Non Omnis Moriar, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Title: Non Omnis Moriar
Author: Major Clanger
Email: [email protected]
Category: Epilogue/Missing scene, h/c, angst
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Spoilers: Season 5s episode Meridian, Stargate-the Movie, Season 3s Forever In A Day
Season: 5
Rating: PG

Warning: Slash

Status: Finished
Summary: Daniel spends some time on a planet that is facing something similar to the Cold War.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and it's characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions. These stories are for entertainment purposes only, and no money exchanged hands. Really. Honestly. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and stories are the property of the author. That is me, and I write under the name of "Major Clanger" for reasons that are unclear, even to me. These stories may not be posted elsewhere without my consent, although if you really want to, you could send me an e-mail and ask. After you get the smelling salts under my nose, I'll probably say "yes".
Author's notes: When I wrote this I hadn't seen any of Season6, so I have no idea how Jonas really is, or if we know anything about his past. Okay, I've taken liberties with Jonas. We know nothing, well, nothing much, about him, and I needed to invent a past, so I did. So what? I'll have my artistic licence endorsed? Ha! But let's be fair, and see how the whole Meridian "thing" looks from his point of view? Oh go on, give it a read. He's not as bad as all that, honest! (well, not in my universe anyway). Thank you thank you thank you to Sazz for the very patient beta on this, and the suggestions, 99.9% of which I took on board. Oh, and the thing with the open mouth: it does work.

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"They think we're children!" Jonas's angry comment resonated around the small room surprising everyone who was there. Himself included. "I mean," he carried on in a calmer tone. "Did you see the looks on their faces when we said Guld instead of Goa'uld?" He gave the word a condescending inflection. "And as for the naquadria is naquada thing..." Jonas gave a very good impression of Daniel Jackson. His eyebrows moved nineteen to the dozen as he wrinkled his forehead and said the word with an imitation of Dr. Jackson's quizzical inflection that had annoyed him so much.

Tomas Lee looked up, irritated. "Let it go, Jonas. Don't worry about it too much. Let's see what we can learn from them, eh?"

"I'd rather not. If they're going to assume that everything we say is wrong and everything they say is right." Jonas shook off the hand that had been placed on his arm in a soothing manner. "Don't ... I don't want to calm down."

"I didn't say that..."

"That's what you meant." Jonas stamped off to his sleeping quarters muttering 'Naquada... Naquadria...' under his breath, putting Tomas Lee in mind of a child who had been chastised at school making fun of his teacher.

Lee shook his head slowly. He hoped that Jonas would be able to contain his anger. The Colonans had a lot to learn from the people of Earth if what they had seen so far was anything to go by. He suspected, however, that they – the Colonans – had plenty of knowledge to impart also, if the Earth woman's reaction to the naquadria was anything to go by.

What's her name again? Carter? Dr. Lee was impressed by the extent of Carter's knowledge. He was surprised that a woman of such obvious ability was wasting her time in the military. He made a mental note to ask her more about their Cold War, before closing the door of his office and settling down to some reading.

Despite the late hour there were still a few people in the corridors that evening. Seeing Jonas stalking along, radiating anger, they automatically got out of his way. One or two people tried to greet him and were surprised when he curtly brushed them aside.

One of them, a woman who Jonas had known for several years, turned to her companion walking beside her. "I've never seen Jonas like that before. Those visitors from Earth must be having a bad effect on him."

"They seemed very nice," her friend laughed. "Especially the tall grey-haired one! And that woman... maybe she turned Jonas down."

"Oh I don't think that would worry him overmuch."

"Really? Maybe the grey-haired one turned him down, then!" The women giggled, linked arms and continued on their way, dismissing their conversation about Jonas in favour of discussing one of the new security guards who had caught their eye.

Reaching his living quarters Jonas slammed the door behind him, took off his boots and flung them into the corner. As he was hanging up his jacket he caught his reflection in the mirror and was surprised at the grimace etched firmly onto his face.

No wonder people were avoiding me! Jonas shook his head. He would have some apologising to do in the morning he figured, making a list in his head of the people he'd passed in the corridor.

Jonas walked across the room and pulled open the door to his tiny bathroom. He sighed at the sight that greeted him. A small, cracked bathtub, only just big enough to sit in, with a shower attachment affixed by the simple expedient of banging two nails into the wall either side of the shower head. There was no curtain and the floor still had patches of damp from his morning shower.

Peeling off his clothes and putting them in the laundry hamper, Jonas wondered yet again why the research centre had to be so damned cold all the time.

It can't be good for their brains, he thought as he climbed into what was laughingly referred to as his shower. The water struggled gamely but gave up the fight to get warm after about thirty seconds, pushing Jonas further into his bad mood as he rinsed himself in tepid water.

I'll be glad when this assignment is over, he grumbled to himself, towelling himself vigorously.

Jonas dressed as quickly as possible, pulling on two pairs of socks and his warmest clothes. He looked over at what had been described to him by the housing officer as a 'kitchen alcove' and wondered if it was worth making a hot drink. As always Jonas examined both sides of the argument, plus a few tangential ideas for good measure. A typical academic habit, he knew it annoyed some people but he wasn't about to change the habit of a lifetime just to suit them. On the 'for' side, he was cold and annoyed. Hot chocolate would give both warmth and comfort. On the other hand he knew from experience that drinking late in the evening would come back to haunt him in the middle of the night, with a cold trek from his bed to the bathroom. He decided against.

Five minutes later he was sitting at his desk, tucked into an ancient leather chair, catching up with his journal, the privations of his primitive quarters completely forgotten as he immersed himself in recalling the last three days. Lost in his writing, Jonas only realised how late it was when the intercom buzzed and he heard a disembodied voice apologise for the late disturbance. He glanced quickly at the clock, surprised at how much time had passed while he had been writing.

"Jonas, SG-1 will visit once more tomorrow. Please show them around and answer their questions."

"Of course, is there anything in particular they wish to see?"

"Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill will go to Dr. Lee's lab. Teal'c will be assisting the translation team."

"And Doctor Jackson?" Jonas rolled his eyes as he said this, although the trained diplomat in him knew that there was no indication of exasperation in his voice.

"Doctor Jackson has requested that you accompany him tomorrow. You are to show him around our Stargate program, what we have discovered and so on."

"My pleasure. I will meet them in the morning." Jonas wondered if Carter and O'Neill were dumping Dr. Jackson off on him because they didn't want to spend any more time than necessary with irritating scientist either.

"He has also requested that he be allowed to speak with some of the scientists working on the naquadria project."

