Thanks MLH for being my beta.

Disclaimers: Obviously, I don't own them.

...

"5 years," Jane thought ruefully, staring out the window as the plane touched down at Logan Airport.

It felt like an eternity, but at the same time, not nearly long enough. Not long enough to make the pain go away.

She drove her rental car away from the airport, looking at the familiar skyline, thinking about all that had changed. She found comfort in the fact that Boston rarely changed.

For five years she had been living in Chicago, after accepting a job in their homicide division. Five years, 1 month and 2 days to be exact. Not that Jane was counting.

"So maybe I am counting," Jane grimaces as she realizes that the first thing she does every day when waking up is add another day to that count.

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 6 days earlier:

"Cavanaugh, we got enough to do today, we don't need some half-assed pep talk you're being forced to give," someone yelled as Lt. Cavanaugh tried to quiet the crowd. Everyone laughed. Well, almost everyone. Cavanaugh's face stayed stony, not interested in the playful banter. The expression on the face of the dark-haried woman standing next to him didn't change either.

"Ok, enough, enough," Cavanaugh started. "I have an announcement."

The crowd quieted down, sensing that this was big news.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli has accepted a position in Chicago PD's homicide department, effective two weeks from now," he paused. "Jane, Boston PD won't be the same without you, Chicago is gaining a great detective."

The reaction ranged from congratulatory to indifferent to shocked to —

"NO! You're not leaving Jane Rizzoli!" the Medical Examiner pushed her way through the crowd, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Jane turned away from her and walked out of the bullpen.

...

"It's funny, that whole change thing," Jane thought as she drove down familiar streets. "I feel completely different, yet this damn town feels exactly the same."

She pulled up to a familiar house, taking a deep breath, hoping that the next 73 hours and 23 minutes would feel more like 3 hours than the whole 3 days. The driveway was filled with cars and delivery vans and Jane's mind flashed with regret, realizing she had missed out on so much of this process. Putting the car in park, she said a little prayer to whoever was up there, hoping that she could make in through the weekend with out too many tears — or too much blood for that matter.

Wiping her suddenly sweaty hands on her pants, she walked towards the door, nervous as she realized she had no idea if she should just walk in or ring the doorbell. Or hell, just use the key she'd never removed from her keychain. She grimaced. She decided ringing the bell was the best course of action.

"Ah yes, may I help you?" A smiling face appeared as the door opened.

"Not who I was expecting," Jane thought to herself.

"Uh, yes, I'm the maid of honor..." Jane answered, trailing off.

"Oh, yes! Jane! Please come in, I've heard so much about you," the man gestured back towards the house. "Angela will be so happy you're here!"

"And you are...?" Jane knew the answer already, she just needed confirmation that this was in fact, her greatest nightmare.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm Evan, Maura's..."

"Janieeeeee!" Evan was cut off as Angela barreled down the hallway and scooped Jane into a hug. "You're finally here! You're too thin!"

"Ma, you saw me two months ago, I'm the same as I was then."

"And two months ago you were too thin."

"Ma, I haven't even been in town 3 hours and already you're starting? Planes fly between Boston and Chicago all the time, I can turn around now."

"Oh Jane, stop, it's not every day your mother gets married you know."

"I know Ma..." Jane starts to protest, glancing up and finally seeing the face she's been dreaming about for five years, 1 month and 2 days.

"Jane," Maura's voice was short, uncertain, questioning.

"Maura, I..." Jane was cut off by her mother.

"Oh, both of my girls back together! I'm so happy!" Angela pulled them both into a hug.

...

5 years, 3 weeks, 2 days ago:

Jane glanced down at the blonde haired woman who leaned against her, watching her as intently as the blonde watched the documentary. She loved watching Maura's expressions as she digested the information on the screen — her eye-brows knitting together as she considered a particularly perplexing point.

"Jane, why are you watching me?" Maura's question snapped Jane out of her thoughts.

"I, uh, just like watching you watch tv."

"Oh, okay," Maura responded, turning back to the program. That was one of the things Jane loved most about Maura. As much as she questioned everything around her, she never questioned Jane. She accepted her so simply, without question.

Jane smiled, thinking that nothing could be better than this moment. Beer in hand, comfortable couch, big screen tv and most importantly, the beautiful, smart woman draped over her. Okay, she admitted, watching the Red Sox instead of a documentary about the mating rituals of deep sea sea anemonae or whatever they were called would have made it perfect.

Maura leaned in closer, something she did when she was getting tired. Jane curled her arm tighter around Maura, the latter sighing contentedly.

"Jane?" Maura's sleepy voice questioned.

"Yes Maur, I'm staying." Jane smiled.

