Just how unlucky can a pilot be?

Cabin Pressure tag to season 4 episode 2 Uskerty, because I don't think Martin got enough sympathy for all his pains

Disclaimer:- Just an homage to a brilliant series and cast. All rights belong to the brilliant Mr John Finnemore and the BBC.

Part one

"Come on, come on," Carolyn bussled, "We haven't got all day you know."

"I think you'll find," Douglas oused in his usual supercilious tones, "that since it is now 7.30 am, having been forced to spend the night in Back of Beyond airport, that we do, in fact, have all day. We have until dusk to get out of this place, and, unless you wish to go on another adventure with Martin maybe get him to swim across a river, feed his lucky rabbits foot, the only thing his dearly departed grandmother ever gave him to a passing cow on a cattle truck, and then walk around the local roads in the rain, as long as you're not planning any of that. Are you? No, then I think we should be able to manage it."

"That's interesting." Arthur said cheerfully, not that he ever said anything uncheerfully, even at 7.30 am.

"What, and I know I'm going to regret asking this," Douglas asked, "is interesting."

"Another airport called 'back of beyond' airport. There are an awful lot of airports with that name it must be a very popular placename."

"A lot of airports Arthur?"

"Yes we've been to 17 in the last two years alone and I don't know before that because I wasn't really counting, but then one day we were walking through another 'back of beyond' airport and I remember thinking that there were an awful lot of them and that maybe I should try counting them to see how many there were so I did and this is number 17. Why do you think they call them all that? It doesn't seem like a very good name for an airport to me."

"No, Arthur, you're quite right it's not a good name at all, can't think why 'they' would name them that at all. Can you Carolyn?"

"Yes I can Arthur. They call them that because they are in remote or godforsaken parts of the world that no one in their right mind would want to fly to unless they had to. In which case 'back of beyond' is a very appropriate name."

"Yes that's right," Douglas added, "No one would want to fly there unless they had some particularly good reason, like the purchase of a stuffed sheep with which to torment a loved one, for example."

"Douglas," Carolyn said with a warning tone in her voice. There was a short pause "and Herc is not a loved one, that would imply. . ."

"Imply what?" Douglas asked with feigned innocence.

"Imply that it's none of your business," Carolyn continued haughtily, "Now can we please get on the plane and get out of 'back of beyond' no 17 please."

"Yes certainly we. . ." Douglas broke off as the door to Gertie was opened by MJNs other pilot "My God Martin, even by yesterday's low standards you look awful."

"Yes, well sleeping in damp clothes on a plane while babysitting a live goose isn't as restful as you might think." Martin replied, "So if you're all quite ready, I've filed the flight plan done the walk round, stowed the sheep, and there's a sentence I never thought I would say, and I'm ready to get out of here."

"OK good but. . ." Carolyn paused "Are you sure you're all right Martin? You really do look awful you know."

"Yes Skip," Arthur added as though he were delivering a compliment. "You really are an awfully peculiar colour."

"Yes, well luckily for all of you my state of health is not a concern since Douglas will be operating this flight. So if we could get going." Martin turned and no one missed the slight mis-step and wobble as he made his way to the Cabin. Carolyn and Douglas exchanged concerned glances while Arthur furrowed his brow. He may be an idiot but even he knew that there was something more than just a dodgy night's sleep wrong with their Captain.

"Post-take off checks complete," Douglas stated. "Balance fuel please."

There was an altogether too long pause before a croaky sigh of "fuel tanks balanced," came from Martin

Douglas looked across, noting the slight shake in Martin's hand as he withdrew it back to the control column. "Look if you're not feeling well I can manage this as a solo Martin, I mean Kilkenny to Fitton is not the longest of flights and. . ."

"Yes, fine." Martin interrupted taking Douglas by surprise. He had expected more of a fight, more than that he was worried that there wasn't more of a fight.

"Gosh, you must be feeling bad to just give in like that, I expected. . ."

"Yes, well CAA regulations state that. . .they state. . ." Martin closed his eyes and pinched his nose, trying desperately to remember, but facts that he devoted his life to learning just wouldn't come. There was a short pause before he said quietly. "I shouldn't be flying, not if I can't. . ." He paused again. "I think I'm going to go back to the cabin, see if I can lie down."

Douglas made no effort to hide his concern now. "OK, I'll get us home as quickly as I can."

Martin released his harness with some effort and pushed himself to standing. He managed about two steps before he collapsed to the floor.

"Martin," Douglas yelled, twisting around in his seat in time to see his friend fall "Martin!"

To be continued. . .