"High Minister?"

"I think it will be necessary. To 'show willing' as it were."

"As you wish, High Minister. Is there anyone in particular you think he should talk to?"

"You know them as well as anybody, Jonas. I think we both know why Doctor Jackson wants to speak to them," he added ominously.

Jonas exchanged a few pleasantries with his boss then turned to re-read what he had written. After adding a scribble here and there in the margin, he was finally satisfied with his account and closed the journal. Placing it on a long shelf next to about thirty similar books, he ran his finger down the spines and smiled as it rippled along them. His whole life was contained on these pages, each of which was painstakingly filled with small, neat writing. A lifetime of experiences and observations.

Jonas's anger at Daniel's condescending manner had not diminished, although it wasn't at the forefront of his mind. He sat on his bed looking around his spartan surroundings and sighed again. If he'd known that he was coming to live in such a cold place he would have brought more clothes, certainly he would have brought some pyjamas. Thick, warm pyjamas. And socks. Plenty of thick, warm, woollen socks.

Shivering, Jonas switched off the overhead light and climbed into bed. He took off the robe he'd put on over his clothes and spread it over the top blanket. For a few minutes the weight of the coverings was oppressive, but soon he became comfortably warm and despite the time, he began to think about the coming day. He was glad that SG-1 were returning to Colona but he wished that someone else could be assigned to escort Doctor Jackson.

A gifted scholar, it was rare that Jonas encountered people more intelligent than himself. In fact he almost never met people with a similarly high IQ and because of this he had been especially pleased to discover that SG-1 contained not one, but two brilliant scientists. Major Carter was undoubtedly a talented physicist and Jonas had been left way behind once she'd started talking to the people working on the naquadria project. He'd concentrated instead on her team-mates, fascinated by their different attitudes to her intellect.

The Jaffa, Teal'c, had been constantly watchful since they first emerged from the shimmering event horizon. Jonas was stunned by the sheer size of the man and had barely stifled the excited questions he longed to ask the alien. After having met the Jaffa several times, Jonas had come to realise that Teal'c didn't willingly submit to questioning and never spontaneously offered information. Despite the fact that the academic in Jonas was longing to spend time with Teal'c he was slightly relieved that the honour had gone to someone else. It wasn't just the physical size of the man, although that in itself was enough to make some people almost literally quake in their shoes, Teal'c had a presence about him that discouraged any attempt at familiarity.

It must be like getting blood out of a stone, Jonas thought.

Colonel O'Neill was not quite as enigmatic as his alien team-mate but he had obviously been taking lessons from Teal'c. Jonas thought that he would definitely like to get to know O'Neill better. But the Colonel exuded a dislike of diplomats and scholars, so Jonas was doubly damned there.

Then there was Doctor Jackson. The name brought with it a flush of anger. Jonas had never in his life seen such intellectual arrogance. The way he had smiled so superciliously while correcting their pronunciation of the word Goa'uld still rankled, and as for the way he had dismissed their discovery of naquadria... Jonas had had to keep a tight hold of himself at that point. Not often angry, but when his temper did threaten to surface he had a struggle to keep it under wraps. The flaming rage of which Jonas knew he was capable had no place in the diplomatic service and he could count on the fingers of one hand – without using his thumb – the number of people who knew about his temper. He fully intended on keeping it that way.

"Treating us like children," Jonas grumbled aloud. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something had clearly irritated him in SG-1's attitude towards his people in general and himself in particular. He pondered that and amended it to Doctor Jackson's attitude.

"Yes, he's a supercilious, condescending know-it-all." Jonas flushed in the darkness as he realised that he deserved to be treated like a child if he was going to make outbursts like that even in the privacy of his own bedroom.

Dismissing the man from his thoughts, Jonas turned onto his side and settled down to sleep. He tossed and turned for a few minutes, trying to get comfortable before finally settling in his original position. His narrow, single bed was something else that was taking some getting used to.

The next morning he wasn't too unhappy to be woken earlier than usual by the squawking of the intercom when he heard who it was that was calling him.

"Jonas! Are you awake?"

"Yes thanks. What time is it?"

"Early enough for us to have breakfast. If you have time."

Jonas looked at the clock, it was a while yet before he needed to meet SG-1. His mood darkened as he remembered that day's assignment.

"Okay, I'll meet you at the canteen. If you get there first, get me something to eat?"

"Sure. See you then."

The intercom clicked off and Jonas hauled himself out of his cocoon. If the timing was right, he would be able to have a hot shower this morning.

As he stood under the half-hearted trickle of warm water, his temper brightened somewhat as he contemplated breakfast with his friend. He wondered what the weather was like outside as he dressed and decided that a few layers of light clothes would be practical. Having carefully checked his appearance before he left his quarters, he walked along the corridors in a far better mood than he had the evening before. The warm shower coupled with the prospect of a breakfast date eclipsed, for the moment, his apprehension at spending a whole day in the company of the arrogant Doctor Jackson.

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The reflections from the rippling pool of the event horizon gave the Stargate chamber something of the feeling of an indoor swimming pool. The light undulated gently within the great stone ring, and Jonas was amazed yet again at the knowledge that had created a stable wormhole. He had little experience in astro-physics, but what he did have, only served to show him how much more there was to learn: An impossible amount.

SG-1 stepped through the event horizon with weapons raised. After a quick scan of the room revealed nothing unexpected, they lowered them and smiled at the small reception committee.

"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter," a man that Jonas knew only slightly stepped forward and indicated that the two Air Force officers should accompany him.

Jack turned to Daniel and Teal'c and gave his teammates a friendly wave. "See you later kids. Make sure you behave now." He and Sam followed the man from the chamber.

Daniel looked over towards Jonas and smiled. "I believe we'll be together all day today."

"Yes, I am to show you our Stargate research and some of the history of our people."

"Ah, I was hoping not to restrict the information to just Colona."

"Of course, you wish to inform yourself as much as possible. That is understandable. But we shall start with what is nearest." Jonas opened the door and waited for Doctor Jackson to walk through. Before following his guest, Jonas turned to Teal'c who was engrossed in conversation with one of the linguists. Not managing to catch the Jaffa's eye, he gave a small shrug and went into the corridor.

"...archaeological information, wouldn't you say?"

Jonas belatedly realised that Doctor Jackson had continued to talk whilst exiting the chamber.

"Sorry, I didn't catch all of that."

