oOo

Chapter 6 – Savior

The first chance he got, Loki ran.

Sif and the Warriors three, who were on the verge of falling asleep, bolted and ran after him. They screamed for him to halt, but Loki ignored them completely. If Loki stopped, they would reach him and he'd be locked up like a lunatic.

Not-Thor would find him if that happened, and Loki disliked the idea.

Tears strolled down his cheeks as he heard the dark, velvet voice echoing in his ears, clearly following him as he ran. There was pain and sadness in his voice. Despite his fears, Loki wondered why this Thor was unhappy.

So far, Not-Thor had been open about his intentions.

Then why?

How did he turn into this?

"Almost there." Fandral grinned.

Loki turned back, seeing Fandral hot in pursuit. He was too close. Loki grabbed a nearby curtain and pulled, making it fall right on top of Fandral. It bought Loki enough time as he ran a sharp turn.

"He is getting away!" Fandral shouted as he untangled himself from the sheet. "He is good at this."

"On your feet, Fandral!" Sif glared as she ran past.

"After him!" Hogun said.

He took a shortcut and blocked Loki's way. The young god side-stepped, but Hogun blocked him again. Unprepared, Loki landed a good right hook on Hogun's jaw and sent him tumbling to the ground.

Loki was on the run again.

Not-Thor was far behind the group, walking dramatically with a crazed grin on his face. Loki knew he wasn't real, but the thought of falling into his hands was frightening. His body reacted in the strangest way around him. He wasn't any ordinary hallucination. He was a complete being in every way possible.

And Loki feared it.

"He is too fast!" Volstagg panted, trying to keep up. "Block the other entrance! Have the men surround the area before he gets there! If he injures himself, it's on your heads!"

He was tripping on his feet, reminding himself how utterly chubby he was. Sif bounded across them, nearly grabbing Loki's clothes.

Too bad Loki was faster.

"Stop this foolishness!" Sif yelled as the guards joined in. "It isn't working!"

He saw one Einherjar preparing to throw a dagger to pin Loki down, probably aiming at his garments. Sif immediately knocked him out, telling the other guards to halt their pursuit and leave it to them.

Sif and the Warriors Three ran together.

"What do you suggest we do?!" Fandral wheezed. "He is already frightened!"

"I know that!" Sif growled.

She slowed her movements, hoping to buy Loki some time. With the bracelets still activated, Loki won't be much of a threat and he wouldn't get that far off the palace grounds. Yet the bracelet didn't stop Loki as he brought objects to life.

"A growling table cloth." Fandral observed. "That's new."

"The more Loki uses his Seidr, the more it will drain him." Hogun addressed. "We have to pursue him before he does himself more damage."

"I agree." Sif slammed her spear into an animated table. "Those bracelets will only keep increasing in voltage and shock him. We must reach him before that happens."

The warriors dodged the floating and animated objects, giving Loki more and more distance away from them. He ran from hall to hall, stairs to stairs, every passage way he could find, yet the warriors were still in pursuit.

Breath, Loki!

You are almost away from them.

In the end, it would all fall in Loki's favor. And he will prevail. The dagger he had gotten from Thor's dresser now served as his weapon, slashing an Einherjar on the shoulder to evade capture. His head was hot and in pain.

His energy was almost depleted.

Finally managing one last trick, Loki fooled everyone with an illusion.

He ran and hid inside a tower, high above Asgard. He dropped down in exhaustion, his breathing echoing on the walls. He was alone and no one would find him there. He settled himself in the corner, trying to calm his nerves.

"You think you could escape me?" Loki heard a laugh and his breathing stopped. "Think again."

oOo

"Thor!" Frigga called. "Thank the Norns you've arrived."

"What happened?" He panted. "Heimdall told me they were chasing Loki."

"I was awoken to the noise. Your brother is frightened. By what, I know not. We must find him. Your brother and friends turned to the west corridor past the banquet halls."

"What about you?"

Just then, a vicious plant lunged at them.

Frigga raised a hand and the plant burst in flames. When another plant jumped at Thor, Frigga pushed it away with her magic and sent it flying into pieces. Thor stumbled on his feet, and slammed Mjolnir at another creature.

"What is all this?!"

"Your brother." Frigga wheezed. "Remember when I cautioned you that uncontrolled Seidr is dangerous. This can be an end result."

"Loki's magic—"

"His emotions are erratic. We must find him and put an end to this. The bracelets on his wrist are preventing him from causing serious damage, but it is seeping through. He must've passed the gardens earlier."

"Frigga!" Odin called.

"Go, Thor!" She urged. "Your father and I will handle this."

oOo

"You always were a traitor."

"W-what do you want?" Loki squeaked.

"You know what I want."

No.

He didn't.

"Why do you torment me so?"

"You think yourself freed." Not-Thor emerged from the shadows. "You think yourself so whole and collected, as if the past meant nothing. Guess again. You were never free. You were never better. It's all in your head!"

"Why can you not leave me alone?"

"You need me." He hissed. "It's as simple as that."

"I have Thor."

