Summary: One mistake. One night. That was all it took to drive away the most important person in his life: His brother, Al. Now, all he can hear are the sounds of the darkest lullaby.

Elricest, character suicide, and bad language.

This is my first attempt at incest... *shudders*.. E-Enjoy...

One mistake. That was all it took.

One night. The night it fell apart.

One drunken mistake on one fateful night was what drove him away.

You know, it's funny.

They say you really can't remember anything when you're drunk, when in fact, you remember everything clearer.

Like the memory of that one night...

(Flashback...)

I opened the door of the house my brother and I shared. It was around 8:30 in the morning. Al stood in the living room, arms crossed and an angry expression on his face. Judging from that facial expression, his body language, and the pounding in my head, I'd majorly fucked something up. "Where the hell were you, Ed?!" Al shouted. I groaned and held my head. "Al, not so loud. What's got you so pissed off, anyway?" I said, sitting on the couch. "Where have you been?!" I sighed. "I told you I was going out last night, didn't I?" Al sighed angrily, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know that's not what I fucking meant." "I told you, I was out with Hawkeye." "I know. I told you to be back by 1. It's 8:30 and you're just getting back."

"You really want to know?" I asked. Al nodded. "Then you might want to sit down." Al sat next to me stiffly. "Last night, I went to the bar and met up with Hawkeye. We ordered some drinks and started chatting. Fifteen minutes later, Mustang shows up, and tries to shove his tongue down my throat. I shoved him off and told him to go fuck himself. Anyways, a little while later, Riza left, and I had two or three drinks. Then, I think Mustang spiked my drink, because not ten minutes after she left, for some reason, he had me up against a wall, all over me. I think you can guess what happened from there." Al's face was pale. "You THINK Mustang spiked your drink? You THINK?! How do you know?! How do you know you didn't go behind my back and have sex with him willingly?! Damn you!" "Al..." I tried to place my hand on his shoulder, but he turned around and said, "How could you do this to me?! Did you even think about... About how I would feel?!" Al ran up and locked the door of the room we shared.

"Al? Al, are you okay?" I knocked gently on the door. It wasn't locked. "What do you want now? Did you come to say you're sorry?" He snarled. His eyes were red, as if he'd been crying. "Listen, Al. My intentions were just to get a few drinks and catch up with Hawkeye. I didn't plan for it to lead to me having sex with Mustang." Al sighed. "I believe you Brother, but... my heart doesn't. I've made it this far trusting my heart. I'm sorry, Brother." He kissed my cheek and grabbed a small suitcase of his belongings. Tears were falling from his eyes and mine. "Alphonse?" I called. Hearing his full name caught him off-guard. "Will... Will I ever see you again?" Al smiled bittersweetly. Neither of us bothered to stop the tears. "Maybe someday, we can be together. Until then, you might see me in the paper or on the street. But maybe someday, when we're ready, we can be together again." I hugged him for what I thought to be the last time, taking in every detail of the person I so loved. His long, silky hair. The smell of his skin, his hair, his breath. His strong arms that had held me together when I was falling apart. His soft, calloused hands that had dried so many of my tears, but would not now. "I love you, Edward." He walked out, gently closing the door behind him. "I love you too, Brother."

(End Flashback...)

I sat on the couch, sighing at the familiar pang in my chest, missing Al's good-morning hugs, his smile, and the childlike look sleep gave his eyes in the mornings.

I even missed the way he'd protest for me to drink milk, and how I'd give in.

I found myself going to the fridge and pouring a glass of milk. Instead of recoiling at the taste, I found it rather... soothing.

I walked down the hall to the room we once shared, looking at the bed, made on one side, but messy on the other.

It reminded me of the time Al and I first had sex...

(Flashback...)

I closed the door, though there was really no need, no one else lived there. I looked at my red-faced brother, shirtless and exposed. "A-Al? A-Are you sure you want to do this? W-We don't have to. If you're not ready, I can wait." Al sat up, and pulled me down so I was sitting next to him. "You don't get it, do you Ed? I've wanted this for so long. I mean, it's almost sick how much I've thought about it. And now that it's almost real, there's no one else I'd rather be doing it with. Because I know that you truly love me, and that I love you." I kissed Al slowly and softly, then parted my lips from his, and licked behind his ear. I loved seeing him shudder like that. I loved hearing the noises he made, his little whimpers, squeaks and moans. I loved seeing him squirm and writhe beneath me in pain and pleasure. I loved everything about Al.

