"So like me and my friends were like, freaking, like smoking all this weed and like Kelly's mom comes in and like sees us and like starts crying and like screaming because like we was doing like drugs or something. What a freaking cunt, LOL."

Junpei couldn't stop the tear in his eye from rolling down his cheek. It had been a full two minutes and he couldn't take much more of Akane. He was being pushed to the limit.

"One time I was like in high school and like this boy wanted to fuck me so we went into the woods behind Subway and him and his friends like passed me around and we was all like smoking weed except this time like Kelly's mom wasn't like there screaming and like crying. LOL."

Junpei couldn't take the torment of listening to Akane's life anymore. He jumped from the stair case hoping for the sweet relief of death only to find himself in a big pool of water rising to just the top of his shoes.

His Nike shoes.

His newly dried Nike shoes.

His newly dried Nike shoes that had cost him eight hundred, seventy-five dollars and twelve cents.

Junpei fell to his knees in despair.

"GOD DAMMIT! WHY? WHY!" He screamed as he felt he socks get damp. Junpei screamed like he'd never screamed before.

"It was you." Junpei turned and faced Akane with fire burning in his eyes. "You did this to me...YOU FUCKTARD!"

"Like omg you sound like just like Kelly's mom."

Junpei grabbed Akane's head and shoved it in the water right next to his eight hundred, seventy-five dollars and twelve cents Nike shoes and shouted:

"LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT!"

Akane stopped struggling and went limp almost like a rag doll. Junpei fell to his knee's and laughed with relief.

He was free, he was finally-

"Like why are you like staring like at me omg lmao?"

Junpei blinked and shook his head in despair.

It had only been a daydream.

With their separate investigations finished, all nine of them returned to where they left each other. Porcupine head had returned with a scarred look on his face and Kiss ass with smug smirk.

The result of their work was absolutely nothing besides finding water on deck D.

Prince Douche knelt down and ran his hand across the water gently.

"This Zero must have used some sort of remote control to seal a watertight door lower down.."

"If our limit is nine hours...that means in other words, the water won't rise for hours."

"THEN HOW TO FUCK DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS!" Junpei lifted his foot up and showed off his damp shoes.

Everyone gathered around and stared at his shoes, some with pity in their eyes, others were outraged.

As they went to talk about what they found, they realize all they found was doors with weird symbols on them. They also figured out the elevators didn't work and all the windows had been covered with metal plates. All of the doors were locked.

"We're fucking trapped on this shit hole." Junpei cleverly deduced.

Junpei was most displeased.

Face herpes spoke up. "I dyed my hair pink because my daddy didn't love me." (Well, I'm sure they go somewhere. We just can't open them.)

Everyone stood in silence. The only ones who seem to understand what she said was Fat ass and Prince Douchebag. Fat ass stepped foreword.

"u r dum. wi kan git owt uf teis 2gefer"

Prince Douchebag disagreed. "They most go somewhere, otherwise there would be no point to them. We can open two of them at least."

"Those number doors?," Junpei quickly did some math in his head, "Impossible."

Everyone looked at the numbered doors. They were most likely cheaply made, for everything else on this boat was as well. The walls weren't even real wood. It was cardboard. The room grew tense.

"Hold the fuck up." Saggy tits began to rant.

"I specifically told all you damn youngsters I was too old for this shit. I refuse to participate in this horse shit." She limped her way towards the doors until her wrinkly body was in front of them.

Everyone began to argue.

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" "Whoa man I was just thinking that. The way our minds just click is so cool. I sure hope we go through a door together, you're so brave and strong..." "eye dink tis stewpied." "This bright blue vest and red checkered flannel looks classy as fuck together!"

The clamor of voices made it almost impossible to determine who was what saying what. The arguments began to get more and more intense until they were screaming and shouting at each other.

"MY OUTFIT LOOKS GREAT!"

"YOU DON'T EVEN MATCH...damn inbred."

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Junpei screamed.

Everyone went silent and stared at him.

"You know I'm a good guy and all but when you start to criticize me and my clothes choices," Junpei's voice trembled as his throat closed up. His hurt and anger was evident in his voice. "That is where I draw the line."

"And besides you bitches don't EVEN KNOW ME."

"Ah Junpei, you're stupidity brought up a good point. Before we decide where we should go or what to do there is something important we must do frist." Prince Douchebag said patting Junpei on the head as though he was a child.

"But..I dyed my hair because my daddy doesn't love me?" (What's that?)

"I'm glad you asked-"

"But she didn't even-" Saggy tits voiced everyone else's confusion.

"SHUT UP. Anyways as I was saying BEFORE I WAS RUDLY INTERUBTED, first we all need to exchange some information. Who you are, where you came from why you think you ended up here."

Nobody said anything. Then one of them spoke

"OMG Like I was just thinking the same thing hahaha lmao." June sat up from where she had been injecting more heroine into herself.

