COMING HOME

Summary: Alexis didn't survive 'Hunt' and Castle never returned to New York. 5 years later he is back. Picks up after 5x16.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Just borrowing!

Richard Castle was 48 years old and he was watching his son as he lounged on the couch in his Superman cape as Superman cartoons played on the television in front of him. Kate wasn't kidding when she said Nathan loved Superman.

His son! He still had a hard time believing it.

He walked back to the kitchen where Kate was cooking breakfast.

"He can talk, right?" he asked. "This isn't some kind of new thing from the kidnapping?"

"He can," she nodded. "But for some reason he doesn't do it often. His pediatrician said that he doesn't have any hearing or speech impairment. He can read. He hums. He just doesn't like talking that much."

"Guess that's one thing he didn't get from me," he couldn't help say as he sat down on one of the stools by the kitchen counter.

"They all said it's because he's just stubborn."

"That he got from you," he commented.

"Yeah," she agreed with a hint of a smile. "The only word that he said for the first 2 years was Mama. You can see in his eyes that he understands though and then just one random day he spoke just like he had been talking his whole life. But he just doesn't do it much."

"You moved," he stated, looking around her new apartment. It wasn't as big as the loft but it was cozy, just like her old apartment as he remembered it.

"Yeah, the one bedroom didn't exactly cut it for the two of us," she replied as she flipped the egg she was cooking.

"You could have moved to the loft, you know."

She gave him a quick glance and took a second before saying what she wanted to say. "The loft was yours, Castle."

He let out an internal sigh as he realized that it was true. The loft was never really theirs. He never asked her to move in with him. Sure, she did spend a lot of nights there but it was never theirs. The loft was his and Alexis'.

"Sorry."

"We can't change the past, Castle. Besides, we're happy right here. Nate loves this place. It's close to the precinct and to my Dad's place. Easier to drop him of everyday at my Dad's place on my way to the precinct."

Hearing Kate say that, it dawned on him that it should have been him that took care of their son when Kate was out. All those 5 years, it should have been him. And he couldn't help voice out his sentiment. "I should have been there."

"We can't change what has happened, Castle. We thought you weren't coming back..." she paused and took a second before she continued. "We even thought you were dead."

"For the first few years I think I was," he confessed. His thoughts went back to 5 years ago when he lost Alexis and what became of him after that. He wasn't proud of how he pushed everyone away and he was even less proud of how he left them without a trace for 5 years. He knew he had a lot of apologizing and a lot of explanations to tell and he decided maybe this was a good moment to start.

"I met my father while I was in Paris. He tried to help me save Alexis but…" he knew that she knew how that story ended so there was no need for him to finish that sentence. "He was a spy, can you believe that? All this time my father was a spy.

"A few days after you left Paris, he came to me and he asked me if I wanted to disappear," he remembered how his father had offered him a passport with a fake name and his photo. A way out, his father had said. An escape from everything. A clean start. "He asked me at the time I was most vulnerable. He caught me at my lowest point in life and I agreed. And so I disappeared."

"Where did you go, Castle?"

"My father had a safe house somewhere along the Russian borders. For the first year or two, I was a walking zombie. Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. There were a few times I wanted to end my life. Thought I had nothing to live for."

He paused and looked down at his hands. He couldn't bear look at her. Here he was confessing that he thought he had nothing when all that time he had a family waiting for him back here in New York. He didn't deserve her, he didn't deserve her listening to him explain why he disappeared for 5 years.

But when he looked back up at her, there was no judgment in her eyes. No anger, no hatred. And it gave him the courage to continue.

"And then things happened."

"What things?"

"I-" he suddenly remembered where he was and he looked back at where Nathan was watching TV and then back at Kate. "I can't. Not now."

She nodded. He was thankful that she understood.

"I would have come back if I had known about Nathan. I would have, Kate," he told her after a moment has passed. He thought about it last night, reflected on what he would have done if he knew back then that Kate was pregnant. He knew without a doubt that he would have come back.

"I knew you would have, Castle," she gave him a small smile, the same smile she used to give him when she was telling him that she believed in him.

She turned the stove off and she turned her back to him to get something from the kitchen sink counter but then she stood still in her place as she placed both her hands on the counter and let out a sigh.

"Rick," she called out his name in a voice so soft he almost didn't hear it. "I don't want you to think that he's Alexis' replacement."

He shook his head long before she even finished her sentence.

"Because he's not, Castle, he's not."

"Kate…" he stood from his seat and walked over to where she was.

"I had this irrational fear that you'd come back and you won't be able to look at him because he reminded you of Alexis. I know how much you loved Alexis and it was just an irrational fear of mine… But yesterday when you said you wanted me to tell you he wasn't yours? I ju-"

"Kate, no, no. I was just scared to go all over that again, I was just scared. I didn't mean it," he shook his head. He reached for her hand that was on the counter and he placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed it. He needed her to understand and believe that he just said those things out of fear and then he realized it wasn't just about yesterday. It was about everything that happened the last 5 years that brought about all her fears and it wasn't just yesterday that he needed to be sorry for at that very moment. "I'm sorry, Kate, I'm sorry for not being there to help you. I'm sorry for pushing you away that day in Paris, for saying those things."

