Chapter V: Bury Me...

I feel numb. It's like an ever present cloud of darkness that's shrouding my entire existence in...wait, that sounds fucking emo as shit. Of course losing her brings out something resemblant of emotion in me but that's not important. I have to keep a level head; I can't afford to lose my shit. I have a funeral to plan after all and everything has to be perfect for her. I can't very well do that if I'm in a corner bawling my fucking eyes out like a little bitch now can I?

I admit that I almost cried when I heard the blare of the heart monitor signaling that she was dead. Fortunately, I'd already taken the time to prepare mentally for losing her. In truth, I wanted her to die. I hated to see her suffer so much for so long. It hurts that she's gone, but I know for damn sure she's in a much better place than this shithole called "the world".

Ichigo seems to be reliving the whole ordeal that he went through when he lost his mother. I also think some of his current state of depression is for me; it's like he's taking on my pain along with his. If I'm being honest, it's much easier dealing with this with him here. I don't think I could manage to stay sane if it weren't for him.

"Grimm, are you hungry?" he asks. I tear my attention away from my laptop. Ichigo is standing in the doorway of my home office wearing my pajama pants. His bright orange hair is flat to his head and drips with water that's absorbed by the towel around his neck. He leans against the doorframe and crosses his arms over his bare chest. "Yuzu made breakfast."

"You sure get lazy when your sister comes home." I say, with a playful smirk. He chuckles softly before crossing the room and making himself comfortable in my lap.

"It's not my fault that she doesn't let me cook when she's here." he states. He leans forward, presumably to get a better look at my laptop screen. "What are you doing anyway?"

"If you must know, nosy ass," I tease, nudging him slightly, "I'm having a conversation with my attorney about adopting Nel." Ichigo's face lights up with his smile.

"Really?" he asks. I nod.

"Yes, really, Ichigo. And I was just about to tell Grimmjow what I found in his mother's will when you interrupted." Rukia Kuchiki, Byakuya's younger sister and my attorney, comments snarkily. Ichigo rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at Rukia. "Nice to see you too, Ichigo. Anyway, can I continue now?"

"By all means, angry lady." I say, jokingly. Rukia rolls her gigantic eyes before continuing.

"The estate was left to you. It's up to you to decide what to do with it."

"Give it to Retsu. I have no ties to that place now that she's gone." Rukia nods and scribbles some notes before speaking again.

"She left all her monetary assets to you as well."

"Put all of it in a fund for Nel."

"I must admit, it's rather awkward for me to have such a serious conversation while you have your princess in your lap, Grimmjow." she says. Ichigo scoffs, probably at being called "princess".

"Well, fuck you then, Rukia." Ichigo sticks his tongue out at her again before turning around and kissing me softly. "I'll put your breakfast in the fridge."

Once he's gone, Rukia sighs.

"How long are you planning to keep this from him, Grimmjow?" she asks, all playfulness in her voice gone. She stares me down through the computer screen and I run a hand across my face before sighing myself.

"I don't know. I was going to tell him, but..."

"Save it. I know you love Ichigo, but keeping something of this nature a secret from him is just not right. If you're not careful, he may find out about what you do from someone else in a very unsavory manner. Now, about those documents you needed for Spain."

"How much are they going to cost me?" I ask, glad that the subject has shifted away from my other life. Sort of. Rukia sends me a document and I open it. "Fucking forty-two million yen?"

"Hey, don't get all stingy with me, sir. I'm an attorney, and creating fraudulent documents could get me disbarred. You better be glad we're friends. And don't act like that; this is fucking pocket change to you and you know it."

"Alright, whatever. Last thing I need from you is the adoption papers."

"I'll mail them to you this afternoon. It may be best if you leave Ichigo's name off of them. Just as a precautionary until you've gone to Spain." she responds.

"Alright. Thanks, Rukia."

