Title: Normally Yuki

Chapter 1: Jackass

Fandom: Gravitation

Rating: T (Foul language and adult situations)

Genre: Humor/Drama

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or anything else mentioned in this story.

Summary: Ever since Shuichi left Eiri hasn't been the same. He's polite, courteous, pleasant to be around, and doesn't drink alcohol. Some are curious about his drastic change. Others believe he changed because losing Shuichi was the first step in his destruction.

A/N: I could have sworn I had already posted this, but it wasn't there so this might be a repost. Any mistakes are my mine as I had my grimy paws on the document last.

It wasn't as if he set out to be a jackass, it just sort of happened that way. There was no detailed plan, no star reports on how it would happen, and no job shadowing in that particular occupation. It just happened.

Eiri could imagine it now, a seven year old in primary school gleefully chirping to a horrified teacher that he wanted to grow up to be a complete and utter bastard. He chuckled deep in the confines of his tripped out mind. There was no helping it now; he really did grow up to be an asshole.

Somewhere along the line of life his fears had gotten the better of him and his jackass behavior spiraled out of control. After his parents' divorce at the tender age of ten, he began to fear losing the ones he loved. Consequently, he pushed his father and siblings away. His mother was located on a completely different continent so for his young psyche it felt as if she pushed him away. After awhile, his parents decided that it would be good for Eiri to live in America with his mother. They were hoping that he would get over this fear.

The plan had worked and Eiri was opening up, though slowly, to his mother, sister and sister's boyfriend as well as to his private tutor, Yuki Kitazawa. He was entering that rebellious stage, thus the relationship with his father was still sour. However, he was doing just fine in America... until that happened. That fateful night when he was sixteen years young and his mother was out of town for two days leaving him in the care of Tohma Seguchi. To this day Tohma was a hated figure in the Uesugi household, forced to take the blame for an event he should have foreseen.

Due to the incident, Eiri began to fear emotional attachment, his old fear of losing loved ones resurfacing with a vengeance. Other fears followed swiftly, one after another building up until he grew tired of the heartache, worry, and pain. Deciding that everything was just too much for his young, overworked mind to handle, Eiri retreated into his shell. For years afterwards he hid behind the facade of a bored asshole, the jackass who couldn't give a shit about anyone or anything.

Well, he tried to not care about anyone or anything, at least until a certain hyperactive brat bounced and trounced, la li hoo-ing into his life.

When Shuichi arrived Eiri desperately did his best to continue with his primary modus operandi. Though, that plan fell through and the brat forced him, probably unintentionally, to face everything that he had tried so hard to bury beneath the suffocating weight of lies, lies, and more lies. The enormity of the task at hand made him physically sick, resulting in ulcers and lack of healthy eating habits. Trailing behind the physical strain was the mental anguish he had to swim through.

Eiri knew that physical wounds heal in time, with modern technology one could even have the scars removed. Nevertheless, mental wounds were a different beast all together. For four years he battled his demons in the dark, beyond the prying eyes of family and loved ones. Quietly seeking help from professionals and learning how to become normal again. But it wasn't enough.

Not to say that his success wasn't enough for him, but that it wasn't enough for Shuichi. The kid had seen only the worst from him, all the while expecting the very best and being defeated at every turn. No matter the battles won, the war proclaiming him as victor over the devils within, it wasn't enough. Or maybe it had been too much, he wasn't sure anymore.

Shuichi had given him a long sorrow filled look, brows furrowed in pain as he closed his eyes against the onslaught of all consuming tears, his musical voice cracking as he hiccuped and choked back sobs, trying his damnedest to explain himself, "- I just... can't you see Yuki? There is so mu-uch that you refuse to see. Wh-why co-couldn't you be the man that I need? Why couldn't you lo-ove me? Why wasn't I eno-ough for you-" Yeah, something around those lines, he wasn't sure though.

All Eiri could sincerely remember was that his head was heavy and everything was getting fuzzy. The world was starting to blur and he wasn't sure if his legs could keep him standing for much longer. Maybe it was the lack of exercise. No matter what he did those God awful tears would always spring up in Shuichi's expressive eyes. What really confused him was why Shuichi was talking past tense, but then, all too soon, everything became clear.

With each passing second Eiri knew his fear of rejection was returning to him as the little pop star turned and trudged to the door. His head was bowed down and he dragged his feet, Eiri didn't have the heart to tell him to walk properly, but before any other thoughts could make it through his thick skull Shuichi stopped and turned his head slightly to the side. Giving one last glance back to the man he had loved for four years, not realizing the impact his actions would have on the man in question, before he left for good.

Thanks for reading!

Preview: Chapter 2: Drunk on Water