• Chapter 1 • Losing Sanity • full chapter

It almost felt like being back to first base: crouching down on the rim of the rooftop trying to get a glimpse of her through the halfway shut curtains of her sleeping room. The only difference was that she knew now, which was why she stayed away from the windows. At least this was what it felt like. Catherine was absolutely sure that she was Vincent's weakness and putting him in danger. Ever since the last mutation had broken out and there had been no chance convince her that she hadn't been the reason. Still it didn't chance the fact that Muirfield was back on his track and staying away was the best for both of them, understandably. Yet the last months had proved the opposite. At least to him. Now being banished into the darkness again made him feel like being pushed into madness. Vincent knew that JT wouldn't understand and he wasn't asking him for is. After years of existing Catherine had giving him a reason to live. She had always been. And now as she tried to stay out of his sight she could have simply choked him instead.
'Just one second', he silently pleaded and wished that he could turn back time to when she had walked right in to JT's apartment the reckless woman she had been. Vincent could remember how his heart had sped up seeing her that close again, just like that night when he had saved her and she had saved him.

Catherine didn't have to go there and look up, she knew that he was there. Being simply human she still could feel him around. And even if it scared her, for him, it also gave her a sense of safety she hadn't known since her mother had been killed and Vincent had saved her. And even though every instinct told her to go to that window to catch a glimpse of him, she didn't. She thought to much, like always. Simply because she knew that the moment she saw him, she couldn't stay away anymore. She knew that she would stand in front of him the next morning after a sleepless night. Not that she slept much for the last few weeks.
Letting out a deep sigh that she regretted the very same moment because she knew that Vincent would probably hear it, Cat closed her eyes that felt like they were burning. It was because of the lack of sleep. Even though she hadn't really seen him for says it was him who kept her up. Still she was trying to figure out how to handle this - secretly hoping for a solution for him being able to still be in her life. Even Tess and Heather knew him briefly now. Also Evan who obviously hadn't been happy about it and didn't bother to hide that fact. Somehow that made her smile like a Teenager, even though there wasn't really a reason to smile.
Cat turned around on her stool in the kitchen, eying the window that was halfway covered through the curtains. And her smile faded. She missed him. Knowing that he was close didn't help at all, not the slightest bit. it was like a splint constantly reminding here that something wasn't right.

Whatever it was - maybe her stubbornness - she didn't ease the pressure on his chest, didn't show herself and there was a time for him to be the reasonable one and try to distract himself from all of this - Muirfield or not. Vincent wasn't angry. He wasn't even sure if he felt anything as he turned around to head home. Home, a strange word to describe a place where she wasn't. He closed his eyes and moved his chin slightly, trying to remind himself not to go there.

Vincent didn't hear her any more and got up from the stool, moving towards the window, carefully gazing through the curtain only to find nothing on the roof top. It was the sharp ringing tone of her mobile phone that pierced into his ear like a scream, making him stop. It was in the middle of the night. This had to be important. Now, focusing back on her, he could hear her talk, interrogatively, asking for a location. There had been a murder and if she wanted it or not, he would be there- Vincent could tell by her heartbeat as he followed her movement out of her flat and down the stairs, that she was worried, that there had been something off. He gritted his teeth and turned around, knowing that he had to move fast to be at the crime scene on time with her. Being a cross-spieces didn't mean that he could outrace a car.

Catherine wasn't sure if Vincent had heard her phone call. Right now she was even doubting her own feeling of him being here all the time. She had to focus, concentrate on the case Tess and she just had got. Being on duty or not. The Captain must have had his reason to put them on this. Cat met her partner at the corner of the dead end street which already had been secured by the patrol.

She could see Evan further down, bending down over something that definitely was a corpse. "You already got a glimpse?" she asked her partner, who nodded grimly. "Yeah, not nice", she replied. "Whoever did this didn't want to win a golden scalpel." Cat furrowed her brows and Tess shrugged. "Ripped the guy almost into pieces. Seems like an animal attack." Cat swallowed dryly. "An animal attack", she repeated and asked almost jokingly. "Here? Have they already called the Zoo and animal shelter?" Tess crooked one brow herself, puzzled about her partner trying to be funny. "Look", she replied. "Evan already told me that he doesn't think that this was some sort of animal…" - "…The killer obviously set this up", Evan said, still walking up to the two detectives. "He used Tekko-kagi's to make it look like the victim had been mauled by claws." "Tekko-kagi's?" Tess tried to recreate the sound Evan just had made. "Claw-like weapon Ninja used. They put them on their hands", Evan described.

