mist. "And like her grandmother before her, Shampoo had stood there in front me and declared what she wanted."

"Just like when Shampoo wanted to train at Jusenkyo." Razor too looked towards the sea, hoping to connect better to the turbulent feelings inside the old woman next to him. "We both warned her that nothing was ever worth venturing into Jusenkyo, but she thought differently of him."

"He was, in terms of skills, I suppose." Cologne allowed, craning her head slightly in contemplation. "I thought I had saw glimpses of you and your father in him, but when boys his age are looking towards the future, he was content where he was regardless of what happened."

"Even if it wasn't him, maybe it would have been nice to have those same feelings of dependability." Razor thought of the Saotome boy and could only laugh a little. "Maa, it's too bad. I would have enjoyed training him if he married my daughter."

"I would say we could throw our lot in with his but..." Cologne trailed off, looking to Razor.

"... Shampoo never asks much of anything from you. When she is willing to stand in front of you and declare something, it is pretty much final." Razor finished for her, smiling with paternal pride. "We could rescind the exile."

"How?" Cologne was intrigued by this train of thought.

"Call his victories over her a fluke. The one while he was cursed was after Shampoo had fought most of the day and she got impatient. It's hardly definitive to just knock her off the log. The second, she recounted to me, sounds like an accident. No one would buy that as a worthy defeat." Razor made his case, though more for the sake of easing the old woman's worries.

"There is the matter of the boy's challenge while Shampoo was under the reversal jewel." Cologne said, tapping her cane onto the pier. "Bah, if we could prove that he was unfit for marriage, the elders back home would bend over backwards to bring Shampoo back."

"Proving it will be hard, since she did decide to make that bold declaration before.' Razor said, pursing his lips in concentration. "Maa, even so, we could lift our own bans on seeing her if we wish without them being able to say anything."

"Because as it stood before she dropped her pursuit of him, she was already effectively exiled." Cologne said, pondering how to spin it. "Anyhow, we shall leave things as they are now. I will speak to her when she is ready."

"And when you are as well?" Razor smirked, stretching a little.

"You really are too perceptive for someone who acts so aloof." Cologne laughed, banging her staff onto the pier.

"I understand your fears," Razor said quietly, looking in the approximate direction of the village. "Just like with mother, you want her back."

Cologne sighed, joining her grandson in his homeward gazing.

Razor stretched in the silence that followed and headed back towards their makeshift home in an abandoned restaurant.

"What do you want for breakfast Granny?" Razor asked as he turned back with a smile. "I'll make you whatever you want."

"I'm in the mood for some fish today." Cologne decided, pogoing after him. "I'll teach you how to make it like your grandfather used to."

It was going to be a good day, they both thought, the sea was pretty calm this morning.

Ah, Joketsuzoku, the fabled home of the Chinese Amazons that sat hidden away from the modern world in a forgotten mountain range. It was a curious place, one that stood against the growing age of cynicism and still believed in magic and other things people might call silly. Though they weren't alone in the valley, the tribe enjoyed a larger share of the land than the Phoenix who were content to stay on their mountain these days, or the Musk who had receded in number and stature since the last war.

But all was not well, as this greater amount of land meant a greater need of protection and a strong war presence. Peace was simply what they called the still air in between the major wars, and though it had been decades since the last one, no one was relaxing. Social changes had finally been allowed to shake loose and form something beyond a loose groupings of huts on a battlefield.

It was a frankly barbaric place to be born into, where life was cheap and dignity was not screaming as something tore you limb from limb.

Yet still, the tribe that lived in the village of Joketsuzoku never considered moving beyond the mountains and joining the rest of the nation. Even if they looked up the world of the outsiders with a secretly jealous eye, they were very protective of their history and culture to the point of frustrating stubbornness. But it was for the greater good, or so the elders would tell the children, who just pretended to listen.

For the Amazon known as Mousse, he did not feel a single bit homesick. If anything, it was great that Shampoo left because he could just casually follow her without being reprimanded for abandoning his duties to the tribe. Make sure nothing happened to the champion? Mousse was not that kind of person, especially since he decided that that champion was to be his bride, tribal customs be damned.

Even his own mother gave him disappointed looks for wanting to marry in-tribe.

Shampoo was the best of all the girls in the tribe, and he was certain there wasn't an outsider woman who could eclipse her either. Some folks just didn't understand what written in the stars meant, that was all. But still, he didn't need the constant mockery from his peers about it, or even being told by his sensei that he was a fool.

That sensei, who happened to be Shampoo's father, had taught him how to be a warrior when no one else had seen his potential. That same sensei seemed to have the respect of most elders, a rare thing for a man even as the mores of old had slowly changed. But that same sensei had told him to forget marrying Shampoo, the girl who captured his heart when she kicked him in the face.

He learned quickly not to actually tell people that part of his past, if only to avoid their weirded out faces and questioning glances.

Ranma Saotome, the name ran through his brain like a curse. The name of the outsider who had doomed Shampoo to her current life of exile carried with it a certain level of anger and resentment. But here he was, offering his help to that wretch, because even if she was mostly out of his reach as a member of the tribe, she was forever out of it as an exile.

Women were expressly forbidden from killing males outside of punishment for the most severe crimes. That law had saved him many times, even from the wrath of the old bat who would have loved nothing more than to fatten his cursed form up and make Peking duck out of him. But now? Now Shampoo didn't have to obey any of the laws and could simply cut him to ribbons if she so much as lay eyes on him.

Even worse than that was that he would be exiled for interacting with an exile, meaning he would be killed if he ever set foot back home.

And though he didn't miss that place, he didn't hold a particular love for the world of the outsiders either. They were a shifty lot, with a smug sense of accomplishment for doing absolutely nothing beyond still being alive. Bad enough that Shampoo had been defeated by an outsider, worse now that she apparently had decided she would live and die amongst them.

It did nothing to help his mood that he had to lower himself to helping Ranma win her back. Him and Shampoo could have been married by now if not for him meddling in their affairs like he did, but for the sake of even sharing the same space as her he had to-

"Huh, I got the harem ending."

It was yet another (very, very small) victory for Mousse after spending the last few days holed up in their rented house pouring over the date sims and visual novels he had collected. Embarrassing as they were, through these "games" he was learning things at a rapid pace that most who thought him a simple idiot would be surprised. However, he wasn't an idiot because he was just stupid, no he was an idiot because of his blinding obsession!