"that is jumpy omg lol hahaha lmao." She pointed her injection needle in Junpei's direction.

"jumpie" Fat ass questioned.

"You fucking bitch." Junpei couldn't believe what was happening.

"Oh lol omg srry his real name is junpei haha lol we've been like bffs since we was like kids lmao"

"YOU LITTLE WHORE." Junpei was enraged. Akane was taking away all the mystery surrounding him, making him significally less cool.

"omg we went like to the like same elementary like school together like LOL."

"stfu wee duhnt cair" Fat ass yelled in her ear.

"0 caint no bout us"

"Like would like that like be dangerous. omg lol lmao."

"He brings up a good point, if Zero finds out about us he could go after our families."

"THAT BITCH FUCKING SCREWED ME OVER! I DEMAND SHE BE EXECUTED AT ONCE. I WANT JUSITCE."

"wee ned coode naimez"

"In that case yours should be fat ass, because it as seven letters and that is your number." Junpei said, clever as always.

"It has six letters dumb ass." Kiss ass shouted out rather rudely.

He would never say the to porcupine head, Junpei thought.

"i b 7." Fat ass, or Seven now, said proudly.

"That's stupid." Junpei said crossing his arms.

Seven shoved Junpei's head into his fat roll.

"That's a pretty good idea." Porcupine Head said. The others nodded, all of them ignoring Junpei's muffled cries for help almost like the readers of this story fail to acknowledge THAT ME, RAINBOW R, WRITES ALL OF THIS NOT 1CRAZYGIRL YOU BASTARDS. LIKE SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I ADDED THIS BECAUSE I WRITE EVERYTHING. Cyberchao X, GOOD ON YOU FOR READING THEM. EVERYONE BE LIKE CYBERCHAO. (Subliminal message over.)

Porcupine smirked.

"Any of you fuck heads know Japanese-"

"ME! ME! I know Japanese you lovely genius boy, KONICHIWA!" Kiss ass attempts to get Porcupines attention were as desperate as ever.

Porcupine tactfully ignored him. "No? Well "san" means 3, like Santa Claus. Ha, fucking perfect."

Suddenly Kiss ass got excited. "I know what I want for Christmas."

"Fuck off Grandpa."

"dat nik naim is dum"

"You too Seven, what you pick the nick name because you weigh seven hundred pounds?" Santa said hatefully.

Seven began to cry loudly, pounds of snot ran down his face.

"Mine turn to participate in all this fun," Kiss ass said winking at Santa.

"My name will be Ace, because that means one and not only is my bracelet number one but I'm also the only one for Santa."

"My name will be Lotus I'm sweet and feminine like a flower!" Lotus said flopping a saggy tit over her shoulder.

"Oh god I just fucking threw up in my mouth, for gods sake cover that up you damn whore!" Junpei shivered in disgust, personally affected by Lotus's wrinkly body.

"I would like to be called snake, as in "Snake-eyes", dice Junpei, which is relevant because I am blind."

Junpei gritted his teeth. "Snake" thought he was so cool because he was blind. What a douchbag.

A Prince Douchebag.

Junpei held back a groan, as Face Herpes started to speak. "I dyed my hair because my daddy didn't love me!" (I want to be Clover, like a 4 leaf clover. Representing good luck ha.) She exclaimed happily.

Everyone stared at her confused.

"sche waunt 2 b clozer"

"Oooohhhhh."

"Alright Fuckers my code name is 5 so my code name will be-"

"You can't have one we already know your name dumb fuck." Lotus said flipping her second saggy tit over her shoulder.

"Hey why don't you go ahead and die from the cholesterol problems you most likely have you ugly odd bitch. Anyways as I was saying-"

Suddenly the speaker crackled to life. "Anyone whose name has been revealed cannot have a nick name and if they give themselves one then I will sink this mother fucking boat faster than you can say 'Junpei you motherless bastard this is all your fault'."

"Are you fucking kidding me." Junpei glared at Lotus. "I hope you're happy you 80 year old whore."

Junpei was appalled at Lotus's selfish actions.

Akane stepped foreword from where she was collecting Junpei's vomit in a ziplock bag.

"Like omg I guess like lol I should lmao like say my name omg lol lmao."

"Oh shut the fuck up slut nobody wants to get to know you." Junpei crossed his arms over his chest, still upset over not having a nick name.

"Lets call her June since that's next month and her heroine addiction will have killed her slutty ass by then." Junpei said angrily.

That fucking Slut ruins everything.

SINCE ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS HAVE SOME SACE (This is what happened when Santa and Ace went exploring that one time.)

Ace led Santa into a dark secluded room, he quickly shut and locked to door in fear of Santa escaping.

Santa felt uneasy as the last bit of light disappeared when the door closed. He had no idea who this man was or what was going to happen. If only he knew the horrors he was about to face.

