A/N: Yes. I am terrible. I'm well aware. I'm really sorry, I have no idea why this story became so hard to write all of a sudden. This year had been incredible busy, school-wise, but I don't think that's really the reason. I still had the hour long rides to get to the campus, and then there was that incredibly boring class that I was counting on and the file was constantly open and I still couldn't get any words out. I'm not trying to find any excuses for being horrible... oh well. I'm still thinking whether there will be 2 more chapters or just one, but anyway, this is very near its ending. Makes me kind of sad, I've been writing it for so long now... I'm pretty sure it had gone with me all through my BA! Which means it's kind of like closing a circle, as I started writing it when I just started my degree...

Yeah I should shut up it's not like I'm ending it now! Yeah I'm really sorry :)

I want to say thank you so much for those of my readers who have stayed, I know my posting habits must have been frustrating. I truly appreciate it, and I appreciate each and every one of you, whether you just read, favorite, follow or review. I truly am. I love you guys.

Anyway, I'm finally done with this chapter, and I hope it won't take long until I get the next one done too. I have this plan in my head and I really hope I can follow it... Also, I wanted to say that this chapter will be the last one that is so serious, I'll try to get back to the humor side with the next one. I inserted a little bit too much drama lately... it was totally unintentional! lol

Ah... So on to the next chapter! I think it's quite symbolic that I finished it just as my exams are starting.

Chapter 19

.

It was the fifth day since the Elric Brother's disappeared. While Roy logically knew he shouldn't worry, he couldn't help the biting feeling chewing at his insides, getting further with every hour passing without the boys returning, or at least showing a sign of life. It wasn't the first time it took days for Fullmetal to contact the HQ, and it wasn't even the first time he left without saying a word, either; but Roy couldn't deny that there was something different about this time. Perhaps it was because this time it was directly because of him, or because of the nature of the fight they'd had now.

He spent the last several days contacting Western HQ, making them look for the blond alchemist and his armored brother, because he knew for a fact that they were nowhere in Eastern. He'd already checked with the train station on the night he found out they left, and been told that they were indeed there and gotten on a night train – but no one could tell him where to. But he didn't really need them to tell him. It didn't take a genius to know Western was the only place Ed could've gone to.

People were still asking about his absence, although by now it was more of a wonder about his health and the expression of wishing he'll get better soon than curiosity or disapproval. The only one who acted differently was Lieutenant Havoc – who, of course and as if to put Roy in even more misery than he already was in, had decided to torture the Colonel with his own theories as to why their youngest teammate disappeared. At times, he was spot on, which was actually not surprising at all. However, Roy stuck to his version – Edward was sick in bed, and was very unlikely to appreciate any kind of visitors.

Today was a little calmer than usual. People have gotten used to the idea and barely bothered him anymore. Roy assumed that a part of it was the closeness of the weekend; people probably assumed that Fullmetal will be back on Monday. That left Roy to be mostly alone with his thoughts and with actually doing his job. Busy with his paperwork, Roy did not notice the noise just outside his private office's door. Actually, he did notice it, but registered it as just the regular noise his subordinates were making. It was only when Riza's voice could be heard that Roy lifted his face from the documents he was reading. Hawkeye, who never just sat around; his most valued secretary, who always bossed him around when he was lazing and that absolutely lacked a sense of humor when it came to work related issues. If she was joining in, then there was surely something going on.

Roy stood up as he placed his pen back on the desk and walked towards the door. He opened it and the voices suddenly becoming much clearer just in time to hear his own title being referred to. 'Glad to see you'? There was only one logical explanation for such a statement, especially from someone like Hawkeye. Roy couldn't help the signs of excitement from appearing in his body: his slightly raised heartbeat, the clenching feeling in his chest. Glad was an understatement. He delayed at the door, refusing to let himself wholly believe what seemed to be like the only available option.

A second later there was no longer mistaking it.

"So you can tell him that I'm fine, I'll be back tomorrow – " it was Edward's voice, loud and clear; sounding somewhat angry and decidedly uncomfortable, but it was definitely him. Roy took another second before he fully opened his door. He couldn't allow himself to be seen in a less than fully controlled state by his teammates, for more than one reason. He took a breath before he stepped out, now seeing the blond alchemist standing at the office's doorway, definitely looking like he was about to flee as soon as he was successful at getting everyone to stop holding him there. Roy had no intentions of letting him do so.