"That doesn't sound much better, I need to work on that." Mousse muttered to himself, wondering why he had to get such a depressing internal monologue. He set down his tablet and went to the door. "Well, this should be enough. I'd better find that idiot and tell him I have a new plan."

Going outside, however, he found no sign of Ranma anywhere, just the backyard of the house and the rushing creek. Now that he thought about it, Ranma hadn't been around at all last night, either.

"Oh great, he could've gone anywhere and I don't really have time to waste running around town again..."

He had an idea.

"Wait a second, this is perfect." Mousse whispered, a small smile on his face. "I said we needed allies and this is the opportunity to find them. Ranma would only impede that so in essence, this is the best thing that could happen!" Mousse quickly went to find a register of Furinkan High.

I'll find you in due time, Saotome, but I'll make sure we have an army for this battle...!

Outside a cafe in the middle of Nerima's Market Square, Mousse stood on the sidewalk, looking at the pictures of the girls seated just inside the window.

"Kozuki Yayoi, Shirai Shizuya, Ibuki Kikuko." He said aloud, all three were in Akane Tendo's class at school. "I can't keep an eye on Shampoo anymore, so I need a patsy to do it for me. Now, I just have to be able to read them..." Yayoi had a temper that matched her red hair, Shizuya was laid back and calm with her earthen brown hair, and Kikuko seemed to be the dark one of them, her humor and ideas often blacker than her hair.

Go in and talk to them, use what you can from each of their reactions to get them to follow along. Mousse thought, replacing his old glasses with a new pair that worked as well but didn't make him look stupid. Find the flow, trip the flags, get their loyalty.

It was easier said than done, but Mousse didn't have time to worry about that. If he couldn't sway three idiots like them, he could forget this plan. That determination grasped, Mousse opened the door and slipped in.

"Ladies, just look what walked in." Shizuya said, being the one facing the door.

"I like Chinese." Yayoi said, a very unladylike grin splitting her face.

"I was hoping for Korean." Kikuo said with a pout. "I hear they're pretty spicy."

The other two broke down into giggles.

"Hey, he's coming over this way." Shizuya said, quieting the table as Mousse came to a stop by them.

"Ladies," he said, surprising them with his perfect Japanese.

"Hey, I recognize you now!" Yayoi said, pointing a finger at Mousse. "You're that Chinese guy fighting with Saotome all the time!"

"That's me, but we have suspended our hostility for now." Mousse said, bowing a little. "I am Mu Tsu, but Mousse is fine too."

"I'll say," Kikuko muttered under her breath.

"May I have a seat?" he asked, trying to remain polite in front of them if only to keep things on to topics he wished to discuss.

"Sure sure." Yayoi said, daring the other two to decline with a threatening look.

"No objections here." Shizuya said, looking to Kikuko, who only nodded.

"Thank you." Mousse said, smoothly pulling out his chair and sitting down.

"So what'd you want?" Shizuya asked, before Yayoi could start anything.

"Hey!" Yayoi protested, only to be shushed by the other two.

"There'll be plenty of time to talk, business before pleasure." Mousse gave a little smirk and all three girls fought not swooning. "Anyways, I'm sure you've no doubt heard what transpired between Akane Tendo and Ranma."

"Oh boy, tell me about it." Yayoi said, plunging her straw into her drink. "Fuckin' bitch."

"Her boyfriend dumped her." Kikuko helpfully explained, to which Mousse failed to adequately care.

"Anyways, the reason why I called a truce with Ranma is simple, I want to return things back to the way they were." Mousse declared, looking rather serious. "Akane Tendo has acted rather selfishly and pulled Ukyo Kuonji and Shampoo with her down a wicked path."

"Shampoo?" Yayoi asked.

"Girl who broke the cafeteria wall a few months back." Shizuya supplied.

"Oh her." Yayoi looked nonplus at this reminder.

"Yes, and those three have smashed everything, not caring who got caught in the aftermath." Mousse said, looking from girl to girl.

He had their undivided attention as all three sat up straight.

"You got a way at getting back at Akane?" Yayoi seemed eager for blood.

"Not yet, but I'm getting closer." Mousse said, clenching his fist. "And I need allies, more than just Ranma. If anything, he's the final piece of the puzzle and I need people to help me find the rest."

"So what, you gonna hook her back up with Ranma?" Shizuya asked, looking confused.

"Akane was pretty miserable though." Kikuko pointed out.

"Heh, that would probably be the best revenge." Yayoi said, as all three started exuding darkness.

"You have our attention," Shizuya declared, all three snickering with evil.

Jackpot... Mousse thought to himself, resisting the urge to break out into an evil smile.

And so it came to pass. Shampoo was getting ready to head over to the school to help Ukyo sell out of cart, and was locking up the shop. However, danger lurked on the horizon as a very sheltered and naive girl approached. Yayoi looked down her nose at Shampoo and wondered what Mousse exactly saw in her. Aside from those gargantuan tits, the red haired girl just couldn't see it.

Thinking about it, she really should have gotten that surgery Kazuma was offering.

"Che, what am I worked up about? He wouldn't notice me if I was naked and begging thanks to this bitch." In the small time she had gotten to know Mousse, she fell head first for the lug. Dressed in her own long Chinese style dress, green to accent her red hair, it fully felt like it was time to declare war.

"Aiyah, work rough as usual, but Shampoo persevere." The ex-Amazon said as she wiped her forehead. "Who is you?"

Yayoi stood there, about ten feet away and just looked at Shampoo. "Hmph, you're nothing special."

"If Shampoo nothing special, you is just nothing." Shampoo gave Yayoi a quick once over and found her to be like most of the girls that stopped in: flighty, shiftless, and far too up their own ass than what's good for them.

"Pfft, bitch you wish you were half as hot as I am." Yayoi said, feeling even angrier that Mousse was hung up on her.

"If no customer, you is to be going away then." Shampoo made a shooing motion, not even taking the insult serious enough to reply to. "Is bad for business if kill stupid people in front of shop. If want die, you can come round back, easier to hide body."

"Hah, you talk tough but that's all you do." Yayoi rolled her eyes and flipped Shampoo off. "But I got a question."

