A.N Fuck this. Imma write what I want. And it's yaoi. And if you don't like it, you can go suck an... egg. All my thanks to Sweetsheart, because she is the mother of this pairing. Even though she has never heard of me. Right, sexy time. *rolls up sleeves*
Oh yeah, WARNING: Contains BDSM. That is to say bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. Or badasses, dicks, sex, and madness. Both apply. And also terrible sex jokes and blokes being manly.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Giriko was lost. In a forest. Without his companions. Medusa was dead, Arachne was dead, Asura was dead, that religious idiot deathscythe was out there somewhere, and he. Was. LOST! And Eruka and Free had fucking wandered off! And he was hungry, and thirsty, and tired, and bored! And there was nothing (no-one) to do around here, and nothing to eat, and nowhere to go, and...

These thoughts swirled around in his head over and over, until he stumbled upon what some may call a scar upon the landscape, or a reminder of a great battle, but what the chainsaw dubbed "a big-ass crater". He looked around, and saw something, high in the sky. It looked like a cloud, or maybe not... It changed at different angles, and was hard to look at directly. And then someone fell out of it. And landed on Giriko. Cue swearing.

"SHIT!" A tall figure rolled over, and rubbed his head, making an oddly mettallic sound. Giriko continued to curse.
"You bastard! OW! That HURT! Fuck me!" The other man laughed softly, and replied
"I don't even know your name, and you want me to fuck you? Fascinating."
"NOT LIKE THAT! Jesus Christ! Who the fuck are you? What were you doing in the fucking sky?"
"My name is Franken Stein, and I am a teacher and a meister at Shibusen. There is a portal looking at this place from Shibusen, to observe the battle between the Kishin and our students. I fell through after being hit round the head by a beautiful woman. Who are you?"
"Giriko. You're with that fucking school? Fuck you then. Got any food?"
"Wait, do you want to fuck me, or me to fuck you, or to eat? I'm confused" grinned Stein. He seemed to be enjoying messing with the saw.

Giriko muttered something under his breath, and turned away. "So where are we? You know the way back to... Anywhere?" The scientist started walking silently. Giriko followed, dragging his feet.

The sun was setting, and they were still in a forest. Judging by the orange light reflecting off clouds to the north, there was a city there, full of lights. Giriko tripped over a tree root and went flying, amidst a flurry of curses.
"RIGHT, FUCK THIS! I haven't had any sleep for two days, I'm starving, I'm thirsty, and I'm not going any further than this!" Stein nodded.
"It's getting late. Let's stop for the night. I'll get some food."
"Wait, you have food? Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"
"I don't have any yet. But thankfully I always carry a few blades on my person, so we'll have food soon."

Rabbits tasted pretty good when you hadn't eaten for a few days. The two men ate swiftly, and then sat by the fire, resting.
"So Franken, who's this beautiful woman who hit you round the head?"
"Huh? Oh, that's my friend, Marie. I don't think she meant to knock me through the portal, but the ability to turn into a hammer can result in some rather misjudged blows. And if you ever happen to meet her, don't tell her I said she was beautiful, please."
"Why not? It's a nice thing t'say to a lady."
"She'd... get the wrong idea."
"Ah. A romantic?"
"And then some."
"And you're a mad scientist. See, that's the kind of shit you always see in weird-ass romance novels! You get the sweet but fiesty girl, right, an' the mad scientist, or the vampire, or whatever the fuck, and he captures her for some bullshit reason, and then they fall in love and he's not such a bad guy after all, and all that bollocks."

Stain nodded thoughtfully, and ate a bit more rabbit. "Anyway, you wouldn't happen to have a tent or something?"
"Why the hell would I have a tent? I'm not a pussy." The doctor sighed, and started planning. Hmmm... If there were any large animals, he could theoretically use their skins, but there were only rabbits and things, and anyway the skin would need to cure, ideally. He'd do something with some leaves and his coat then... Did he have any rope? Yes. He absently pulled a length of rope out of one of his pockets, and twisted around his wrist once or twice, absorbed in thought.

