A.N: Hey, guys! I wanted to thank right away those people who read my other story and put it or me in their favorite. Thank you, you're all amazing!

About this story too, I'll like to clarify some things in advance.

So, in this AU Tony went with Coulson idea at the end of the first movie and kept his identity as Iron Man a secret. So, when the Avengers come together, the team doesn't know who's under the armor (except Clint and Tasha, cause they worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. first, duh). This was just an excuse to re-enact a certain scene from the comics in a more Tony/Steve slashy way, because I'm secretly a pervert and somehow I even managed to hint at all my favorite Avengers' couples. Except for Bucky, I could only make him a little perverted voice. Sorry, Buck!

I stole the bad guy(I love this guy, seriously) from somewhere else because I didn't like that whiny bitch of the Molecule Man!

The story is not betaed, so I'm sorry in advance for all the mistakes. Oh and I don't own anything sadly, Marvel does.

I'm done, sorry. Hope you enjoy the story.

Chapter 1

When they first saw the guy, they all thought this mission was going to be an easy one. After all, how can you take seriously someone dressed like that?

Though, the dude had somehow robbed a bank, opened a hole in the street deep enough to reach the subway, and was trying to flee through one of the tunnels. That alone should have put them more on alert, but the guy just looked so ridiculous.

Bruce even refused to go with them. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can get angry after seeing that," he tried to explain, but it didn't come out that articulated since he couldn't stop laughing.

So, the rest of them followed the weird thief down in the subway and now they are facing him in one of the abandoned tunnels.

But Steve really doesn't know what they are supposed to do with him.

"His pink overcoat is making me nauseous," Natasha's voice is toneless, but her distaste is clear in the little scrunching of her nose and furrowed brows.

"His hairy legs are making me nauseous!" Clint whines, a hand covering his eyes from the horrific sight.

"Am I hallucinating or those thing on his back really do look like a couple of freaking swans?" Iron Man incredulity gets clearly through even with his voice altered by his helmet. "What the hell does he use that shit for?"

"Why is his face painted like that?" Thor asks, eyeing the green eye-shadow, the thick mascara and the bright red lipstick with too much curiosity. "Is that a tradition of his people?"

"No," Natasha answers him. "Just what happens when you throw make up at your face."

That's when the 'bad guy' decides to take offence. Moving faster than any of them thought him capable of, he aims a high-kick to Natasha's head, strengthen by a ridiculous pirouette. Still, Natasha is never caught unprepared.

Their legs clash in midair and the force of their kicks pushes them away from each other.

"Talking like that about other people stiles is not nice, lady!" he pouts, and his affected voice makes them all cringe.

"You sure pack a mean pirouette," Natasha concedes.

"Oh God, we are fighting a freaking transvestite who is also a ballerina," Clint bemoans. "Coulson please, have mercy and tell me I can get out of here."

"Stop whining and do your job, Barton," Coulson's unsympathetic response comes over the com. "And it's not like you've never wore a dress yourself."

"Sir!" Clint shrieks. "That's classified information you promised would never be brought up ever again until I lived!"

"Ops," Coulson says, cool as a cucumber and totally not sorry.

"That's enough joking around guys," Steve finally decides to interfere, while trying very hard not to think of Clint in a purple dress. "You saw him move and he's not to be underestimated."

"Why thank you, dear!" The Okama guy(what? It's written on his coat!) says. "Such a nice guy you are. I'll love to stay and chat you up but I really must be going, soooo…"

They are all too surprised to react in time; the little shit brings out some sort of gun from under his coat and fires it at Iron Man.

Steve can only watch in horror as a bright pink ray strikes his friend right in the gut. But Iron Man only stumbles back a couple of steps looking unharmed.

He watches down at his unblemished armor. "So, what was that supposed to do?" He asks, sounding smug.

"Oh, just give it a sec, sweetie!" The guy answers, an extremely creepy and inhumanly huge smile on his face. It's totally not reassuring.

Steve makes to move closer to Iron Man, panic squeezing his guts in a vise like grip. But before his astonished eyes the suit of armor starts to just… melt!

In less the a minute a puddle of red and gold goo is all that's left of the suit, the completely naked form of Tony Stark standing in it.

"Tony?" Steve will swear later that his voice did not sound like that of an hysteric teenaged girl, no matter what Clint as to say about it.

"Hey, Cap!" Tony squeaks, having the decency to at least sound a little ashamed. "Umh… fancy meeting you here?"

Steve can only gape and hope to god he is not drooling while his eyes drink in every inch of Tony's exposed skin.

Soon Steve realizes that Tony is not in fact completely naked, and his eyes are drawn like magnets to the red thong covering Tony's more sensible parts. He has to wonder if a sudden jealousy for an innocent little piece of clothing is the first sign of madness.

'Oh God! What the heck is wrong with me?' Steve thinks, mentally head slapping himself. 'This is not the time for such thoughts!'

'Well, you have to admit that thing is barely hiding quite the big surprise,' a mischievous voice quips suddenly in his head. Steve is outraged to realize that it sounds a lot like Bucky.