Daniel gave an almost imperceptible roll of his eyes, that was added to Jonas's ever expanding list of Things I Hate About Doctor Jackson. With the air of a teacher repeating a lesson to a slow pupil, he spoke to Jonas. "I was saying that most people think that archaeology and the study of ancient civilizations is a waste of time, but that we can learn a lot from archaeological information."

"Absolutely. I have studied as much as possible since we discovered our Stargate. Our ancestors have much to teach us."

They walked in silence until they reached the offices and laboratories occupied by the Stargate project. Jonas guided Daniel to an area that had been prepared for him to study the Colonans' findings.

"I took the liberty of ordering you some coffee, Major Carter told me that..." Jonas realised that he was talking to himself as Doctor Jackson had almost literally dived into the carefully piled books and papers on the desk.

On anyone else, the enthusiasm displayed by the man would have warmed Jonas to him. However, on this occasion it merely served to reinforce Jonas's impression of someone with a terminal case of an intellectual superiority complex. Incredulous, he looked on as Doctor Jackson ploughed through the papers in quick time. Some he immediately tossed disdainfully aside. Jonas wasn't sure, but he thought he saw the beginnings of a sneer as Jackson read one of them.

"I'll need another table." The man sifting through the results of years of painstaking work didn't even look at Jonas as he was making his demand.

"Of course. I'll arrange it immediately."

"And some boxes or files or something so I can sort this information."

"As you wish. What would you like to have on the labels?" Jonas knew what the answer would be but he wanted to hear it. He had developed such a dislike of the other man that he needed to have his suspicions confirmed. The people of the SGC thought that they, the Colonans, were children playing at the Stargate game. They were here to pat them on the head, smile at their efforts and send them off to play again.

"Um... I'm not sure. Unlabelled is fine." Daniel realised that he was being incredibly rude. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's not often I get to... I mean, research is..." his voice trailed off as he caught a very brief glimpse of Jonas' irritated expression, before the diplomat managed to resume his usual bland mask.

"I understand." The smile didn't get anywhere close to his eyes.

"Did you say something about coffee? Maybe you'd like to have some with me and give me a run-down of how you discovered the Stargate?" Daniel said.

Daniel was already familiar with the story, but he thought it might be something that Jonas would be eager to share. Everyone seemed to think that he was good at communicating, but Daniel didn't have much confidence in his skills as a diplomat. He decided he'd better give it his best shot though, the atmosphere was distinctly frosty. Maybe a coffee would help thaw it out a little.

Oh great. Now I get to drink coffee with Mister Superiority-Complex? Great! "Thank you. That would be," Jonas swallowed, "ah, nice."

A few minutes later, they were sat on uncomfortable wooden chairs sipping coffee in a none-too companionable silence.

"It's a bit different here than what you're used to, I expect?" Doctor Jackson was trying to be polite. "I guess you're doing this in addition to your usual duties."

"Yes. Our High Minister recognises the importance of this project and the need to have someone like me present at all times."

"I was meaning to ask you about that." Daniel leaned towards Jonas with an earnest expression. "You're developing... well, what exactly?"

"As we explained. Naquadria has the potential to make an extremely powerful weapon. We will be able to bring stability to our world."

"And as we explained, the only thing for which a weapon of mass destruction can be used is..."

Waving his hand impatiently at the now standing Jackson, Jonas interrupted him. "We know all that. But you never used yours, what makes you think we would use ours? We're not stupid you know!"

Daniel sat back abruptly and rubbed his hands across his eyes. When he spoke it was more to himself than Jonas.

"That's all you know." Emotions that Jonas wasn't able to guess at flickered across the other man's face. Daniel quickly started shuffling papers around, cleared his throat and spoke directly to Jonas. "Let's have a look at some of these, I think they're pretty much accurate. It's a good place to start."

Quashing a spark of irritation that the words 'pretty much accurate' caused, before it ignited into fully-fledged anger, Jonas pulled up a chair and sat beside the desk. Spending the next hour discussing the ancient texts that the Colonans had uncovered put Jonas in a somewhat better mood despite his companion. Doctor Jackson had spoken the truth, the translations were good. When the first pile had been scrutinised, Jackson seized another and looked at Jonas.

"These look as though they were translated by someone else, they're nowhere near as good. Do you want to look with me?"

"It probably would be quicker to go through the original texts together." Jonas nodded as he reached out to pull a pad towards him.

"It's okay. I have my notebook with me." Daniel fumbled with a bag that Jonas hadn't noticed.

"We have plenty of notebooks here." He resented the implication that Colonan paper wasn't up to the standard of the SGC product, but Jonas was surprised to see a small, flat box appear on the desk. Not being one to let personal feelings get in the way of the acquisition of knowledge he leaned over to get a better look.

Daniel flipped up the lid, pressed a few buttons and waited while the computer readied itself.

"Want to look?" The question was posed without a trace of condescension. In fact Dr. Doctor Jackson managed to convey with the tone of his voice, a quick look at Jonas and the small half-turn he gave the machine, that he fully understood the interest such an object would arouse in someone who had never seen one before.

"Oh yes." Jonas could hardly take his eyes off the screen as a series of flickers resolved themselves into a picture of pyramids at sunset, which were partially obscured by small pictures that he could not quite make out.

A brief introduction to notebook PCs fascinated Jonas. Daniel explained a little of the history of computers and wasn't surprised when Jonas hinted at a Colonan research project into long-range telecommunications and data storage.

Clicking his way through a few programs, Daniel found some images of artefacts that SG-1 had found, similar to some of the objects uncovered by Jonas' people in their excavation of the Stargate. Not knowing if the images themselves, or the method of their display was more fascinating, Jonas was totally immersed in what he was doing. After he had studied the last virtual artefact Jonas reluctantly drew the pile of papers they had wanted to examine towards him.

"How do you want to do this?" For the first time since he had met Daniel, Jonas didn't mind leaving the decision making up to the other man. Jonas gestured to the keyboard and gave a wry smile. "If you like, I can read and you can input the information?"

"That sounds fine. Start with this one, we'll take it one paragraph at a time." Daniel said.

Jonas began to read, stumbling once or twice over unfamiliar words and trying to remember the correct pronunciation. He cursed himself inwardly when this happened, not wanting to show weakness, but there was something else as well, that he couldn't identify.

This is not the time. Later. Concentrate now, he admonished himself.

Sitting with his long fingers poised over the keyboard, Doctor Jackson half closed his eyes and opened his mouth slightly. Jonas couldn't help but wonder if this was some strange ritual for the inputting of data, then quickly banished the thought. He was tolerant of other culture's beliefs and traditions, but Daniel was the least likely person Jonas had ever met to take part in such things. Deciding to ignore it, he commenced reading.

