Summary: Naruto is as poor as dirt. He can't even afford the dirt under his fingernails. But all that changes when his best friend Kiba tells him about the wonders of having a Sugar Daddy. Let the fun begin… Crack. AU. SasuNaru. ItaKiba. Enjoy the sugar!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… or his sexy ass…

Warning: Age gap! An eighteen year old Naruto and a twenty-eight year old Sasuke! And an eighteen year old Kiba and a thirty-three year old Itachi! Lots of dirty sex! Very vivid descriptions! Adult language and situations! CRACK! (Not drugs… the story type of crack…)

Before You Read: I got this idea while trolling on urban dictionary… and from watching Dance Moms. Hope you like it!

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Chapter 1: Poor as Dirt

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It sucks being poor. Naruto stood behind that fact wholeheartedly.

At the tender age of eighteen, the poor boy was thrown from the group home that he grew up in, and onto the unforgiving streets of New York City. He managed to get a part time job at a pizza place washing dishes, and somehow saving up enough money to get his own dinky little apartment.

His apartment wasn't even an apartment; it was a one room studio space that someone was desperate to rent out because a skunk had died in there and the smell still heavily lingered. The room consisted of a sink, the only source of water in the entire place, a lawn chair, and a sleeping bag by the widow since the smell wasn't as bad with the window open.

Naruto could hardly even afford the place, what with his minimum wage job and not having a penny to his name prior to being kicked out of the group home. Heck, he was lucky to even be able to afford his toothbrush or the singular bar of soap that sat beside his miniscule sink.

He had a total of four shirts in his wardrobe, three pairs of pants, two jackets, and one pair of ripped up shoes. Of course, he couldn't afford to go to the launder mat to wash his clothes as frequently as he should, so he had to make do with washing them in his stupid sink… god, how he hated that damnable sink.

The sink only had an icy cold temperature setting and would magically shut off whenever Naruto had soap in his hair, making him have to spend the whole day with itchy, dried soap scum on his scalp. The water tasted terrible too, the pipes were old and rusted so the quality of the water was very questionable and tasted like chlorine and dust.

So where does Naruto go to the bathroom if the sink is his only water source, you ask? Well, let's just say that Naruto invested in a litter box for the 'number twos' and just went in the sink for his 'number ones'. To say Naruto was ashamed and humiliated by this fact would be a colossal understatement.

God, was Naruto sick of being poor. He hated not being able to get clean properly, having barely enough money to even eat, and shitting in a goddamn litter box! It was beginning to get to be too much for poor little Naruto, he was ready for his life to pick up already, he didn't want to have to worry about money all the time, he just couldn't take the stress of it.

He still kept in touch with some of the guys from his group home however, his best friend Kiba, was better off then poor Naruto, even though he'd been tossed out of the home in a similar fashion Naruto was. This fact made him jealous beyond belief, but also humbled him in a way he couldn't describe.

In fact, Naruto was on his way to meet up with Kiba now, his friend had said that he had a big surprise and Naruto couldn't wait to find out what it was.

It was cold outside, the October wind whipping threw Naruto's sunshine blonde hair, and making his smooth caramel colored cheeks sting in the frosty air. The blonde stuffed his chapped and calloused hands in his pockets in an attempt to make his brittle finger joints stop aching from the cold weather.

The blond made his way to his friend's apartment in a hurry, wanting to get out of the biting wind as soon as possible, he walked into Kiba's apartment without knocking and made a beeline for the kitchen when he smelt his favorite food brewing.

"Hey Kiba," Naruto said as he plopped down at the rickety breakfast table and made a mad grab for the piping hot cup noodles that seemed to be taunting him with every bit of steam that billowed from the surface of its golden broth.

"Sup Naruto," was the prompt reply as he sat down at the questionably stable table too.

The two ate in enthusiastic silence for a moment while they slurped down their favorite treat together, the broth from the noodles dribbling tantalizing slowly down their chins. Naruto grinned at his friend once they finished, a big bright toothy grin that the blonde had made his signature look long ago.