That was odd, most of the people didn't have the guts to stand there and trade barbs with her. "Okay, out with it, Shampoo answer." She was owed that much of a service.

"Have you seen Saotome? People were asking around for him so I thought I'd see if you came across him." Yayoi said, as nonchalant as she could manage.

"Shampoo no seen Ranma and Shampoo thank stars above is so." Shampoo could guess who they were, but it didn't matter. "If Shampoo know better, Crazy Gymnast Girl probably snatch Ranma up."

Yayoi barely heard the answer, she had gotten lost in her own head as she thought about Shampoo and how she had Mousse's heart in her hand. And how she dropped on the ground and stomped on it. It was bad enough having to play second fiddle to Akane all the time, but she wasn't going to fall behind some stupid foreigner who didn't bother learning how to properly speak the language.

"Does it make you feel big?" Yayoi asked, looking Shampoo right in the eyes. "Like a woman to just dump those who care about you and step on their hearts?"

Shampoo's eyebrows rose, before she developed a darkly amused expression and let out a throaty chuckle. This one wasn't talking about Ranma.

"You think you is knowing shit, yes?" Shampoo asked. "Mousse is idiot who thinks getting smacked around mean Shampoo is being hard to get. Shampoo never dump that trash, because Shampoo never like it."

"And that's totally not because you're so full of yourself I can see your veins." Yayoi snapped back, trying her level best to stare Shampoo down. "I'm not surprised you can't see what's right in front of you."

"Only thing in front of Shampoo is stupid girl on duck dick who about to be on Shampoo foot if she no watch mouth." Shampoo said, face becoming serious.

"Am I supposed to be scared?" Yayoi tempted fate a little.

"No no, if you get frightened, you run away." Shampoo said with a laugh. "Then Shampoo no can kill."

"Why would I run from you, you stupid cow?" Yayoi really needed to learn to read the air better, because she would have noticed how calm and still things have gotten.

"Because you value life." Shampoo was eying her entry point, she was going to ruin this bitch's shit.

"You keep saying that." Yayoi said, not taking her eyes from the former Amazon. "But all you do is threaten and threaten but you never do it. You're like Heero Yuy with a pair of balloons tied to your chest!"

"Stupid Red want demonstration?" Shampoo asked, right before she blurred from sight.

Where did she go? Yayoi thought to herself, before Shampoo appeared right in her face.

Beyond the sightline of the targeted girl, Shampoo's arms were poised out to strike. Another second and Shampoo's hands would slam down into the gaps of Yayoi's collarbones, before a rough tug would messily tear her ribcage asunder.

It was that close proximity, however, that averted the fear of death and the effects it could have on Yayoi's panties. Green eyes stared into red as Yayoi could only find herself mesmerized as it looked like Shampoo was a living doll. Her skin seemed to be made of porcelain, her eyes brilliant jewels, those lips looked so soft and inviting. Yayoi could hardly breathe, hardly do anything other than be transfixed to the spot.

They looked so kissable, the lips of the woman about to do something horrible to her. What did they feel like, what did that delicate skin feel like? From afar she seemed like a plain girl, but up close she was overwhelmingly beautiful. Wherever Yayoi looked on Shampoo, she could only be hypnotized more.

Shampoo landed lightly, her face in the other girl's, her hands lowered as she looked into that face of wonder. Yayoi's hands were twitching as if she wanted to grab hold of Shampoo and never let go. Shampoo gave a little self-satisfied smirk before she briefly, oh so briefly, brushed her lips with Yayoi's.

"Ahh!" Yayoi gasped, falling back as the spell broke. Her hand came to her lips as her face changed colors from red to white and back. "What the... I..."

"Stupid Red see difference between us?" Shampoo asked, making another kissing motion.

Yayoi's heart pounded in her ears as she realized what had occurred. Shampoo kissed her after she had all but passed out due to being that close to her. But she wasn't... she was so sure...

"I have to go." Yayoi said, turning around and running away as best she could on shaky legs. This was supposed to be her declaration of war, what happened?

"Ho, you ain't cheatin' on us are you sugar?" Ukyo asked, smirking a little as she exited the restaurant to see the commotion.

"Shampoo just overwhelm her with sexy." Shampoo answered with a smile. Hopping over, she gave her girlfriend a kiss as a means of atonement.

"Mmm, I was getting worried when you said something about killing her." Ukyo said after they parted lips.

"Heh, in way, Shampoo still did."

"Well, forget her and come on, lunch rush at the school's about to start."

Laughing, Shampoo fell into step with Ukyo.

Landing atop the wall of the Kuno estate the next morning, Mousse looked across the mist-shrouded grounds that separated him from his objective, the mansion itself. Of course Ranma would end up in the clutches of the one girl who had not decided to kick him in the dick. Given how long he'd been missing, she had probably done all manner of things to it but that.

That's really what I need, that idiot not even settling for a medal after he lost the Gold, Silver, and Bronze! He needed to get in there, assess the situation and, if necessary, break out of there with Ranma before Kodachi sunk her claws even deeper into him than they already were.

Before he could leap into action, however, he paused as he felt the presence of a threat, peering at him from the mists below. Thanks to the very same mists during these early hours, he wasn't able to read the sign that had been posted right next to where he started his climb, if he had he would've had a very good idea about thing down there that far from friendly and very, very hungry.

Yes, there was plenty of times like this back home, as a large predator had attacked a hunting party he was on three years ago. He had survived through quick wit and quicker feet, but that incident was supposed have been left behind in the outsider world. That was only back home, only back home!

"Ahhhh, I thought I left this stupid shit!" Mousse screamed as he leapt over the lunging bite of Kodachi Kuno's prized pet: The horrific achievement of science that combined an alligator, a crocodile, god knows what else into a monster that could only be a denial of the benevolence of the deity who knows what had created such a thing. Mr. Green Turtle she called him, after her first pet who died mysteriously. To be fair to her, she was a botanist, not a herpetologist... and to be even fairer, not many of them could figure out just what Mr. Green Turtle was specifically.

Kodachi paused and adjusted her lace teddy, as if sensing her precious baby springing into action.

"It seems Mr. Green Turtle has made a friend," she said with a haughty giggle, as she double checked the tray of food. Only a fourth of it was poisoned, a low for her to be certain. Not like her patient could escape, ohohohoho...