"Yeah, yeah. I want my money by tonight." Rukia signs off before I can respond and I shut my laptop and leave the room heading for the kitchen. The girls sit at the table giggling about something or another while Ichigo watches them with a small smile on his face. Nel catches sight of me and hops out of her chair to attack my legs like she always does. I smile and pick her up.

"Grimmy, I missed you! You were gone forever." she says. Ichigo's sisters "aww" and I roll my eyes.

"I think you may be exaggerating, Nel." I sit down at the head of the table, balancing Nel in my lap. Yuzu gets up and brings me my breakfast. "Thanks, Yuzu."

"You're welcome, Grimm-nii."

"Ichigo, after the funeral, you and I are going to Spain."

"Spain? Why?" he asks. I smile a little.

"You'll see."

"About the funeral, Grimm-nii. Karin and I would like to come. Ichi-nii told us it's supposed to be a private ceremony and I know that we didn't know Helena-san at all, but we'd very much like to support you in your time of need. You've become a second brother to us since you and Ichi-nii have been together, and it would mean the world to us if we could be there for the both of you."

"Ditto." Karin says. I smile and nod.

"You didn't even have to ask."

I stare blankly at Urahara as his fingers race over the keys of his laptop. I've been here for like an hour and he still hasn't told me why he called me here. I swear if Shiro fidgets in his seat one more time, I'm gonna break his fucking legs. Finally, Urahara stops speed typing and directs his attention at Shiro and me. He has that oddly serious look on his face that makes me uncomfortable.

"I'm sure you're aware of the happenings that have taken place as of late?" he asks. I nod. Well, duh. "I'm going to explain to you the exact tactic Aizen is using to take your territory, and I'm going to explain how it's working."

"Alright. I'm listening."

"You're familiar with the word 'blitzkrieg'? I assume so since you speak fluent German and have an IQ greater than that of most people deemed to be geniuses." I nod again. "Good. That is definitely the approach that Aizen is taking. He's coming in quick and hitting you where it hurts."

"If he were trying to hurt F6's revenue intake, wouldn't he have gone for Seireitei? That pulls more than Las Noches in a month." Shiro interjects.

"It would have been too obvious if he took Seireitei. Tell me, Jaegerjaquez-sama, did you ever think for a second that Aizen would be able to take any of your territory, let alone one of your most prominent brothels?"

"Well, no. But I guess I underestimated my opponent." I respond. Urahara shakes his head.

"I do not believe that you underestimated the opponent, Jaegerjaquez-sama. I believe you overestimated one of your allies."

I can feel my anger increasing with every moment that passes. The sentence for betraying the clan is death. That's another change that I made. If my father had taken Aizen out the moment he overstepped his boundaries in the first place, I wouldn't be dealing with this shit right now. Who would be stupid enough to pull this shit?

"It would have to be someone who has access to everything, perhaps one of your techs?" Urahara suggests. I hear Shiro cracking his knuckles. He's such an animal. I bet he's already thinking of ways to torture every tech in headquarters. "If not them, I suggest you look within your Fracción."

"Thanks Urahara. Yoruichi came to the hospital a bit before mom died. She told me she sold to some of Aizen's people. She said he's been upping the ammo as of late. You think he wants to battle?" I ask. Urahara nods.

"I think Aizen has been wanting to battle since the day he betrayed your father. This is an ancient fight, Grimmjow. I fear you've drawn the short end of the stick, having to finish what was started by your elders. I think it's worse for you because you've kept the one you love in the dark about everything; this situation is particularly dangerous for Ichigo simply because of how uninformed he is. You need to tell him before it's too late."

I know Urahara is right. It's my fault for hiding everything from him. I was too scared that he'd leave if I told him, but now I can potentially lose him because I didn't. I've been completely selfish for the past five years and now the only person left in this world that I truly love is in danger because I was trying to protect him. I feel like an idiot. I know for sure that I have to get Ichigo out of here now. I don't care about myself; I just need to make sure he's safe. It hurts just to think about what might happen if that bastard Aizen gets his hands on Ichi.

"Thanks for clearing that up, Urahara. C'mon, Shiro. We got work to do."

