"You have me worried Anastasia" he says as he sits on my couch. "You're acting strange, and you lied to me."

"I'm sorry" I mutter as I look around nervously.

"Would you like to sit down?" he asks staring at the spot next to him on the couch.

"No" I answer quickly. "No, not there. Not on that couch."

He gives me a perplexed look before clearing his throat. "I wish you'd tell me what is going on with you. I still care for you. And though I'm still livid, I'd like us to move past all this…nonsense with Paul."

I scoff at his words as the memories begin to play through my mind again like a bad dream.

"What's wrong, Ana?" he asks urgently. "You're scaring the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry" I say as I try to choke back tears.

"Don't be sorry, just- talk to me."

I stand silent for a moment and he walks over to me and cradles my face in his hands. "It's been… difficult since you've left. It's made me realize that- I'd be willing to make some compromises if it means having you in my life."

Oh God, this is what I've really wanted all this time, deep down inside. Him. He's willing to make some compromises, I could do that too. We could make it work. We could… if he still wants me. I'm not sure he will when I tell him the truth.

"What kind of compromises?" I ask quickly, trying to change the subject in my mind to avoid bursting into tears.

"Whatever it takes for you to come back to me" he says as he runs his hand through his hair and shrugs nervously at me. "I've been a wreck without you Ana."

I slink away from him as a small sob escapes.

"Ana" he says softly as he rests his hand on my shoulder. I instantly jerk away from his touch, and when I gaze up at him he looks wounded.

He nods and begins to walk towards the door. This is it. He's leaving. He's just offered me everything I've ever wanted and as far as he's concerned I've turned him down, and now he's leaving.

"Wait!" I call out desperately.

He quickly walks back over to me and looks at me expectantly.

"It's not you" I say softly.

"Damn it Ana!" he shouts. "Are you really going to give me an 'it's not you, it's me' speech right now?"

"No" I reply shakily. "That isn't what I was going to say Christian."

"Then what?" he asks desperately. "What can I say to get you to come back with me?"

"It isn't you" I repeat. "You were right before, something is upsetting me, and it isn't you."

"Then what?" he asks desperately.

I shake my head and gaze down, but he tilts my chin upward so that I'm staring at him. He looks right into my eyes and I feel completely vulnerable to him.

I want to tell him. I want to tell him, and I want him to tell me that it will all be okay, that he loves me. But I know that isn't what will happen. I don't know what will happen, but it won't be that. This is going to hurt him, and I don't want to hurt him.

"It's nothing" I say as I try to slink away from him. "Ana" he says desperately as he pulls me back towards him, and holds me tight. It reminds me of Paul… being helpless… wanting to get away and not being able to.

"Don't" I shout as I push him away.

He looks hurt again, but his expression soon changes to something different. He's searching his mind for something.

"What did you remember Ana?" he asks coldly.

"What?" I ask as I struggle to pull myself together.

"Before- this all started when you said you remembered something. It obviously wasn't a doctor's appointment. What was it?"

I'm not sure if I can lie to him again. I need to sort all of this out. I need to talk to someone. I feel like a mess, I'm not even sure what I'm doing. Before I've really thought it through I let a word escape from my lips.

"Paul" I say shakily.

He closes his eyes tightly as if he's in anguish. "What about him?" he asks as tears pool in his eyes.

I pull my sweater closer to my body and look down.

"Shit" he mutters. "I was afraid of this. He did take advantage of you. He got you drunk…"

"He raped me" I interrupt, surprised by the words as I say them. I still haven't admitted it to myself yet.

"What?" he gasps as his eyes widen in horror.

"I said no" I explain as my sobs return. "I said no, and he still-"

"Oh God" he gasps. "No. No, Ana, no!" tears begin to fall from his eyes as well, and I have to fight the urge to brush them away. If I touched him right now I'd be a hypocrite, because I don't want him to touch me. I don't want him or anyone else to touch me ever again.

"This is all my fault" he says through gritted teeth.

"What? Christian, how is this your fault?"

"I should have protected you, I should have… And you-"

"You're mad at me?" I ask in a small voice.

"If you hadn't left, I could have stopped this. I wouldn't have let him-" he stands to his feet and begins to pace nervously.

"But, you didn't deserve this" he adds nervously. "I don't want you thinking that."

"I don't know what I think yet" I say coldly. "I still really haven't had time to… process. I'm not sure what happens now."

He gazes at me sympathetically as if he's searching his mind for something to say.

"I'm sorry" he finally cries as he wraps me in a hug. "Oh God, Ana I'm so sorry."

"I'm going to take a shower" I interrupt as I step away from him.

"Can I come with you?" he asks desperately.

Come with me? Is he serious? Does he really think I'm ready for that yet?

"I'd like some privacy" I reply softly.

He nods and begins to stare at the floor again.

"But- I'd like you to stay" I add. "I'd like to talk more afterword's."

"Of course" he says with a forced smile. "I'll be right here Ana."

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I step out into the living room and I hear Christian on the phone yelling, loudly.

"I don't care, just get it done. Yes, by the end of the day. He doesn't get to sleep comfortably in his own bed, not when Ana…" he stops and takes a deep breath as he begins to pace nervously again. "I care about her deeply, and he hurt her badly. So I don't care how you get it done, just get it done!"

Oh shit, what has he done?

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