Daniel opened his eyes a little. He couldn't believe that he was actually sitting there, testing out a one of Jack's ideas. He tried to stop his mind wandering, but the idea that he was field-testing one of O'Neill's pet theories amused him and he couldn't stop the smile that idea evinced. He suddenly realised that Jonas had stopped reading and that, worse, he hadn't heard the last sentence.

"Doctor Jackson, are you alright?"

"Yes. Sorry." He decided to come clean. "Jack has a theory that the hearing is improved if one closes one's eyes and the mouth is slightly open."

"Really?" Jonas had a habit of cocking his head slightly to one side when he was considering something new. "Does it work?"

"Er... actually, I didn't catch the last sentence. Would you mind...?"

Jonas walked behind Doctor Jackson and recommenced reading. He spoke in a low, clear voice which was rather pleasing to listen to.

Daniel wondered fleetingly if Jonas was also a singer.

Finishing the passage, Jonas came back into Daniel's field of vision.

"So?"

"I didn't miss anything." Doctor Jackson tapped at the keys with astonishing speed.

On the second reading Jonas had refined his translation somewhat. Gratified that Doctor Jackson had refrained from correcting his pronunciation, he mentally gave his work a quick run through.

Jonas was surprised that, over the past few hours, his irritation at Doctor Jackson had slowly eroded as he became used to Jackson's manner. He was brought up sharply therefore, when almost as soon as he began talking he was interrupted brusquely as the Doctor corrected part of the first sentence.

Jonas barely registered what Jackson was saying as the bridges he had built that morning were bulldozed in seconds. He added 'interrupts constantly' to his list of Things I Hate About Doctor Jackson.

They wrestled their way through the translation with Jonas petulantly keeping score of the number of times he had prevailed with his version making it into Jackson's laptop. Hating to admit it to himself, Jonas knew that Doctor Jackson had been correct, the translation was better with the amendments and suggestions he had made. It grated though, and Jonas had to make a conscious effort to keep his voice even and his face expressionless.

How could I have thought we could do this together?

The fun of working on something he loved had dissipated. Jonas plodded through the work as quickly as possible, paying scant attention to the meaning of the text and putting up no resistance when Doctor Jackson wanted to change things. His goal? To get to the end of the day and wave, a hopefully permanent, goodbye to the arrogant scholar.

The city lights twinkled invitingly through the window and Jonas thought he would go mad if he didn't get out of the room very soon. They had reached the end of their work for the day. The lack of small talk meant that they had covered a lot of ground and Jonas was confident that he wouldn't have to spend too much more time with Jackson.

He went over to the window and looked down at the city that sprawled lazily as far as the eye could see. A mixture of tall, slim skyscrapers and short, squat buildings. Jonas always thought that it looked its best at twilight and at dawn – he had seen it in both aspects – but this evening he had missed the sunset. It was still early enough for the sky to retain some of the reddish hue that comes shortly after sundown. The faint red slash of the horizon was still visible as the last of the sun's rays reluctantly gave way to the sparkly dark blanket of the night sky

Jonas looked up at the stars and wondered if he would ever travel to any of them. Seeing a non-military member of the SG-1 team had given him renewed hope that one day he would be able to join the Stargate program as something more than an ethical advisor. Not that Jonas didn't love his job, he enjoyed the challenges it presented, not to mention the fact that he had risen to become one of the High Minister's most trusted consultants at a young age. Even so, given his thirst and insatiable lust for knowledge, the lure of the Stargate was strong.

Another thing to add to the list of Things I Hate About Doctor Jackson.

Knowing that his jealousy was petty and childish, Jonas tried to think about something lighter. He looked at the city again and his thoughts turned to the last time he had looked out of this window. Back then he hadn't been alone, hadn't been lonely. Jonas sighed and tried to remember happier occasions. It was difficult to recall them after all that had happened. The memory of a life ended so painfully, so abruptly, was still very raw even at a distance of a few years. Shifting his focus slightly from what was beyond the window to what was reflected in the pane of glass, Jonas studied himself.

A ghostlike Jonas stared back at the real one. As the man watched his reflection his mind appeared to be playing tricks on him. Now, as on that other occasion, a figure came to stand next to him. Wanting to regain the warm, safe feeling that figure gave him, Jonas stood perfectly still, barely breathing as he savoured the moment. They stood together in silence, the reflections staring at the reality, the real figures looking at the ghosts in the glass.

Ghost was the right word, he thought, as he looked at the translucent figure standing beside the Jonas in the glass. A ghost from the past. Jonas felt a lurch in his stomach as he saw the familiar face looking at him, the same dark hair, the same blue eyes, the same broad chest. His heart started to beat faster as he saw the hand, with the same impossibly long, slim fingers reach up to the face and remove a pair of glasses.

Jonas felt his heart wrench when he realized just how heartbreakingly familiar the dark hair, the blue eyes, the broad chest looked. He was surprised he hadn't noticed it before: That the man standing beside him and the ghost from his past were so similar.

Transfixed, Jonas jumped, brought back to the present with a jolt, when the ghost spoke. A by now familiar, sinking feeling attacked him when he forced himself to remember that the person standing next to him was real and alive and that there was no love lost between them.

"It's beautiful."

"Yes."

"Pity it's all about to change."

"What do you mean by that?" Jonas finally turned to face the man who had appeared almost silently at his side.

"Your scientists could wipe this place clean off the planet."

Oh not again. "We do not intend to bomb ourselves."

"You don't think you can make your bomb without a few accidents along the way? Just how much do you know about this naquadria?"

"More than you." It was a stupid response, fully in keeping with the emotions that Doctor Jackson had evoked in him. Jonas blushed slightly. "I mean, we have been studying it for some time. We know to be careful."

"Still, you're going to make a bomb that could wipe out millions of people in one explosion."

"How many times do we have to say this? We're not going to use it." The redness in Jonas's face deepened. He held up his hand to ward off the words that he knew would come next. "No. I know what you think."

Daniel turned abruptly and started to pack away his notebook. "I think that was enough for one day. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jonas caught up with him at the door, his better nature winning out over his desire to be instantly rid of Doctor Jackson. "I'd better show you back to the Stargate. You could be wandering around in here for weeks." His attempt at levity went unnoticed by the grim-faced man.

Once more they covered the ground to the Stargate in silence and Jonas took the opportunity to sneak a few furtive looks at his companion. He was puzzled and fascinated by this person. On the surface, they had so much in common. If they had had more time to get to know each other on a personal level, Jonas was sure they would have been friends.