Giriko noticed this, and pulled an end. Stein flew forward, nearly ending up in the fire. "What the hell was that for?"
"I dunno. See how you'd react? Teach you not to bondage-ify yourself near naked flames?"
"What? What does bondage-ify even mean?"
"Uh... Perform bondage on? Yeah, that."
"This isn't bondage. It's just messing around with a rope. And you are far too dirty-minded."
"And your wrists are tied."
"No, there's just a bit of rope around one of them." Giriko grinned at him, and tied his wrists together. "You were saying?"
"I'm fairly confident I can get out of this if I wanted."
"So you don't want to? You sayin' a doctor like you, who presumably spends all his time strappin' girls to tables and taking their clothes off for "surgery", is comfortable with being tied up?" Giriko gave him a perverted grin.
"Well, I've only strapped a human to a table twice, once because I'd run out of sedative and the other time... Well, times, I suppose, but it was the same person every time... in case the stuff I was using stopped working. Since I didn't have access to any professional stuff and the fact he was a rather strong weapon." Stein's eyes glazed over, and he seemed lost in thought.
"He did look so peaceful in his sleep... No doubt dreaming about girls." he added, with distaste.
"You don't sound too happy about that... Don't want your subject gettin' too close to others?"
"It was years ago. And he wasn't just a specimen, he was my partner. And those bloody romances of his would always end with him crying on my shoulder."
"Yeah, I reckon you're jealous. Funny, I wouldn'ta thought you were into dudes." Stein grinned at that.
"When you say "into", do you mean literally, or do you mean was I attracted to them?"
"What the hell else would I mean? You can't literally get into someone, like inside of the- oh wait."
"In any case, yes to both." Giriko looked up.
"Shit, really? I'm gonna go right ahead and guess that you like girls too, though."
"Yes. Although I'm more interested in getting inside people with the aid of a scalpel." Giriko laughed.
"Kinky."
"No, just mentally engaging. Well, 95 percent of the time. The other five percent... My hands may have been shaking somewhat during the operation. Self-control doesn't come naturally to me."
"So, lemme guess. You're really dominant in bed, right? Like havin' your partner all tied up and at your mercy? Maybe cut their clothes off with that scalpel of yours, get their skin a bit... You seem the type to like a lil bit of blood. Right, Frankie?" He noticed Stein had zoned out somewhat, staring at the fire. Giriko wondered if his description had been a bit too graphic for the man.

"You are exactly right. And please don't call me Frankie. It sounds even worse coming out of your mouth than it did from Spirit."
"Spirit... Your ex-boyfriend or friend with surgical benefits or whatever, right?"
"HE WAS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. He was my partner. Not that kind of partner."
"Yeah, you liked him. Tell me, d'you wish he was here?"
"What, so I'd have some intelligent company? Not that he ever said anything remotely smart, but compared to you..."
"Nah, so you could screw him into the ground. Hah! Screw! Man, I'm so funny and I don't even realise."
"Shut up. Or this rope is going to end up around your neck." Stein held up the length of rope, which he had untied during the conversation. "You can't tie knots for shit."
"Nah, but I can get out of 'em bloody easy!" He flashed a grin, revving up his arm. The scientist's eyes immediately widened.
"Impressive. Very impressive."
"Yeah, well, that's me all over! And I do mean all over, if you catch my drift."
"Oh, are we going to have a bragging contest? How... Either macho, homoerotic, or just plain stupid, I'm not entirely sure which."
"Well, I've got some good brags. Y'know, considering I get more in a month than you do in a year, shit, a decade." He grinned.
"Only because I don't try. When I do try, not only do I almost invariably get whomever I want, but they frequently say the day after I'm the best they've ever had." This may have been an exaggeration, but due to his interest in biology, Stein did know what he was doing.
"Bullshit. You're kinky, but I doubt you're that hot."
"You do, do you? Well, I could probably change your mind if I wanted."
"That sounded one helluva lot like you were coming on to me..."
"Hm? Perhaps, although I think coming into you would be less messy." Giriko's jaw dropped.
"That is just disgusting, y'know. Honestly, a man of science like you, being so foul. Just shockin'." The saw shook his head. If he wasn't so manly, his face would be red with shame.
"You're blushing. And I must say, it's the first time I've seen someone blush out of distaste." No, that wasn't a smirk at all. Stein most certainly wasn't having brilliant fun playing with Giriko's head. Or leaning forward slightly, glasses glinting in the firelight. Or taking the weapon's chin and tilting his head slightly...