It's time to create a rat-trap.

I park in the underground garage of F6 headquarters and Shiro and I get out of the car and walk towards the entrance. He's been eerily quiet since we left Urahara's hideout. I don't like it when Shiro's quiet.

"What's eatin' you, whiteboy?" I ask. Shiro looks at me out of the corner of his eye. "C'mon, I know something's up. Usually you'd be talking about how you're gonna make those motherfuckers squeal. What's up?"

"How long have you been with King again?" he asks. I raise an eyebrow.

"King?"

"You know who I'm talking about, Grimm." I roll my eyes at the nickname he gave Ichigo after we'd been dating for about a year. I still don't know why he calls him that, and I've told him to stop multiple times, but that's about as effective as putting out a fire with gasoline.

"Five years." I respond. Shiro remains silent. "Why?"

"You claim you love him, but you've put him in so much danger. I don't understand, Grimmjow. This is quite the mess you've made. You need to tell him." Shiro's voice is stern and severe, and I know he's right. Rukia's right, Urahara's right, and Shiro's right. I don't want to lose Ichigo, though. Would he leave me even after everything we've been through? "You even made me lie to him for you."

"Can we focus on what we're supposed to be doing right now, whiteboy?" Shiro glares at me heatedly, but doesn't continue. The elevator ride to the fifteenth floor is silent, the tension between us giving the atmosphere a carbon-monoxide-ish feel. I hate it when he gets like this, especially when we're supposed to be working together. "I'll talk to Hisagi. You start questioning the techs. Alright?"

"Anything you say, Sexta," Shiro responds dryly as the elevator door opens. I sigh as he steps off. I push the button for the seventh floor. Hisagi should be there talking to Starrk, the official psychiatrist for F6.

Having a psychiatrist on hand was something I started. I can't help but think that I'd be a very different person if I had a means to express the way I felt about everything that I went through as a kid. But of course having a psychiatrist was not something my father would allow. You know, with the whole "never show weakness" bit.

Starrk has been a good friend of mine since I was about seventeen. We met in grad-school; I happened to meet him in a general psyche class that I was taking to pass the time. He was the only person besides me who understood the difference between schizophrenia and dissociative personality disorder. After I graduated, I kept contact with him and when he graduated, I hired him.

"Take your time, Hisagi. You don't have to talk until you're ready," Starrk coaxes. The black-haired male just stares at the floor, clenching his fists.

"They...he...I...I didn't..." he stutters. I sit down in the chair next to Starrk's and watch the man. He's more like a boy, really. Only nineteen, but his father is an associate of the clan, so he was essentially obligated to work for me once he turned eighteen. "I couldn't save him. It's like they knew we were coming. We were outnumbered, and Aaroniero told me to run. I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't know what to do. He's dead because of me."

I continue to watch the young man, his raw emotion causing the slightest tug at my conscious. It's obvious that he was in love with Arruruerie. He didn't die because of Hisagi. He died because with both my ivy-league education and insanely high IQ, I wasn't smart enough to realize that there's always someone smarter.

I reach out and place a hand on Hisagi's shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, kid. We all make mistakes. It appears I made the biggest one of all. Take a few weeks. Visit your family. Let them take care of you for a while," I say. Hisagi nods and leaves the room. I turn to Starrk who is scribbling notes into Hisagi's file.

"What was the news from Urahara?" he asks.

"There's a rat. That's how the revenue was stolen, that's how Las Noches was taken, and that's how Aizen knew Arruruerie and Hisagi were coming to North Carolina. Someone, perhaps even one of my Fracción, is feeding information to Aizen." Starrk directs his attention at me, a rare look of complete awareness on his face.

"Who could it be? Surely no one is foolish enough to think they won't get caught," he says. I shrug.

"I don't know. We're starting with the techs. I got Shiro on it."

"Do you need me to call in Harribel?"

"No. I think I'm going to have her take care of something else for me," I reply as I stand to leave the room.

