Our young angelic hero was making his way through the cavernous hallway, trying to find the inner sanctum of the temple.
"Why am I here again, Lady Palutena?"
"We are looking for a sacred treasure, Pit. Apparently, Medusa wants to get her hands on it so we need to retrieve it first," replied the Goddess of Light through telepathy.
"Don't worry, Lady Palutena! I'll grab the treasure as fast as I can and then we can stop Medusa!" exclaimed the young angel as he entered the inner sanctum.
"Don't think it will be that easy, you brat," said a voice that made Pit jump in surprise.
Turning around to see who spoke, only to be filled with fear when he saw the culprit.
"Eggplant Wizard!"
The magic veggie man smirked at the fear he heard. "That's right! So you're the one who has come for the treasure, huh? I guess it's a good thing I'm here then, otherwise you might actually succeed."
"D-Don't think for a minute that you can intimidate me! I'll beat you like I always do, especially since I have Lady Palutena backing me up! Right, Lady Palutena?" called out Pit, only to be greeted with silence. "…Lady Palutena?"
Eggplant Wizard's big-lipped mouth twisted into a cruel smirk. "I'd start running if I were you."
Pit did just that as he ran from the wizard, who chased after him and started throwing eggplants at the angel. The young angel didn't want to be an eggplant, so he had to find a way to escape his pursuer quickly. Luckily for Pit, he was enclosing on a door he could escape through. Luck was on his side as he made it to the door and went through it, closing it behind him before the Eggplant Wizard could reach him.
-:-
Pit leaned up against the door and let out a sigh of relief, having left behind his most hated enemy. Now all he had to do was find a way back to the inner sanctum and make sure Eggplant Wizard doesn't see him.
Pushing himself off the door, Pit turned around to continue on, only for his face to gain a blank look when he found himself on a snowy mountainside.
"How did a mountain get inside a temple?" questioned Pit to himself. He then looked down at himself to find that he was dressed like an Eskimo. "And how did I get this parka?"
A cold wind blew through the air, sending chills through Pit's body. He wrapped his arms around himself and started to shiver.
"I n-need to f-find some w-warmth," stuttered Pit as he looked around. He then let out a sigh. "It looks like the only way is up though. I guess I have no choice. I wish Lady Palutena were here. She'd know what to do."
The young angel started his trek up the mountain. It was times like this he wished he could fly, but he then figured it was too cold to do that. As he climbed, he had to stop a few times to try and raise his body temperature. He soon reached the top of the mountain, collapsing once he climbed over the ledge and onto solid ground.
"Now…Now to find…a way out," panted Pit.
Once he regained his energy, Pit stood up and turned to continue on…only to stop in fear when he noticed that there was a large pile of eggplants in front of him.
"L-Lady Palutena! If you can hear me, I'd like to come home now!" cried Pit.
The young angel was answered by the sound of a loud screech that echoed through the air. Looking up, Pit found that it was a very large condor and it was flying towards him. Letting out a yelp, Pit started to once again run. He now had to find a way not to become bird food and that way came in the form of a cave. Diving in just as the condor was about to snatch him in its talons, Pit left out a sigh of relief now that he was once again safe.
"Why would a condor have eggplants anyway?" questioned the angel. He then noticed a door on the other side of the cave. "Please let that be the way out!"
Rushing over to the door, he flung it open and went inside, not looking back.
-:-
Pit was really starting to get confused. First he was in a temple, then he was on a mountain, and now he was on a construction site for whatever reason. He was even dressed like a construction worker, complete with coveralls and hardhat.
"How do I end up in these situations?" asked Pit to himself with a sigh.
"Hey! Get back to work, runt!" yelled a booming voice.
Pit turned to see a large muscular man looming over him. The man wore a black muscle shirt, black hardhat, sunglasses, and had a curly moustache under a bulbous red nose.
"Um…who are you?" asked Pit, looking at the man in confusion.
"Oh, so we got a wise guy here? Look here, runt, no one makes Foreman Spike look like a chump! Now get back to work or else!" yelled Spike.
Pit glared up at the man. "Or else what?"
Spike gave the winged child a smirk before he blew his whistle. Pit raised an eyebrow when he heard what sounded like marching coming towards them. Turning to the source, Pit paled when he saw two walking eggplants wearing masks making their way closer.
"Oh come on!" yelled Pit as he turned and ran, the Eggplant Men chasing after him.
The angel ran as fast as he could, climbing the construction site in the process, hoping he could elude the walking vegetables. Unfortunately for Pit, the Eggplant Men were able to follow him.
"Why me?!"
The mask wearing eggplants had soon cornered Pit and the angel looked frantic as he tried looking for an escape. He found one off to the left, so he just now needed to get past the Eggplant Men. The Eggplant Men, not wanting to wait anymore, bum rushed Pit, surprising him. Luckily he wasn't surprised for long as he dodged the two vegetables and made a quick dash for the door. He quickly slammed the door behind him once he got through.
-:-
When Pit exited from where he was, he let out a happy sigh when he noticed that he seemed to be home. He looked at the nature scenery all around him with a smile.