Suddenly Santa heard Ace unzip something. He hands began to sweat.

"There's been something I've been meaning to show you for a long time."

The lights snapped on and Santa slowly turned around and saw something that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He watched in complete and utter horror as Ace pulled out his...

pocket-sized Cuckoo clock.

"I'M COO-COO FOR YOU!"

As he said this a little bird shot in and out of the clock saying 'coo-coo, coo-coo.'

Santa grabbed his head and dropped to the ground screaming in agony. He knew in that moment, he'd never be the same.

PLUS BONUS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS ALL THE CHARACTERS (EVEN THOUGH ITS OBVIOUS LETS PRETEND THIS IS A GAME)

"All I want for Christmas is cocaine, heroin, weed, meth, acid, moonshine and whatever else you can find, please big brother. I'm going through withdraw."

Aoi lay in his bed unable to sleep. He was worried about Christmas. He had done everything he could to get Akane what she wanted but like every year he was afraid it was not enough.

Aoi rolled over and let out a great big sigh.

He hoped it was enough.

Aoi jumped up as the whole house shook. Suddenly three large men busted through his bedroom door.

"WHERE'S OUR DRUG MONEY YOU LIL WHITE HAIRED BITCH!" Said the rather large one in the middle with a funky moustache. He wore a red suit, a matching red tie and an orange-yellowish-we-are-not-sure-what-the-color-is undershirt. He pointed a sharp axe at him.

"What the fuck!" Aoi yelled as he stumbled out of his bed.

"W-we sa-said whe-wheres our money b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-itch?" a scrwany man with hair that resembled pubic hairs and/or a birds nest.

"I paid for all my drugs via !" Aoi shouted out, hoping these ugly men would leave.

"Yo dwag u gotta give us our dough-dough bro." Said a formal looking man in a purple suit. He had a mullet. Aoi couldn't help but to flinch back in terror. Anyone with that haircut had clearly been to the deepest pits of hell and back.

Aoi bolted from the room, running as fast as he could to Akane's room. The sound of the ugly trio's footsteps were not faint behind him.

Aoi jerked open Akane's door to find that she had already had opened all her presents and had already gone through half of the drugs he had gotten her. In too big of a hurry to yell at her, Aoi grabbed her by the arm and jumped out of the window.

"My druuuugggggs!" Akane cried as they fell two stories down.

Aoi landed with a loud crack and a scream.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! MY LEGS! MY GOD DAMN LEGS ARE BROKEN! AKANE HELP ME!"

But atlas it was too late, Akane was stumbling away already half way down the street.

"I'M SOOOO HIIGGGHHHHH!" She called back, tripping over her light up sketchers. She laid in the street infront of her friend Junpei's house showing no signs of breathing.

"HEY AOI GET YOUR SLUT SISTER OUT OF MY YARD IT'S CHIRSTMAS FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Junpei screamed out of his window enraged.

"MY LEGS ARE BROKEN AND DRUG LORDS ARE AFTER ME! HELP!"

"FUCK YOU I MIGHT MISS SANTA SHOWING UP IF I HELP YOUR SORRY ASS! I GOTTA MAKE SURE HIS ASS DON'T LEAVE ME COAL AGAIN!"

"God damn you Junpei." Aoi whispered as the drug lords approached him.

The fat one sat himself on Aoi's legs.

Aoi screamed in agony.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SITTING ON MY LEGS?!"

"So you can't get away duh."

"THEY'RE BROKEN YOU FAT FUCK!"

"Whatever." The fat one said as he turned to the others.

"Yo dwag what we gunna do with this punk?" Mullet head said.

Aoi scoffed through his pain. Punk, who says punk what the fuck?

"wee-wee -"

"HAHA DWAG YOU JUST SAID DICK! U TRIPPIN OR SOMETHANG?!"

Pubic head ignored Mullet head. "Wee-wee tak-take him to the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-boss."

~JUNE IS A SLUT~

"Well, Well, Well what do we have here?" Said a man with a pimp hat, a black suit with blue strips, a matching blue tie and a creepy trench coat.

It was Gentarou Hongou, master of all drug lords.

He kept speaking when Aoi didn't answer his question.

"Looks like a lovely young man, tell me friends is this my Christmas present?"

"Well no he stole alot of drugs-"

"ITS MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT!"

The three men ran away leaving Aoi and Gentarou alone.

"Oh goodies! I've always wanted a friend to show my thing to!"

Gentarou turned around and there was an unzipping noise.

Aoi freaked out and jumped out a window.

Gentarou turned around and then shook his head sadly.

Why did no one ever stay to see his pocket sized coo-coo clock?

RAINBOW R: I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.

CRAZY GIRL: I HELP WITH THE STORY JUST AS MUCH AS YOU, YOU DIPSHIT!

RAINBOW R: Stop being a June.

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!