Ranma pried his eyes open and immediately regretted the decision as the light stung his eyes. He closed them quickly before he opened them as slits, trying to ascertain where he was. He could feel he was laying down, on a very very soft bed with a fluffy pillow propping him up. From what little he could see and the aroma of the place, it was likely a girl's room.

It seemed spacious, which ruled out the Tendo's place, and Ukyo's as well since she lived in an apartment above her place. Besides, he couldn't get that lucky, not after everything had transpired. He then tried to sit up to get a better view but that was when he finally processed the weights holding him down.

With a shake of his arms, he determined that yes, those were chains. Obviously since it wasn't a hospital, it was a girl who knew him. A large room and crazy enough to chain a person to a bed, even if they were possibly sick? That could only mean...

"Kodachi." He said aloud just as the owner of the room came in. He felt a pit form in his stomach as he saw her light up in recognition of the fact that he was awake.

"Ranma-sama, you're finally awake and alert?" She asked as she hurried over to the bed, expertly depositing the tray on the bedside table and putting her face right in his. "Yes, it seems you're finally conscious again."

"Again?" He parroted, slightly weak as he tried to flinch too much with her so close.

"You've been in and out of consciousness for the last four days." Kodachi explained, stepping back a little so he could see she was barely dressed. "I found you washed up on the shore and it looked like I had arrived just in time. Sensei was so amazed that you were alive and I was beside myself with worry."

He had to make sure he got all the details right. "You found me?" The idea that she was just out on a leisurely stroll and found him unconscious somewhere seemed too convenient.

"I was walking Mr. Green Turtle, he'd been getting fat so I've put him on a diet." She casually explained, making sure to draw his attention to her barely covered breasts. "Only one boar a day instead of his usual five, and we go for an endurance run. Brother hasn't been playing with him as much and no one has jumped the walls in sometime so he was getting fat and slow. Hardly able to even chase a rodent around for entertainment."

Ranma focused on what she was saying, even if his eyes lingered on her scantily clad figure. What kind of turtle ate boar... wait, that was her pet monster thing, that part alligator, part crocodile, full nightmare she called Green Turtle. She was crazy, even if she was seeming rather sexy right now.

"Any more questions?"

"Why are you dressed like that?" He was fairly certain of the answer, but it came out anyways.

"This is my room silly." Kodachi said with a faint giggle. "It was the only place to keep you in case Brother decided to slay the foul sorcerer while he was weakened. Did you expect me to sleep elsewhere?"

Actually, he had. "I don't know any magic."

"That's not true; you certainly cast a spell on me." She even blushed and looked at the floor, even toeing it like this was some kind of moe love comedy show!

Ranma was hardly unaffected, as he flushed slightly as he felt his heart jump a little. Could she really be... cute? He thought to himself, remembering all the times she seemed like the scariest person in the world. And now, she was all blushing like this was some silly love comedy thing and ahhhh...

Wait, that hadn't been him, that came from outside.

"What the..." He couldn't locate a window to look towards and the chains prevented him from turning in bed.

"Someone jumped the wall and Mr. Green Turtle is just saying hello." Kodachi said, gosh she was just being so helpful.

Mousse, he must have been trying to find me after I got lost during training... Ranma thought to himself as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Why am I chained up?"

"You were roughed up so horribly." Kodachi said, feigning tears to try and ward off his anger at being tied down. "Sensei said you needed a lot of rest and food, and I won't let you out of that bed until you're strong enough to break them."

"But I'm fine!" Ranma protested, receiving a dubious look that made him feel like an ass.

"Can you break them?"

"Easily!" Ranma bragged, before attempting to break them. Half a minute later, he was out of breath and panting in amazement. My strength... it's gone!

"See?" Kodachi said, looking at him with pleading eyes. "You're still weak and you haven't gotten more than some miso soup before you've passed out again."

So I haven't had a significant meal since leaving Ucchan's?! Ranma looked stricken, before trying to facilitate his escape with some old fashioned pleading. "I'd like to be able to feed myself, so could you undo the chains?"

Had this been any other time, any other place, and had the girl not been a little nutty, that probably would have worked. Instead, she simply laughed at him a little and went over the table and picked up the tray.

"Hey, I said-"

"Please, Ranma-sama, I know this is embarrassing to you but if you have not the strength to free yourself, then you would not be able to escape me anyways." She picked up the bowl of beef and rice, along with some chopsticks. "Now let's focus on you getting better and save the dramatics hm? If not for Sensei's instructions, I wouldn't be restraining myself as I am."

"Restraining yourself?" He asked, before accepting the clump of meat and rice begrudgingly.

"From simply laying with you as a man and woman are supposed to, silly." She gave him a smile half-coy, half-something else. "You have not the strength to satisfy the passion that burns within me, so I will refrain in the hopes of showing you just what a good wife I can be. But once you're strong enough, I will give myself to you, all of me."

Ranma simply chewed the food as he tried not be drawn in by her heavy declarations.

"But for now, rest and regain your strength." Kodachi held out another bite with a waning smile on her face. "Your Kodachi will make sure you can stand again as the brilliant man you are."

Though feeling slightly embarrassed, Ranma could only eat in silence and not protest too much. She was, after all, willing to nurse him back to health instead of pushing him back into the water to drown.

My Kodachi... He thought as he ate. Has a nice ring to it...

"Finally lost it," Mousse said as he perched himself by a high window. "For something that huge, it moved like it was Ranma."

Luckily for the dubious ally of Ranma, it couldn't attack as fast that bastard. But still, there were several instances where he was nearly turned into a meal as a human, so it wasn't like it was easy.

"Couldn't even attack back." He muttered to himself, catching his breath. "I was hoping for an open window but..." Snapping into action, Mousse's hands blurred, pulling glass cutters from deep within his sleeves. Deftly, in the space between a second, he cut himself a hole to climb through. "Good." Gently, he pushed the hole open, making sure to not let the cut section fall to the floor as he slipped in and rested on the sill. In another brief gasp of time, he sealed the cut shut and hopped to the floor, landing gracefully.

"Oh?" one of the female wait staff asked as she spotted Mousse come skulking out from the hallway. "And who are you sir?"

Mousse threw his brain into overdrive and tried to come up with something. "Yes, I'm here to see the mistress of the house. I've been waiting forever and it seems everyone has forgotten about me."