Kiba returned the look with a feral smile of his own, his deep chocolate eyes glinting with a hint of mischief while he ran a hand through his coffee colored locks, making it appear even messier then it had looked before.

"So what's the big surprise?" the blond asked with a playful waggle of his eyebrows.

Kiba just scoffed lightly and laughed, "You're never gonna believe this," he shook his head a bit and got the most blissed out expression on his face, that Naruto suspected that he was high for a moment.

"What! What happened man? You gotta tell me now! I'm dying over here!" the blond pounded a stubborn fist onto the table making it quack worrisomely.

"Well, ya know that job that I got? The one bussing tables at the gay bar?" Naruto just nodded his head eagerly, leaning forward in his seat slightly in anticipation.

"The thing is, the manager at the place and I got to be real buddies after a while, his names Shino by the way," the blond couldn't hold it anymore and exploded.

"And! And?! Get to the fuckin' point already!" the blond pounded the table again, a little harder this time, making an unsettling creaking noise as it struggled to stay together.

"Ya see, I mentioned that I had this cute friend right? That being you, and said that chya' needed a good job, and since I like working there so much, I thought you'd like it too," now the blond really exploded, standing up and making the poor table topple over to crash onto the ground, making one of its duct taped on legs fall off.

"You got me a job at a gay bar?!" Naruto practically screeched.

"Yeah, what's the problem? You're bi right?" Kiba said with an accomplished smile on his face for his good deeds toward his long time friend.

Naruto's apprehension is quite understandable, he had known the fact that he was bi since he was about nine, but he had only just begun to recognize and explore this side of himself. He's never been with or even kissed another guy before, and then there's also the fact that the one time he went to a gay club with Kiba he had his soul practically raped by the dirty, prying looks the other guys sent him.

Kiba later explained to him that he was a very fuckable looking guy, with his supple bronzed skin, perky ass, petite yet muscled body, messy golden hair, intoxicating smile, and the most incredible azure eyes that shammed even the bluest of skies, made Naruto one sought after fuck buddy.

"But that's not all that I wanted to tell you, Naruto," Kiba said while he tugged on his friends shirt to make him sit his ass down and listen to him.

Naruto huffed and picked up the chair he knocked over in his surprise at sat heavily down on it, giving Kiba a pouty and expectant look.

Kiba gave Naruto a feral and mischievous grin that just spelled trouble for some poor soul, "I got myself a sugar daddy," the chair was sent flying backwards again as the blond stood up and yelled an earsplitting, "What?!"

"Jesus Naruto, just sit the fuck down and listen to me will ya?" Kiba gave an exasperated sigh as Naruto once again settled himself in the abused wooden chair.

"I met him last week after my shift ended," Kiba's expression glazed over dreamily as he talked about his lover, his eyes turning into money signs, a bit of drool collecting at the sides of his mouth.

"Ugh! God Kiba, I don't need all the sweaty details! Just fucking tell me the bare minimum and spare my innocence!" Kiba gave an amused snort at that laughed at the pretty blond's disgusted expression.

"His name's Itachi, and he's richer than that fudge I made last Christmas. It's just a plus that he's not that old and looks like a damn super model," Naruto laughed at the fudge comparison, remembering the sickeningly sweet chocolate treat that his brunette buddy had made for the occasion, a rare treat indeed.

"Remember, no sweaty details please," the blond said with a delighted laugh as Kiba's face flushed slightly as if remembering some dirty little thing that they'd done together.

"Shut up Naruto, you fucking ass virgin!" Kiba taunted as he threw one of his socks at the blonds smirking face.

"Ew! You dick Kiba!" he batted away the sock and glared good naturedly.

"But man Naruto, this guy really is loaded, he's so generous with his gifts that it overwhelms me a bit. I've eaten at a five star restaurant for dinner every day since I met him! I've never had so much steak in my life!" Kiba rubbed his belly and licked his lips with a satisfied looks on his face.