"Just know that I'm on your side, Grimmjow. I always will be." I turn back to face him.

"I know. See you at the funeral."

Starrk nods and I leave his office heading down the hallway toward the elevator. I take it down to the basement. Once I'm there, I take the stairs to the next level. I can hear the sounds of business being handled. Gurgling and soft coughing sounds escape from behind one of the doors. I open the door and step inside the small room, closing it behind me.

I watch silently as Shiro pours water over the covered face of the male that's lying on the table. When it seems that he'll stop breathing before I get any answers, I sigh.

"That's enough, Shiro. How many times do I have to tell you? They have to be alive to answer questions." Shiro cackles darkly, before he stops pouring the water and peels the cloth off of the man's face. It's one of the techs, Kugo Ginjo. Shiro undoes the restraints and pulls him up roughly. When he makes eye contact with me, I can see the disorientation caused by the waterboarding. It's almost enough to make me feel bad. He's innocent, I know that, but he might give me a lead. Shiro pulls him off of the table, tossing him unceremoniously into a chair and strapping him to it.

"Time to answer some questions, big guy," Shiro teases. Kugo glares at him and doesn't speak. I take a knee in front of him, as Shiro moves to prepare whatever twisted method he has for torturing this guy.

"I need you to help me, help you. I don't want to see you in this kind of pain, but when you disrespect me, there are retributions. . ."

"I've heard your little speech before, Sexta. In fact, I'm the one who wrote it." My eyes widen slightly. Shiro nudges me and I stand. "You think you can intimidate me? You need my help; I don't need yours."

I know he's right, but the disrespect of his tone coupled with the fact that he knows I'm in need of his help pisses me off.

"Shiro. . ." The albino steps forward with a taser in his hand. He plays with it for a second, before he smirks and places it against the skin of Kugo's neck. The man clenches his fists but doesn't cry out. Shiro continues to hold the taser until I tell him to stop. When he does, Kugo's breathing has accelerated slightly, and sweat has broken out above his brow. His eyes show defiance as he straightens his posture once more. "What do you know about what's been happening within the clan as of late?"

"Everything. . .and nothing." he responds. I roll my eyes, giving Shiro a nod. He laughs before dry tasing Kugo in the exact same spot as before. After about thirty seconds, I make him stop again.

"Answer the question."

"I know that one of the techs was an operative for the Suigetsu clan. I also know that the mission to America was a bust because there's another operative within the ranks."

"How do you know all this?" I ask. Kugo shrugs.

"I monitor the security cameras, the bugs, the phone taps, viruses, all of that is me."

"And you didn't think to inform your superiors of the operative before revenue was lost?" Another shrug.

"It was just a hunch then. I started to notice some little glitches and chinks, but I just fixed them and moved on without thinking too much about it."

I heave a sigh, cross my arms over my chest and begin to pace.

"Did you know anything about North Carolina?" I ask. Kugo shakes his head.

"I only heard Quinto say something about it to Ichimaru." I stop pacing at that. Ichimaru? Gin?

Gin Ichimaru is a former informant for the clan. He used to gather information about other clans, take care of things like paying off the police, and other activities of that sort. He decided he wanted out a few years ago when he found out he had a long lost daughter. I let him out without argument or punishment; what is he even doing near Nnoitra or anyone still affiliated with the clan? And why is Nnoitra sharing information about the clan with someone who isn't a part if it anymore?

"When did you hear this?"

"A few days before Arruruerie and Hisagi left. I didn't think anything of it. I just thought Ichimaru had decided to return."

"Do you know anything else?" Kugo shook his head.

"That's all I know, I swear."

I decide to let him go without any further questions. He's already told me more than enough. Shiro unstraps him and he stands, albeit with a little difficulty.

"You're free to go. Next time, be sure to bring any suspicion or doubts you have to Shiro, Nnoitra, or me."

Kugo nods and Shiro lets him out of the room.

"That went better than I expected it to." he says, putting his taser away.

"Bring in the next one."