When he called him and asked him to come into his private office, Roy was still not sure what exactly he wanted to say. He knew he needed to know – needed to make sure – that the Elric Brothers did not miss on a chance because of him. He had to make sure the teen was physically alright; who knows what he had to deal with that delayed him for five whole days. And he had to apologize. Even if it would not be gracefully accepted – which would probably be the case – the words needed to be said.

The words simply slipped out of him the moment he closed the door and went to look at Edward. He looked tired, and annoyed – no, Roy corrected himself as he noticed the younger alchemist's clenched jaw. He looked furious, braced for a battle. Then there was only one option.

"Did you find him?" he asked, and he saw the immediate change in Edward's posture. He was obviously surprised, and obviously uncomfortable. Roy didn't need him to speak to know what happened: if he hadn't found him, then he'd yell at him, rightfully blame him for the now lost lead; and had his mission been successful he wouldn't have been standing here like that. He'd be celebrating, or helping his little brother to get better, or else making sure he was following the steps he'd found instead of showing up at the office, although that was a mystery all of itself.

"Yes."

Even though he logically knew it was very unlikely that there was more into it, Roy couldn't help the slight hope that he was reading his subordinate wrong. "And?"

"'And' what? Nothing. It was nothing. Another false lead."

Roy didn't know if it was the despair he could hear in Edward's voice, or something about the way he stood there, arms crossed over his chest and refusing to meet his commanding officer's eyes, as if ashamed of himself, that drove him to his next action.

He had no idea what had possessed him to just close the distance between them and take the younger man in his arms. He could feel him going stiff in his hold, and he was expecting to get pushed away and yelled at, if not a kick to a very delicate area in his anatomy. None of it came, though, and he pulled him slightly closer, leaning his cheek on the blond mane just under his head. It wasn't soft as he remembered it, but felt like hair that hadn't been washed in a few days, somehow both frizzy and oily at the same time. He honestly couldn't care less.

"I'm sorry," he said, almost whispered. He didn't expect to be forgiven; he didn't deserve his words to be so easily forgotten, too harsh to be erased at the soft brushing of an apology – but that did not mean Edward didn't deserve it, as sincere and true as it could be.

He felt him tense even more at his words, and was bracing himself to become a rightful victim of the infamous Fullmetal Alchemist violence; but then he relaxed, becoming – while not limp in his arms – less of a lug of wood. Roy considered that a good sign, even though he was not returning the embrace.

"Ed, I – " Roy started, but was cut short by the younger alchemist's cold, sharp request.

"Let go of me."

Taken aback, Roy complied. Now far enough to see Edward's face,

The Colonel could see the hard mix of feelings on his face; Fullmetal had always been an open book, his emotions written bright and clear all over his features. Now was no different, the tension in his voice mirrored. Roy let his arms fall at the sides of his body. He wanted to apologize again, this time for a different wrong he did to his subordinate, but before he could open his mouth Ed spoke again.

"Do you think I'm that easy? You can just say you're sorry and I'll forget everything? Think your lousy apology can erase what you've done? Think I want to touch you now?!" His voice was a strained hiss, as if he was holding himself back from yelling. Roy reminded to himself that he probably was doing just that.

Roy took another step back. "No," he said softly. He could see that his answer took the other alchemist by surprise. "I was just hoping." The Colonel was surprised to realize how true that was. His worry during the past week wasn't just because it was his fault that Edward fled Eastern, or just because he did not know if he was alright. He was also scared that he'd ruined something great before it had the chance to flourish. It was almost scary to realize just how much Edward seemed to mean to him; he was almost new to that, not recalling feeling these kind of feelings in years. He wondered when this whole thing turned from an amusing gag and a way to get Fullmetal to do what he wanted him to, to this kind of consuming care. It could not have just been just the sex; no, there was something that led there, the same thing that was causing him to feel the way he did now, somehow managing to grow without Roy's notice, like some kind of an infective virus.