Vincent listened closely to Evan's description and even though he didn't know this weapon he could imagine it perfectly. Someone had been killed and his bod had been used to make it look like an animal attack. Still Evan seemed to be positive about the fact that whoever did this didn't bother to hide that there had been a weapon used and no real claws. Vincent clenched his jaw, feeling confident that this was a message. A message for him. From Muirfield.

And this was the exact same thought Catherine had listening to Evan's description of the injuries and position of the body and something told her that this had something to do with Vincent and Muirfield. She tried to not show her worries and not to look up, even though the urge to do so was almost unbearable. Literally she could feel him there with her. Yet again a wave of guilt washed over her, telling her that it was her fault that they were here threatening Vincent again. Her mother's fault. Their fault. Cat could sense Tess skeptical look on her ans she released her hands which had been clenching into fists. "So what do you think?" Cat asked her and also Vincent, knowing that he would hear her. "Some ritual murder? Or some sort of gladiator fight?" These suggestions were for Tess only now and it made her feel sick, lying to her friend again. Cat looked at Evan. "It doesn't look like a fight", he answered sternly, without that smug expression of his. "It rather was an execution." - "With these Gekkoki's?" Tess asked. "Tekko-kagi's", Evan corrected. Catherine wasn't able to chuckle about this. "And yes", he looked at her directly as if he knew that she knew something, just waiting for her to spill it out. As if she would tell everything about Vincent, that black ops project, his mutation like over a cup of coffee. She sighed deeply and asked instead. "So Yakuza?"

"You are kidding, right?" Tess almost shouted disbelievingly and Cat faked a grin, before she addressed Evan again: "So you say that this man was executed with a ninja weapon." He nodded. "And the killer didn't care much for covering that up. I doubt that he wanted to fake an animal attack. I mean, Tess, Cat is right", Evan continued, still stern. "Maybe the killer believes he's a ninja." Catherine nodded and somehow she felt relieved. This might not be about Vincent after all.

Hearing her calming down made Vincent relax himself. Being on the edge all the time was straining, and even though he managed to keep the beast in check and had trained to gain control even when changed, he felt like something wasn't right. Something he couldn't put in words. He wasn't even able to tell JT about it. Something was scratching inside of him, like the urge to give in to an unknown addiction. Whenever he could see her, it seemed to get better and it wasn't only because he cared a lot more for her than he probably should.

However, even though Catherine and her colleges might think that this was some new age ninja, Vincent wasn't really sure about it. He could hear that Evan would examine the injuries of more closely but still was convinced that he would come to the same conclusion as before. "No ID," Tess stated as she and Cat both stopped to look at the victim. "That looks like a designer suit." - "It is", Evan agreed and there was that smug smirk before he became stern again and uncovered the man's face. "Neat haircut and all."

Vincent wasn't in the right position to see the victim's face and he didn't really care to do so. His focus was on Catherine who hadn't taken any anonymous calls since she had decided for the both of them again, being the reasonable one. He tried to figure out a way and moment when he could pull her into the shadow and talk to her. Hopefully she would leave the crime scene on her own and her colleagues wouldn't cling to her like moths to a flare like they had started to the last few days.

Ever since the last time he had fumed out again, Vincent had been practicing, trying to control the beast inside him. Somehow it seemed to be a better way controlling the beast if he allowed it to break out now and then. Still he felt like being on edge all the time, like something was scratching inside his head an urge to give in to something he had no clue about. Being around Catherine seemed to numb this agonizing drive and it wasn't just because Vincent felt like he had to protect her, because he did care much more for her than for her than was healthy for him. He hadn't spoken to JT about is, being afraid he would misunderstand, but Vincent knew that his friend sooner or later would sense that something wasn't wrong, if he hadn't already.

The movements beneath him ripped Vincent out of his thoughts and his eyes stopped on the victim's face. He froze. And stared. Awareness crept onto his face like the night onto the sky when the sun set. He could hear his own heart speeding up as he recognized that man.