It's gonna be a long night.

Helena Jaegerjaquez-Fuishi was born in the spring of 1956 in Mainz, Germany to Heinrich and Liesel Jaegerjaquez. She had a brief stint as a supermodel, but in 1974, she met Akihiko Fuishi and after a three year relationship, they married and moved to Kyoto, Japan. On August 1, 2013, she succumbed to a long time illness and died in Tokyo General Hospital. She is survived by her sons, Nnoitra Gilga and Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez; a very special niece, Nelliel Tu Oderschwanck; and a host of close friends, including her personal nurse and friend, Yachiru Retsu Unohana.

I sigh as I stare at the obituary for the millionth time since the beginning of the funeral. I decided to keep it short and simple, mostly because I don't feel the need to tell my mother's entire life story. Those who knew her, know what they know, and those who didn't know her should mind their motherfucking business. I find myself unable to look at the casket where she lays. I know she looks beautiful; I made sure to hire the best mortician. It's just kind of surreal. It's hard to believe that she's really gone and I know that if I look, it'll make it real. So I keep my eyes downcast as Retsu calls me to speak.

"And now Helena-sama's son Grimmjow will say a few words to say goodbye to his mother."

I look over at Ichigo and he grips my hand, smiling softly. I stand and make my way to the front, still avoiding the casket. I take a deep breath before I begin to speak.

"On August 1, 2013, I lost someone very important to me. She wasn't just my mother; she was my best friend, the only person in the world who truly understood me. Growing up, for various reasons, I never felt that my father accepted me, so I always confided in my mom. She never judged me, and she always let me know how much she loved me. I never did the same for her. For all the time I had her, I never told her once how much I really loved her; it is my one and only regret. Now that she's gone, I feel like I've lost a part of myself. You might as well bury me too."

I don't want to keep talking. I've already said far too much; I've already broken so many rules. If I keep talking, I'll break the biggest rule of all. I know I'll cry if I continue. I chance a look at the casket. She looks so beautiful. They managed to get some color back in her skin, though her cheeks are still sunken from all the weight she lost over the years. Her hair is still a pastel blue, but it doesn't look as wiry as it did before. She's wearing a simple white dress and underneath her hands rests a bouquet of chrysanthemums, her favorite flowers. But she's dead. I'll never see the light in her eyes, or see her beautiful smile, or hear her laugh, or be comforted by her soothing voice, ever again. I am completely alone.

I look over at Ichigo once more, and am surprised to see his gorgeous brown eyes welling with tears. He's crying for me. Somehow, it makes me feel stronger.

"I know that I can't give up though. I have to keep living for her, for Nel, and for Ichigo. I know that's what she'd want me to do." I walk over to the casket and touch her hand. "Ich liebe dich, mama. Für immer."

Once I return to my seat next to Ichigo, I take his hand in my own and kiss it. He smiles as Nel wipes at the tears that are now flowing freely down his cheeks.

"Don't cry, Itsygo. Grimmy will be alright. He has us," Nel says. Ichigo nods and hugs her close to him. Then he turns to me, his eyes shimmering so beautifully.

"I'll always be here for you, Grimmjow."

Somehow, I find that hard to believe.

I know I made the right decision by having a private ceremony. I don't think I have the stomach for fake smiles and empty condolences. The only people that are here are the people who matter to me and my mom. And then there's Nnoi. He's been standing near the exit giving Ichigo death glares for the past hour. I can't say that I'm too pleased with him right now, especially after that whole scene at the hospital. It was enough to piss me off when he called her weak, but then when he threatened Ichigo, I really wanted to hurt him.

"That's it. I've had enough of his fucking one-eyed stare. I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind," Ichigo exclaims suddenly. I reach out to stop him, but he's already making his way over to Nnoi. I heave a sigh and follow. I know there's about to be some shit. Ichigo stops in front of Nnoi, and I swear he looks like he's towering over him, even though he's only six foot to Nnoi's seven. "What the fuck is your problem?"