For the first time in his adult life he cursed his chosen career. He was a loyal subject of Colona, and would never do anything to bring it harm, but he had had his doubts about the naquadria project from the start. Doubts that he had voiced tentatively, only at the beginning of the discussions between the High Minister and the scientists who had first broached the idea. He had come to accept the bomb as the ultimate deterrent, to believe, to hope fervently that it was the only way to bring a lasting peace. Still, he was more than a little disquieted that his country would have most of the power, but reconciled it with the fact that they weren't bad people.

Yes. We're not bad people. We're just making a bomb that could wipe out the population of a small planet.

Jonas sneaked another look at the immobile face and made a quick decision. Based, he told himself firmly, purely on a desire to do the right thing for his country. For his planet.

"Um. Doctor Jackson?"

"Jonas?"

"I usually go to the canteen around this time. Just a quick bite and a drink. Would you like to join me?"

For five long steps there was no answer and Jackson's face remained immobile.

"I think I would." Giving Jonas a small, almost shy smile he continued speaking. "But please call me Daniel."

Jonas led the way to the canteen and this time the silence was friendlier. One or two people said hello to Jonas, nodding politely at Daniel as they did so. Arriving at the canteen door at the same time as two women, Jonas courteously opened the door and waited for them to walk through.

"That's the second time in two days you've ignored me." One of the women Jonas had brushed rudely past the previous evening gave him a mock pout. "I'm beginning to think there is someone else in your life."

"Elise. Sorry, I didn't realise it was you." Jonas gave the woman a warm smile. He turned politely to her companion, "I don't believe we have met?"

Grinning, Elise waved her hand at her friend and then at Jonas. "Jonas this is Anya. Anya... Jonas." She looked at Daniel. "You're Doctor Jackson."

Daniel replied with a bemused grin. "Daniel." He held out his hand which Elise shook solemnly.

"Would you and Jonas like to join us?" Elise still held Daniel's hand in hers as she gave Jonas a sly look from under her eyelashes.

"Another time, perhaps?" Removing his hand from her grip Daniel flashed what he hoped was his most charming smile. "We still have some work to discuss."

Daniel and Jonas stepped into the canteen and found an unoccupied table in the middle of the room. Surprisingly, considering the late hour, there were many people around.

"It's like the commissary." Daniel wasn't really surprised.

They put their things on an empty chair and Daniel looked around curiously. "Are there always this many people here?"

"During the week many people stay here, there is plenty of accommodation. I don't often get here this early though."

Daniel nodded in sympathy. "Oh yes. Been there." At Jonas's interrogatively raised eyebrow he quickly explained. "Just a figure of speech."

"Ah. I understand." Jonas indicated the short line of people waiting to collect their evening meal. "Shall I bring you something?"

"Do you mind if I take a look?" The question was accompanied by a self-deprecating smile. "Jack thinks I'm too curious."

"Not at all. If I were in your commissary I'd want to see everything too."

It felt familiar but simultaneously strange to be standing in line, holding a tray, waiting to see what was on offer in the way of food. Daniel watched the people around him as much as he examined the plain but well presented meals. Spotting something that looked very similar to a Danish pastry, Daniel put one on his tray and moved along to the hot beverages. There were two choices, coffee and tea. Colonan coffee was good but he decided that this time he would try the tea. He was reaching one hand out to the machine when Jonas pulled his arm back.

"Watch out! The steam is unpredictable." He realised he was still holding Daniel's sleeve and dropped it as suddenly as he had grabbed it. "I'll do it."

Having despatched the pastries in short order, Daniel and Jonas blew on and sipped at the still too-hot tea. So far their conversation had been limited to the similarities and differences between the Colonan canteen and the commissary at the SGC, with Daniel admitting that the pastries they had just eaten were tastier. There was nothing in the way that he said this that led Jonas to believe that Daniel was speaking anything other than the truth. This gave him food for thought, so much so that he gave a start when Daniel spoke again.

"What made you change your mind?"

"Er... um... change my mind? About what?"

"Me."

The directness of his blue gaze was both uncomfortable, flattering and thrilling at the same time. He suddenly wondered if Daniel was married or in a relationship. It must be pretty uncomfortable for his wife, to have all that intensity focussed on her.

"You weren't set on marching me to the 'gate to make sure I really left?"

"Oh. That." Jonas dropped his eyes from the burning stare. He spoke more to his hands than to the other man. "Whatever my feelings are toward you... I... um... well, you obviously have a lot more to say on the subject of the naquadria project. I thought I'd better hear it."

"Believe me, I totally understand your position on this. I mean you, as in the Colonans. But I'm guessing that you, Jonas, have a problem with it. We made a huge mistake on Earth, it's natural that we would want to help you avoid doing the same thing."

"You're doing it again." Jonas met Daniel's eyes again.

"Doing what?"

"Assuming that we're going to do something stupid and childish. Like you're our parents or something. Give us some credit!" Jonas slapped the table.

"Childish?" It was Daniel's time to blush. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and tipped his chair back so he was balancing it on two legs, with his covered face towards the ceiling. Jonas watched transfixed as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down a few times. Feeling that something important was about to happen, he kept quiet.

Daniel finally brought his chair back onto four legs and took his hand away from his face.

"I... we... no it's me. I owe you an apology." Daniel stretched his arm across the table, but just before his fingertips touched Jonas's sleeve he withdrew as though he had been burned. He hunched his shoulders forward, and folded his arms across his chest. Looking at the table the words he spoke came quickly, too quickly, running into each other in his haste to get them out. "I'm sorry, Jonas. I apologise if I came across as arrogant. It wasn't my intention. I... we... we're just worried, concerned that you... your people are..."

Daniel flicked a quick glance over at Jonas. He was sitting exactly as he had been when Daniel began his apology. One hand curled around his mug, the other resting on the table, fingers splayed, where he had slapped it down during his angry outburst.

"I never meant to offend you, Jonas." Daniel finally raised his eyes to the other man's face.

Surprised at Daniel's little speech Jonas didn't know what to say. Two hours ago he had been ready to shove Daniel bodily into the event horizon and post guards to shoot him dead if he ever showed signs of returning to Colona. Now? Frankly he didn't have a clue how it had happened, but Daniel had had a strange effect on him. Suddenly it became clear how and why the rest of SG-1 'put up' with the archaeologist – he brought a whole new perspective to things.

"You don't need to apo..." This time he smiled as Daniel interrupted him.

"No, really. You don't understand. We complain all the time about the Tollan, the Asgard, the Nox... they say we're young and they won't give us their technology... now we're doing it ourselves... and..."

