So, apparently we are not allowed to have scripts. I should have read the guidelines better...Ah well. Here is Les Mis The Improv Version By Me Nonscriptified. Voila.

Toulon, France, 1814

"Look down, look down, don't look them in the eye."

"Look down, look down, you're here until you die."

Random prisoners sang this incredibly uplifting song while in the galleys. I don't know why.

"The sun is strong, it's hot as heck below."

"Look down, look down, I wish my name was Joe."

"What?" said the one from before.

"Well," said the one who wished his name was Joe, "it's such a nice name. I mean, it's much better than Edouard."

The other prisoner looked quite confused at this point. "Wait," he said, "your name is Edouard?!"

"Yes. But," he said, with a very sad expression, "I wish it was Joe."

"Whatever."

Javert stepped up. He was grumpy. This, actually, was his usual state, believe it or not. "Now, 24601, your time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means," he barked, looking at one of the random prisoners who never appear in this story again (except the one he was barking at, and also Edouard).

"Yes, it means I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"NO!" screamed Javert.

Jean Valjean (we might as well refer to him by name, though admittedly it does change quite a bit) pouted and said, "pooh. Javert, you're such a mean person. And a life ruiner. As in, you ruin people's lives. Like mine."

Javert snarled. "You think I care? Just take this stupid yellow paper and BE GONE WITH YOU."

Jean Valjean was thouroughly confused. Sadly, this happens several times to the poor bloke. "Wait," he said, "so I AM free?"

Javert was losing his patience. "Just-go-away."

"I'm not gonna argue."

Hooray. Jean Valjean is now free. He then proceeds to drink from a brook. How wonderful for him. Apparently, it tastes very fresh. I, personally, would never drink from a brook, as it could lead to several unpleasant diseases. Joly told me that. Anyway. Jean Valjean is having a grand old time. Not. He can't find a place to sleep! And have I mentioned, this guy has anger issues. I'm pretty sure he threatens a peasant woman. Anyway, he goes to a bishop. Because bishops are nice.

The bishop is a great singer, believe it or not. "Come in, sir, for you are weary…" he warbled.

Jean Valjean was also a control freak. "Are you sure that's how the song goes?" he asked.

The bishop looked at him, annoyed. "It's my only song, bro. I know how it goes. Anyway, there's wine and cheese and soup and food for you! Come and get it!"

"Thank thee, kindly sir." Jean Valjean has apparently decided that speaking in Old English will appease the bishop. The bishop agrees.

"Of course, sirrah!" the bishop exclaimed, "and, by the way, the nice sparkly silver is in that cabinet over there. Don't mind me-take some! It's free!"

Jean Valjean is a little obsessed with freedom at the moment. Not that I blame him. "Just like me! Didja know that, M. le Bishop?! I'm freeee! Yippeekieyay!"

Jean Valjean proceeded to take the silver and run away. As he was doing so, a random police officer dude stopped him.

"OH NO YOU DON'T. THAT'S THE BISHOP'S SILVER. GIVE IT BACK NOW Y'ALL," the random police officer dude said.

Jean Valjean was confused again. "But…but he gave it to meeeee!"

The random police officer dude raised one eyebrow disbelievingly. "We'd better check that, mister."

Jean Valjean humphed. "Fine," he said.

The random police officer dude dragged Jean Valjean back to the bishop's house.

The random police officer dude was very arrogant, self-assured, pompous, and bigheaded. He also had a large mole on his nose that was very unattractive.

"Monseigneur, did or did not this man steal your silver? Rather, did you, in fact, give it to him?" the random police officer dude said, raising one eyebrow again (he was very good at this).

"Yup!" said the kindly bishop, "And also some candlesticks! 'Cause I'm awesome that way. And I really wanted to give tin plates a try, even though-"

The random police officer dude interrupted the bishop's explanation of why he had given Jean Valjean the silver by wailing despondently. "THERE IS NO WAY TO GO OOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!" he cried.

Jean Valjean was watching. He was also smirking. "Told ya so."

The random police officer dude ran off, tearing at his hair and altogether looking quite mad. He does not appear again, and it is hoped that he did not, in fact, jump off a bridge like his idol (Javert) attempts to later (plot spoiler alert. Actually, it's too late. If you are reading this, you already read the plot spoiler). Sadly, we do not know the random police officer dude's fate. Although mayhap I shall write a fanfic about how it drastically changed his life. Or not. Who knows? Not me. Anyway, back to the story.

Jean Valjean is overjoyed and feels like he is going to explode. Or maybe it's just that the bishop was serving beans last night. Again, we shall never know. Anyway, he is supposed to do his stupid soliloquy about now. Unfortunately, however…

"I don't want to," said Jean Valjean.

That is unfortunate, as we cannot threaten the main character in whatever nonsense we are writing with death so early on.