Nnoi sneers and steps into Ichigo's face.

"My problem is you, bitch," he growls. Ichigo bristles even more.

"What the fuck did I ever do to you?" he asks. Nnoitra rolls his eye. "Answer the fucking question, you piece of shit!"

"How about that little stunt you pulled with your crocodile tears during my mother's funeral? You think that shit's cute, you little fucker?" Ichigo's brow furrows and his scowl deepens more severely, if at all possible.

"You seriously think I'd fake something like that? Are you fucking retarded? I cried because for some reason unknown to me, Grimmjow can't. Your mother meant far more to him than she meant to you, and I haven't seen him shed a single tear since she passed. So yeah, I cried; but I did because I truly feel his pain. If you think for a second that I would do something like that, then you are seriously as stupid as I always thought you were, you ignorant cunt!" Nnoi snarls at Ichigo before he turns his gaze to me.

"Control your bitch, Grimm."

I'm about to reprimand him for that nonsense when Ichigo hauls off and punches Nnoi so hard that blood spurts from his mouth.

"You are completely unbelievable!" he screams. Nnoi looks a little shocked, but he recovers quickly and just as he's about to hit Ichigo back, I intervene, slamming my fist into his abdomen. He doubles over, coughing up blood. I'm about to release a whole new world of hurt on his ass, when I feel a soft tug on my slacks. Nel looks up at me, her big hazel eyes watery with tears.

"Grimmy, why are you fighting? Auntie wouldn't like this." I grit my teeth, shooting Nnoi an acidic glare.

"Get the fuck out. We'll finish this later." Nnoi gives Ichigo and me a glare of his own before he storms out of the banquet hall. Ichigo picks Nel up, comforting her as she cries softly. He turns to me with an apologetic look in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Grimmjow. I know it was beyond wrong of me to cause a scene like that. That was completely my fault." I hug him close to me, stroking Nel's hair gently as well.

"No it wasn't. All of what you said was true. Even down to me not being able to cry. Thank you for what you did for me, Ichi." He kisses me softly before giving me a small smile.

"You're welcome, Grimm. I love you."

"I love you too, Ichigo."

I smile as I watch Ichigo as he sleeps soundly. His vibrant orange bangs are casting a shadow over his eyes and his lips are slightly parted as he takes slow, even breaths. I reach over and touch his cheek, stroking the soft, sun-kissed skin lovingly. He's truly the most beautiful person I've ever met, both inside and out. I know I'm not the best person right now, but maybe I did something really good in a past life; that's the only reason I can think of that allows me to have Ichigo. I lean down and press my lips to his gently. When I pull back, he shifts and his gorgeous eyes flutter open. My smile returns and he answers it with one of his own.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey." I keep staring at him, and he laughs.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking about how much I don't deserve you," I say. Ichigo frowns and sits up.

"Don't say such stupid things, Grimmjow."

"I'm serious. You're so amazing, so. . .good. And I'm not."

Ichigo seems confused. I realize that now is a more than perfect time to tell him everything I should have told him already. I can't though. I know it's completely selfish, but I don't want to tell him until we're married. I don't realize that Ichigo was talking until he grabs my face and turns me toward him.

"Grimmjow, did you hear me? You are good, alright? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." I can't speak, so I just nod. Shit, I must've been Gandhi in a past life.

"Remember how I said we were getting married?" I ask. Ichigo nods. "Well, that's why we're going to Spain. We leave in three hours." Ichigo gasps and then hugs me tightly. I sigh as I hug him back. I definitely don't deserve him.

So I am so, so, so, so, so sorry that it took so long for me to get this out. I've had the absolute worst case of writer's block known to man, and I've had such a hard time writing this, and even now I am completely unsatisfied with it...I made a promise to finish this story though, to my beta GrimmKitty6, and I will do it if it kills me...I know lots of people have probably forgotten about this story, but to those who haven't, I thank you so very much for being patient with me...I hope you all enjoy this ridiculously late chapter...until next time,

Patd06