"I STAYED WITH YOU!" He sound offended, and Loki couldn't understand why. "YOU NEEDED ME! I HELPED YOU! AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?!"

"I have Thor!" Loki wept.

"Who was it that stayed with you in that dungeon?!" Not-Thor growled, fists clenching. "Who was it that answered all of your questions when you were half mad with doubt?! Who stayed with you when the guards were through with you? Who watched over you and stayed when you thought you were alone?!"

"You left me." Loki weakly announced. "You didn't return."

"I left you?"

"Yes, you did!"

"The ingratitude," He growled. "Your gall knows no bounds."

Loki couldn't breathe.

His vision started to cloud as he saw Not-Thor approach him cautiously. His lungs tightened again as he tried to back away. He needed his brother. His real brother. This was too much for him.

"I am all you need." Not-Thor whispered. "You do not need him."

"You left."

"I did not leave… I was there… watching…"

And then, Loki understood.

He knew Not-Thor was his creation, born of his Seidr and his doubts, yet it was so much more than that. Loki feared many things. Loneliness, pain, inescapable burdens… so much more… Yet the one thing he truly feared… was Thor.

The very aspect of his brother that had done him harm, he feared.

The action of being abandoned…

Left to die…

"You are afraid." Loki concluded in realization. "You thought I would abandon you. You thought I replaced you. What you feel… was aching to what I felt. You are… you are me."

A reflection!

There was a lesson Loki had to learn.

That was Not-Thor's purpose.

All the things he did.

He did out of love.

"Enough." Not-Thor demanded.

"But Thor said he loves me." Loki continued. "He told me he would never hurt me. Not again. He would never say the things you have said. He will not abandon me. He never lied." He repeated. "He never lied. Thor spoke truly."

He understood now!

It was so simple!

The doubts he created were never supposed to be there. All his fears were caused by overthinking. Everything that led to this point was a lesson. It was supposed to help him. His Seidr brought those fears alive in hopes of showing him how false they were.

Literally an illusion.

Loki's own enemy was himself.

He was the one stopping himself from getting better. He was the one who stopped his progression, His fears, the labels, the anger, the hesitation, being unaccustomed to attention, and all of his uncertainties about his family, they were all the product of his incapability to accept.

"I am the enemy." Loki thought.

"Your head isn't clear." Not-Thor hissed. "You think falsely!"

"But my mind hasn't been clear from the beginning." Tears rolled down his face as his body trembled. "I understand it now. All this time… it took so long… My brother harbors no ill will against me. His intentions were clear. He cares. He wants me to fight and get better, and I will be."

"Stop this."

Accept it.

He had to accept it all.

"Nothing would ever be the same again, but it will be aching to that familiarity once things improve. We learn. We go back to our lives. That's it. We're brothers. And we always will be."

It wasn't a statement.

It was a promise.

"I am your brother." Not-Thor whispered. "Just accept that fact."

"I have accepted it." Loki shut his eyes. "But you are not he."

He could feel the animosity as rough solid fingers wrapped tightly around his neck, choking the very breath from his body. He could feel the cold hands dig in. Loki knew he wouldn't last long. As the world darkened, he heard voices.

"I'm fine."

"You most definitely are not, Loki." He snickered. "Do you look sane?"

Loki shifted from his uncomfortable gaze.

"You're in denial."

It was true.

He was.

But not anymore.

This Thor kept him sane, or as sane as he could be.

If it wasn't for him, Loki would have long died or became so unresponsive that he might as well be. Not-Thor strengthened him. The trust and bond he had with his brother only blossomed further. Because now… Loki knew deep in his heart that the real Thor loved him.

"You don't deserve my love."

Not true.

It was a lie, and Loki had to let go.

Death was a friend.

He was at peace, finally aware of all the troubles he caused and the mistakes he made. He no longer feared dying. It was time for silence. He had no problem with it.

He simply… embraced the end.

"LOKI!"

But it wasn't over.

Loki felt the hands on his neck disappear and the violent shaking replaced it. Light burst through the dark as his eyes opened slowly. He stared in confusion, unsure of his surroundings.

"This isn't Hel." He muttered.

"What are you talking about, brother?" Thor choked, face covered in tears. "I thought I lost you. I thought I was too late."

"You're not Thor."

"It's me, Loki."

"Stop pretending." He whispered. "I understand it now."

Thor pulled his brother in an embrace and rocked them slowly. Thor's silent crying made Loki wonder what was going on. He nestled closer to him, hiding underneath Thor's chin and chest. Warm. Loki closed his eyes. So… warm. He loved it.

"Is it you?" He weakly asked.

"Yes. Yes. It is I." Thor cried. "Forgive me for leaving you. It will not happen again. Forgive me. Oh, my poor brother. I am so sorry."

"Is it really you?"

"Yes, Loki. It is. You must believe me."

"Liar." He answered. "Pretender."

"No… No. I'm not. I am here, brother. I am real. I will never hurt you. You know this. Remember… remember when I told you to fight. You fought, Loki. You fought… I'm proud of you, brother. But this time… I will fight with you. I will not leave. Not again."