"Keep your hopes to yourself then. I don't need any more of your lies."

"I am not lying to you," Roy replied to that, his words as sincere a words could be. True, he did do his fair share of lying, but not about this. Not about caring, not about his hope that he could somehow make up for what he'd said.

"You can shove that up your ass, I'm not buying it."

"I'm not asking you to," Roy said; despite the seriousness of the situation, he had hard time keeping himself from commenting about shoving things up people's asses.

"So what do you want from me?" Ed folded his arms over his chest, looking at Roy coldly. "Don't think even for a second that the fact that you're hot will make me forget what you've said."

Roy couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. He'd neither said nor done anything to encourage such a comment, at least not consciously. Did that mean that Edward was faltering? He gazed at him, and noticed that the flush on his cheeks was not the one of anger; his golden eyes were burning not entirely with hate, but he could see the confusion in them. Somewhere along the line, Edward was no longer as angry as he portrayed himself. This was more of a show for the Fullmetal Alchemist than it was for the Flame, meant to convince that there was a reason behind all of it. Roy knew how these things worked only too well. He was a master at them. He had to choke back a smirk.

"Never said it should," he pointed out. "But it's good to know you think so." Roy ventured a small step closer, earning a burning glare from the younger alchemist.

"Don't flatter yourself, I didn't say I thought so, just that you shouldn't." Edward was obviously realizing the mistake he'd made now, but it was too late. The words have been said, their meaning now floating in the air between them. The blond moved in his place, rising a hand to unconsciously scratch his nose before returning to the defensive stance. Roy couldn't help but let his eyes follow the movement, his smirk widening a bit at the slight exposure of skin when the shirt rose up. He lifted his gaze back to Ed's face. He seemed to be winning, but he wasn't going to lose this battle just because of a little, unimportant, indulgence.

"Fine, I will not." But this promise didn't mean he couldn't use any other talent he'd had, either natural or earned through years of practice in the political arena of Amestris. "Will you allow me to say that I missed you?"

Roy watched with satisfaction when Ed moved his stare from him. "You can say whatever the hell you want," he replied, but it could not have been clearer that he was touched. "Are you done? I didn't even want to come here today, it's Al's fault – " Alphonse made him come here today? Roy could barely hide his surprise. " – that I did."

The younger Elric was probably pulling more strings than Roy had given him credit for. To convince an unwilling Edward to do something was a difficult task the Colonel knew only too well. But this had been already the second time Alphonse had done so in his favor over the past month. Did he have some sinister plan neither Roy nor Edward knew about? Roy had to shake these thoughts out of his head, or at least, push them aside for later review. Right now he had a different, although related, issue to deal with.

"No, not yet," he said. "I want to say that I'm sorry – "

"You already said that. I said I'm not buying it –"

Roy ignored the interruption. "I should have let you go. Not when I got that mission, but when you first asked. I didn't think about the option that whatever it is you've found, it might be gone. I had no right to use my position to force you and Alphonse to stay. I'm sorry that it was another dead end. I don't think I can express how much I want you and your brother to have your bodies back. I would hate to see you leaving my command, but I am also aware that you hate it here. You can choose whether to believe me or not, but the last thing I want to do is stand in your way. I did not mean to use you – not for the play, and not for anything else." Roy knew that Ed will understand; even if he'd choose not to believe him, he'd know. But he will believe him. Roy could see it, he knew that even before he started his little speech. It was at times like this he appreciated the fact that his subordinate was truly an open book. That moment was no different; he could see how Edward's defenses were dropping even further. His resistance was weakening. Five days have passed, and Roy wasn't even sure how it all started to begin with, the date Roy had had such high hopes for long forgotten. Did Edward still remember, other than that idiotic thing Roy said, why he was even mad enough to flee? "I did not mean to give you that impression, and I thought I made it clear on Friday morning, even though I was a huge asshole."

Edward moved again, both his arms falling to the sides of his body. Roy took that as a statement that it was safe to take another step forward, so he did, reaching with his hand to brush his thumb over the younger alchemist's jaw. His eyes never left the blond's face, and he watched as he closed his eyes at the touch, anticipating that any second now he will slap him away. He did not; instead, he let out a sigh, the hot air coming from his mouth fluttering over Roy's skin. Something inside him clicked.

