A/N: My first completed fanfic! Just so you know this Starts about an hour after Merlin has his funeral for Arthur when he finally calms down after he dissolves in tears, breaking all our hearts in the process.

Gwaine survived in this, just because I think he's needed to break the ice, and because I couldn't stand it when he died. I doubt any of you will object.

And aslo... I used a head-cannon of mine. The stunt person for when the hand reached up to catch the sword in the last episode was a man, so it was a man's arm. This led me to believe that it was Arthur, and he was kind of letting Merlin know that his soul had made is safely to Avalon, despite the fact that his body was right there. Actually there is quite a bit of debate about that, but whether it's true or not, I will always personally believe they used a male stunt man because it was supposed to be Arthur.

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, "It might have been."

- John Greenleaf Whittier

No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn. And so it will be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will, in time, father the legend. His name: Merlin.

Merlin half sat and half collapsed down beside the lake of Avalon, staring blankly out over the calm water. He could feel time passing around him but it was as if he was separate from it all, drowning in memories and regrets. The pain sat heavily on his soul like an invisible, festering wound that he knew would never completely heal.

("One thing I tell all my young knights, no man is worth your tears."

"Yeah. You're certainly not.")

The sight of Arthur's hand rising out of the water to catch Excalibur was still haunting his thoughts. Merlin supposed he should be grateful that Arthur's soul had reached Avalon safely, but he couldn't bring himself to feel anything other than suffocating despair. What did somebody do once they had lost all their sense of purpose? He clutched at the grass beside him, squeezed it like he was holding on to what was left of his shattered reality.

("We can't, it's too late. It's too late."

"No."

"With all your magic, Merlin, and you can't save my life."

"I can. I'm not going to lose you."

"Just, just hold me. Please.")

He was just a boy. Just some boy with the name of Merlin and who just happened to be the most powerful warlock to ever exist. Burdened and blessed with a destiny that for so long had weighed heavily on him and everything he did. He had fought enough. And what for? For emptiness. For loneliness. All of it came to here. To this nothing. To sitting alone beside this lake, surrounded by broken promises.

("Everything you've done. I know now. For me, for Camelot. For the kingdom you helped me build…"

"You'd have done it without me."

"Maybe. I want to say...Something I've never said to you before… Thank you.")

He sat motionless, watching the full moon's shining reflection in the calm waters of the Lake, the white tower in the distance that had been their only hope almost glowing in it's light. He couldn't understand how the world could seem so peaceful, didn't it realize what had been lost this night? If it could reflect his feelings the very earth itself would be shrieking with unbearable pain.

("I can't loose him, he's my friend!")

Unbidden, his thoughts strayed back to when he first met Arthur; he'd thought he was nothing but an arrogant bullying prat, and a royal one.

("You called me "friend."

"That was my mistake."

"Yes, I think so."

"Yeah. I'd never have a friend who could be such an ass."

"Or I one who could be so stupid.")

Then he'd meet Kilgharrah, who had revealed that it was his destiny to protect that very same Arthur. After Merlin saved his life for the first time by pulling him out of the way of a dagger, to both his and Arthur's displeasure Uther made him Arthur's man-servant. But he learned there was more to the prince than he had thought, and they gained a mutual respect and trust for each other. Although for some it would be hard to see this, considering how much they had insulted each other.

("Maybe I know something that they don't."

"Which is?"

"You know, that you're a cabbage-head"

"... Maybe. I should've listened to you Merlin. Just this once I think you were right. Even if you are the worst servant in the five kingdoms.")

Before he knew it and and no matter how unlikely it sounds, they formed a bond that was equal to that of brothers, despite the difficulties posed by differences in their status and the fact that they weren't supposed to be friends at all. They hardly ever acknowledged their brotherly bond though, it was more some kind of unspoken and unexplainable force.

("You've been here all night?"

"I didn't want you to feel that you were alone."

"You are a loyal friend Merlin.")

He wasn't sure how much time passed as he sat in a sleepless almost catatonic state beside the lake, before a voice in his mind interrupted his thoughts and called him by his druid name.

"Emrys."

Looking to his right he saw a large gathering of what could only be Druids, their faces somber as they inclined their heads respectfully. The Druid Merlin knew as Iseldir was standing a little ahead of the others, his dark knowing eyes sorrowful as he observed Merlin.