A shadow fell across the table as someone came over to them.

"Bye Jonas. Doc... Daniel. See you around." Turning as she opened the door for Anya, Elise blew Jonas a kiss and gave him a theatrical wink.

"What was that all about?" Daniel looked amused.

Jonas blushed to a deep red and Daniel apologised for being intrusive.

"No, it's okay. She likes to have a bit of fun. Her job can get a bit... wearing."

"What does she do?"

"She's a doctor... intensive care. She likes to play games and if it keeps her happy who am I to complain?" Jonas paused, looking at his hands in contemplation before continuing. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this. You must be bored already."

"You like her a lot."

"Not that much!" Jonas laughed. "Anyway she's married." He saw an opening and, emboldened, jumped in. "What about you? Your wife must worry about you?"

As soon as he saw Daniel's reaction to his question he wished he could have taken it back. Barely perceptible to the untrained eye, Jonas's diplomatic training had taught him very well how to quickly spot stifled reactions. The pain that he saw in the other man's eyes broke the final barrier to Jonas liking him. Sure, he was arrogant in his assumption – usually correct! – that he was way ahead in the brain game but, Jonas admitted to himself, he too had been guilty of that type of behaviour in the past.

"My wife is dead," Daniel held up a hand to ward off the sympathetic words that he knew would come next. Hugging himself tighter than before he swallowed before speaking again. "It's okay… It was a long time ago… I've learned to live with it."

"Not an easy lesson," said Jonas.

Daniel recognised the voice of experience and winced in sympathy.

Jonas cast around for something to say that would change the subject, but was beaten to it when Daniel's radio crackled and Jack's voice broke the awkward moment.

"Daniel. Tell me you aren't still working."

"Jack. I'm not still working."

"Good, then get your butt over to the Stargate and we can go home."

"Actually, I was going to talk to you about that…" Daniel looked up. He spoke into the radio without taking his eyes off Jonas. "Wait a second, Jack." He cut off Jack's expletive and raised his eyebrows, "do you think I'd be able to stay here tonight? I'd like to talk to you some more… I mean, I know we've been doing little else but talk all day… but, you know… real talking?"

There was a short pause before Jonas spoke.

"Ah, of course. I can get you one of the VIP rooms… or, I mean, if you don't mind… ah… roughing it a bit… my quarters."

Daniel clicked the radio again. "Jack. I'm going to stay here tonight."

"No Daniel. You are getting your sorry ass to the 'gate right now or I'll send Carter to drag you here." Several heads swivelled in their direction as the volume increased.

"Don't bother. I'll be there." Daniel stood up abruptly. "Could you show me the way?"

"Pity, it would have been…fun."

"I'm not going back. I'm just not having this broadcast all over the place." Daniel glanced around and a few guilty-looking faces suddenly found their evening meals very interesting.

A couple of minutes later they were standing by the Stargate confronted by an angry Colonel, an enigmatic Jaffa and a Major who could barely contain her sniggers. As far as she was concerned, it was a foregone conclusion – Daniel's will would prevail.

"Daniel. Glad you could make it," said Jack.

"Jack. Could we have a word?"

Exuding politeness Jack nodded Daniel over to a corner, "Daniel?"

"I think I'm connecting with Jonas."

"Connecting?"

"Connecting. If I can give him some food for thought, maybe he could exert some pressure over the High Minister and…"

"Daniel. I know you don't want them to…"

"…blow each other to bits. Yes. And I think I can get through to Jonas."

"Get through to Jonas? I thought you didn't like him?"

"I didn't say that, did I?"

"Daniel. I know you. As far as everyone else here is concerned you and Jonas are like two kids playing together in a sandbox. I know different." Jack put a hand on Daniel's arm. "Come back tomorrow, there's plenty of time to connect with Jonas then. Please."

"No Jack. I think it's better if I stay." Daniel turned so that he had his back to the room and put his free hand over Jack's. He lowered his voice. "Sam really wants to get some of that naquadria, and I think if I keep..."

"Yeah. If you keep on at Jonas you'll wear him down," Jack nodded in reluctant agreement. "Poor bastard."

"I knew you'd see it my way." Daniel gave Jack's hand a squeeze. "Thanks. By tomorrow night we'll all be best buddies. Sam will have access to naquadria and I'll have sown the seeds of doubt about their bomb. Then I'll come back."

"Okay. I'll square it with Hammond. But you owe me." Jack patted Daniel on the shoulder as he walked past him back to where Carter and Teal'c were standing. "Big time."

"How big?"

"Oh, lemme see, about this big." Jack held his hands out in front of him, approximately three feet apart. He grinned at Daniel. "Minnesotan Bass big."

Daniel sighed, but his eyes were smiling. "I'll think about it."

The Stargate rumbled into life. Everyone in the room, seasoned gate traveller and newcomer to the Stargate game alike, turned to admire the whoosh and the quietly undulating event horizon. The three returning members of SG-1 approached the stone ring.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth. And wash behind your ears. And especially..." Jacks parting words were cut off as Sam rolled her eyes at Daniel and pushed him into the wormhole.

"Is he always like that?" Jonas had never encountered a leadership technique quite like that of Colonel Jack O'Neill.

"Oh no. Sometimes he's really annoying." Daniel laughed at Jonas's resigned expression. "You'd like him if you got to know him. He just takes an awful lot of getting to know."

"So. What did you have in mind?"

"What do you usually do at this time?"

Jonas laughed. "Usually? Usually I'm working. Which reminds me, I'd better let them know you'll be needing a room. And I have to call the High Minister."

They made their way back to the offices where they'd spent the day, and this time Daniel was the one to gaze out of the window while Jonas busied himself making arrangements for the next day and trying to find overnight accommodation.

"Daniel."

There was no reply.

"Daniel!" Jonas walked swiftly over and touched Daniel lightly on the arm. "Daniel, is everything alright?"

"Yes. Sorry, I was miles away."

"Is it too late for you to return?"

Daniel turned around. "Is there a problem?"

"Not really, just no accommodation. The VIP floor has some heating and ventilation problem, so the rooms can't be used."

"What about your…"

"I'm sure you don't want to bunk up with me." Jonas removed his hand. "I don't know what constitutes a heating problem, but I think my quarters must be pretty close to that."

"I've slept in worse places."

"If you're sure," Jonas looked doubtful.

"Honestly, we often have missions that go on for a few days, we don't always manage to check in to the local Holiday Inn." Daniel suddenly looked worried. "Unless you'd prefer not to?"