'Heh, this reminds me of Viridi,' thought the angel. He then tried to contact Palutena. "Lady Palutena, I'm ready to come home now."
Silence greeted the angel.
"…Lady Palutena?"
Pit was starting to get scared again when Palutena didn't answer. He glanced around, wondering where exactly he was when he let out a yelp when he glanced down at his body.
"How did I become an action figure?!"
It was true. Pit was now made of plastic and full articulation and he had no idea how he became as such.
"Just what is going on?!"
"Ahoy, ye landlubber!"
Pit looked up to where the new voice came from to see a flying pirate ship. Aboard the ship was a toy pirate made completely out of wood. What really made the pirate stand out was the green beard and moustache he had.
Who are you?" asked Pit.
"I be Captain Plankbeard. Who be ye?"
"Uh…I'm Pit and I'm trying to find my way home.'
"Yarr, if it's home ye be wantin', I be willin' t'take ye there."
"Really?!" wondered Pit, not even bothering to ask how this pirate knew of Angel Land.
"Aye! O'course ye be needin' t'help me findin' some treasure," explained Plankbeard.
Pit quickly agreed to the terms and boarded the ship. He was then surprised when the ship started to sail upwards towards the branches of the giant tree.
'There's treasure in the tree? Oh well, at least I don't have to deal with eggplants here,' thought Pit with a smile.
"Alright, me hearty! Get t'diggin'!" yelled Plankbeard once they reached a small patch of dirt in a tree branch.
Plankbeard handed Pit a shovel, which happened to be a spoon the size of Pit's body. Not wanting to question things here, Pit got started on digging and soon came upon a treasure chest. Opening it up, a puff of smoke billowed out and where the chest once stood, stood an Eggplant Man.
"N-Not again!" cried a fearful Pit.
"Hi! I'm Kid Eggplant! Want me to turn you into a wonderful, lovely eggplant?" asked the vegetable man.
"I don't want to be an eggplant!"
"Why not? Eggplants are good for you!" yelled Kid Eggplant, looking very angry.
Kid Eggplant took a few steps towards Pit, making the angel step back in fear. Of course there was no room for Pit to back up so he stepped over the ledge and started to fall towards the ground.
"Lady Palutena, if you can hear me, I'd really need the power of flight right about now!" cried Pit as he plummeted.
He didn't get the power of flight, but Pit did get something else that saved him. Another door appeared before him and he went threw it before he hit the ground.
-:-
When Pit opened his eyes, he noticed that he was in a forest, lying on the floor. Quickly sitting up, he checked over his body, sighing in relief when he noticed that he was flesh and bone again instead of plastic.
"Now I just need to figure out where I am and why Lady Palutena won't answer me," muttered Pit; worried that something must have happened to Palutena.
With no other choice, Pit stood up and started to explore the forest. It didn't take long for the young angel to come upon a clearing and in the middle of the clearing was a very large tree. The tree had three holes in its trunk and a stubby branch just below the two top holes. This gave it the appearance of having a face.
"Who dares intrude into my forest?" boomed the tree.
Pit jumped back, surprised that a tree could talk. He then quickly answered the tree. "Uh, my name is Pit and I'm just trying to find my way out."
"Lies! You are here to destroy my forest and I, Whispy Woods, will not allow that!"
Whispy's face then contorted into what could be described as demonic. His eyes slanted, his mouth became jagged, and his nose became sharp and pointy. The tree then, much to Pit's shock, uprooted himself and made his way towards the angel. To make things worst for Pit, Whispy started to spit eggplants at him.
"What did I do to deserve this?!" cried Pit as he ran away.
Pit ran as fast as he could, Whispy hot on his tail. The little angel caught a lucky break when he came upon another tree, but this one had a door in it. Thanking whomever, Pit dove for the door as he dodged eggplant projectiles in the process. He just hoped wherever he ended up next it was home.
-:-
Pit grimaced when he found that he wasn't home. Instead, Pit landed in a baseball stadium and to complete the look, the angel was dressed up as a baseball player and held a baseball bat.
"Can this get any worse?"
"Wah hah hah hah! You bet it-a can!" called out a voice that made Pit shiver in fear.
Pit hesitantly looked over at the pitcher's mound where a lanky looking man dressed in purple and black plumber's clothes was grinning evilly at him.
"H-How so?" questioned Pit with a stutter.
The man's grin became wider. "It's-a simple. It's-a Waluigi Time!"
Waluigi wound up his arm and rapidly threw objects at Pit. Much to the angel's disgust, he was once again bombarded with eggplant.
"Why won't they go away?!" demanded Pit as he ran and swung the bat at the same time.
"No one can-a escape my-a Liar Ball!" exclaimed Waluigi. "Wah hah hah hah hah!"
Pit let out a cry for his Goddess to save him, but she still wouldn't answer. Not knowing what else to do, Pit ran through the player tunnel to escape Waluigi's onslaught.
-:-
Pit was out of breath when he finally stopped. He desperately wanted to go home and end this torture. Finally catching his breath, the angel stood up and was surprised to see where he was.
