Four years had come and gone. Sometimes the days passed with the blink of an eye and sometimes they drug along at a snail's pace. Anything and everything pertaining to Henry was over far too quickly, he was learning how to drive now, being taught by her father when she didn't have the patience. Fact of the matter was it dug at her insides that he was to be considered an adult in just a few short years. Would he leave her like everyone else had? Would it be selfish of her to ask him to stay? David and Mary Margaret had moved out long ago, they were still in town but she took the sudden absence of them in the apartment with anything but happiness.

Everyone left in the end; such was the life of Emma Swan. She had become accustomed to it by now. Her parents (on two counts), Neal, August, every foster family that had ever considered adopting her, him, and now Henry would do it too. It was just something she would have to face. At least there were no more lonely self-bought cupcake birthday celebrations; although maybe she would buy one and make another wish.

Or two.

Or three.

Or hell, maybe she would just wish to start over.

With a groan she shoved the rest of her paper work into her desk drawer and slammed it shut, cursing when she realized she shoved Henry's start of school papers along with it. She rummaged through the pile and collecting what she was looking for when she noticed one had slipped between the cracks between the middle and bottom drawer, the header of the school ledger mocking her as she stared at the insulting ink. Was it really that important? Emma sighed; of course it's important, stop being childish.

She fiddled with the key on the ring for a good couple minutes before she wiggled it into the lock, turning it and releasing the keys as if they were hot to the touch. She stared at the drawer, keys swinging and jingling in a taunting song.

"I'll just close my eyes, feel for the paper and rip it out, no big deal," she whispered to herself in between heavy breaths.

Her plan worked to a degree. Emma turned her head away from the drawer clamped her eyes closed and slid the drawer open as far as it would go. She bent her body down, keeping her cheek flush against the coolness of the desk as she reached her arm down into and along the side of the drawer, her fingers skimming along the edges of the form. Upon releasing the paper and pulling her hand out she felt the roughness of the fabric skim her knuckles and Emma bit down on her lip. She hated that such a petty thing could render her almost to tears could also fill her with such a feeling of want. She foolishly let the back of her hand linger along its length, pondering whether to remove it and indulge in its familiarity just once more.

NO! her mind chided, and with that she quickly removed her hand and kicked the drawer shut and twisted the key back into the locked position.

.

.

"Hey, mom!" Henry's bright smile and mop full of hair strolled into her office and took the seat across from her, propping his tennis shoes up on the desk.

"Shoes, Henry," Emma replied dully.

"Pssh, I'm leaving for two weeks and all you have to say is 'shoes, Henry,'" the teen mocked.

Emma threw a look to the calendar on the wall and scrunched up her face. This day had come far quicker than expected. The day he was leaving to spend the first two weeks of his summer with Neal and Tamara. He had just gotten his license and now he was leaving.

Just as she predicted he would.

"You sure you want to go through with this? Two weeks is an awful long time, kid."

"One: I'm not a kid, and two: I haven't seen dad in six months. They can't come here because of the baby." Henry argued.

"Oh, right, the baby," Emma nodded with a smile that didn't reach anywhere near her eyes. Neal got to move on. Fucking Neal with his pretty wife and new family. What did Emma get when everything ended?

Nothing.

Not even a goodbye.

"Don't worry, you won't even know I'm gone." Henry's voice pulled her from her thoughts. "And grandpa and Belle are taking me so you won't have to deal with him and my mom driving each other crazy."

"That's one thing I suppose," she said with a sigh.

"We're leaving in a few hours, I thought it would be nice to have dinner at Granny's before I left. Just us. Hamburgers with cocoa and cinnamon afterwards." Henry shrugged, "If you want."

Emma's worries disappeared in that moment. As she stared back at the grinning boy that sat across from her that came into her life six short years ago. Oh, how she wished she could have watched him grow from the beginning.

"I'd love that." She smiled, crossing in front of the desk to wrap her arms around his shoulders and press a kiss to the top of his head. "Let's go."

She blinked away the tears that were welling in her eyes as she hugged her son good bye and watched him climb into the back seat of Gold's car. Belle held her tightly and gave her hands a gentle squeeze.

"We'll keep a close eye on him, Emma. Don't you worry."