"So what makes him a 'sugar daddy' and not just some guy treating you like a prostitute?" Naruto huffed as he folded his arm across his chest, mad that his friend went to eat some place fancy without him, not that he could've afforded it, but still.

"Well, it's like this Naruto, see the 'sugar daddy' is like a genie, he may be a little old, but if a guy rubs his lamp, he'll grant his wishes.(1)" Kiba and Naruto both shared a laugh at that description.

"No seriously, how are you not considered a prostitute?" Naruto asked as the laughter died down.

"Hm. I guess it's like this, when older males are in their money making prime, and young men are in their money needing prime and beauty prime. These three primes often converge creating the secret underground 'older man being financially generous to beautiful younger man' situation.(2) Get it so far?" Naruto just furrowed his brows a bit and nodded slowly.

"The thing is, the idea that all sugar daddies are rich is a stereotype and cliché. That's like saying 'all johns are rich'. Fact is, sometimes all a poor or needy male wants is for you to help him provide food and basic things for his children he can't afford or maybe help him afford cable television or an education or... just a place to live while he gets on his feet. It's not how rich the sugar daddy is that matters, it's how poor he is. Poor males are very open to sugar daddies of all income brackets. Well, except maybe the super poor.(3) The fact that Itachi is a rich as fuck dude doesn't mean that all sugar daddies are gonna be like that, us dependents just gotta take what we can get," the blond looked thoughtful throughout Kiba's speech and made a hand gesture for the brunette to continue his fabulous explanation.

"Being a sugar daddy for young men is generally seen as 'immoral behavior', but most believe that the origin of that taboo has more to do with society's hatred for 'older men/young person' couples than money itself. It's a hatred likely invented by older women and indoctrinated into us via the mothering process. But since we group home kids never got that type of influence, we don't need to worry about that," Kiba grinned and licked his lips to elaborate more when he saw the confused look on his friend's face.

"Because of the somewhat taboo nature of sugar daddying or having a sugar daddy, most of these types of relationships are top secret and hush hush. You won't usually know that that 18 year old man has a secret 51 year old sugar daddy that earns $60,000-$1,000,000 annually and provides for him as if he were his 'wife'. Not saying that Itachi is 51, he's probably in his early thirties or late twenties at most. A young man will usually not admit he has a sugar daddy since he knows he will be called a 'whore or prostitute' and the sugar daddy will not admit he is a young man's sugar daddy because he knows he will be called a 'dirty old man' for dating a young man, even if he was once a boy toy. No male is immune to that smearing." Naruto had a thoughtful look on his face, as it he was contemplating something.

"Poor sugar daddies," the blond finally mumbled, looking at Kiba with big, sad puppy dog eyes.

Kiba nodded sadly at the blond and replied, "The fact is, the young man with the older man is the only human in society who will not call him a 'dirty old man' for admiring his counterparts youthful beauty. Older women most definitely will call him that, some men might, young males most definitely will, and maybe some young women will. But his sugared counterpart won't. This makes him the only person even remotely deserving to share in the sugar daddy's successes to begin with. Young men who don't call older men 'perverts, dirty old men, letches' deserve the generosity of older men. Not the label users of society. And besides, Itachi's a sweet heart, he lets me have whatever my hear desires, he's even letting me move in with him next week!" Kiba clapped his hands excitedly, his sheer happiness about that fact was radiating off of him and Naruto couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

Naruto's eyes were wide with awe at the end of Kiba's speech and that's when those fateful words slipped out of Naruto's pouty pink mouth, "I gotta get me one of them sugar daddies too, Kiba."

And so it begins…

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(1), (2), (3): You can find all of these descriptions of what a sugar daddy is on (I tweaked it a bit to fit the story though) just look up "sugar daddy" and you'll find them. They were just too funny, I had to put them in!

I can't make you review, but I can still shamelessly beg and bribe… don't you wanna find out more about Kiba and Itachi's relationship? Don't you want to find out if Naruto will get a sugar daddy of his own? Don't you want a steamy and perverted lemon? Review and tell me… Mwahahahaha!