Note: Finally, we're posting something to this account! The was co-authored by Sakura's Unicorn and Unicorn Paige. What can I say? We really, really, really love bacon. And Sasuke.

Making Bacon

Bright yellow bands of sunlight striped Sasuke's bed, one blinding beam falling directly across his face. He threw an arm over his eyes as he settled back into the silky comfort of his bed. He'd returned late last night from a two-month long ANBU mission where he'd slept in a tree, a cave, and on the rocky ground. Snuggling down, he grinned. He never wanted to leave his bed. Ever.

Rawr.

Ugh. Be quiet. Sasuke rubbed a hand across his growling belly, willing away the hunger pangs. He hadn't eaten since yesterday morning, but he was too tired to get up. He shifted again, turning on his side and burrowing into the blankets as his stomach silenced. His hunger conquered, Sasuke began to drift off again.

His eyes shot open and sheets were flung aside as he stumbled into the bathroom. Just a quick piss and then back to bed, Sasuke resolved. Bracing himself with one hand against the wall, he exhaled deeply with relief. Can't remember if I stopped once on the way home. As he continued to empty his bladder, the end nowhere in sight, he shifted from one foot to the other.

Rawrrrr.

Sensing his semi-awake state, his stomach took the opportunity to remind him that it was empty. Shit. He rubbed a hand across his face. I'll never get back to sleep now. Might as well eat.

Sasuke poked his head into the kitchen, making sure the blinds were closed. The last thing I need is for someone to see me like this.

In the days leading up to his last mission, Sasuke's already full schedule began to burst at the seams. Between daily missions and studying for the entrance exam to Konoha's Military Police Force, he barely had time for chores like laundry. Consequently, there wasn't a single clean thing to wear in the entire house.

Sasuke felt awkward walking around completely naked, but when his stomach wailed and clenched painfully, he got over it and opened the refrigerator. Leftover noodles? He popped open the take-out box, grimaced, and threw the greenish science experiment away. Bottle of soyu, water, unknown thing in a container. What's this? Sasuke unearthed a sealed pack of bacon in the farthest corner of his fridge.

"Looks like it's bacon for breakfast." He slammed a pan down on the stove and started cooking.

The smell of smoked pork filled the kitchen. Sasuke's stomach spasmed, knowing food was near. Impatiently, he grabbed a pair of chopsticks and lifted a strip to check for doneness.

"Shit!" He jumped back as the bacon popped and sizzling grease leaped out of the pan. Three red welts rose near his navel. Sasuke looked from his burned skin to the hissing pan.

This is stupid. Who am I, Naruto? I need to put something on.

Not wanting to walk away and burn his breakfast, Sasuke opened drawers in the kitchen, hoping for a towel to wrap around his waist, but there was nothing. In the last drawer, he found some red cloth. Pulling it out, he discovered it was the apron Sakura wore last time she cooked the Team Seven weekly dinner. Weekly? he snorted. More like yearly now. With him and Sakura on ANBU and Naruto running the village, there wasn't much time for Team Seven anymore, he thought as he ran the ruffled edge of the apron through his fingers.

His bacon hissed, demanding attention, so Sasuke threw the apron over his head and tied it behind his back. Just in time. The bacon had crisped to a perfect golden brown. He opened a cabinet, searching for a clean plate.

"Well, isn't this something?"

Sasuke whirled, panicked, his plate hitting the counter and spinning like a top.

"Sakura!"

She looked up in a daze. In less than a second, her jaw snapped shut as her face turned bright red.

"Oh! Uh, I…I…" She took two steps back, bumping into the wall. Startled, she turned around readying an attack. Laughing nervously, she patted the wall. "Right. Wall there. I knew that." She cleared her throat, turning back toward Sasuke with her eyes downcast. He hadn't moved, his breath trapped in his lungs. "I heard you were home. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seem to be. You look good."

Sakura choked on her words and flailed a hand. All Sasuke could think about was the draft hitting his backside and how he wished he'd never gotten out of bed. Damn bladder.

"I mean, you don't look injured or anything. Not to say that you don't just look good. You do. Look good. Your butt looked—" Sakura froze, words caught in her throat. It looked like her head was about to pop off.

"Um." Sasuke tugged on the apron, suddenly hyperaware that it barely covered his, well… Sakura wasn't moving, her eyes fixed on her toes. Sasuke had no idea what to say in this situation. Struggling for words, any words, he said the first thing that flashed through his mind. "Your butt looks good, too."

He balled his fists, fighting the urge to smack his forehead. Definitely the wrong thing to say. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Thank…you?" Sakura teetered on her heels before sliding along the wall, actually making it out the doorway this time. She pointed toward the front door. "I'm just gonna—"

"Yeah. You. Sounds good."

"This never happened?"

"Never happened."