"I was angry when you pushed me away just like that, Castle, but I completely forgave you the moment I held our son in my arms," she turned her hand upwards and intertwined her fingers into his. She then looked at him, really looked at him, her amber brown eyes boring into his blue eyes. "How could I be angry at you when you gave me the greatest gift anyone could ever give me? He helped us all heal… Martha, the boys, we all lost Alexis too and Nate helped us heal. He would have helped you heal too, Castle. I just wish you were here for him to help you heal."

He let out a sigh because he knew it was the truth. He stared at their hands and after a second, she removed her hands from his and turned to call Nathan for breakfast.

Nathan Grey Beckett was 4 years old and his Mommy was cooking breakfast with the tall man in the kitchen as he watched Superman on the television. He sneaked a glance one time at them but they looked like they were doing grown-up talk so he just returned to watching his cartoons.

"Superman, breakfast!" his Mommy called out. "Television off."

He got out of the couch and turned the television off. He knew his Mommy didn't like it when he took too long to come to eat. She once told him she was going to take his Superman cape from him and he didn't want that so he always hopped as soon as he can to the table each time she called him. And so he hopped towards the table and sat on his chair, the one with the big cushion so he can reach the table.

"Hi," the tall man named Castle said as he sat on the chair beside his. His Mommy placed a plate in front of the tall man too and then she said she was gonna go to the bathroom for a second. He watched as she disappeared into her room and he looked back at the tall man who was still looking at him.

He placed his finger against his mouth the way Uncle Espo did when they had a secret. And then he closed his hands and placed it high up in front of the tall man just like when Uncle Espo did it to him. The tall man looked at him for a second and probably realized what to do and so he closed his hands too and bumped it into his. Just like how he and Uncle Espo did it.

And then the tall man smiled. He also had the two deep holes on the side of his cheeks just like his, his Mommy called them dimples and she always kissed him on that spot.

"Fist bump, huh? Did Esposito teach you that?"

He smiled, knowing his dimples showed just as the tall man, and then he nodded. Uncle Espo did teach him that.

"Someday, I'm gonna teach you how to feed the bird."

Feed the bird? What was that? Did the tall man have a pet bird? Were they going to feed it crackers?

He shrugged and then he remembered he was supposed to be eating breakfast so he turned back to his plate and began to eat.

"Good egg?" the tall man asked after half of his egg was gone.

He nodded without looking. His Mommy did make the best eggs. Maybe even the best in the world.

"You really don't talk much, do you?"

He shook his head as an answer.

After a while, the tall man probably got tired of staring at him and finally began to eat his breakfast too.

When his egg was done, he glanced at the tall man beside him who was busy eating and not paying any attention to him anymore so he turned his head fully and decided to call his name out, just to try how it sounds out loud.

"Castle."

And then the tall man did the funniest thing. The piece of egg he was eating came out of his mouth and he tried to catch it with his hand but failed so it ended up back on his plate again. And then he looked at him with eyes as wide as saucers, just like an owl. In fact, he looked like an owl that was surprised by a clown. He looked like one of those cartoons where no one said anything but was still funny. He couldn't help but giggle and laugh at the tall man.

"Kate! Kate!"

His Mommy walked back into the room and hurried towards them. "What? What happened?"

"He said my name!" the tall man said out loud. He still had eyes as big as an owl.

"Funny, Mommy," he pointed up at the tall man and laughed again.

"I know, baby," his Mommy smiled. "Castle's a funny guy. I told you he could talk, Castle."

"I just didn't expect him to say my name."

His Mommy sat on her chair on the other side of the table and started to eat her food. "Finish your food, baby."

He looked at the tall man beside him again, his eyes weren't as wide as an owl's anymore but he was still looking at him. He took his closed hand and held it up towards him under the table so that his Mommy won't see. The tall man bumped it just like they did earlier and they both smiled at the same time. It was like they had a secret, a secret that only the two of them knew about.

"Don't think I didn't see that, Superman," his Mommy's voice caught him by surprise and he quickly took his hand away from the tall man's.

His Mommy really knew everything.

Uh-oh.

There you go, the first part of Castle's story (mostly covering the How? part of his disappearance.) Also, I just had to throw in Kate's fear into this conversation, though irrational (as she said) because really, who wouldn't have that fear? (Well, at least I think I would.) And Nathan... Oh, Nathan, I just want you to be real sometimes. Is that normal? LOL.

Oh wow, 500+ follows? I really can't thank everyone enough for showing interest in this story! And I want you all to know I read your reviews once, twice, maybe even thrice just to see how you guys feel about where I'm going with the story. I really don't want to disappoint so I'm trying to cover most of what you guys want to know and see. Sadly, I have not written a single thing for the next chapter yet so it's probably going to take some time but I do promise to write as quick as I can!

Let me know what you think! :D