I miss Underland. I sincerely wish I never decided to leave.

I've been gone for eight months. I have been traveling the new trading route with the crew I have under my command. I was in awe of what I've seen from my journeys but none of them were like Underland. So the day I returned home I decided I would go back and stay. I signed the company over to my partner. When he asked why I was leaving I simply answered that I have answered my questions and had nothing more to do there. I left a note for my family to not try to find me and to not worry if I'm safe. I was going somewhere where I was surrounded by friends and people who cared about me. Then I went to find the hole that I fell into before to go back.

After two hours of searching I finally found it. When I arrived, I felt like I really belonged there. I went to Mamorial to announce my return. I was surprised to see how everyone has changed, though they all looked the same. The Queen herself was still as kind and beautiful as before. "Alice! I'm so glad you have returned to us," Mirana says. "Though, I wished you had returned faster."

"I'm terribly sorry to have taken so long," I said "but I had questions to answer and people to answer those questions to."

"And have you done so?" She asked gently while laying a hand on my shoulder.

"I have and now I would like to stay in Underland," I said certainly, "if you'll have me."

"Alice, you are always welcomed here my champion." With that she takes my hands and leads me out of the throne room. "You are welcome to stay in the castle for as long as you please" With that, she leads me to a room on the first floor and opened the door to reveal a rather lovely room. "I shall send a maid in with a change of clothes for you to change into. Those clothes look to be in need of a good long rest." With that she left. After a maid brought in a change of clothes and I was changed I went out to explore the castle. I soon found my way outside to the garden where the queen, Thackery, and Mally were having tea.

As I walked up to the table everyone turned towards me. "Yu're late fer TEA!" The hare exclaimed while throwing a scone in my direction. I quickly ducked and avoided it as Mallymkun let out a mad giggle. As I sat down, I looked towards the end of the tea table and discover the spot where the one person I truly wanted to see was empty.

"Where's the Hatter?" I asked the Queen. Everyone suddenly stops completely with that question. She looks down sadly. "Come with me," is her short reply. We walk up the stairs and stop at a door that is across from the hat workshop.

"I'll leave you to talk to him," she says. "Please be patient with him. He's been quite… down sense you left last time."

"Before you go," I began, "How long have I been gone?"

She looks down. "A year." It shocked to hear how long it's been. "I shall be leaving now. Good luck darling." She hands me a key then leaves. I turn to the door and took a deep breath. Then slowly, I unlock it and enter. As I quietly close the door, I look around for any sign of the Hatter. The room seems so… lifeless. I look to the kitchen and see the Hatter sitting at the table, his hat next to him. He looks thin like he wasn't eating right and his face was paler than ever.

"Hatter?" I call quietly. Then louder. "Hatter?" He doesn't move from where he sits. I could hear him whispering something. I can't make any of it out though. Slowly, I walked over to where he is sitting. Now I could hear what he is mumbling.

"Alice isn't here," he says. "Their lying. Their just trying to get me back out."

"But Hatter I'm right here," I say.

"Huh. Now I'm imagining that I hear her voice." He says as he moves slightly. I put my hand on his shoulder but he still doesn't look up. I sit down in the chair next to him and try to get his attention. "And here are the hallucinations again."

"Hatter?" I touch his cheek lightly to get him to turn his head. He does slightly and I'm shocked to see his eyes so full of sadness. They're such a dark color of blue. It scares me to see him like this. He was always so cheerful. "Oh, god," I whisper. He then looks away.

"Why must my mind play such tricks on me?" He says to himself. "She isn't really here. She isn't coming back."

"But I am back." I say. I tackle him with a hug and we both end up on the ground. He lays there in shock then slowly lifts his arms and wraps them around my waist. "I'm right here." I say quietly while I hug him tighter. "I'm not leaving again."

"A-Alice." He squeezes me tighter to him and though it hurts a little I don't move. But then he loosens his grip on my waist and pushes us in an upright position. He hesitantly pushes me away slightly. His eyed switch between blue and green but then they stay blue. "You're going to leave again," he says. "You always leave." I look up into his eyes.

"I will never leave you again," I say while cupping his face. "I came back for you." His eyes change to a dark shade of green.

"Do you promise you won't?" He asks. I tighten my grip on him as he stares me straight in the eyes.

"I promise," I say. That was all he seems to need to pull me back into him. I could feel his ribs though his cloths and it worried me. I pull away to examine him. He looks away from my stare. When I look closer I see scars on his hands and his collar bone. I brought my hands to his chest so I can see how many ribs I can feel and it shocks me how much weight he has lost. "What happened?"

His eyes turn blue again as he looks down. "I did this," He says. "When you left I refused to leave my Room. I didn't eat anything. I only ate when the Queen came over so she wouldn't worry." He lets out a little chuckle. "That's probably the only reason I'm still alive. I haven't even drank tea. There's a scar for every day that you have been gone. There are even some extra ones from me thinking of how you left so easily."

I really became worried when he said that. I didn't know that me leaving could cause this to happen. "Oh Tarrant…" I pull him to me and hold him against me. I look him in the face. "I'm so sorry that I caused you so much pain. I swear that I will never leave you again and I will never cause you that much pain again." I kiss him and pull him closer to me. He quickly began to kiss me back. He tightens his grip on my waist once again, pulling me against his chest. I deepen the kiss by opening my mouth to allow his tongue to explore my mouth. He pushes me onto my back on the hard wooden floor. He breaks the kiss and looks me in my eyes. "Violet is for…"

"Lust, my dear Alice," he says while he slowly began to suck on my neck while leaving kisses all along it. I moan as he moves to one of my more sensitive spots on my neck. I begin to work at his shirt to remove that layer from between us. When I finally get it undone, I remove it and see the true depth of the cutting. He has them all along his chest and hips. He saw me staring and began to move to get off me but I put my hands around his neck to keep him still. Slowly I move my hands to trace a scar that went across where his heart is. "You're not disgusted?" He asked bewildered.

"I am shocked but not disgusted," I say. "I just wish I had stayed so this wouldn't have happened at all." As I trace another scar that was just above his stomach I lean in and place a kiss on the one on his heart. He doesn't move or try to stop me but he tenses as a trace one that went close to his throat. I look at how close it was. How easy would it have been for him to have simply ended his life if he wished to? Would he have if I didn't come back when I did? I can feel tears run down my cheeks as I think about this.

"Alice?" he says worried. I bury my face in to his chest. This is my fault. MY FAULT! If I had stayed none of this would have happened. He pulls my face from where I've buried it in his chest. "Ye have nae reason fer cryin," he burrs out in his outlandish brogue.

"I do," I say as more tears find their way to where his hands are cupping my face. "It's my fault you did this. If I had just stayed here, you would have never had to go through this pain." He looks me in my eyes, his now a mix of green and blue, then gently begins to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Nae Alice, tis nae longer important. Yer here nauw 'nd 'at all 'at matters," he burrs. He pulls me to his chest and lets me cry while whispering word of comfort.