'If you don't tap that as soon as you're out of here, I'll be very disappointed in you, Rogers,' the little voice states warningly.

Steve almost chocks on air when images of him, Tony and every kind of flat surfaces – both horizontal and vertical – start to flash through his mind.

"Cap? You ok?"

Tony's voice snaps Steve out of his mortifying and perverted thoughts. He blushes furiously, then – trying not to look where he shouldn't – he closes the remaining distance between them and places his shield in front of Tony's middle. Steve hopes Tony will get the hint and take it to cover himself a bit better, without Steve having to tell him explicitly. The blushing would probably kill him otherwise.

Tony looks first at Steve then down at the shield, his expression settling halfway between amusement and incredulity. To Steve relief he still grabs the shield and holds it at waist level.

Steve coughs awkwardly and turns around to look at the other occupants of the tunnel.

Clint has both his hands clamped over his mouth, trying rather unsuccessfully to muffle his snickering.

Natasha is glancing Tony's way with the corner of her eye, and judging by the tiny grin on her lips, she is pleased by the view but will chug down poison before letting Tony know that.

However, the one to baffle Steve the most is Thor. The god his frowning at his shield like it has done him mortal offence. Steve doesn't like that look. Not. One. Bit.

A delighted cackle makes them all remember they are not alone.

"Oh dear!" The pervert his looking at Tony with drool coming down his chin. "I planned to distract you all by finally reviling Iron Man secret identity, but I sure didn't plan to become distracted myself!"

The bastard has even the gall to pout then. "And why did you have to go and cover that magnificent sight, Captain? It doesn't matter though, I want the complete treat now, so say adieu to that pesky shield and lovely thong!"

When he starts to fiddle with the settings on his machines, something in Steve minds just snaps and he charges the bastard with a growl. No one is going to take that thong off Tony but him.

The guy doesn't get the chance to make a single move before he is sent flying through a wall by a very angry and possessive super soldier. He's out as a light even before touching ground.

"And another win goes to the Star Spangled Man with the Plan!" Clint cheers sarcastically. "Seriously, I should have stayed with Bruce. No offence Stark but I could have happily went all my life without being flashed by you."

"Hey I'm wearing underwear!"

"At least now we know how you can be a total dick to women and still be swarmed by them," Clint points out. "Hey, is that thong from Victoria's Secret? I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of little bows there. And lace, lots of lace."

"Fuck you, Hawkass!" Tony glares, pressing the shield more to himself. "You should be thankful that I even bothered to grab something from the underwear drawer. I was fucking finally sleeping and I sleep in the nude, you asshole! It's not my fault if some of Pepper's things still pop out from time to time."

Now it's Natasha's turn to give Tony the 'I'll kill you with a tea spoon' glare, while Steve kind of whimpers a little at the mental image of Tony getting out of his oil streaked clothes and slipping naked under his silk sheets after a night spent working in his lab.

He tries to disguise the sound with a cough, but going by the look Natasha his sending his way it didn't go past her.

"Err… Natasha, you and Clint take that man back up to Coulson for custody," Steve tries to snap out of his Tony induced daydreaming by giving orders. "Thor could you please give your cape to Tony, so he'll cover himself better? And Clint lend him your glasses too, please?"

Clint hands those over without complain, but Tony knows he's not going to live this story down if the huge grin almost splitting Clint's face in two is any indication. Tony hopes his stupid face gets stuck that way.

Thor looks a bit reluctant but complies anyway; and Steve wants to punch him a little, dammit.

"Steve, I – " Tony tries to say, struggling to fasten Thor's cape around himself like a roman's toga.

"It's ok, Tony," Steve stops him immediately. "We can talk when we are back at the Tower."

'Hopefully it will be enough time to get myself back in control,' Steve thinks, sighing and looking inside the many pouches of his belt for a kerchief to give Tony.

"You can use this to cover your face while we get out of here," Steve explains, handing it over awkwardly. "So nobody else will find out your identity."

The realization that Tony didn't tell him about being Iron Man finally hits him, and it feels like a punch from the Hulk. Clint acted like he already knew, and Natasha didn't seem at all surprised either. Does Bruce know too? His chest aches at the thought that Tony obviously didn't trust him with his secret.

Steve can't hide his pained expression fast enough for Tony to miss it.

"Steve please, let me – "

"We have to go," Steve interrupts him again. "You really need some clothes."

He tries to smile to reassure him but if Tony's worried look is any indication, it was a pretty lousy attempt. Still, Steve feels like his emotions are to jumbled now to risk a talk with Tony. He doesn't want to end up fighting, so he just grabs his shield from Tony and makes his way back to the hole they came down through.

"Anthony!" Thor booms with a slap on Tony's shoulder, distracting him from looking mournfully at Steve's back. "I always believed you to be a great warrior, but to know you have been bravely fighting with us all this time is a most pleasing surprise. Alas, I do not understand why you would keep it a secret from your friends."

"It's a bit complicated Thor. Let's get out of here and I'll tell you sometime, 'k?" Tony manages to force a smile on his face for the god, but inside the dread he had just ruined the best friendship he has ever had is starting to squeeze his heart in a painful clutch.