"No, if you're sure. Here, let me take that." Jonas took the bag containing Daniel's notebook and walked over to the door. "This way then."

Marvelling at the way Jonas could navigate the labyrinthine passages in the building, Daniel followed him to the accommodation level, which was a few floors higher than the office where they had been working. Jonas stopped with his hand on the door handle and turned to his companion.

"I have to warn you: firstly it's really cold and secondly it's small. I don't usually stay in this building."

"I'm sure it will be fine."

While Jonas organised something to drink, Daniel walked around the living room. Unlike his office and clothing, Jonas's living quarters had much more life to them, much more evidence of the personality behind the smooth diplomat. Dominating the room was a floor to ceiling bookshelf that stretched the width of one wall. Books were piled on a coffee table, a side table and on the floor beside what was obviously Jonas's favourite spot on the sofa.

Jonas watched Daniel, standing with his head tilted to one side reading the spines of the journals, which were on a separate shelf above the small, untidy desk. He watched as Daniel echoed a movement that he made on a daily basis, running his finger along the spines, reading the small, neat script that gave details of the opening and closing dates of each one.

"I keep a journal too."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Jonas laughed. "My parents gave me my first one the day after I learned how to write my own name."

Pretending not to notice the slight catch as Jonas recalled his family, Daniel told how he had started by writing down details of his early digs. "Mostly stones and dead worms, but once or twice there were rings and things. I think my parents hid them for me to find."

A short silence followed while each of them remembered back to their childhoods. Then they both spoke at once, each asking the same question, each shaking their heads giving the same answer: "No they died when I was small."

Again the silence while they digested further evidence of their similar backgrounds.

"Do you think I could have another look at your notebook?"

"Sure, I was hoping you would want to. I've got something I want you to see."

Daniel placed the notebook on the table, gesturing Jonas to open it if he wanted, while he turned back to find something.

After a few moments rummaging around in his bag and booting up the computer Daniel handed Jonas a small flat plastic box. "Here, this is what I wanted to show you."

Jonas examined the box, turning it over and over in his hands, examining it minutely before looking up at Daniel. "What is it?"

"It's what's inside it. It's the Encyclopaedia Britannica on DVD. Here, let me." He held out his hand and took the box from Jonas. Even more fascinated by the silver disk that Daniel took out, Jonas had questions pouring out of him. A short lecture on the storage capabilities of a DVD later, Jonas finally consented to Daniel inserting the disk and loading the part he wanted to show.

"Before I start this, I should tell you that the main reason I accepted your invitation to stay was to show you this. It's some information about what happened when we exploded the first nuclear bombs. You ought to know that they were nowhere near as powerful as what you're playing with in that lab." He reached over and pressed a few buttons.

Jonas had been watching how the notebook worked that afternoon, but that had been mainly a word processing program. He was spellbound by the speed with which Daniel clicked through images and at the quality of the images and sound.

"We are children," he murmured.

"No. Not children." Daniel touched Jonas lightly on the shoulder. "You have a lot to teach us as well, it's not all one-way. Here, look at this."

Jonas turned his attention to the small, flat screen in front of him. He clicked around a few lists and read something of the history of Robert Oppenheimer, Marie Curie and something curiously named the Manhattan Project. Random names selected from a list that Daniel had pulled up.

The small machine made a humming noise and then the screen went blank.

"Daniel?" He called over to the bookshelf, which had drawn Daniel like a moth to a flame.

"Yes?"

"I think I broke your notebook. Sorry."

Quick examination revealed the source of the problem: No power.

"Damn. I should have brought a spare power pack."

"Is there no way we can connect it to something here?"

Daniel looked embarrassed. "Actually, I didn't bring any power cables. I wasn't expecting to use it so much. Sorry." Daniel reluctantly closed the notebook and put it back in the bag. "I'll contact the SGC in the morning and get some spares. You can have a look after they arrive."

"About tomorrow…"

"Yes?"

"I thought you might like to meet some more of the scientists? Maybe they will convince you that we really don't intend this technology thing to hurt anyone. They're regular people like me and you."

"You're not exactly regular, though, are you Jonas?"

To cover his blush, Jonas stood abruptly and walked over to the alcove where the drink making facilities were. He spoke without turning to face his guest, "would you like another coffee? It's getting cold in here."

Camoflage movements were a familiar old friend to Daniel. He wondered what this one was about and decided not to pursue it. "Yes, some more coffee would be great."

"Sure," Jonas took out some clean cups and fiddled around with packets and water.

"So, where do you live when you're not here?"

"My home is further south, it's much warmer there." Jonas set the cups on the table. "Are you hungry? I have some confectionary."

Daniel took the offered sweet and examined the wrapper as closely as Jonas had studied the DVD box. Once unwrapped the candy bar turned out to be similar to chocolate, but crumbly and slightly more chewy.

"You wouldn't believe how many aliens I've shared candy with," Daniel saw Jonas stiffen slightly, "not that you're alien as such but... oh sorry. You know what I mean?"

"It's okay," Jonas nodded. " It must be dangerous, what you do. Doesn't that bother you?"

"Well yes, but to be honest it's not always dangerous. Sometimes we get really lucky and meet people like you. Our mission brief is to find technology and allies to help us fight the Goa'uld. Learning about new cultures, especially when they are so relevant to our own history is just a bonus. I'm lucky. There aren't many people on my planet who have actually heard ancient Egyptian as a living, spoken language."

"But you can't share it, though, the knowledge?"

"No. But... not many people listen to me back where I come from anyway. They think I'm a flake." Daniel gave Jonas a rueful smile, "I can't blame them really. The idea that aliens built the pyramids and that interplanetary travel is possible..." his voice trailed off.

"Colonel O'Neill listens to you."

"He's a flake too." Daniel smiled, settled back in his chair, sipped his drink and licked at a few stray crumbs on his lip. He was enjoying the evening. There was no pressure, no feeling that he had to be on his best behaviour, no having to hide what he did for a living. Having a conversation with someone who was his age, intelligent and friendly was a real change. Something he didn't get to do very often. Didn't get to do at all if he were honest with himself. So he decided to relax and see where the conversation went.

The flippant throwaway line didn't fool Jonas. For the first time since he'd met Daniel he saw a real warmth in his eyes and smile, and he decided that he should try to get to know the man O'Neill a little better. Daniel's openness and honesty, coupled with his passion for his work and the absolute horror of the destruction that the Colonans might bring on themselves and their planet had had their effect on Jonas. If Daniel found Colonel O'Neill a person worthy of attention, there must be something there worth investigating.