"Ah, Akitsu rang you in?" the woman answered, nodding her head. "He always forgets about guests. If you'll follow me, Mistress Kodachi is currently entertaining a guest."

From what Saotome's said, I can guess how she's entertaining him. Mousse thought to himself, before smiling broadly. "Thank you!"

The effect was fast and immediate, as the maid turned away with a blush and a giggle.

Don't get angry if he's being all close to this Kodachi. Mousse kept his thoughts to himself, following quietly to Kodachi's room. Don't call him out on betraying Shampoo, she betrayed him first.

"Mistress," the maid said as she knocked on the door. "You have a visitor."

"I told you there was to be no interruptions!" Kodachi yelled, causing the woman to jump. Nevertheless, the door soon opened a little. "Let's be quick, what do you want?"

"Where's Saotome?" Mousse said immediately.

"And makes you think he's here?" Kodachi asked, ready to close the door and call security.

"Because you're holed up in your room, like you have something you don't want other people to know about." Mousse said, causing Kodachi to pause.

"And you are?"

"His training partner, he was with me when he had his unfortunate accident."

There was a brief pause and the air became unsettled.

"Very well, he's indicating he wishes to speak with you. But be quick, I am nursing him back to health" Kodachi said, sliding the door open to reveal herself still clad in lingerie.

"I take it you subscribe to intimate healing." Mousse quipped, studiously not looking at her. "What happened to him?"

Kodachi's voice was a bare murmur. "My servants found him washed up on the river's bank behind the estate several days ago. After they bathed him they brought him to me." She said as she led him deeper into the sanctum of her room.

This is...! Mousse managed to hold back his shock well at the sight of Ranma chained to the bed.

"Yo," Ranma said, managing a tiny wave. "As you can see, I'm being forced to take some bed rest."

"Seems you still have a bit of that devil's luck to you." Mousse said, looking at how weak Ranma seemed at the moment. After all, you are a devil so it's no surprise.

"For as much good as it's been doing for me." Ranma said, managing a laugh to keep the mood from getting too sour. "I got lost in the training and I forgot to eat. It's no wonder I wound up dropping off the side and into the rapids."

"Yeah, we both did..." Mousse shook his head, as he was starting to feel sorry for Ranma. "Took me awhile to track you down."

"And may I ask what you were doing?" Kodachi asked, sheathed in darkness behind Mousse.

"You haven't heard?" Mousse asked, looking to Ranma.

"It's not something a guy can just say!" Ranma said, struggling weakly against the chains.

"Well, the gist of it is after the festival disaster-" Mousse started, before Ranma interrupted as he clarified for Kodachi.

"The one where your brother defeated Otsumo the Heavy Metal Shark in a karaoke duel."

"Why do you remember that?"

"I dunno, I think I had a dream about being taken as his apprentice."

Mousse just fell silent and stared at Ranma.

"Sorry, just providing context."

"Anyways, after that, it seems Shampoo got together with Akane Tendo and Ukyo Kuonji and dumped him." Mousse said as the word dumped metaphorically buried Ranma on the bed.

"Those three? Just like that?" Kodachi couldn't believe it, they dumped that prime specimen of man?!

"It was a pretty bad scene." Mousse wondered why he had to explain it to her, surely she had shown up.

"She probably doesn't remember much of it, she got blown up by one of the exploding chickens." Ranma said, explaining a lot of things to Mousse.

"What was with that?" Mousse had used explosive chicken eggs before but the whole thing just seemed wrong.

"It was a publicity stunt apparently. Dyna-King House of Fried Chicken, where the flavor explodes in your mouth!" Ranma said, only really remembering it because he was going to sample some when Kuno attacked him.

"You know, as I think about it." Mousse said, viewing what he knew of the events in their current light. "I'd pretty much want to just give up too."

"Hey!"

"Those harlots, dumping Ranma-sama like that!" Kodachi seemed incensed, but it was mostly because she missed the Heavy Metal Shark. After Ranma, it was the only thing she wanted to see and she got knocked out before he even took the stage!

"Isn't that a good thing?" Mousse asked, kinda surprised at her reaction. "I mean, he's completely unattached now in every way."

"Hmph, if it was because they acknowledged I was their superior in all things, I would let it slide. But this is an affront to the very man I pledged my heart to!" Kodachi declared, shaking a fist to the heavens.

She's completely nuts. Mousse thought to himself, but if she feels like this...

"Anywho, I'm currently trying to work myself into shape to prove that they made a mistake in letting me go." Ranma said, some of the old fire still burning behind his words.

"Yeah, and I'm helping him because Shampoo is exiled now." Mousse added.

"Why don't you just go after her?" Ranma asked, wondering what he had to do with the ex-Amazon and her admirer.

"Because she'll kill me."

"Come again?"

"The laws prohibiting her from just chopping my head off are no longer on the field."

"Really?"

"What?"

"I just didn't expect there'd be laws in place to protect you."

"Don't think of them as a bunch of man haters because of the name, men are a precious commodity because we're so few."

"Really?"

"You don't think either of them wouldn't just kill me if they could? How often do I bad mouth the old bag just to get a bump on the head?"

"Huh. And now that she's exiled..."

"She doesn't face any punishments for it. In fact, if I so much as appear before her while she's exiled I can be thrown out as well."

"Harsh."

"We depend on each other for survival. If someone you trusted your life to betrayed you, I doubt you'd want to see much of them ever again."

A silence fell over the two then.

"Trust... huh..." Ranma said, trailing off as he thought about everything once again.

Times like this, Ryoga Hibiki wished he had fallen in a cool spring, like drowned bear or tiger instead of pig. Something that didn't leave him a tiny piglet and would be a strength rather than a weakness. Other times like this, he remembered that such a strength turned into a crutch and left you easy to knock over if caught leaning on it when it's pulled away.

Rain, Ryoga decided, would always suck. He held the umbrella firm as he twirled it deftly to deflect the droplets. That was his weakness against Ranma, he always picked up useless shit that remained useless, while that damnable Saotome could turn getting punched in the dick into an effective attack.

Well, that was an exaggeration but still, Ranma could absorb punishment like he was a human sponge.