Loki whined, "I thought you would not return."

"Please… please forgive me."

Loki's control over the world was fast fading.

He pushed Thor away, still unsure. Looking up at those tearful blue eyes was enough to show him the truth. Loki felt… he felt rage for some reason. He didn't know where it came from, but he did. Oh the darkness and its temptations were strong. He stayed guarded and tense.

"You left." He whispered.

"I am here now."

"Please, leave me be."

"Being alone is the last thing you need, brother. I will help you. I will share your burdens. I will take them away. I will take your pain away."

"Take?" Loki repeated.

"Yes."

"Take it." He laughed from madness. "That's all you do. That's all everyone does. They take— All everyone does is take… take it. I don't care anymore." He cried. So many tears fell. "I'm sick of it. Sick of everything. I'm tired… so tired." He choked. "I've accepted it. No need to punish me further."

Thor inched closer, but Loki held him back.

"Loki?" He quietly called.

"Forgive me, Thor." Loki answered. "I'm… I have a problem. I have so many problems. And… and nobody is doing anything to stop it. I'm falling. I'm still falling… and it never ends. I'm so far gone—"

He hopelessly wept.

"Hush, brother." Thor embraced him once more. Loki allowed it. "I'm here for you."

"You are here now." He cried. "But for how long?"

"As long as you need me."

oOo

"The disagreement lasted longer than I expected." Thor whispered, hand holding Loki's as they sat with their backs on the wall. "Father and King Freyr nearly had each other's throats. I stayed to ensure we were still in good terms with Alfheim."

Loki meekly nodded.

"I should have taken you with me."

"I saw you in my room." Loki announced. "I saw you in the darkness."

"That wasn't—"

"It wasn't you. It was never you. I know that, but I saw you anyway. He was always there, watching and waiting. He knew my weakness. He was not you."

"The illusion…"

"You saw?" Loki tiredly looked up.

"I did." Thor squeezed his hand. "The illusion vanished when I got here. When I saw everyone else chasing you, I decided to head another direction. I felt you were close. So I followed. I feared for you. I didn't understand what I saw…"

"It's over. It doesn't matter."

"It does."

"It doesn't."

"Loki, whatever happened wasn't normal. I saw myself strangling you. I don't understand why, but I know an extent of it. Your Seidr… if I guessed correctly, was the cause of it."

His mind played games without his consent.

"I will tell you." Loki trembled. "But not now. I cannot. It is too much. One day, brother. I will… I will tell you everything. Not— not now."

"We have all the time in the world." Thor agreed. "I will not hound you for answers."

"One day."

"Whenever you are ready."

"Thank you, Thor."

"I love you too much to lose you, brother." Thor brought Loki's hand to his lips. "I would not be able to live without you."

"You can." Loki bit his lips. "But life would be less interesting."

Thor eyed him.

"I love you too, Thor." He added.

Thor brushed a stray hair out of Loki's face, and gave him the warmest of smiles. Loki tiredly returned it. No sooner did their parents arrive with fret and hysteria. Frigga bounded in, dress flowing and practically threw herself at her sons, plowing them with kisses.

Love.

Loki closed his eyes.

He liked it.

As Thor answered some of Odin's questions and Frigga kept Loki occupied, Loki's mind wandered. He saw, in the corner of the room, Not-Thor staring back at him. His eyes still full of hatred and pain.

Jealousy.

Loki turned back to his family.

Flawed as they are, they were enough to pacify all his worries.

"This feels like home." He thought. "Thor is my home and anywhere he is on, it is mine as well."

He looked back at Not-Thor.

"I had not treasured my life." He declared. "It was you who had me think more than twice about what I should have valued. You brought me to my feet and showed me the things that could happen and the fears that never would."

Not-Thor frowned.

"You made me who I am today."

Loki smiled.

"For that alone I would love you." He closed his eyes, leaning against his mother. "You may not know it, or perhaps you already do. But I already have a brother. I do not need you anymore."

"You will always need me." Not-Thor whispered.

"No." Loki answered, eyes now open. "You've shown me truth I had forgone in my madness. I have you to thank. I would not have survived so long without you. You helped me learn. You gave me an answer to what I needed. So you need not linger."

"It's not enough."

"You've done enough. It is time to let it pass. It is time I let you go… and start anew."

Not-Thor's gaze lingered as his image fizzled, slowly vanishing in the wind.

"But I thank you nonetheless."

By then, Loki found himself in Thor's embrace, with Frigga holding him up. Odin was not far away, kneeling to see his injures. Worry was written on his face, and Loki realized he should probably start mending things with Odin as well.

One at a time, he thought.

He was at peace.

He was loved.

And ever since that night, Loki continued to conquer his fears. In the succeeding years, Loki got better and more comfortable with who he was as opposed to what he was. He never saw Not-Thor again, yet he never forgot his last words to him.

"Until next time."

But no.

Loki chuckled.

There wouldn't be a next time.

oOo

THE END.

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