Hello fellow Fanfictioners! I have returned! And am not dead!

Anyways, this idea came to me suddenly and I had trouble writing it down, but my friends from the 39 clue elimination forum really helped me! Special thanks to Pop and GG for reading this first!

I do not own the 39 clues, but wish I did...

Sanity is very rare, so easy to lose, but so hard to gain back…

Her eyes flutter open, and for a moment, in such a long time, she feels at peace. She doesn't remember where she is, or what has happened to her, but she's at peace. Then it hits her. And it hits her hard, like a punch to the stomach. The screams echo in her head and blood obscures her vision. The memories come rushing back. A whimper escaped her lips as she curls up into ball, clutching her knees to her stomach, as if that would protect her from the blows. As if that would help her forget.

She wishes it could.

She shuts her eyes tightly, but only darkness welcomes her. But she doesn't mind, she's beyond minding. It's trapped her in its embrace and it won't let go…no matter how hard she tries. She wishes she could escape, break away from her confines. But she too lost, and it's hard to find someone who's gone astray

She wishes someone would.

How did this happen? How did she fall? What made her drift into the dim, hazy world of insanity she lives in right now? Whose death was it that finally pushed her? Was it Evan's? Or was it Natalie's? No, she harboured guilty feelings but they didn't push her over the edge. Didn't condemn her sanity…no it was her brother. She remembers clearly now.

She wishes she didn't.

Images flash before her eyes. Her brother, with his wacky smile and bright eyes, at different stages of his life. Dan, at their parent's funeral, looking so lost and confused. Dan at Grace's funeral, just before the house burnt down. Dan during the clue hunt, trapped in the cave in Korea. Dan going into shock after Lester's death. Dan facing Isabel in the Gauntlet. He had seen and been through too much during the clue hunt. Too much for an eleven year old to take in, and then the Vesper's had attacked and that hadn't helped him either. She noticed him slipping, getting lost in his own dark world. But she was too busy, too preoccupied in her own problems to notice his.

But now she wishes she had.

It was too much for him. He never returned to his normal life after that. He had seen too many deaths, he had suffered too much. Tears start leaking out of her eyes. It was all her fault. She hadn't given him enough attention. She hadn't tried to figure out what was wrong with him. She had been too busy…but she knew that was no plausible excuse. Nothing was more important than Dan. And now he's gone.

How she wishes he wasn't

It hurts, more than ever now. She still remembers his limp body lying in his bedroom, blood seeping out of his wound and the gun lying beside him. He was dead. It was all her fault.

She finally opens her eyes, to seek some comfort. Maybe Ian had come to visit her, or maybe Jake. Just someone, she needed someone. But why would they come? She had broken Ian's heart by picking Jake and then broken Jake's by realizing that he wasn't right for her. These thoughts don't help her, and neither does the fact that the chair beside her bed is empty. She has no visitors. Nobody care for her anymore.

She wishes they still did.

She sits up in her bed and her eyes sweep the room. Sunlight seeps in through the closed curtains, illuminating the dark room slightly. She glances over to her bedside table. A vase with a red tulip inside sits there. It has been there for over a week and the tulip has begun to wilt. She takes the flower out and looks at the wilting petals and can't help but think that's she's just like this flower. Once she was bright and colourful and now she is dying, wilting slowly and soon she will have to be thrown out. She sets the flower back gently, her hand sliding down the vase, resting at the base. She feels lost and guilty and so many other emotions she can't explain…and doesn't want to either.

All of a sudden, she breaks down. She lets everything out. Violent sobs rack her body and she swiped her hand across the table, knocking down the vase. It shatters on the floor, sending shards everywhere. It is broken, just like her. It can never be put back together, just like her. The pieces are sharp; they don't wanting anyone touching them. Nobody wants to get close to them. She is sobbing loudly and screaming. Screaming for her brother, screaming for her mother and father, screaming for peace. Things she will never have.

But she wishes she could.

She had snapped. The thread had finally snapped. Whatever was keeping her back had let her go. She was gone-forever.

Nurses rushed in through the door, trying to calm her down. They reassure her everything was fine. They tell her that she had visitors earlier. They tell her that she would get better soon.

Lies.

The whole world had lied to her and she was sick of it. She was done with it. She wasn't going to live with it anymore, and after today she wouldn't have to.

She wishes that she had another chance.

But not all wishes come true.

Boston Herald:

On Monday, March 4th at 5:13 PM, Amelia Hope Cahill, a resident at the Boston Mental Institute committed suicide. She was found lying in her room, with an empty bottle of rubbing alcohol on her floor. Amelia will be dearly missed by her family and friends. She was said to be a bright girl and everyone was shocked when she was passed away. They believed that she would make a quick recovery.

Sadly, many patients like Amelia lose hope everyday and decide to end their lives. She is not the first and she will definitely not be the last.

Sanity is a tricky thing, so few have it and so many lose it.

Okay, so how was it? And be honest! CC is welcomed, but flames shall be ignored!