This one time, Rhea gave me the idea of Gray starting a nudist colony. So this happened. Say hi to the life and times of Les Writing Crack Again. Boom, baby.

the naked sunday redux

It just happens.

Gray comes back from a solo job with a pocket filled with tickets for public indecency; he comes back empty handed, with no trace of his reward money because he had to give it all away to the police if he wanted to leave the damn village. Who the fuck is sensitive enough that cannot handle a man walking down the street in his boxers?

Seriously, how do you live with males in your house, then?

He stalks right into the Guild, a deep glower in his face and a very important message at the tip of his tongue. He's thought about it the entire travel back home—tossed it and turned it and tore it apart and put it back together until it was perfect and he is going to do it okay?

He totally is.

Gray takes his shirt off for emphasis as he stops right at the center of the Guild.

"Welp, guys," he starts off, pausing to glare at Lyon who is invading his fuckin' Guild again. And being near what was his while he isn't around to be territorial, that sick son of a bitch. "It's been fun and all… But I'm starting a nudist colony. Peace out."

There's a moment of silence and he can see Macao and Wakaba snickering behind their tankards, again, and Mirajane pausing from whispering things to Laxus, and Natsu jerking his hand away from Lucy's thigh. What a fucking little runt! Waiting for him and Erza to be away for him to pull a fast one on Lucy—fucking filthy pigs, and in front of Wendy!

He glowers at his stupid best friend for a second before:

"Gray-sama! Juvia will come help you on your new quest!"

He pauses, again, feeling his cheeks grow a bit warm. He shifts his weight from one leg to the other, running a hand through his hair and trying really hard to not come off as flustered as he actually is. Seriously, he had not thought about girls in his colony; with their… their… and their… their… And his… his… Yes, well.

"Wait!"

Oh good god.

"If Juvia is joining then I must join as well!"

Fuck that. He's seriously gotten enough of Lyon naked when they were kids, he is not going to go through that again and not with Juvia in the middle. Oh god, what the fuck is that?

"No, fuck you, no one invited you. Get outta here."

He stalks to his and Juvia's table, snatches her by the wrist and leaves the Guild.

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Obviously the main thing about a nudist colony is to be, well… Nude.

Gray has no problem with this. Seriously, he's already down to just his pants and even those are unbuttoned, already. The problem is that he didn't really think about where exactly he's going to establish his colony. So it starts off at his house—it is a perfect plan, Gray thinks.

It is like the Main House because he's the founder of the colony so it only makes sense if it all starts in his house. So he strips down in his living room, throwing his clothes around so they can blend in with the rest of them. He half-grins at his genius and only comes out of his high when a squeak goes off next to him.

Gray sobers up and turns his head, watching as Juvia hides her eyes behind her hands. Only the entire point of the action is lost when she spreads her fingers so she can chance looks from the spaces in between them. Gray rolls his eyes, crossing his toned arms in front of his bare chest. "Juvia, if you're going to join, you have to… Well, you gotta take your clothes off."

"Okay."

Well, then.

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On the third day, they get new recruits.

Gray doesn't know how it happens, but obviously whoever it is, is from the Guild. No one else knows about the colony and how fucking intelligent he is for starting it.

Either way, he walks down the stairs of his house, rubbing his face because maybe that way the sleep he is disturbed out of will go away. The door rings and there is insistent pounding on the door and Gray is ready to freeze the motherfucker for being such an asshole. He yanks the door open and he glares at—

"What the serious shit, Natsu."

"Holy fuck, you're actually naked!"

Gray rolls his dark eyes. "The whole point of a nudist colony, fuckface."

"Okay, I want in."

"What."

Natsu nudges his chin, already shrugging his vest off.

Gray furrows his brow, crossing his arms in front of his chest and eyes narrowing down to a glare. Since when the fuck did Natsu like stripping down to his birthday suit? "Fuck off, cumslut, you're not about that life."

"Fuck yeah, I am!"

"Since when?"

"Since Lucy decided she wants to join and I can't let you be in a place with two naked—"

"Gray-sama?"

They both pause their argument; Gray moves aside a bit to look behind him and watch as Juvia walks into the foyer. Her hair is long enough to cover her front side but the rest of her… Well, the rest of her is out in the open for everyone to see. He frowns turning to watch as Natsu stares at her with unblinking eyes. Then, he turns back to glower at Juvia for a second before smacking the bottom of his fist against his open palm and freezing Natsu's dick.

"Juvia go upstairs," he hisses at her, yanking a screeching Natsu inside and leaving the door open for Lucy.

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By the sixth day, his house is crowded.

Gray drums his fingers against his desk, chin resting in the palm of his other hand. He doesn't know how to feel about this at all; of course, he should be proud that his nudist colony has grown and become an actual colony. It's just that there are a lot of naked women (Jesus shit, Erza and Evergreen and even Mirajane, like, seriously, wow, tatas everywhere) and he really likes the view but what the fuck is it with everyone, you know, staring at everyone.