"Okay, good, did you know that overtiredness can be as dangerous as driving while intoxicated?"

"Yes, Google, I did. Let's get ready for bed."

The two women went to their respective bathrooms, Jane to the guest bathroom, Maura to her master bathroom. They went through their nightly routines, Jane smiling as she opened a drawer of the dresser in the guest bedroom, finding a well-worn Bruins t-shirt and shorts folded neatly among the other clothes that had gradually migrated from her own closet in her own apartment.

Jane wandered back down the hall to Maura's room, under the guise of saying good night. She hoped that it would lead to an invitation to join the blonde in bed. Jane was careful never to intrude, never to assume, waiting instead for Maura to look pointedly at the empty space next to her and give her a hopeful look.

"Jane...?"

She smiled at the invitation, climbing into Maura's pillowy bed, cuddling her tired body into the soft sheets.

Maura moved closer, their bodies relaxing together.

"Maur, I don't know why I even have my own apartment any more, I'm here more than I'm home."

"Jane, that's quite a big step. I believe in some circles it's called 'U-Hauling'".

Jane stiffened at the implication.

"I, uh, didn't mean..." she stuttered.

"It was a joke!" Maura smiled, proud that she was able stump Jane.

"Oh! Yeah, sure. After midnight and you become a comedian." Jane relaxed, hoping she didn't give away what she was feeling. Had Maura really implied they were like a lesbian couple?

"Good night Jane."

"Night Maur." Jane laid there, suddenly wide awake, as she thought about what Maura had just said. How did she know that all Jane wanted, all she hoped for, was affirmation that Maura felt about Jane the same Jane felt about her? It was a long time before Jane finally drifted to sleep.

...

Jane pushed herself back from Angela's embrace, her body rigid after being pressed close to Maura's. Not quite how she imagined their first interaction. She glanced at Maura, feeling a little comfort when she saw Maura's rigid posture. Clearly not how Maura imagined it either.

"Ma, I just wanted to stop by and tell you I got in. I'm going to the hotel to shower and drop off my things ok?"

"Janie, you just got here, Tommy and Frankie and TJ will be here soon, you haven't seen Maura in five years. The hotel can wait."

"Ma..."

"Vince will be here too. Don't make me pull the bridezilla card Jane Rizzoli."

"Okay, okay, I'll stay."

"Jane, can, can I, uh, get you a beer?" Maura's voice was tentative. Jane turned, having momentarily forgetton that she was standing in the hallway of Maura's home.

"I'm fine, thanks," Jane responded coolly, not wanting to giveaway her true feelings.

"Hey, Jane, we didn't get properly introduced, I'm Evan, Maura's boyfriend." Jane took a deep breath before turning to the person who had just spoken. He had his arm around Maura's waist and stuck her hand out for her to shake. Jane had to admit, he was handsome and complimented Maura, looks-wise at least.

"Nice to meet you," Jane avoided the handshake, rubbing her hands together. If Evan was offended, he didn't show it. She wondered if Maura had told him about Hoyt, about Jane's reluctance to have her hands touched. Or had she forgotten over the years; discarded as just another quirk of her ex-LLBFF.

"So Ma, what do you need me to do?" Jane turned before she could get sucked into a conversation with Maura...and Evan.

"Please, come out of the entry-way," Evan gestured towards the living room.

"Like he fucking lives here," Jane muttered under her breath, thinking no one could hear her.

"He does live here!" Of course, Angela Rizzoli heard it.

Jane's stomach dropped. She knew on some level that Evan existed and that she'd have to face him, but she didn't realize he had moved into Maura's house, now his house. The place Jane felt most comfortable, felt grounded. Her sanctuary. To be fair, it hadn't been that for years, but despite the time and hurt, Jane still felt that way. Now it felt tainted.

She walked down the hallway to the familiar living room. How many hours had she and Maura spent on that very same couch, watching tv after a long day, eating Chinese food out of the container (one of the many things Jane had taught Maura)? How many times had they sat on that couch, comforting each other, holding each other as tears fell?

Angela was talking to her, but Jane couldn't focus, couldn't hear her words. She was focused on the couch, wishing should could rewind the world to five years prior. She and Maura, sitting on the couch together, tangled up, sometimes excitedly talking over each other, or contentedly sitting in silence. She shook her head, her mind finally realizing her mother had asked her a question.

"What was that? Sorry, still shaking off the flight."

"Jane, I asked if you wanted to try on your dress! Go to the guest room and try it on! I'll be in soon."

Jane did as she was told, walking down the familiar hallway. She noted that Maura had added to her art collection, two new paintings on the hallway wall. She turned into the guest bedroom, not knowing what to expect. The room was exactly the same.