Panting heavily and flushed deeply, Al slowly opened one eye. "E-Ed?" He asked. "Y-Yeah, what?" I said, still struggling to catch my breath. "T-That was... Just... Wow." We laughed through heavy breaths. Then, he turned towards me. "E-Ed?" "Y-Yeah?" Al looked down, playing with a piece of his long hair. "W-Will every time we do this... be as good as this time?" His cheeks darkened considerably, and so did mine. I chuckled slightly. "I hope so." He looked up, smiling slightly. Then he snuggled closer to me, and sighed happily. "I love you, Ed." I smiled and kissed his forehead. "I love you too, Al. Now go to sleep." He smiled, and we both fell into a deep, dreamless, sleep.

(End Flashback...)

I sighed, running a hand through my bangs to calm me down.

Every time I had a flashback, in the year and a half since Al left, I've had to calm myself down to keep from going insane.

Several times, I've thought about going to find him.

I've also thought about just giving up.

I haven't been the same since he left.

A letter slipped under the door.

It was from Winry.

Seeing it reminded me of the first few weeks after Al left.

She was the only person who knew...

(Flashback...)

The rain had begun to pick up speed. I didn't care. In fact, I was happy. The rain hid the fact that I'd been crying my eyes out. But when I opened my eyes, she'd know. I knocked on Winry's door. "E-Ed?! What the hell are you doing out in the rain?! C'mon, you should come inside." I just nodded. Winry shut the door with an audible thud. "What happened to you, Ed? You look like you've been crying." I managed to find my voice, and said, "I have. For the past few hours now." "B-But why? Please tell me what happened, Ed." I took a seat next to her. I took a deep breath, and began my story. "Well, a few nights ago, I went out to catch up with some of my friends from the military. Somehow, one thing led to another, and I had sex with one of them behind Al's back. Then, we got into a huge argument when I got home the next morning, and he locked himself in our room for a little bit. Then, when I went to talk to him, I explained my intentions were just to get a few drinks and catch up with some friends, not to cheat on him. Then he said he believed me, but his heart didn't, and that he'd made it this far trusting his heart. Then, he picked up his suitcase, and was about to leave when I asked if I'd see him again. Al said maybe I'd see him in the paper or on the street, and maybe someday, we could be together again. Then, he just left." Winry hugged me. "I'm so sorry, Ed. I know you didn't mean to, but sometimes, these things happen. Maybe one day, he'll realize he shouldn't have left you. My dad always said 'If you love something, set it free. If it come back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was in the first place.' I think Al just needs a bit of time away from that house for a little bit." Winry rubbed my shoulder. "If you ever need to talk, you can come to me, you know." I nodded. "Thanks, Winry. You're a good friend." She smiled. "I was just making lunch. Do you want to join me?" She asked, switching the subject. "No, thanks." She became concerned.