"You and Arthur have brought peace to the lands, and for this we thank you." said Iseldir, still in his mind "Even though he is gone, Arthur will never be forgotten among our people, for he is the Once and Future King. Like you we will await the day when he returns once again."

Merlin considered speaking aloud, but the magical touch of one mind to another felt more appealing at that moment "But nobody knows when that day will come".

Iseldir shook his head regretfully "No, we don't. l wish I had an answer for you, but not even the druids know everything. One thing is for sure though: you will face hard times Emrys, and you must be strong." He paused for a moment as though debating to say something more. "You need to remember that you are not alone in your suffering. You can turn to your friends." Iseldir bowed "If you ever require the assistance of our people, we will give it freely. We owe you a great debt Emrys, one that can never be repaid."

"Thank you. But we are not free yet." he said listlessly

"No." agreed Iseldir "But the time is upon us." He studied Merlin for a long moment before making one last comment, this time aloud "Arthur is very lucky to have a friend such as you."

And with that the druids silently melted back into the shadows of the forest, leaving him on his own.

Despite Iseldir's words, Merlin felt as though he had failed them all, deprived them of the destiny they all hoped for. Arthur's golden age was meant to last until they were both old men, so why had it ended so soon? Now that Arthur had defeated Albion's greatest threat; had the world decided that he was no longer needed until it required his services once again? Kilgharrah had said that as the Once and Future King it was Arthur's destiny to return when Albion needs him most. Destiny never really seems to have cared about Merlin's needs.

("You belong at Arthur's side. I've seen how much he needs you, how much you need him. You're like two sides of the same coin.")

Merlin wasn't sure how long it was before he was once again shaken from his sleepless stupor by the sound of approaching horses behind him. He didn't look around though, not caring whether they were friend or foe. If they were foe, he would strike them down. If they were friend, well, he wasn't sure what he would do. Was he ready to go back to Camelot? Would he ever be again? Did he really even have a choice? 'no' he realized. He didn't.

The horses snorted and pawed the ground restlessly as he listened to the riders dismounting, followed by muffled footsteps as multiple people approached him, and it was only when one said his name softly that he turned around to see Gwaine, Percival, Gwen, and Sir Leon. Gaius must have told them where their destination had been, because they didn't seem surprised to see him.

"Where is Arthur?" Asked Gwen right off, and Merlin could hear the fear in her voice.

He stared at her, his eyes glazed and bearing more sorrow than someone his age should ever experience.

"Merlin, where is Arthur." she repeated a little more loudly, obviously desperate for a different answer than the one she saw in his entire body.

"He-" Merlin started, but his voice cracked after what could potentially have been days of ill use. He swallowed hard and made another attempt "We didn't make it in time."

A ringing silence followed these words as the others let this simple yet devastating statement sink in. "No, don't say that." Whispered Gwen, taking a step towards him "Anything but that. "

"He's dead." Merlin said bluntly. There. He had said it. And now that they had all heard it he could never take it back. He drew his knees up to his chest with no desire or intention to move. Not yet.

Gwen covered her mouth with her hands, shaking her head. "No, no he can't, he can't be!"

The knights had gathered around Merlin and Gwen, the knowledge that Arthur was dead was just impossible to accept, leaving even Gwaine speechless. Leon had given her the seal and officially the king had been announced dead, but that hadn't been confirmed. Not until now.

Turning to the lake, Gwen stared over the water where her King and husband had been laid to rest. She was Queen and knew she would have to be strong for her people, but that time wasn't now and she didn't feel the need to hide her tears in front of the Knights. Or maybe she did, but couldn't help the sobs that now wracked her slim frame. Merlin knew the knights understood, and would not think her weak for her tears. Although for Gwen and possibly his own sake, they did their best to retain their composure, but frankly without much success.

("Look around Arthur, we would fight a thousand armies with our bare hands for you. you are not alone. We stand together.")

For the first time since they had arrived Merlin really looked at them, and saw that all of them looked rather worse for the wear: It was actually rather alarming how weak Gwaine looked, supported by Percival he looked both physically and mentally drained. Percival himself had a haunted look in his eyes, and there was no hint of the impish smile he often sported. A bandage wound tightly around his bare upper arm and bruises around his wrists, as though for some reason at some point he had been restrained. Leon looked, there was no other word for it, old. His shoulders were hunched slightly and he looked utterly defeated. His face bore a long scratch down the side of his face and he seemed to be slightly favoring his right leg. Gwen was wearing her traveling clothes and looked relatively unscathed, though rather tired and worn. But they were all alive, and for that he was relieved.