"Talk about rewinding 5 years," Jane muttered. She walked over to the dresser, laughing at herself as she pictured her clothes still sitting in the dresser. "I'm sure she got rid of them. Probably threw them out."

She opened the drawer where Maura had kept her t-shirts, surprised when she saw the Red Sox logo splayed across a well-worn gray t-shirt. It must be Evan's, Jane thought. Then she realized — no, that's my shirt. She dug down into the drawer, they were all her shirts. Jane pulled the Red Sox shirt out, pulling it close to her. It smelled like Maura's laundry detergent, not musty and not like it had been sitting in a drawer for five years. Interesting, Jane thought to herself.

Replacing the shirt, she turned and saw the plastic wrapped dress hanging on a hook on the back of the door. She quickly slipped off her clothes, replacing them with the emerald green dress her mother had picked out for her to wear. She was surprised that it actually flattered her body. While she didn't love to wear dresses, when she did, she wanted to look good doing so.

She heard a knock at the door and Angela peaked her head in.

"Oh Janie, you look beautiful!"

"Thanks Ma, the dress is great."

"Of course it is, Maura helped me pick it out!" Jane's heart dropped. Was there nothing in her life that woman hadn't had a hand in?

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 5 days earlier:

"Jane, I have to do it. She's my family."

"No Maura, she's not your family. You share DNA. You of all people should understand it's just DNA."

"Why can't you see how much I want to do this? Kayleen is my sister. Hope is my mother."

"Maur, I know how much you want to do it. I'm not telling you not to do it, I just want you to be level headed about it. I want you to think about your parents, about Constance and Philip. Think about your family Maura."

"They are my family Jane!"

"Think about us Maura," the words slipped out before Jane could stop them. "I mean, the Rizzolis. You're our family and we'd be lost without you. What if something happens? What if something goes wrong? You always say you love my family and we love you. We need you to make our family complete."

"You know how I feel about your family, you, Angela, Frankie and even Tommy mean the world to me."

"Maura," Jane said softly. "I need you."

She looked at Maura, tears forming. It was now or never.

"I need you more than I've ever needed anyone. I need to know that you'll be there today, tomorrow, months, years from now."

"I will be, this procedure is very simple as far as surgeries go."

"No, Maura, listen," Jane cut her off. "I need you in my life..."

She paused. Maura just looked at her, knowing that if Jane were on the verge of tears, whatever she had to say must be important.

"Maura, I love you." Jane put her head down.

"Jane, I love you too, you know that. You don't need to wor..."

"No, Maura. I'm in love with you," Jane looked up, into Maura's eyes, hope evident through the tears.

"Oh Jane."

And with that, Jane was on her feet, grabbing her jacket and racing out the front door. Her worst fears had been confirmed. Maura Isles was not in love with her. Jane had seen the momentary confusion in Maura's eyes, the look she gives when she's trying to figure out the answer to a tough equation, or when she doesn't know how to read a situation. She saw pity, of course the beautiful, smart Maura Isles wasn't in love with her, the rough, lowly detective.

Shocked, Maura got up to follow Jane, but instead, all she saw were the tail lights of Jane's car as she drove off.

...

5 years, 2 weeks and 4 days earlier

Jane was sloshed. There was no other way to put it, no euphemisms — not tipsy, hell, not even drunk. Sloshed.

The three remaining beers in her fridge, the last 3 shots in the tequila bottle, even the expensive bottle of wine Maura gave her to save for a special occasion.

"How's this for special?" Jane slurred, toasting to no one in particular. "I think this is a perfectly special occasion, Doctor Maura Isles. The night you broke my heart into a thousand pieces."

Her phone had rung countless times, the first ten times, Maura had left a message. Jane refused to answer or listen to the messages, deleting them before she could hear Maura's voice.

"I don't need your pity Chief Medical Examiner Maura Isles!" Jane toasted again.

She heard a knock at the door.

"I'm not home! Go away!"

"Jane, please!"

"Go away! I don't need you. I take it all back, I don't need you in my life."

"Please! Let me in!"

"Go away." She heard Maura try her key, thanking herself that she had thought to put the chain on. She huddled into the couch, putting pillows up to her ears, blocking out Maura's voice.

Hours later, Jane woke with a start, her head pounding.

"What the fuck have I done?" She looked around at her apartment. Her crappy apartment, files from work everywhere, clothes strewn about, alcohol bottles on their sides on the floor. "What am I doing? I need to get the hell out of here."

Fueled by her anger, her sadness, Jane fired up her computer. LA? No, I don't want to chase after drunk celebrities. New York? I hate that damn city. Dallas? Too many cowboys. Chicago? I could do that. On an impulse she submitted her application for an open detective position.