"I'm back at the temple!" exclaimed Pit. He then got a better look at the room he was in. "Well, a temple. Either way, I must be closer to getting home!"
The little angel started looking around the room, hoping to find a way home. Unfortunately for him there was none.
"Aw man! What am I going to do now?!"
"Buh?"
The sudden sound made Pit tense. Slowly turning his head, Pit went pale when he saw a large living eggplant. The eggplant creature had a sleepy looking face and for whatever reason was carrying a rag doll. All in all, it looked rather harmless.
Pit let out a sigh. "Looks like I lucked out this time."
Now there's a little thing known as Murphy's Law, where anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and Pit just activated said law by opening his mouth. With a roar, the eggplant's features started to change, going from a sleepy look to that of a hideous monster. The creature's eyes were now bulging and bloodshot while his mouth was now wide open and filled with rows of sharp, crooked fangs.
Pit backed up into the wall as the monstrous eggplant lumbered closer.
"This can't get any worse!"
Once again, Murphy's Law activated as the sound of laughter could be heard. Pit started to shiver in fear as from behind the eggplant monster stepped out Eggplant Wizard, Condor, Foreman Spike, Eggplant Man, Captain Plankbeard, Kid Eggplant, Whispy Woods, and Waluigi.
"Looks like the end of the road for you, brat," said Eggplant Wizard with a wicked grin.
As the group of villains got closer, Pit could only do one thing…
…Scream in terror.
-:-
Palutena was jolted awake by the sound of screaming. Looking at her clock, it told her that it was the middle of the night. Quickly getting out of bed and putting on a robe to cover herself, she left her room and made her way to where she had a feeling the scream came from. When she reached the room where the scream came from, she knocked on the door.
"Pit? Are you okay?" asked Palutena, a little worried. Hearing a whimper from within, her worry grew. She opened the door and stepped inside, only to find the young angel huddled under the covers. Walking over to the bed, she sat down on the edge. "Pit?"
Hearing the voice of his Goddess, Pit scrambled out from underneath the covers to find that it truly was Palutena. Seeing the fear and unshed tears in his eyes, Palutena brought the child into her arms where he latched onto her as if she were a lifeline.
"Did you have nightmare, Pit?" asked the Goddess. He let out another whimper and tightened his grip, giving her his answer. She started to rub soothing circles on his back. "Shh, it's alright, Pit. They can't hurt you now."
"It was so scary, Lady Palutena," said Pit, shivering at the memories of the dream. "…Lady Palutena?"
"Yes, Pit?"
"Why is Nintendo obsessed with eggplants?"
Palutena sweatdropped at the question asked. "I…don't know, Pit. Come on, it's time for you to go back to sleep now. The eggplants won't hurt you anymore."
Pit's eyes widened in fear. "No! I don't want to!"
The Goddess broke out a secret weapon though that would always put Pit to sleep. She started to hum a soft lullaby that she used to sing to him when he was younger. It worked as Pit's eyes became heavy as Palutena continued to hum. He was soon fast asleep, allowing Palutena to tuck him back into bed. Before she left, she placed a small kiss atop of his head.
"Sweet dreams, my little angel," whispered Palutena with a soft smile.
She turned and left the room so she could return to her own slumber. Closing the door behind her, she stood there for a second as a thought popped into her head.
'Why is Nintendo obsessed with eggplants?'
FIN
-:-
OMAKE
Pit was in the courtyard, train with his different weapons when…
"Pit!"
The young angel turned to see a young blonde girl about his age running towards him.
"Hey, Viridi! What are you doing here?" asked the angel.
"Well, I wanted to show you something," replied the Goddess of Nature.
"Really? What is it?"
"I recently visited this village called Smashville, where all these different animals live and went in this little shop that was being run by a tanuki. One of his wares looked so cute that I had to buy one!"
Viridi reached into her pouch and pulled out the object. When she did pull it out, she didn't notice Pit break out into a cold sweat.
"It's called an Eggplant Cow! Doesn't it look so cute?"
Given the recent nightmare Pit had, he could only do one thing…and that was run away and scream in terror.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhh!"
Viridi blinked in confusion as she watched the boy run away. She then crossed her arms with a pout.
"A simple no would have sufficed."
OMAKE END
-:-
Poor Pit. I've got nothing against him, but this idea just came to me and I had to write it down. Also, we need more Mama!Palutena fics and pics.
Anyway, Nintendo does seem to be obsessed with eggplants, considering how often they come up. Every part of this one-shot depicts where eggplants are used and are as follows:
Eggplant Wizard – Kid Icarus
Condor – Ice Climber
Eggplant Man – Wrecking Crew
Kid Eggplant – Chibi Robo
Whispy Woods – Kirby's Dream Land 3
Waluigi – Mario Superstar Baseball
Spoiled Rotten – Wario Land 4
Eggplant Cow – Animal Crossing: City Folk
I would not be surprised at this point if in Gen VI for Pokémon, Nintendo decided to add an eggplant-based Pokémon.