He won Edward again.

"Bastard," he said, but the word lacked the fighting air all of Edward's previous words possessed.

Roy chuckled. "Yes, but give me a chance to prove that I'm not that big a dick as I was five days ago."

He could feel the younger alchemist's lips move against his hand as he let out a short chuckle of his own. "You're just fine in that area."

The smile on Roy's lips broadened, and a pleasant warmth spread in the pit of his stomach at Edward's words. He suppressed it. Now was neither the time nor the place for that.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said, his voice amused. He paused for a second; Edward seemed to have forgiven him, at least enough to be saying what he did and acting the way he did; but did he forgive him enough by now? The conversation was led in a direction the Colonel did like very much, but he didn't want to ruin what he'd achieved with one stupid mistake. Again.

And then Ed moved a little closer and kissed him.

This took Roy by surprise. He did not expect this conversation to turn out that way, at least not so fast. His best hope was to get Ed from the state of being mad enough to run away to agree to stay in the same room as himself; his goal was to make him listen, make him understand that the whole deal with the mission in Western was just him being stupid, not him not respecting the younger alchemist, and so was everything he'd done afterwards. His best hope was to make him forgive him, and he thought that even that was too much to hope for. But this? He did not dare to hope that he will get to feel Edward's lips on his again so soon; but here they were, and despite the fact that Ed was a little tense, as if he wasn't so sure himself that this was what he wanted to do, Roy did not dare to let the surprise hold him back as he tasted him. He held his hips, as if to keep him where he was, in case he had any other ideas; but luckily it didn't seem like it was needed. Roy could feel the younger alchemist relaxing. A pair of mismatching hands found their way to the sides of his body, clenching on his shirt for a short moment before he felt Ed's lips leaving his and his grip loosening. He was prepared for Edward moving away from him, but was relieved that instead he remained close, leaning his forehead against him.

"Bastard," Roy felt the word vibrating against his chest more than he'd heard it, and he couldn't help a smile from stretching on his lips.

"Didn't say I wasn't," he replied. He felt Edward's hold tightening a bit before he let go, moving away from him. Roy let his hands leave the other Alchmist as well.

"Don't you think that this means I forgave you," Ed muttered, and Roy chuckled at his words.

"To me it kind of looks like you did – " he started, unable to hold himself back event though he knew it would only annoy the blond again. He was right about that.

"Idiot, don't push your luck," Ed snapped at him, cutting into his words, but the colonel knew that it was a joking reproach; the smirk playing on the major's lips gave that in. Roy smiled and gave the blond a short, playful kiss on his lips before moving away. He could see the pout on the youth's face, and his smile broadened.

"I won't," he said. He looked at Edward's face; still the hard features, as always ready to strike, but no longer an immediate threat. Roy felt almost sorry at what he was about to do, but now that things seemed to be fine between them, he had other, almost as important issues to tend to. Ed wasn't going to like this. "So, now that we've settled this, will I see you tonight?" Ed blinked, and Roy immediately realized he was taking this the wrong way. "The premiere to our play is in one weeks. This is our time to perfect it. Since you've just come back from a long journey I won't ask you to be there on time, but I do need you to show up, maybe around six? It gives you enough time to rest a little and eat. You can come a little bit later, too, but no later than seven."

Ed frowned. "What makes you think I will still participate in that thing of yours? You've lost your leverage and I don't wanna do it."

Roy anticipated this kind of reaction. He let out a sigh, stepping away from Edward. "Because you've made a promise. Because it wouldn't be just me you'd disappoint, but the entire branch. The rest of them are really looking forward to it, and without you there will be no play. Because I ask you to," he looked at the blond, seeing his face – hard as a rock, but there was no mistaking the faltering in his eyes. "And because even though I did lie to you about some things, I didn't lie about the prize, if we get it. I know you no longer have anything to look for in Western, but it's still a vacation. I've seen the name of the place they give rooms at for the winners – it's a beautiful place, and I think that even though you don't believe in it, you could really use a vacation. Some time away that is not directly work related, and both you and Alphonse could use some days to try and rest before we're looking for the next lead on your mission. Besides, I think you can have fun with it, even though you probably don't believe me."