I sighed. "Winry, I'm not hungry. I appreciate your concern, but no thanks." She slammed her hand down on the table. "Listen, Ed! You were the one who wanted me to start thinking about your human parts, not just your metal ones! Now, I'm thinking about your human parts and you need to eat!" My stomach growled softly. "Ed, when was the last time you ate? Or slept?" She asked softly, moving my bangs out of my face to reveal bags under my eyes. "I don't know. 3 days, maybe." She got tears in her eyes. "Please, Ed. This isn't healthy. I know you miss Al, but don't starve yourself. Please eat? For me?" I shook my head. "Listen, Ed. I know how much Al cared about you, as a person and a brother and a lover. As either one of them, he wouldn't want to see you like this. If you don't eat, I'll write to Alphonse that since he left you haven't been eating or sleeping, and the guilt will eat him up so much that he'll either come home or kill himself, okay?!" I gave in. I didn't want Al worrying because of me. "Now, I don't want you going home in a storm like this. Until it clears up, you're welcome to use the bathroom and the upstairs room." I nodded. "I might take you up on that shower offer." She giggled. As I let the warm water run over me, I thought about what Winry said. She was right. Al, being the sensitive and caring person he is, would read Winry's letter right away. He'd see that I wasn't eating or sleeping, and that I haven't been since he left. Then, he'd realize he was the cause of my pain, and Alphonse hated causing others pain. He'd think for a little bit. Then, he'd go to his desk, and see that horrifying letter there every day. Winry was right. The guilt would just eat him away, until he was pushed to his breaking point, and considering what he's been through, it would take a hell of a lot to break Al. But at his breaking point, he'd be stuck with two options: go home and help me, or just kill himself. Since he'd only left about a week prior, he'd figure seeing him again would just hurt me more. So, he'd go to his last resort: Killing himself, figuring I'd be pushed there soon by either starvation or pain. And then, I'd never see my brother's smile, never hear his voice, ever again. I shook my head. I couldn't imagine living in a world like that. I'd already lost my mother and father. I didn't need to lose my brother as well. I knew all too well that if I lost Al, I'd lose myself too. I dried off and got dressed to find that the storm had stopped. "Thanks, Winry." I said as I left.

(End Flashback..)

~*Al's P. O. V.*~

An envelope slipped under my door. My hands began to tremble. The only person who sent me letters now was Winry. And she only sent letters if it was an emergency. The only emergency back home would be... I gasped as I realized.

Ed's life was in danger now.

"Dear Al. You should probably come home now. Wait, I should rephrase that. You NEED to come home now. I've been talking with Ed over the past two weeks, and every time I see him, he looks worse. By the looks of it, he hasn't been sleeping or eating again. I'm getting really worried. Ever since you left, Ed's been having these vivid flashbacks whenever something triggers a memory. Especially anything that triggers a memory of you leaving. I'll cut to the chase: I'm concerned about Ed's sanity. Just yesterday, he told me that when he dies, he doesn't want to be buried in Resembool. I'm scared that Ed's going to go off the deep end and kill himself. Please come back, Al. You always said you'd be there when your brother needs you. Right now, he really needs you. Love, Winry."

I was afraid this would happen.

Thankfully, I wasn't too far from Resembool.

I got on a train going to the town closest to where Ed was.

As soon as I got off, I started running.

Running as fast as I could.

Listen, God, I know I've lived a life of sin, but please, don't let me be too late. I promise, if you let me save my brother, I'll do everything I can to be a better person. Please, just let him be okay. I thought as the house approached on the horizon.

I didn't bother with knocking. I knew it wasn't locked.

As soon as I opened the door, I saw a horrific sight.

Blood was running down Ed's arm.

Lots of blood.

"Ed!" I shouted, kneeling over him.

"You... came back." He croaked.

"Winry told me you needed me. So of course I came back." I said.

"Before I knew you were coming back... I wanted to die. But now that you're actually here... I'm not ready... to die just yet."

"Don't worry, Ed. You'll be alright. We'll get you help. Just hold on until we get to Winry's." Ed nodded weakly.

As I approached Winry's door, I felt a sense of deja vu.

This was just like the time when Al got his automail.

"Winry! Open the damn door!" I shouted.

"Jesus, don't get your panties in a twist, I'll be there in, like, five minutes." She shouted back.

"Well, Ed doesn't have five fucking minutes, so move your ass!" The door opened immediately.

"Get him inside. I'll do what I can."

Winry began examining Ed's cut. It was pretty deep, and gushing blood.

She took her tools, and managed to slow the bleeding to a steady trickle.

Then, she wrapped some gauze around it.

It took a few hours, but the bleeding finally stopped.

"Is.. Is Ed gonna be okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, he'll be fine. But when he wakes up, don't forget to tell him he owes me for saving his ass. Again." I let out the breath I'd been holding and looked up to the sky, with tears in my eyes.

Thank you, God. You helped me save my brother. Now, I won't feel so alone. I've lived a life of sin, and I don't plan on changing that, sorry. But thank you. I guess you really do exist, and you really can perform miracles. I silently prayed.

"You can go see him if you want." Winry said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"How long will it be until he wakes up?"