"See you first thing in the morning!" Tess shouted after her and Cat just waved with one arm, feeling even more worn than the last days. She hadn't slept much and she missed Vincent. Again she had to tell herself that this was the best for both of them. When Muirfield was here, Vincent and she would put themselves in danger. Yet the memory of the time when all of this had begun and made her smile as she headed towards her car, remembering that one time he had pulled her into a dark corner to talk to her. And just like that, it happened again, as a hand darted out of the darkness, crabbing the collar of her leather jacket, making her trip and fall from the dim light into the shadow.

Cat gasped as she lost balance and fell against something warm but firm. Instinctively she pulled in the air and this much too familiar scent. Vincent made no effort to push her back onto her feet and for a moment she didn't think of it either, until she straightened up and opened her mouth to say something, but Vincent lifted hand made her stop. She tried to listen into the night, hoping to hear whatever he was hearing. Had someone followed her? Nothing.
There had been steps, but Vincent couldn't tell any more if they really had been closing in on her, or if his mind messed with him again. It really didn't matter though, since here she was again: Catherine, standing that close, her heartbeat slightly elevated, like always when she was close to him. How was it possible that she smelled even better than in his memory? Still he had his hand on her collar and he had to order his fingers to open up and let her go, while he looked into her eyes and she was looking back.

"We said", Catherine started after another second. - "We said nothing", Vincent stopped her. "You decided." Still looking into her eyes he wasn't touching her any more, but she was just e few inches away, close enough so that he could feel the heat of her body radiating onto his.

Catherine looked at him for a moment, knowing that he was right. Even though she felt so utterly tired, somehow she wasn't worn out any more. Yet she fought against the urge to lean against him, thinking that she hadn't any right to after telling him that they shouldn't see each other. She frowned. "The victim", she figured, realizing the restlessness in Vincent eyes.
He nodded in agreement and clenched his jaw, placing his hands into the pockets of his jacket to prevent him touching her. "I know him", he said eventually, making Cat stepping back in surprise. "You know him?" Instinctively he grabbed her arm despite his efforts to restrain himself and pulled her back into the shadow and towards him. "Yes", he said lowly, reminding her to do so as well. "From Muirfield. He was one of the scientists. he knew your mother. He knew the project. He was in Afghanistan as well." - "But why would he be killed that easily? Why wasn't he killed like … my mother?" Catherine frowned and stared to the ground, trying to make sense of this. "Why would Muirfield keep him alive in the first place to kill him now", Vincent asked instead, making her look into his eyes again. "The project…."

Vincent nodded almost grimly, not liking at all where this was going, what this might mean. "I know what I heard", he said hoarsely. "That they were shutting down the project." As he clenched his jaw Catherine looked at him worried and sympathetic as she spoke out what he obviously was thinking. "But that doesn't mean that this was the only one."

There's no reason or proof that they had other project of that kind." - "or a new one", Catherine went long with his strain of thought. "But why kill him?" - "Evan said he was killed be forged claws?" Vincent asked rhetorically, still she nodded anyhow. "Why would Muirfield kill off an asset like that?" - "This was an execution", Catherine said. "An open one. It looks much more like a message. I thought it was for you at first."
Vincent agreed. "Me too, until I saw his face. I have no idea how his name is though, he never spoke to us. It was more like he was monitoring the other doctor's work. Your mother's work." Again he looked at her, knowing that no matter how reasonable Catherine was, talking about her mother and what she had done, what secrets she had had, it affected her every time.
She swallowed dryly and avoided to look at him directly, feeling her eyes burn a bit. They had known each other for some time now and it was absolutely stupid of her to react like that in front of him. From all the people in the world he knew most about the second life of her Mum, but still it reminded her that all of this was her mother's fault.

"Maybe I find something about him in my mother's papers", Catherine finally spoke again after taking a deep breath that reminded her how tired she was. Somehow it was hard to keep her eyes open. She sighed. "I should … get home."
Vincent frowned. "How much have you slept the last nights?" - "Barely", she replied honestly and without thinking about it.