"Pfft, as if." Edward moved a little in his place. He remained quiet for a short moment before continuing. "So… you're saying that the rest of the team actually wants to do this terrible play?" he asked.

Roy smiled. He could tell Ed was only looking for an excuse; a way to say yes without admitting he actually wanted to. "Well, yes!" he replied. "It's actually really fun, when you think about it. Everyone were rather sad when the rehearsals couldn't go as planned since you weren't around… though no one blames you. I told everyone you were sick – "

"Oh, yeah, I know, realized it as soon as I walked in."

Roy chuckled shortly. "Except for Havoc. I think he figured out I did something stupid – "

"To say the least."

" – and doesn't really believe me that you were sick, but I think it's better to stick to that version. You know how Jean is, he might accidently let something slip and then if anyone above me realizes you disappeared I might not be able to protect you."

Ed frowned. "I don't need protection."

"I know, but you don't need to get a fine, either, so let's stick to my version."

The blond grimaced, but shortly after he loosened his features and shrugged. "Whatever."

Roy let out a small sigh. This part went by well enough; he wouldn't expect Edward to be any more accepting than this; but the worse was still ahead of them. He still didn't get a clear answer. "Yes. So they don't blame you for disappearing but I do think they will be very disappointed of you if you just decide to drop out," he said, choosing his words carefully.

The colonel could see the reflection of Ed's turning wheels in the expression of his face and could imagine the thoughts running through his head, a weight measuring the pros and cons of each of his options. He said nothing, letting everything he'd said so far do its work. He had to fight a small victorious smile when the expression on Edward's face changed again.

"Really?" he asked, scratching his flesh arm with his automail one.

"Yes," Roy replied, knowing very well that that wasn't the answer the major was looking for; but it was the answer that was needed. It wasn't a lie, either. Just a little exaggeration. He watched Edward looking at him, his eyes scanning him, as if he thought he'd find the answer he wanted to hear hidden somewhere in Roy's form. He gave up a short moment later.

"Fine," he said, the word seemingly taking up a lot of energy to be said. "But just for the record, I'm not doing this because I want to. I still think this play sucks. I'm only agreeing because I don't want the rest to be disappointed… and to prove you all that there's no way this… thing is going to win the competition. And you will owe me a vacation if we don't win, which we won't."

Roy's smile broadened. He should've known that Ed will set conditions; but this wasn't one that he wouldn't be happy to supply. Not that he will need to; he was confident of his choice and of the skill of his people.

"You got it," he said.

"Good. But I get to choose where."

"No problem," Roy's smile broadened again. He saw a hint of surprise on Ed's face, as if he wasn't expecting Roy to agree so easily. Well, too bad for him. There was a short moment of silence between them before Edward spoke again.

"Fine. So… uh," he started, and glanced around, as if not so sure of something. "I'll go now. Think I wanna rest a little bit. And take a shower. Sheesh, Western might be considered a resort city or something like that but I guess you gotta know how to choose the place you stay at. Had no warm water at all."

Roy chuckled. "No problem, take your time. Like I've said, today you don't have to be there on time, just try to show up before seven."

"Gotcha. So I guess I'll see you later?"

"Yes." Roy went back behind his desk, arranging his documents in a nice pile. It was already the end of the day, and the fact that he didn't do what he was supposed to from his paperwork didn't mean Hawkeye should also scold him for being untidy. He saw Edward walking towards the door, almost letting him open it before he called his name, making him turn. The look on his face told him that the blond thought he probably had more requests of him. He had such little faith in people, sometimes. "Thank you," he said, and saw the confused frown on Ed's face.

"I'm not doing this for you, I only agreed because you've said that the others actually like – "

"I know," Roy smiled. "I Didn't mean the play. I meant, for giving me a second chance."

Edward's expression softened, and for a short moment he just stared at him. "Don't waste it," he said eventually, but Roy could see the smile playing at the edge of his lips before he turned again and left the room.

As if Roy will waste a second chance with someone like Edward Elric.