"Just checking your pupils... Ah yes, they are dilated. That means bigger than usual, by the way."
"So is getting a hard-on a dick dilatorer-whatever?" Stein laughed softly.
"No, no, it only refers to circular openings which are capable of expansion and contraction. Although dilated pupils are a sign of relaxation or arousal, so they can be the precursor to a hard-on." Giriko looked puzzled, and then said "But I'm not that relaxed, out in the woods with a crazy guy." And regretted it as soon as he saw the scientist grin.

"So you're aroused?" Of course, pupil dilation is also a reaction to low light levels, but why spoil the fun by saying that?
"Maybe... Ain't my fault if you're threatenin' to fuck me. You do look kinda dramatic, with the fire and all that." He grinned cockily, confident that this level of bluntness would put the mad meister off, despite the fact he was mostly bullshitting. Mostly.
"So I turn you on? I'm flattered, I really am. And I must say you also look rather attractive at the moment. Although that may just be all the sexual conversation and the fact I haven't got laid in ages..." He placed his hands behind him and arched his back, looking at the stars, before returning to a sitting position and cranking his bolt a couple of times, as Giriko looked at him in a certain amount of shock. What was this lunatic on about? He was acting like they were going to... Holy shit. He was pretty flexible. Ah, fuck it. He was Giriko, the great opportunist! Time for a little wager.

"So, Franken. You say you're good in bed. But I've got a bet for you."
"Hm?"
"I bet... That you can't make me scream." There was a moment of stunned silence, broken by a growl.
"You will not be able to speak in the morning. I guarantee it." Damn. Daaaaayuuumn.
"Bullshit. But I'm sure I'll appreciate your effort, so to speak." He hardly had time to finish the sentence before his wrists had been tied to a tree root.
"Y'know, I can cut these."
"I know. But where's the fun in that? Unless you want me to punish you for doing so, which I assure you would happen." Giriko nodded in understanding. The sadistic glint in Stein's eye told him it was time to shut up. The knife at his collarbone then told him it was time to start talking again.

"What the hell? I thought you were gonna fuck me, not cut me open!"
"Yes, but I can't remove your shirt with your hands tied."
"So push it out the way or whatever? Why d'you even need to take it off? It's just a fucking shirt."
"Because Iike to be able to admire my work to it's fullest extent. But fine, I won't cut it off."
"Thank you very much, mate! Honestly, I paid good money for this shirt... Well, someone probably did at some point. Anyway, -what are you doing?!" He yelled, as Stein took a branch from the fire, and ran the smouldering tip down Giriko's shirt, burning a line through it.
"I said nothing about burning, however." He stated, as his specimen clenched his teeth as a strip of his skin was scorched.

"Franken... Fucking hell, I liked that shirt! And this hurts! Aahh..." He winced as the branch touched the trail of hair below his navel, incinerating it.
"You'd better not use that method on my damn jeans! I need those! And I'm gonna have no shirt tomorrow, an-Mmmph!" Stein rolled his eyes, tying the charred strip of shirt tight, ensuring Giriko couldn't say a word.
"You talk too much." He unbuttoned the saw's jeans, pushing them down, and grinned up at him. This was going to be good.

A.N. I'm sorry! I just... I dunno. If you want smut, review or something and I'll try and do it. But I don't know if you guys really want that. And I was laughing so goddamn hard when I went over this for some reason. I don't even know why. Probably just the tasteless jokes. I'm sorry for those too, by the way. Anyway, yeah, if you want a sex scene, and maybe the aftermath, ask and ye shall recieve. Like Giriko, hur hur. But that doesn't mean he's a blushing uke or anything. Real men can take it up the ass too. And this will not repeat not end in "I love you"s of any kind! It wouldn't make sense. TSOM out!