"It's particularly hard to take being stabbed in the back close to home. There's always a feeling of betrayal when people of your own group oppose you."

—Catharine Mackinnon (as quoted at brainyqoute·com)

Preface

I initially wrote this story shortly after the cancellation of Star Wars: The Clone Wars (TCW). In 2014, I made some formatting changes. In 2015, I've added an epigraph, this preface, and reformatted the story to better reflect my current writing style.

While I was disappointed the show would not continue, I couldn't see how the show could stay successful without Ahsoka as one of the main characters. On the other hand, I thought having the show (seemingly) end with her departure was a good way to end the series and set the stage for Episode III as her departure, and the circumstances behind it, would undoubtedly fuel Anakin's growing distrust of the Jedi Council. I may be in the minority, but I feel the subsequent release of The Lost Missions and partially completed arcs diminished the overall impact of Ahsoka's departure, although I still feel it contributed to Anakin's eventual transformation into Darth Vader.

Still, I wanted to write something that answered the question, "What might happen if Ahsoka had decided to return to the Jedi Order as Anakin's padawan, albeit after receiving a minor punishment for her escaping the Republic Prison?"

Originally, I opted to include what I considered a bonus epilogue that would tie this story into my AU series, Ahsoka's Legacy, by including a modified version of the latter's opening chapter. At one point, I even debated declaring this story a prequel for To Survive Betrayal. However, as time passed, I realized that accepting the TCW's season five final arc (finale) as canon in my alternate universe (AU) would create problems and inconsistencies with the story line there because it was first written in 2011. There, Ahsoka still considers Barriss her best friend and holds high regard for Master Plo. Given how TCW's finale showed the latter doubting Ahsoka's innocence and the former framing her for the temple bombing, I don't think Ahsoka would be able to have many fond memories of either person if I accepted those events as canon in my AU. That said, I will keep the extra chapter here to show how I might connect the two stories, but with the caveat that this story is not to be considered part of my Ahsoka's Legacy because the latter treats TCW's finale and subsequent episodes as if they never happened.

Nevertheless, I hope readers enjoy seeing my idea for what might have been had Ahsoka remained a padawan only to have the events of Episode III transpire shortly after TCW's fifth season.

Acknowledgments

Very special thanks to The Walt Disney Company for all Star Wars characters and concepts.

Special thanks to the band, Journey, for the song Walking Away from the Edge—on which this story's title and the meditation scene in chapter five are based.

Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Ahsoka's mind still whirled from the physical and emotional impact of the temple bombing, the subsequent investigation, and its aftermath. However, the fact that Barriss, her supposed best friend, masterminded the bombing still shocked her. Ahsoka recalled her stare of disbelief and her open mouth when Anakin brought Barriss to Alderaan with four armed temple guards. Sure, Barriss stated her reasons for her actions; some of them had merit. But she left more questions unanswered. How long had she felt this way? And, most importantly, when did she upgrade her Soresu skills to a strong form of Jar'Kai? Ahsoka reluctantly conceded that she may never get answers to those questions.

Still, something bothered her. Barriss had a spotless reputation as a Jedi Padawan. She was very devoted to the Jedi way and her training under Master Luminara Unduli. Sure, many Jedi grew frustrated with the never-ending Clone Wars. However, Ahsoka felt violence was too out of character for Barriss. Surely, someone manipulated or somehow blackmailed her into committing such horrible acts of sedition.

At the moment, however, Ahsoka felt disappointed. Why didn't the Jedi Council believe she was truly innocent of the sedition with which they charged her? The council's actions angered her to the point that she wanted to travel to Shili and collect a kilogram of thimiar droppings to scatter in the council members' chairs—every chair except for Master Kenobi's. Except for him, she felt most of the council treated her like crap during this whole ordeal. Was this the best way to convey her feelings?

As she stood with some council members, Anakin's apology shocked her. Not only was he the only one who did nothing to warrant an apology, he was the only one who believed in her innocence from the start. Granted, she wished he could have attended her trial. However, knowing he had found the real culprit instead provided a small amount of solace. Master Plo also offered an apology, but to know he slowly questioned her innocence left her rather demoralized. The rest of the council, however, seemed disappointingly indifferent. They seemed quick to dismiss their actions as part of the Force. Ahsoka did everything she could to not show her frustration, but it continued to build inside of her.

She looked on in more shock as Master Yoda welcomed her back.

Why in the Force would I want to come back? You didn't trust me before. How do I know you won't abandon me again? And even more importantly, how can I trust all of you? raced through Ahsoka's mind. She seriously considered leaving the order. She didn't know what she'd do if she left, but anything had to be better than being with people who were quick to believe false accusations against her.

