"Kimberley Crawford" The doctor called out. I sighed and took a quick deep breath. I was alone. Jack had gone off the work and I was facing one of my biggest fear ever. I stood up and took one step, then another and another. I really wanted Jack to be here with me, holding my hand. Making me feel safe and secure, but I knew I wouldn't always get every damn thing I want. As the Doctor led me into the exam room I felt panicked. I just wanted to get my test results and leave. I knew I was pregnant, but I was still hoping that there was a slight chance I was just sick to my stomach lately and I would be better in a few days, unfortunately, I knew that was the unfair truth. I sat on the paper covered bed and shivered.
"Nervous?" The doctor said with a laugh.
"Maybe a little.. Is it that obvious?"
"Oh, not really. I'll just be right back with your results!" She sounded so chipper. How could she be like that when I just told her that I was freaking out! Not cool Miss, not cool.

I was sitting on the bed looking around the room when the doctor had finally come back to the room. It felt like she was gone forever.
"Okay, I have your results right here, you ready?"
"No, but I'll need to see them some time or another, right?" I tried to make myself feel better about the situation. Even if I knew I never would be able too.
"Well. By the looks of it, you are pregnant. Only 8 weeks, we should schedule an ultrasound for later on this week. Will your husband be joining you next time?"
"I would like to think so.." I said. Great. Fuck me and my awesomely fertile body. I was not ready for this. But it was happening, ready or not.
FUCK ME.

I walked in the house. It was almost 3 and it was deadly silent. Jack would be home with the kids any second. I dropped my keys on the counter in the kitchen and opened the fridge to find things for an after school snack. I found a block of cheddar cheese and some butter. I then went to the cup board and grabbed some saltines. I spread the butter on the crackers and started cutting the cheese. Just as Jack and the kids walked into the house I cut my finger with the knife
"SHIT!" I yelled. Sticking the cut finger into my mouth.
"Mommy said a no no word!" Kyle called out running over to the plate with crackers on them
"You're right buddy, she did. 25 cents in the no no jar for mommy, huh?" Jack said patting him on the back. He walked up to me as I was taking my finger out of my mouth. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I just cut my finger, I'll be fine." I shook my finger and saw that the bleeding had stopped.
"Hey, lets go talk."
"Yeah alright... Soph' Kyle? Stay here. Mommy and daddy are going to have a grown up chat."
"Okie dokie mommy!" Sophie said with the largest smile on her face.

Jack took me up to our room and shut the door. He had a sincere look on his face. I could tell he had been dying to know what happened at the doctors since he called me saying he would be picking up the kids from school.
"Did you go to your appointment?"
"Of course I did Jack, this was also very important to me too you know"
"What? I never said it was"
"It sure as hell sounded like it"
"Kim, I don't want to fight with you.."
"Then don't Jack! Jesus." I said walking over to the bed and sat down.
"Kim, I'm sorry. How did it go?"
"I'm pregnant." I said plainly. "You were right." I said with tears filling my eyes. I took a deep breath as Jack took a step closer to me. "..and I'm so scared" A tear rolled down my cheek and Jack pulled me into him and held me so tight I felt like I couldn't breath. He rubbed my back and hushed me.
"It's going to be ok Kim. It's all going to be ok." He pulled me off him slowly and placed a kiss on my forehead.

I was scared, but I was a mom. Life had to go on. I had to do the laundry, make dinner, help Sophie and Kyle with homework, put them in the bath and tuck them in bed, all the things a mother has to do for her children. Every move I made I could feel Jacks eyes on me, as if he was waiting for me to crack. I wasn't though. I would stand my ground. Wait for the kids to go to bed. Wait for them to not be able to hear me cry. Wait for a time I could push my face to Jacks chest and hold him tightly, then cry.

Around 9:00 the kids had finally calmed down and passed out on the couch together. Jack had helped me carry them up to their beds then we both silently brushed our teeth and got into our pajamas. I crawled into our bed and clicked on the TV.
"You wanna talk about it tonight?" Jack asked breaking the silence
"no, its fine. I'm too tired to get into it tonight. Maybe tomorrow."

The next morning I woke up, and as always I was feeling like I wanted to throw up. I went straight to the bathroom and sat on the floor until something came up. Once the dry heaving had started Jack was right beside me, ready to hold my hair. As he rubbed my back when I finished, I started to just cry hysterically. I had no idea why, so I just had to go with the most obvious reason. The hormones. Jack knew this, but still treated me as if what I was crying about was 100% reasonable, even though it 100% wasn't.

"Kim, it's ok.. Why are you crying?" He rubbed my back and hugged me.
"I-I-I don't know!" I bawled out. Shit! I hate these hormones. I heard Jack give out a quiet laugh. I wiped the tears off of my face and looked him dead in the eye. "This is NOT funny Jack" I stood up and stormed out of the bathroom.
"Kim! I'm sorry!" He called after me, after he caught up he grabbed me and pulled me close to him "Hey, look at me, I'm sorry. I know you're emotional right now, and I shouldn't have laughed." He whispered.
"Yeah, you shouldn't have," I spoke quietly, avoiding eye contact with him.
"Hey, look at me." He put his finger under my chin, lifting my head up so I would look at him. "Everything is going to be ok. I promise you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He kissed my lips and then went to wake the kids. Our marriage had been pretty off a while, but it was moments like this when I knew, we were still very much in love.