That's not how naked colonies work.

The naked is normal; an everyday life thing. It shouldn't make eyes wander.

Or maybe he just doesn't like how some of the fuckers stare at Juvia.

That's all.

There, he's said it.

He doesn't like how those little assholes are eying what's his.

But keeping her upstairs is juvenile and stupid and someone is bound to notice even if she's quick to agree to what he says. Seriously, this was easier when it was just him and her.

He sighs and glares out the window.

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He loses his shit when he catches Max's eyes wander downwards about ten times as he converses with her.

Gray stalks towards them, squeezes Max's face in his hand and freezes him up, snatching Juvia's forearm and leading her upstairs.

Let the other nudists do whatever they want—have a goddamn orgy for all he cares.

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"No, stay here, I don't care."

Juvia blinks as he ties the belts around her wrists and then ties it against the bedframe of his bed, in his bedroom.

She's staring at him with wide navy-blue eyes, lips parted and hair falling across her face in a really attractive way. Gray wants to demand she quit doing that—this whole attractive thing. It'll keep motherfuckers away and he won't have to start freezing all his citizens for the crime of eye-handling the First Lady.

Or something like that, Gray doesn't fucking know, he just doesn't like how they look at her!

"Juvia thinks this is kinky."

"Gray thinks Juvia is—shut up."

She smiles at him and Gray stares at her for a good ten seconds before he leaves.

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"Gray-sama, Juvia would like to know why you get angry when Juvia speaks to other boys."

Gray lifted his head up from the pillow, eyes still half-lidded with sleep. Juvia lay next to him, not tied, anymore, but curled up at his side. Her words don't exactly register in his head, but she looked really comfortable and Gray was really sleepy—handling an entire colony was not an easy task, after all. So he drops his head back down, already half asleep, and throws an arm over her waist.

Somewhere in between sleep and awareness, he feels her shift and hears something like a tiny squeak. Gray smirks into the pillows.

"Gray-sama."

"Hgnnn?"

He thinks she shakes her head as if dropping the subject, but Gray doesn't remember too correctly. He's already fallen asleep.

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The nakedness looks better on him, he decides.

No one can pull it off better than him; on everyone else it looks goddamn wrong and indecent and Jesus Christ what were they doing looking like that? Gray doesn't voice his opinion, though. Not because he's kind or doesn't have the heart to. Hell no, he's a blunt, rude, snarky motherfucker and he knows it.

It's just that he doesn't think it's his business.

As the founder of this nudist colony, it's his job to see that everyone is doing the right thing.

And that is to be naked.

And if those being naked look better with their clothes on, then that is not his problem.

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It happens about a month and a half into the establishment of his colony.

Gray takes his time from descending from upstairs—not because he's doing important founder things because he's really not—what's there to do, demand tans for the pale people?—but because he really, really likes to sleep in. By the time he awakens and showers and looks alive and not half-dead, he's realized Juvia had long gotten up before him.

This spells out trouble.

Only not because since he froze Max's face, everyone has realized that looking at anything but Juvia's face or blue hair is a big no and, in fact, a penalty with the Naked Law.

So he relaxes and comes down from the second floor with all the calm he can muster.

Until his eyes land on a very naked Juvia talking—albeit a bit forcefully—with a very naked… Lyon.

Gray sees every shade of blue there is to know before he loses his composure and goes apeshit. He smacks his fist to his palm, calling out an ice hammer and pounding Lyon out of the house before screaming and demanding everyone put their clothes on and leave his house if they did not want to end up victims to his Ice-Make Unlimited on all their naked asses.

He's seething by the time the house is evacuated, furniture toppled and some clothes thrown around. He cracks the kinks out of his neck and turns his blazing dark eyes towards Juvia who stands to the side, a hand holding onto her elbow in a stance that said she did not know what to do, head tilted and eyes questioning.

"What?"

"Gray-sama, was that really necessary?"

"Yes."

Juvia blinks her eyes and picks up a shirt, sliding it on. Gray stares at her and decides she looks beautiful with her clothes on.

"No one is allowed to be naked in this house but me. And you."

She watches him for a long while, even as he slides a pair of boxers up his legs and ruffles his hair as his means for a distraction. Juvia slowly nods her head, lips tilting upwards in an attempt for a smile. "Juvia will accept this as a confession and forgive Gray-sama for his actions."

"Gray appreciates this."

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Weeks later, Gray sits at his usual table with the rest of his team, half paying attention to Juvia and Gajeel talking about a mission they are going to take. He drums his fingers against the surface of the table, tankard of beer untouched while his other hand holds his chin. He glares at everything.

Well, fuck, there goes his fucking idea.