"Okay, I'm driving you home then", Vincent decided and grabbed her other shoulder as well, turning her around to walk towards her car. "Resistance is futile." - "You know that phrase?" she mocked him with her eyes halfway closed, walking shakily that Vincent eventually placed one arm around her. "Hey I may hide behind the mood but there's still television." Catherine chuckled, leaning against him before she was aware about what she was doing.
Vincent's heart made a jump as he felt her head against his shoulders and his smirk grew into a smile. And for a second the world was perfect. For a second they were absolutely normal. They arrived at her car and she already had the key in her hands, handing them over to him with her eyes closed. "Are you bailing out on me?" Vincent teased softly, opening the door for her and earned nothing but a sleepy smile in exchange as she sat down. The sight make him forget about the fact how much she seemed to trust him.
After shutting the door Vincent froze for a second, turning around. There was that sound again. He was sure of it. And the perfect world vanished into darkness. He listened into the night, but the sound was gone. Frowningly he moved around the car, playing with the keys in his hands, while still looking around. Nothing. He got inside, starting the engine and the lens of the night sensing equipment that had been following them the whole time zoomed out.

Catherine had fallen asleep the second Vincent had started the engine and he did his best to not be distracted by the peaceful expression of her face.

When they arrived at her home he didn't even try to wake her up, since her breaths already were so deep that he didn't want to disturb the rest she obviously needed. Somewhere locked inside his mind he knew that this was just an excuse for him to be with her a little longer, and to hold her in his arms as he carried her up the stairs, all the while telling himself that it was too late to run into anyone. There was something he had missed.
After he had opened the door and it behind them again, he turned back around to head for Catherine's chamber. Thinking that he probably could count the times he had used the front door with both of his hands, suddenly someone stood in front of him. "Heather", he said automatically, as she stared at him sleepy, with chaotic hair and pink PJs. "Uhm…. hi", she scratched the back of her head. "Oh, you're that private investigator. Vincent was it, right?"
Vincent told himself to smile and nod and not to show his relief about the fact that Catherine's sister wasn't suspicious about him carrying her. "Yeah, … uhm … she was too tired to sleep." - "Obviously", Heather murmured and passed him to get to the fridge. - "I'll take her to bed". - "Yeah."
For a second he didn't dare to move until he was cure that there wasn't any screaming or yelling or calling the police. So he walked carefully towards Cat's room, closing the door behind them

Vincent didn't need to put the lights on, since he could see perfectly well in this almost darkness. He leaned against the door, listening into the flat, just to hear Heather walk back into her room, after shutting the fridge. She drank something on her way back and fell onto her bed.

Gently he placed Catherine onto her sheets and paced not knowing what to to next. He couldn't undress her, that would be … inadequate. Just after this thought had formed inside his head, Vincent got distracted by Catherine sleeping. He had no idea for how long he had glanced down at her and watched. Somehow this made him forget everything.
Eventually he decided to at least take her shoes off and place a blanket over her. As he did so, Catherine moved onto her side, forcing him to lean across her, so that he could tuck her in. And just when he had covered her wrists, she suddenly grabbed for the fabric taking his hand with it. Vincent froze for a second, looking down on her as he knelt on her bed. He frowned slightly as he tried to pull his hand out of her grip - maybe not really willing to free himself. Again he got distracted by her, even more as he sighed inaudibly, inhaling her scent. It seemed to cloud his mind.

The buzzing sound of vibration made his eyes fly open and Vincent instinctively reached for the phone in his pocket, as he realized that he wasn't home and froze.

It took him another second to look down and see that Catherine had snuggled up to his chest, still sleeping, breathing evenly. He blinked, before he quickly got to his phone, and took the call, whispering as loud as he dared to.
"JT I'm fine. Call you back." hanging up, while watching Catherine all the time. He couldn't believe that he had fallen asleep. Skeptically he stared at the clock on his mobile phone: Sun 5:37 am. Four hours. Like a stone.
Carefully he wanted to move away from her, only to notice that she had dug her fingers into his shirt and moved along with him, making happy sounds in her sleep, leaving Vincent completely helpless and confused on his side, with Catherine snuggling to his chest. He lay completely still for some moments, trying to figure out how to get away, or rather gather the bravery to do so, even though he didn't want to leave at all.
"Vincent." she whispered and made him wince. he shouldn't be here in the first place. How should he explain it to her without sounding creepy? "Catherine", he whispered lowly. "I … uh…" But she didn't say a word, didn't move. In fact her eyes were still closed. Vincent made sure of it by brushing a strain of hair off her cheek.