Always was like that, Ryoga thought as he looked back over the fights they had over their long rivalry. No matter how much stronger Ryoga got, it seemed like Ranma just breathed in deep and leveled up past him. It was just so unfair, to have his hard work brushed aside like it was nothing.

"But all that is changing," Ryoga whispered to himself, a reminder that it was real and not a dream. "Because Akane-san is gone and Ranma is slowly becoming full of holes."

Sure, he had lost horrendously versus Ranma in their last fight, but he had landed the first actual hit of significance and force Ranma to actually give some form of effort. Not since that brawl on top of their old school when he hit Ranma from a blind spot did he actually get him moving so heated without being desperate.

"Akane-san has wrecked Ranma's cool and calm demeanor." The fact that he was so angry during that fight proved that even the unshakeable Ranma had something that could tear at him that much. "And even now, she's moving on into a world where he no longer exists. Even if I can't share that path and world with her, I will endure just to see Ranma suffer."

That twisted thinking again, why did he hate Ranma Saotome so much anyways?

"He's always looking down at everyone else." Ryoga muttered, subconsciously kicking up his walking speed into a short loping gait. "He always treats everyone like a nuisance, like we're all just gnats buzzing in his ears. Turns out he was just the gnat all along, pahahaha!"

Suddenly, he didn't feel so bad knowing that Ranma had fallen so far out of Akane's favor as to be essentially persona non grata to her. Sure, he couldn't be with Akane that way but it wasn't because of Ranma. He couldn't be the strongest in school because Ranma, the best fighter because Ranma and losing Akane to him would have just been the pits.

"I'm through being selfish, if she's happy without me that's enough for me!" Ryoga said aloud, even though it did nothing for the dull ache in his chest. "Everyone is trying to hold her down for their own reasons but I... I'm gonna be a person she can count on as a friend. I'll stay right there and have her back."

And if she found girls really weren't her thing...

"No, there's no more half hearted measure and bullshit from me. If I go about this being dumb, Akane-san will discard me too." Ryoga said, nodding to himself. That's right, she was shedding the things that kept her down and away from her true happiness. If he wanted to even stand with her...

"I have to get stronger, strong enough to apologize to her for being such a fraud." Ryoga said, eyes clenching shut with emotion. "It's time for P-chan to say farewell." Yes, he'd tell her once he knew the way to do so without losing her for good. One thing, let him best Ranma in just one way...!

"Wait, where the hell am I now?" Ryoga asked, realizing he lost himself in thought. It wasn't raining anymore.

"You're in Nagoya!" A passerby yelled, who then turned and decided that Ryoga wasn't worth paying attention to anymore.

"Nagoya huh?" Ryoga said, smiling a little. "I guess, I shouldn't rush it. I'll find my way back to you Akane-san, and when I do, I hope I'm man enough to be your friend." Ryoga twirled his umbrella dry and put it up.

Ah well, as long as he was here, might as well find something to do.

Dearest Akane-san, how are you? Right now, I'm a little bit south of you but don't worry about me! I'm training right now you see? Ryoga thought as he sprinted off in a random direction full speed. My goal? To be strong enough to tell you the truth you need to hear from me and to settle the issue between us. I will keep safe so that I can meet you once more and put away P-Chan for good. When will I be strong enough? Well that's the fun part of all this!

"...and that's where it ends!" Akane said, reading the letter Ryoga wrote, though it lacked the part about P-Chan. The three were in the Tendo home's kitchen, puzzling over the letter and gift sent by Ryoga.

"What a crazy guy." Ukyo said, pursing her lips. Even if he knew Akane was out of his reach, unrequited love was bitch man.

"What do with this?" Shampoo asked, holding up a jar of red miso.

"Ah, a special blend of red miso you get in Nagoya." Akane said, feeling slightly nostalgic. That's right, Mom was from there.

"Ooo, that's a good look you have there." Ukyo said, smiling to herself at Akane's face. "It says a lot about memories and such."

"Mom was from Nagoya, so she'd always come back from visiting family down there with this brand." Akane said, remembering the miso katsu she made was so sweet. "I was trying to get my sisters to go before the school year started but Dad wouldn't stop hoarding the money."

"So that's it eh?" Ukyo said, looking to Shampoo. "I'm in the mood to expand my repertoire today, how about you?"

"Shampoo want learn all the dishes of this country." Shampoo said, grinning brilliantly. "Because it the birthplace of Shampoo Airen so Shampoo love Japan!"

"I know where Kasumi hides Mom's cookbook." Akane took the jar from Shampoo and held it aloft. "I know what we're doing with this and exactly what you're going to learn."

"Can't wait." Ukyo and Shampoo said at the same time.

Dear Ryoga, I don't know where you are so I can't return your letter, but thank you for the gift. I don't know how you knew what to get, but I welcome it all the same. Though I don't know about this truth you want to say, I'll at least hear you out. Akane thought to herself as she, Shampoo, and Ukyo got up to raid Kasumi's room. Regardless of the outcome and even if we must part ways; you'll always be a friend to me. I may get angry with you but I'm getting better everyday, so maybe that fated time will be closer than you think. Still, be careful out there, I know you're strong but I also know what a tiresome burden it is.

Under the awning of Nagoya Castle, with a smile that Oda Nobunaga himself would need an army to erase, Ryoga slept well for once.

"So you can finally move again?" Mousse asked as Ranma exited Kodachi's room with a confident gait.

"After two days of rest and replenishment." Ranma said, throwing up a quick guts pose. "Doc came in and gave me a clean bill of health and now it's time to figure out what to do."

"We're going after back after them, right?" Mousse asked, not expecting anything more than a declaration of war.

"Maybe, it's just," Ranma said, pausing as he looked at Mousse then to the floor. "I did some thinking while I was in bed and I wonder if it's even worth it."

"Didn't you say your pride was on the line here Saotome?" The Amazon said, as a spike of anger rose up through him. The prick thought he could just throw it away now?

"I did, but that was when I was giving too much of the credit to them for something so important." Ranma said, looking down at his clenched fist. "So what if they dumped me? It was seriously shitty you know? I couldn't say or do anything without a riot breaking out, not even take a shit in peace."

"I apologized for that when we first teamed up."

"You also said that apology after you nearly broke my legs."

The two glared at each other before Mousse relented.

"So what, this Kodachi shows some skin and some affection and you're going to run away?" Mousse said after taking a minute to consider his words.