Gwaine looked towards Merlin and he quickly turned away from them all, not wanting to dwell on how all of their eyes seemed unnaturally bright as they gazed out over the lake. He felt shame, as though he had failed them as well as the world of magic. And he did not want to see the accusation that he was scared might be in their eyes, despite the friendship they shared. Their friend and king was dead, and it was all because of him.

There was no sense of victory about them, what was the point of having won the battle against the Saxons, when in the end they had still essentially lost? Although, perhaps that wasn't entirely true; in winning the battle they had saved Camelot. But despite how horrible and selfish the thought was, if given the choice Merlin would gladly sacrifice Camelot if it meant that Arthur would return to them.

The sharp scraping of a sword came from the direction of the Knights and he turned again to see that Gwaine, with some difficulty, had drawn his sword and was now raising it into the air in a kind of salute. One by one the other knights did the same, leaving him and Gwen to simply bow their heads.

After a few moments they lowered their swords again, sheathing them once again. Leon walked over to Merlin and held out his hand which he took after a moments hesitation, letting him pull him to his feet. "How?" Asked Leon quietly, resting a gloved hand on his shoulder.

Looking up at him, it hit Merlin how much he hated the pity he saw in Leon's eyes. He thought it might even be worse than anger or blame. "It was Mordred-He... He Stabbed Arthur with a blade forged from a dragons breath, and a bit of it broke off. There was nothing I could do." The last bit came out in a rush, as though he was desperate to explain himself, to make them understand that even his best had not been enough. Although to them he was merely a servant who Arthur shared a strange bond with and had also become a friend and sort of little brother to them. He was certain that their thought of what his best would be wasn't very impressive.

"Did he, did he mention me at all, during your journey towards the lake before he, died?" Inquired Gwen quietly after she had regained her composure, slowly closing the distance to stand beside him, taking his hand in hers. In that touch he felt friendship, and wondered if it would still feel like that if they knew everything.

Squeezing her hand slightly Merlin nodded once "Yes, he said to tell you he loved you, and he knew Camelot was safe in your hands". In truth Arthur had said no such thing, but Merlin couldn't bring himself to tell Gwen she wasn't mentioned. It occurred to him that It really had all been about himself and Arthur. .

She nodded, and Merlin could see she was glad he had been thinking of her. At least some lies he told didn't hurt people. After a moment's hesitation she asked a question Merlin had been hoping to avoid for as long as he could "I'm sorry but I need to ask, what of Morgana? Last I heard she was pursuing you.". Out of the corner of his eyes Merlin saw the Knight's heads turn to look at him, waiting for his answer.

"Dead" answered Merlin flatly "I killed her." He remembered how he had held her as she died, just like he had when he poisoned her. Their rivalry had ended as it had begun.

Like the others Gwen felt no loss at Morgana Pendragon's death, to her once friends she had died long ago to be replaced with a stranger. But like Merlin she did feel a pang of sadness for what they once had- what had been lost as Morgana was slowly consumed by her hate.

Drawing his hand from hers he turned his body to face her he said in a hushed voice "I'm sorry, I did all I could". And Merlin felt that that was one of the worst parts; that he had tried his best, but still his best hadn't, in the end, been enough.

She nodded, forcing a smile that was none the less sincere "I understand Merlin, If you couldn't save him, nothing could". Merlin thought he saw a little to much understanding in her eyes but didn't want to dwell on it.

They all sat in silence, sharing the pain that came with the death of Arthur Pendragon- both King, companion, and friend. All the knights seemed to sense that they both just needed to be left in peace for now, despite the fact that they all longed to comfort their friend. Gwaine in particular was struggling against his urge, they all knew the king and his servant had shared a closer bond than he had with any of them.

Eventually Merlin reached into one of his pockets and withdrew something small "Here, he would have wanted you to have this." Merlin held out his hand, offering Gwen the wedding ring that he had taken from Arthur's finger.

The sight of it brought more tears to Gwen's eyes. Fighting them back, she reached out and carefully took it from him, closed her hand around it and holding it close as though it was the most precious thing in the world. At that moment, to her it probably was.

this is my first FanFic, so please review and tell me what you thought! Next chapter will be up soon!

And thanks to Zendog, who gave me confidence to actually post this, and took time to assist me despite her really busy schedule!