"Umm, I don't know. Judging from the amount of blood he lost, combined with the fact that there are rings under his eyes that are so dark they look like bruises, I'd say a couple days. But I don't think he'd mind having you there while he sleeps. God knows how much he needs you right now, Al." Winry muttered the last part, walking away.

I took one look at my brother and almost didn't recognize him.

He was so pale, so thin.

Winry was right. The rings under his eyes looked like someone had been punching him for two weeks, not insomnia. He was so thin, I could almost count his ribs through his t-shirt.

Speaking of his t-shirt, there was a large blood stain on it, going all the way down his arm, onto the bed, and ending with an even larger maroon stain on the floor.

"Ed... I'm so sorry." I whispered, tears falling from me face and onto Ed's shirt. "I'm so, so, so sorry. This is all my fault. If I'd never have left you, you wouldn't be here. You'd be sitting up, smiling at me, laughing, and talking. You would have color in your face, a little blush even, and you'd still have that fucking arrogant smirk plastered to your face. I wouldn't be able to see your ribs, you'd still have that little bit of baby fat on your face, and you'd have your hair in a braid, and you'd just be... more you. Fuck, Ed, I'm just about ready to make a short joke just to see if you'll wake up. I miss you. I miss your smile, your laugh, your eyes, hell, I even miss how you'd rant if someone called you short." I sniffled and laughed. "I mean, right now, I'm so scared, I'm actually talking to whatever fucking sky god those religious bastards believed in, praying for your life." I laughed. I grabbed Ed's hand and kissed it. "I promise, I'll be right by your side, Brother, until you wake up. And I'll be right there when you open your eyes."

Looking at him, lying there, slightly feverish and pale, reminded me of when we was sick once, and I had to take care of him...

(Flashback...)

I woke up to the sound of running footsteps and the sudden absence of warmth. I groaned, cocooning the blankets around me. What finally got me moving was the sound of retching in the bathroom. "Ed? You okay?" More retching, then Ed's usual sarcastic quip. "Yes, Al. I'm just fuck-" He vomited again, then continued. "Fucking peachy. How the fuck do you think my morning's going?!" "I opened the door, and rubbed Ed's back. "You should go lie down. Do you want anything for breakfast?" I asked. Ed made a noise in disgust at his vomiting episode, then said, "Just some juice or water. I don't think I can handle solid food." He ran back into the bathroom. "And a bucket or something would be nice." I chuckled softly, then kissed his cheek and said, "I'll be right back." I walked down the hall to get a glass of juice for Ed, and I grabbed a bucket. When I got back, Ed was running a slight fever. "Hey, Ed. Do you still feel like throwing up?" He opened his eyes a little and said, "Don't think so. But it's really hot in here." I handed him the glass of juice. "Thanks." He said, drinking some of it. "You're running a fever. You should get some sleep. I'll come check on you a little bit." He smiled, and closed his eyes. I got a wash cloth wet with cool water, and filled the empty bucket with cold water as well. Then, I made myself some breakfast and sat down to eat. After I'd finished, I walked back to our room and placed the cold wash cloth on Ed's forehead. "Mmm, that feels good. Y-You know, Al you don't have to take care of me like this." I chuckled slightly. "Ed, you're sick, and you really can't take care of yourself. Besides, you took care of me when I was in that metal armor. The least I can do is take care of you." Ed's face got redder, but I couldn't tell if it was from a fever or from blushing. I chuckled and said, "Ed, right now you need someone to take care of you. And it sure as hell isn't gonna be Winry. Besides, I'll always be there for you when you need me, alright?" Ed nodded. I kissed his forehead. "Good."

A few hours later, Ed's fever finally broke. "Good. His temperature's going back to normal now. He should be better by tomorrow morning." I went to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. I sat down and relaxed for a little bit. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence for me to take care of Ed when he was sick. He always cared for me when I was in the armor, standing up for me and cheering me up when I was upset, and helping me stay positive. It was the least I could do to repay him for that. And he my brother, and he needed me. I smiled, knowing that somehow, always in someway, my brother would need me, and I'd need him.

(End Flashback...)