"It's not that," Ranma paused before he changed his answer. "Actually, it's partially because of her and it's mostly because I just thought why would I want to go back to that? Revenge?"

"If it's revenge, it's because they just tossed you aside as if you were trash." Mousse said, not adding the part that if he had Shampoo he'd be long gone. "But vengeance is usually reserved for someone who is the good guy."

"You saying I'm the bad guy?" Ranma was ready to throw down at that, he wasn't to blame for any of this shit.

"It's just how the threads of fate have been woven is all!" Mousse said quickly, trying to deflect his anger because he didn't want to irritate the mistress of that monster in the yard. If she hadn't escorted him to and from the mansion he'd have been devoured.

"Go on."

"Shampoo followed you to Japan because you beat her. Ukyo Kuonji followed you over some grudge and you were engaged to Akane Tendo." Mousse began, weaving this together as fast as he could. "They met because of you, and as it appears, they became rivals over you. But, when you're gone and out of the picture, they gravitated to each other like they were being held apart by you instead of in place. Most everything they did that the others hated was over you, but they seemed abled to get along on some level if there was a reason."

"And you're saying I wasn't enough reason for them?" Ranma hated to admit it, but he had thought about it. If they were able to become friends and more this fast, it had to be that there was an attraction they had buried under the wake he had left. Remove the blockage and they had to admit what they hadn't seen...

"Well, they got rid of you instead of sharing you." Mousse said, relaxing now that Ranma didn't look like he was going to attack.

"Damnit, I tried man!" Ranma said, punching the air.

"Not hard enough." Mousse accidentally mumbled. He had meant to keep that to himself.

"What was that?"

"Well, again, they dumped you. If you had given it your all, you would have no reason to push back in." Mousse said, looking for Kodachi. Or that monster, she had to have ways of sneaking it inside.

"How was I supposed to do it then genius?"

"Not how you did it obviously."

Ranma glared at Mousse but refrained from attacking.

"Be honest Saotome," Mousse said, breathing a sigh of relief. "How long did you ever make any of them feel special, like they could feel like they knew how you felt without you saying anything?"

"I don't follow."

"Rather, how long did you go before doing something that pissed one of them off?" Mousse braced himself.

"Ah, so that's it." Ranma wilted some before the fire returned to him. "So I should just accept my role as the big bad evil dad and give up?"

"No, because I want you to continue." Mousse said, looking Ranma in the eye. "I get nothing if you quit."

"... Ah yeah, shit." Ranma said, shaking his head before laughing. "I'm just so used to people telling me to give up that I forgot that I was the one who suggested it."

"Honestly, it's too late to quit without one more try." Mousse said, having enough of the tension that had filled the air. "My plan is almost ready and I just need to tweak it a bit more before I start."

"So you'd just give Shampoo over to me?" Ranma asked, looking dubious.

"For now, but her father is my teacher and he can't even see her anymore." Mousse said, thinking of all the time he had spent under Razor.

"That old dude who cooked ramen?! No way!" Ranma said in surprise, having not even known he was Shampoo's dad. "What he'd teach you, the perfect broth blow?"

A knife whizzed by Ranma's head.

"Oh nothing out of the ordinary." Mousse said innocently as he retrieved the knife and hoped no one would mention it. "Just some useless kempo. Wouldn't even think of it."

"Ah, I get it." Ranma said, parsing the sarcasm as he used the hidden knife toss as a context filter. "So why'd he come to Japan then?"

"He's the old bat's grandson, so he probably came because she asked him to."

"Not an outsider?" That was surprising.

"Yeah, we can't afford to kill male children." Mousse rolled his eyes. "Be glad she never sicced him on you."

"He strong?"

"Stronger than you."

There was another pause.

"Seriously?"

"How many people have you literally torn to pieces?" Mousse shrugged, wishing he had been able to learn that technique. Alas, he didn't have the eyesight for it even with glasses.

"None but... it's just that he cooked ramen!" Ranma couldn't get over that.

"So does the old bat, she probably taught him how to cook it." Mousse sighed at this bizarre tangent.

"Ah." Ranma shook his head. "Still you'll push her into my arms?"

"I plan on taking her back, it's just that I want to beat you fair and square for her." Mousse was lying through his teeth harder than when he first offered to help. Fair and square were words of his opponents, usually squawked in anger when he outsmarted them.

"You know I don't lose."

"I recall three girls besting you easily without a single punch."

"That fight's just at intermission." Ranma smirked, before looking down. "I just need the motivation to get back into it."

"Did she change your perception of her so much?" Mousse had thought she terrified the living crap out of Saotome.

"Maybe I'm just... looking for an excuse to call it a draw." Ranma said, though his cheeks turned red. "It's just... she accepts that I'm bad at talking and worse with my feelings. My words don't fly back and hurt me, it's almost comforting in a way. I just thought she was crazy but..."

"You're just so deflated that you need any kind of moral support huh?" Mousse said, wondering just what Akane Tendo had done to him that had crushed his spirit so.

I hate you... Ranma turned away almost flinching at those words. Ranma-sama, your Kodachi is here with your next meal.

Ugh, I can almost see him glowing now. Mousse thought; face twisting into a disgusted look.

"I just don't know if victory will be better than 'defeat', that's all." Ranma said, not turning around.

"So you'll accept your role as bad guy and be defeated here then?" Mousse asked.

"Maybe."

"Hmph, go out and look at them for yourself." Mousse said, almost demanding it. "If you can look at them enjoying life without you and feel nothing, I will disappear from your sight without a word."

"So you're not going down without a fight huh?"

"Your loss is my loss, but your victory is also my victory." Mousse looked up at the ceiling and expelled his doubts. There's no way he'd be able to tolerate seeing them be so happy without him...

...right?

How many times had he walked down this path? Ranma wondered to himself. Alone or with Akane after some dumb adventure that was really extraordinarily stupid. The Saotome lad found himself walking towards the dojo alone, Mousse opting to let him go and find the answer to his dilemma.

Even now he could feel the ghost of her cling to the air on the ground, Ranma perched atop the fence from where he'd look down upon her. The hint of her smile, the beginning of her laugh, the sign that things would be okay even if today had sucked. Sometimes, it was those quiet moments between days where the two would linger together in silence that made it seem like this whole charade was worth it.