She couldn't answer. To speak would be to cry and she was not a crier. All her tears had been spent long ago and she refused to let anymore fall no matter the cause. So she nodded.

"See you in two weeks time, Miss Swan," Gold said with a smile as he aided Belle into the passenger seat. "Don't let Regina stir up too much trouble while I'm gone, yeah."

"Take care of my kid and I'll take care of your town."

He gave her an understanding nod before getting into the car himself with a little wave before they drove off towards the boarder. She knew Gold wouldn't let anything happen to Henry, but it still hurt to watch him leave and refusals be damned one of those tears had begun to make a trail down her cheek.

Two weeks wasn't forever, but it might as well be.

.

She didn't want to go home. Back to that empty apartment where there was no kid to leave his muddy shoes in the middle of the floor or have the television at full volume.

Nope.

Tonight she wanted to forget the world and drown her sorrows in the form of a bottle and a soothing liquid burn. Forgoing her sheriff duties she turned off her cell phone (David could deal with any trouble, if there was any) and sought out her eighty proof friend of the evening.

No glasses were needed, this wasn't drinking for leisure, it was drinking for pain and the feeling of her lips around the neck of the bottle reminded her of all the shared searing kisses that had been for naught. She locked the office door behind her and meandered into the empty jail cell and flopped down onto the cot. With each swallow her misery only grew instead of dissipating, and the one tear she had allowed to escape while she watched her son being whisked away to New York turned into a wave of many.

Mary Margaret had once told her the pain would heal with time. Well wasn't five fucking years enough? She'd had it with this feeling of betrayal taking up residence where her heart used to be. Mary Margaret had also told her she needed to let go and live her life.

No.

Her life had walked out just when she had allowed herself to be able to feel again.

She faintly heard the banging on the door; some mumbled cries from somewhere in the back of her mind. They had to have come from her mind. That was the only way she'd ever hear that voice again.

"Emma!" the phantom voice yelled again, "DAMNIT, SWAN, GET UP!"

She was having a hard time staying awake now. The effects of the alcohol had slowed her breathing and was finally giving her what she wanted, slowly lulling her to sleep.

The banging got louder, "DON'T YOU DARE CLOSE YOUR EYES SWAN!"

The door crashed open and a man in a wool duster hurried over to her side.

Emma's lids were heavy now, and her body was shivering with chills. The man quickly removed his coat and placed it over her body, gently shaking her shoulders.

"Emma, love, you need to stay awake for me okay?" his voice was shaky, dripping with concern.

"You're not here," she said with a breath, licking her dry lips, "Go on, leave me be, just like before."

"No, darling, I assure you, I'm quite real. And I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore." He peeled back the coat and began rummaging through her pockets for her cell.

"Nothing's changed, even in my dreams you're still all hands on," she whispered with a shudder.

"Phone, love, where's your phone?" he demanded.

"Desk." She attempted to raise her arm but it only fell to the side of the cot, limp.

He managed to keep her mostly awake while waiting for the ambulance to arrive, forcing her to drink down a bottle of water he had found next to her phone. Perhaps that is the bottle she should have been nursing tonight instead of the empty glass one that now laid beside the small prison cell bed. He knew that this was his fault, but at the time there hadn't been another way. He honestly thought someone would have said something to her by now but by the looks of things clearly not a word was uttered. He paced the front of the station as they loaded wheeled her out and into the back of the truck, the driver casting him a look.

"You want to ride with her?"

"I don't know if I should," he answered honestly. He knew once she arrived Whale would put in a call to Ruby and her parents and soon the whole town would be beckoning at her bedside, shooting daggers at him with their eyes.

"You should. She's been a wreck since you left, but she misses you. Some part of her would be grateful that the first thing she wakes up to is you."

He nodded and climbed into the back beside her, taking her small hand in his, running his thumb along its back.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this," his voice wavering as he quietly spoke. "Not like this."

Beside him Emma whimpered and turned her head, now safely asleep under the paramedics care, yet still clearly suffering.

"I hate you, Killian Jones," she murmured as a tear crept out of the corner of her eye.

Killian's heart clenched in his chest and he held back his own sob, brushing away the wetness on her cheek with his thumb.

"I know, love, I know."

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A/N: ANGST AHOY! I'm sure you have questions...I might have answers...providing you feed that empty box below.