"Y'know, if my mission for coming back hadn't been to save you, I wouldn't have seen you over the countertop." I said.

Ed stirred, then croaked, "Who... Who you callin'... short?"

Ed began to open his eyes.

He blinked a few times, then his eyes widened when he saw me.

"A-Alphonse? Y-You're really here?" He whispered, tears threatening to spill from the corners of his beautiful golden eyes.

God, I'd missed those.

"Yeah. I'm really here."

"B-But why? H-How?" He asked.

I chuckled slightly.

"You're my brother, Ed. I'll always be there when you need me. Winry reminded me of that in her letter, when she told me you weren't eating or sleeping again, and that she was scared..." I trailed off, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"Scared of what, Al?" He asked innocently.

"Scared... That you were going to kill yourself." The last part came out as a squeak as full on sobs came forward.

"God, Ed. You don't know what it was like, seeing you surrounded by all that blood. You scared the shit out of me." I hugged him suddenly.

"Please, don't ever try something like that again and live. Because if you do, I swear to fucking God, I'll fucking kill you with my own two hands." I said, burying my head in his shoulder.

"I-I won't." He said, uneasy.

"God, this is all my fault. It's my fault you tried to kill yourself. It's my fault you didn't sleep and didn't eat. It's my fault you ended up here again." I sobbed.

"I'm so sorry, Ed. I never should've left you. I know it wasn't your intention to go behind my back, but I still blamed you for it, and then I got you into this mess. I should've just said I believed you and forgiven you. I was too stupid and blinded by rage and jealousy to see that and then I left you all alone. I'm so, so, so sorry, Ed." I said.

"Al. Al! ALPHONSE!" Ed shouted.

"Get a fucking hold of yourself! Yes, you not forgiving me hurt. In fact, it fucking hurt me in the sense that I thought I ruined not only our relationship, but our friendship, everything right down to the fucking bond we had as brothers. But you know what?! I justified the pain by thinking I deserved it for hurting you and driving you away. I never meant to hurt you like that, Al." His voice broke. "I swear to fucking God, I didn't mean it. Al, you are the most important person to me. I love you, so much, and as you walked out that door, I knew it was my fault for driving you away. And everyday, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for us falling apart and for you leaving. I always thought you left because you didn't want to be around me."

"That the opposite. I left because I wanted to be around you, but I didn't want to hurt you more than I already had." I said, seeing Edward smile slightly.

"But that doesn't matter now. What matters is that you're here now, and I don't feel so alone or hurt." He smiled.

"And I will be here, for good this time. We are brothers, and I won't let anything else hurt you anymore, Edward." He frowned.

Just brothers. That's all we are now. Back to square one. I mentally sighed.

"W-What's the matter, Brother?" He sighed.

"This is just like how we used to be. Just brothers. I didn't like that, hell, I fucking hated it. Not being able to hold you or have you or do anything to you without you being scared or it being inappropriate or frowned upon by the society who we could give less of a fuck about their opinion of us. It just got so frustrating. Everyday, I used to wonder why I had to be in love with my brother, unlike normal people. Then I remembered that we're not normal people. We're alchemists. I was half automail. You were a fucking suit of armor, for God's sake. We're alchemists, we're not like normal people. So one day, I figured 'What the hell?' and took a shot. And that ended up being the greatest risk I ever took. Then I went and blew it. Now, I'm not certain about a lot of things, but I can say this for sure: I sure as fucking hell don't want to go back to being just brothers. Never. I don't want you to just be my brother again, Al. I love you too much for that, okay?" Ed was blushing by the end of his little speech.

"I... I feel the same, Ed. I don't want us to be just brothers. I kept waiting and waiting for you to make a move sometime. I knew you had feelings for me. I just waited and waited for you to act on them. And when you did, I knew, in that moment, I didn't want to be with anyone else, no matter what the fuck society said was wrong or right. Society's fucked up anyways." We laughed a little.

"So, we're... together again?" Ed asked, pleadingly.

"Hell yeah." Ed smiled bigger than ever, and kissed me.

"I'm so glad you came back, brother. I missed you."

"You don't have to miss me anymore, Edward. I'll always be right here." He nuzzled into my chest and sighed happily.