But those times were over, those things were no longer his to enjoy, he was locked out of that heaven as it were.

She was cute, unbearably so, and yet possessed a fierceness that bordered on animalistic. Akane Tendo was, to Ranma's sensibility, everything he could have thought of for a girlfriend. Good looking but a fighter, willing to do her best for him and able to motivate him when his spirits were low.

Maybe that's why he couldn't accept this whole fiasco and walk away. She was everything he could have wanted and more, but he'd been too scared to say it aloud. Like a wish that wouldn't come true if you spoke it, like she'd just up and vanish, leaving him alone again.

Plain as day he had said he didn't want her, but that was his paranoia setting in, there had to be something up after being dropped by Shampoo and Ukyo.

That something had been the results of the scars he never knew, the wounds that refused to close. He had thought her tougher, but perhaps he hadn't thought about it at all. He had been hurting and hurting her but he had no idea.

I hate you... Those words burned into his mind and heart, sapping his soul and will to go on. I'm tired of living for you, you stupid idiot.

"Tch, why should I be the one to blame? Like I wasn't hurt whenever she called me names and hit me." Ranma said, the echo of the words ringing hollow. It didn't hurt at all, which was why he could endure it. That's just the way Akane is right?

I'm standing right here. Ranma remembered what she said and subconsciously looked at the spot where she'd be glaring at him from. Always right there when he needed her, even when he made her mad and caused her to yell and scream.

"So that's it huh?" Ranma stopped at the end of the fence and looked forward, able to see the dojo from here. "I'm the heel right? The dastardly bastard out to ruin the hero's day? Just accept it and move on?"

Lose? Ranma Saotome surrender? It was almost enough to make him hurl! He'd walk away because Kodachi actually treated him right for once? Just live with the shame that he couldn't hack it?

Ranma-sama~! Ranma almost smiled as he heard that echo in his mind.

"Yeah, that's right. She's upfront about her feelings!" Ranma said, gritting his teeth in anger. "She wouldn't hide her pain from me and tell me what's wrong!"

A silence hung over him after that declaration, as he tried to make himself believe that.

"Why not give up?" Ranma's face darkened as he balled himself up and crouched down on the fence. "I've already..."

No! He wouldn't admit that, couldn't admit that. Ranma Saotome doesn't lose!

"Can I do it? Could I look at that scene before me and be at peace?" Ranma whispered to himself, fighting the urge to wallow in despair.

Just a little more and he'd have his answer. Ranma sprang off the fence and dashed as hard as he could, making it inside the wall in mere seconds. He skidded to a halt and caught his breath, trying to find where they were.

"Aiyah!" The familiar cry of Shampoo wafted from the kitchen. "Airen is being Playboy again."

"I don't mind... ah!" Ukyo said, seemingly struggling from breath.

"Sorry, just seeing you two at work just got me a little heated!" Akane said, the sound of her walking away from someone reached his ears.

Were they really doing... that?

"There'll be plenty of time for dessert later sugar; you gotta let us finish dinner first!" Ukyo exclaimed, doing some unseen action that drew a sharp cry from Shampoo.

"Hiyah!" The sound of Shampoo slapping Ukyo on the shoulder rang out. "Shampoo rump not on menu!"

"But it looks so good!" Ukyo protested.

They were all perverts, Ranma decided, turning pale a little. They even got Ukyo too!

"What was that about dessert being for later?" Akane teased, Ranma could almost see the smirk on her face. It was almost like she was completely relaxed now. Relaxed...

It hit Ranma like a ton of bricks then. He had always made her on edge, whenever she tried to drop her guard to let him in, he put her back on the defensive. Everytime without fail, like they were in a battle against each other.

Uncute tomboy! That's not true; she was very cute, beautiful even! Macho chick! So what? Ukyo cross dresses and he thought she was plenty feminine! Can't even kick! What was he, five? And her kicks were great, never failing to send him flying.

"I was always... always...!" Ranma fell to his knees and pounded ground in frustration. No wonder she said she hated him, he never stopped cutting her down! "Damnit!"

He didn't say it loud and it was unlikely they'd come and check. But still, he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, burned it into his memories yet. The sight that were seal his defeat or reinvigorate his passion for glory. With a slow gait, he made it to the kitchen window and hoisted himself up to look into what could be hell itself.

"C'mon you two! If we don't at least get dinner done then dessert will make us sick." Akane said, her bright smile creasing her face.

That smile that was only supposed to be for him.

"I almost got this down, don't worry!" Ukyo said, laughing as she went back to cooking.

That laugh she always gave when he told a joke.

"Is going to be too too delicious!" Shampoo said, her determination to impress ringing through her words.

That same determination she had used in pursuit of him.

He let go of the window sill and could only shake in anger. It was like everything that he had gone through with them had been a lie. Like he had dreamt it all up and now he was seeing how their reality was since he didn't even exist to them.

All of that, everything, the pain, the joy and so much more were just like dust before the wind. He didn't exist anymore, like there wasn't a spot he used to fill and was now vacant. It was all just some joke? That's what he wasted part of his life on, bet his pride and heart on? Just some fantasy that existed in his head?!

Ranma shook in anger as tears of rage started slipping down his face.

He couldn't even save pride in being the vanquished enemy, the hated tyrant overthrown. He was already gone from their minds and their lives, the impact he had thought he had turned out to be nothing big at all. How naive and conceited he had been to think he could walk away with his head high!

"Me? The bad guy? Hah!" Ranma muttered to himself as he jerked his torso skyward. "As if I was ever in the fucking wrong here! They think they can just toss me aside like I'm trash?"

Ranma breathed heavily as he finally regained his feet. Without thinking, he started to sprint away at full speed, running nowhere in particular.

"This isn't just about revenge anymore. This isn't about anything else but making sure they suffer for their arrogance." Ranma declared as he ran on. "Let them think I'm the bad guy all they want, because here in the real world, the bad guys always wins."

Ranma skidded to a halt in front of Furinkan High and reared back.

"ESPECIALLY WHEN HIS NAME IS RANMA SAOTOME!"

Author Note: Ranma stands ready to fall, Mousse is ready for a brawl, and our lovely ladies just livin' that Teenage Dream tonight and every night. It's just what we do when we do do do~