I really could get used to this, Vincent thought to himself. Yes, I should definitely go, like 4 hours ago. Because it's the right thing to do.

He inhaled deeply and softly took Catherine's hand, to loosen her grip from his shirt, moving as carefully as he could for not to wake her. Looking down onto her while trying to move, Vincent witnessed how she slowly opened her eyes, and somewhat recognizing him, barely being awake. His heart jumped.
"Vincent?" she murmured blearily, tightening her fingers around his hand instinctively and somehow he figured that she wasn't really aware of the situation, possibly even thinking that she was dreaming. His heart sped up once more and he held still - maybe she would fall asleep again - giving him a chance to figure out an explanation the next time they meet. Her sigh made him freeze and he looked into her glassy eyes as she smiled at him.
"Hey", she whispered and he instinctively replied: "Hey." feeling completely stupid. Catherine was being completely ignorant and moved closer up, letting go of his hand to place her palm onto his jaw and cheek. Vincent couldn't help himself but marvel at her. How she managed to completely paralyze him, make him weak by one single touch was a question that never managed to form itself completely in his mind. He closed his eyes like he always tended to do, feeling her skin against hers, almost not sensing how she moved closer again. Vincent simple felt her warmth sneaking up to him and how his heart started racing like he was running.

Vincent tried to keep calm and by closing his eyes, it seemed to work, even though his hand moved by itself to Catherine's back as she came close, so close that she could feel her heat against his face. He couldn't help but open his eyes.

Her face was nothing but a few inches away from his and his heart started aching in his chest. Still Vincent didn't move, even if he wanted to. Looking into Catherine's eyes was everything he could do. She was still more asleep than awake, that was obvious: her flushed cheeks the foggy gaze and still she now almost pressed herself against him, her eyes pacing between his and his lips.
Vincent wanted to tell her that she wasn't dreaming, not wanting her to get into a situation that she didn't want to be. But when he finally managed to open his mouth, she stopped him from speaking with her lips. Soft, warm. The world went dim and numb as he shut his eyes. Hearts racing. There was no air. No room for it. His pulse echoes in his ears like hers. Vincent never had even dared to think of this and he knew that his imagination would have failed reality by far.
All of the sudden the moment was gone and he opened his eyes in confusion, realizing that Catherine was fully awake and aware now. He could hear her heart race, still could taste her lips on his. Fiercely trying to stay calm he looked at her in worry, as she avoided his eyes, trying to sort her mind and moved backwards, taking her hand from his face, eventually supporting herself on one arm. The air felt so much colder now.
Catherine had thought that she had been dreaming, just to realize that she wasn't. This was real. Her eyes wandered back to Vincent's looking at her helplessly and worried.

"I should go", Vincent managed to say after a moment of awkward silence and as he moved there was something warm on his chest, making him look down to Catherine's hand. Questioning he searched the answer in her eyes.

"You don't need to. I just…", she was trying to find an explanation or an apology, being oblivious how her fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt, since she blushed. "I thought…" Vincent could hear her heart racing in her chest, already knowing what she wanted to say, but nit being sure about if if he was allowed to smile. Was it so bad that she hadn't? That question made him frown slightly and hey gaze wandered off.
As Vincent sensed her moving, he didn't, expecting her to bring more space between them. Instead he could feel the warmth of her hand next to his scarred cheek, before she trailed her finger along the slash. Placing her palm on it eventually, Catherine made him look at her and he tried not to clench his jaw or tense up. Suddenly she moved faster, brushing her fingers to the back of his head into his hair, as she brought her lips back in his and herself back to his chest. Vincent was taken by surprise, instinctively wrapping his arm around her, inhaling deeply as she kissed him, pushing him on his back.
This time she didn't stop, didn't pull back, gently moving her lips against his. Right now Catherine didn't care. She had tasted the reality and her embarrassment wasn't strong enough to prevent her from doing so again. Her lips formed a smile as she kissed once more, being ignorant of the fast that Vincent's heart was beating much faster now and the slight shiver that ran through his body, as she pressed hers against it. His muscles tensed and with one single push he brought space between them. "I really should go", he insisted huskily.

Vincent moved off the bed quickly, walking backwards to the window, leaving Catherine entirely confused and doubting what she had done wrong.