However, she wasn't expecting what Anakin did next after Master Yoda's invitation. He pulled out a familiar lightsaber. It was her green-bladed lightsaber that she kept by her side ever since she was first named his padawan.

"I found it after Commander Wolffe stunned you. If you come back, it's yours again," he said.

Ahsoka looked at the weapon. If she took it, she was rededicating herself to the Jedi Order and all that it stood for—both good and bad.

Anakin sensed her turmoil and surprised everyone by falling to his knees.

"Ahsoka, please come back. I want to complete your training and see you become the Jedi you were meant to be," he pleaded.

Oh Anakin, why did you have to make this decision harder than it already was? Ahsoka thought to herself. Her initial thought was to decline the offer, but Anakin's impassioned plea made her rethink the decision.

She stretched out her hand. She didn't know what kind of relationship she would have with the Jedi and the clone army now, but she wasn't ready to throw away the only way of life she grew up with. Any set of values, no matter how imperfect, had to be better than none at all. She slowly closed her grip onto her lightsaber and attached it to her belt.

Anakin stood up again and hugged her tighter than he ever hugged her. Obi-Wan seemed to look on with a pleased look. Even Master Plo, whose past thoughts still resonated in Ahsoka's mind, seemed happy. Yoda also cracked a small smile. The rest of the Council, however, remained expressionless and unemotional.

"Ahsoka, the Council will now meet to determine your fate," Master Windu stated.

"Wait, you just invited her back. What else is there to determine?" Anakin asked in a shocked tone. Master Windu's statement left him confused.

"Obviously, she was not the one behind the bombing, but she did escape from a Republic Prison and made questionable decisions. We have to address that. We can't set a precedent where falsely accused Jedi are allowed to do whatever they want," Master Mundi explained.

Ahsoka, who still looked forward to serving her master, had heard enough. It was her turn to speak up now.

"How can you even say that?!" she snapped. "Master Mundi, you're known for your intelligence. Why didn't you think about other possibilities?" she asked emphatically.

"Ahsoka, you're out of line!" Anakin stated firmly. The last thing he wanted was for the council to change its mind and expel Ahsoka once more for insubordination.

"Speak freely, she may. Share her thoughts, let her," Master Yoda said.

"Master Ti, how can you remain so silent on such a matter? I was puzzled when you stayed silent after our people were kidnapped from Kiros. And how could you not say anything about what happened to me?" Ahsoka asked rhetorically.

Ahsoka then turned to Master Plo. "And you, of all people, how could you even think I would ever commit such horrible crimes? Do you remember my first spar with you as a padawan? I promised you that I'd never let you down. I'd rather die than do anything to disappoint you!" she yelled as she fought back tears.

Anakin, put his hand gently on Ahsoka's shoulder.

"You will wait outside while the council considers your fate," Master Windu stated stolidly.

Anakin and Ahsoka left and waited outside the chamber door.

"Ahsoka, that's not the best way to convince the council you belong by my side," Anakin said gently.

Ahsoka pressed herself into her master's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Master, but their lack of faith in me is disappointing," she said as she felt tears run down her white-marked cheeks.

"I just hope they let you stay. Maybe I should have told you this sooner, but with the battle and the bombing investigation, I never had the chance."

"What's that?" she asked, as she looked up into his eyes.

"Before all this happened, I was all set to tell you that I think we are in the end stage of your training. I was thinking that it wouldn't be long before I might consider recommending you for the trials."

Ahsoka looked at her master in disbelief.

"Do you really mean that?" she asked incredulously.

As Ahsoka tried to dry her tears, Anakin nodded.

Meanwhile, the council privately discussed Ahsoka's status.

"She made some very harsh comments," Saesee Tiin stated.

"But was she really being harsh? Or was she pointing out what she saw as our shortcomings both individually and as a group?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Even if what she says had merit, she still must be censured for her poor judgment while under arrest," Master Windu replied.

"I'd like to say something," Shaak Ti softly interjected. Everyone looked on in surprise because she rarely spoke during council meetings.

"Something important, you wish to say, Master Ti?" Master Yoda asked.

"While I don't question the need to censure her, I do think we need to temper discipline with mercy," she said.

"What is it you're saying?" Master Mundi asked.

"In the wild, our people are a predatory species. We prey on other animals for food. Yet, we are prey to the dreaded akul. When we are the prey, it is a natural instinct to flee for safety. Ahsoka, feeling threatened by her imprisonment, did the only thing that felt natural. She tried to find a safer situation. The more she was pursued, the stronger her flight instinct became. All I ask is that you take that into consideration."