"Are you okay?", she asked worried, as she noticed that he was avoiding to look at her, his hair covering his eyes, and a cold wave of inkling washed through her veins. "I'm okay", he replied hoarsely, still not looking at her and opened the the window to climb out of it. "You should shut that behind me." And with that he was out of her sight.
Catherine sat up frowningly and rubbed her eyes before she locked at her alarm clock. Suddenly something caught her attention. There was a small rip in her new sheet and the hunch she had had grew clearer.
When he had reached the roof Vincent took the chance to breathe in deeply, his eyes staring yellowy into the night sky. Trying to calm down he frowned, forcing himself to thing about the dead scientist. He gritted his teeth, clenched his jaw, tensed as his body seemed to have a mind on his own, trying to turn around, turn back. Still breathing heavily his thoughts were with Catherine again, her scent and the way she had tasted. Her soft lips, her breath on his skin, hand in his hair, pressing herself against him so needy. Vincent exhaled sharply through his teeth, that were a little to pointy. So much for never allowing him to go there. Maybe if she hadn't surprised him… but who was he kidding? And it had been nothing more than a kiss. With an explosion of his muscles he started running.

Vincent was covered in rain and sweat as he arrived at the loft. Marching in he passed JT who stood there in disbelief, his arms spread from his body with palms up waiting for an explanation. "Where the hell have you been?" he asked, his face reflecting his worry and weariness. "Not now JT", Vincent growled, pulling off his jacket.

"Fine", his best friend threw up his arms and sighed. "I'll go to bed then." But he already had disappeared into the shower. Vincent had been running all the way, but it hadn't helped. The rain hadn't done it's work either and he didn't really hoped that the icy shower would manage to cool him off. With the new serum, with him training to control the beast he hadn't expected to be thrown backwards like that. Catherine had always been his anchor, always been the one to calm him down, to bring him back and with a simple, absolutely normal human gesture she had become the complete opposite. So much for JT's thought about not suppressing emotions. His entire body tensed once more, but the cold shower numbed it all down a little. At least a little.

Catherine couldn't fall back to sleep. Not now, not after that. She still could taste Vincent on her lips. With a sigh she got up and changed her clothes. It hadn't really been how she had imagined it, but honestly: it never turned out like that. Still she didn't regret kissing him, only the fact that he felt the need to leave and that was her fault. She had taken him by surprise. Hell, she had taken herself by surprise. Opening her door to get something to drink out of the kitchen, she didn't turn the lights on. Standing there with bare feet, she realized that Vincent must have had carried her all the way up and gotten through the front door. All the risk because of her. She pulled at her hair. This was insane. There was no way from staying away from him. by doing so she would put him in danger, not the other way around.

Catherine sighed and turned around after taking another sip of water from her glass. This already was far beyond complicated; if it ever had been that easy anyway. She would have to talk to Vincent first thing in the morning - even before calling Tess.

It was completely quiet when Vincent got out of the shower. He really hadn't been tracking the time since he got in, but he figured that he might be able to sleep now. Yet again something made him frown, as if something wasn't right. He turned around. Nothing. He was losing sanity. That was for sure. Dropping his head, Vincent rubbed his eyes and headed towards his bed.

Catherine got back to her room in her PJs. She really had to catch up some sleep and the fact that Vincent had slept next to her, made her smile, even more as she thought that her sheets might even still smell of him. There was a strange sound coming from her room. She wasn't imagining it, was she? Instinctively she reached out for her gun, which she wasn't wearing of course. Her jaw tensed: it was either in her car, or in her room. Her heart sped up and she slowly moved forward. It was still again, but she was sure that she had heard something and it wasn't coming from her sister's chamber.

Vincent had dropped on his bed, onto his chest and had dug his face into his pillow, as he instinctively jumped up. There had been a sound, hadn't there? Why wasn't the alarm going then? Had he forgotten to turn it on again? Quickly he moved back to the door. The system was activated. JT must have done so as he had gone to bed. But still he knew that something was wrong. "Catherine", he said.

As she slowly shoved her door open , her room was empty, but she looked to the still opened window, which she had forgotten to shut. The wind was blowing and her badge had fallen from the table next to it. With a sigh she walked in to close the window, as suddenly everything went dark.