"Thank you for your comments, I do, Master Ti," Yoda replied.

"I think a month away from active duty will be sufficient. Let her have time to prove herself ready to be one of us while taking time to collect her thoughts and move on as she should," Master Plo suggested.

The rest of the council looked on and nodded.

"It is decided," Master Yoda announced. He activated a signal to let Anakin and Ahsoka know they should rejoin the Council.

Anakin was set to say more, when he heard the chime from the Council chamber.

"Well, let's see what they decided," Anakin said.

Ahsoka looked nervously at her master as they both stood up and walked to the now-open chamber door.

"Ahsoka Tano, you will step forward," Master Windu stated.

Ahsoka looked at her master briefly. He gave her a supportive smile. She then made eye contact with Master Windu.

"Ahsoka, as a Jedi, you're expected to practice and uphold our values and way of life. While we understand what might have prompted you to escape the Republic Prison, the decision was irresponsible on your part and could have escalated into something far more serious. For that, the Jedi Council has assigned you to the Jedi Service Corps for one standard month. If you successfully complete the term to our satisfaction, we will fully reinstate you as a Jedi Padawan."

Ahsoka didn't know what to think. She wasn't officially a padawan yet. However, she was determined to redeem herself. One way or another, she'd prove herself to the council. She would accept her censure even though it didn't thrill her.

"Yes, Masters. When and where do I report?" Ahsoka asked.

"Right away, you report. Madame Jocasta Nu, you shall report to. Serve the EduCorps, you will," Yoda replied.

"Periodically, we will review your progress to ensure it is satisfactory. In addition, Madame Nu will submit her own updates on your performance," Master Windu said.

Ahsoka nodded. "Yes, Masters," she replied as she bowed.

With that, Anakin and Ahsoka were dismissed.

"I think she may need more than progress reports," Master Plo said after the pair left.

"What do you suggest?" Master Mundi asked.

"If we follow the usual evaluation cycle, she will have three of them in a standard month. Perhaps the three of us she mentioned should use the opportunity to not just evaluate her, but to address her concerns as well," Master Plo replied.

"I must return to Kamino at once, but I should be available for a later evaluation," Shaak Ti said.

"And I could sense her pain in how our relationship has changed. I should be the first," Master Plo replied. "Ki-Adi, do you mind handling her last evaluation?" he asked.

"Not at all, I think a surprise observation on my part would be best at the end of her term," Master Mundi replied.

"Very well. Are we in agreement?" Master Plo asked.

"This seems like an acceptable arrangement," Master Windu answered.

"She'll need a lot of support now. Force willing, she gets it," Master Kenobi said.

The rest of the council nodded.

Ahsoka packed what few possessions she had so she could relocate to the EduCorps wing inside the Jedi Temple. As much as she would prefer to be a padawan again, she looked forward to serving Madame Jocasta in a capacity other than guard duty.

"Ahsoka, I know this isn't what you hoped for, but I wish you the best. Besides, in a standard month, I expect to have my padawan by my side with me for our next mission," Anakin said.

"Thanks, Master. I look forward to it, too," Ahsoka replied with a slight smile. She then left their shared quarters.

"May the Force be with you!" Anakin called out before the door closed. He wasn't sure if Ahsoka heard it, though.

"Ahsoka, come on in! How are you?" Madame Jocasta cheerfully greeted the teen.

"All things considered, I guess I'm fine," Ahsoka replied plainly.

"I heard all about everything. I still can't believe Barriss Offee would do such horrible things. She was such a scholar when it came to her healer studies," Madame Jocasta recalled.

Ahsoka nodded. She was hoping Madame Jocasta would stop talking about Barriss, however.

"Anyways, enough about that. It's my job to make sure you're returned to padawan status. And I'm sure we will make that happen, won't we?" Madame Jocasta continued.

"What will I be doing?" Ahsoka asked curiously.

"So long as the instructor approves, I intend to have you assist with the academic lessons for our ten year old Jedi Initiates. As an assistant to the instructor, you will follow the prescribed lesson plan during the next standard month."

"Interesting," was all Ahsoka could say in reply.

"Let me show you to your quarters. You will start tomorrow promptly at 0830, so plan accordingly. I have to report on your progress, so I'd like to tell the Council you're doing an admirable job."

"Yes, Madame Jocasta," Ahsoka replied politely. Oddly, Ahsoka found herself looking forward to starting her new assignment.