Jonas's thoughts were cut off when Daniel started speaking again.

"What do you do when you're not working? Are there any recreational facilities here?"

"Doesn't happen very often, I mean... I love what I do. Usually I work until I'm tired or hungry and then I stop. But... don't you have the same feeling though? That it's not really work? We're discovering more and more about the Stargate every day, about other planets, races and cultures. It's more exciting than anything that recreational facilities could have to offer."

"Jack would have a fit if he could hear us talking like this. He thinks I don't get out enough." He paused for a moment. "He wants me to go fishing."

Jack again... Jonas laughed. "Elise is the same. She's always trying to fix me up with one of her friends..."

"Anya seemed nice enough." Daniel grinned, "or would your wife have something to say about that?"

"Nice try Daniel. Why didn't you just ask?"

"No reason, just teasing you. Are you married?"

Jonas had a brief internal struggle with what to say and decided on the simple, unadorned and unexplained truth. "No. What about you? It must be difficult to get to know people?"

"Sha're... uh... my wife was taken by the Goa'uld to be a host. She died a little over two years ago."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drag up any..."

"I started the questioning, I knew you would ask... It's okay."

Jonas was obviously agitated about something. Something in his face had changed when Sha're had been mentioned, but it had been quickly covered. Daniel thought some more and remembered how Jonas had reacted when he had spoken to him as they looked out of the window. Jonas had jumped half out of his skin when he heard Daniel's voice, but he had most definitely been watching their reflections as he approached. What had that expression been on Jonas's face? Putting the facts together, and coming up with an answer as only he could, Daniel decided that he couldn't let it lie.

"Don't you get a bit..."

"Lonely? Yes, sometimes," Jonas sighed. "What about you?"

"I don't really have the time and I try not to think about it too much. But there are times..."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

Jonas and Daniel slumped in their respective seats each lost in their own reminiscences. After a while Daniel looked over at Jonas and was surprised to see him surreptitiously wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. Deciding to give him some privacy he stood and looked around until he spotted what he thought he was after, walked over and opened the door. As he'd guessed it was the bathroom.

A few minutes later he went back into the living room to find Jonas still in the same position, looking slightly sheepish.

"Daniel, I'm sorry. I didn't have anything specific planned for this evening, but I didn't mean to depress you."

"It's okay, not really depressing. To tell the truth I never have anyone to talk to about these things anyway. Jack knew Sha're, but not well and it's not the sort of thing I can talk to Sam about."

"You don't spend much of your free time with Teal'c? I would have thought he was fascinating to know."

"Don't get me wrong. Teal'c is a good friend, a very good friend. But..." Daniel didn't have a clue how to get the next bit out without sounding melodramatic, so he decided to just say it. "But he was the one who killed her... no, wait..."

Horrified, Jonas leaned forwards and touched Daniel lightly on the knee, leaving his hand there while Daniel continued to speak.

"She wanted him to. It's... ah... complicated."

Jonas watched Daniel struggle to explain how he could think of the man who killed his wife as a friend. It occurred to him that his own attempts to come to terms with the death of his loved ones might benefit from the same sort of analysis that Daniel had obviously applied.

"But surely... I mean... you loved your wife, didn't you? I don't know what your customs are regarding marriage and," he looked suddenly shy "um... love. Was it an arranged marriage?" Jonas suddenly remembered his hand and snatched it back quickly. Daniel didn't appear to notice its absence.

Daniel gave a half-smile, "Jonas, you don't know the half of it! I'll try to explain."

Noticing how Daniel hugged himself, as if he wanted to keep everything inside, or protect himself from some unspecified external threat, Jonas kept quiet.

A few moments later Daniel continued in a low, quiet voice.

"Our first mission. We didn't know what the Stargate was capable of then, just jumped in without thinking. We thought we had saved the people of Abydos from slavery and all we did..." Daniel hugged himself and looked at his knees.

Jonas guessed that this was a story that hadn't been told too often, and because he didn't know what to say, said nothing

"The System Lords... we didn't know they existed. I'd better back up a bit. When we arrived they thought we were gods or something… and their leader gave me his daughter as a wife." Daniel looked up and saw a slightly shocked expression in Jonas's eyes. "No... it wasn't like that. I mean, I didn't know her, and it's an awful thing to do to a woman, but I loved her and she loved me. I still love her..." Daniel's voice started to crack and he stopped talking.

The silence was overwhelming. Daniel sagged rather than sat in his chair, with his arms still wrapped tightly around his body. Suddenly he roused himself and continued to tell Jonas about the loss of his wife. "We thought we were saving Abydos, but the reality is that we were only making things worse. Worse than we could ever have imagined. After the other System Lords discovered what had happened they came to plunder what was left, take potential hosts..." Daniel swallowed twice and continued to relate to Jonas how Sha're had been chosen by Apophis as host for his Queen.

Daniel spoke quietly but steadily and with many breaks to catch his breath, to stifle the emotions filling him. Eventually he got to the part that was the most difficult to explain. The part that had hurt him the most for a long time, but not for the reason that most people would expect.

"Teal'c was the one who picked Sha're out for Apophis. Later when we found her, Teal'c was the one who stopped her, Ammonet, from killing me. But he had to kill her to do it. I'd forgiven him before he actually did it. I loved her dearly... I still do, but it all seems so unreal now." Daniel paused to compose himself, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes. "I can admit it now, but it was a long time before I really forgave him, here," he thumped himself on the chest, "for taking her away from me like that. Both times. But there was something else. It took me a long time to realise what that was."

Jack, thought Jonas and was surprised to hear what came next.

"We have friends—the Tok'ra who could have freed her from Ammonet. They could have saved her. We could have had a life together. That's what hurts the most…"

Jonas didn't want to hear any more. It had been hard enough to listen to the raw emotion in Daniel's voice, see the pain that it caused him to think about what had happened to his wife, how their lives had been ripped apart. But if he had to hear how Daniel thought that his parents had also abandoned him, Jonas knew that he wouldn't be able to contain his own emotions. He didn't know how to stop him. In the event he didn't have to .

Daniel looked into Jonas's eyes and gave a mirthless, derisive laugh. He looked away from the unreadable expression in the other man's eyes and continued speaking.

"I recently realised that the love I have for Sha're is love for something we might have had, but we never got the chance." Daniel shook his head wistfully. "I should have guessed it wouldn't last, I've never really had a family so there was no reason to think I would ever have one. I'm not even sure it would have kept me happy. If it wasn't for…" his voice tailed off to nothing and for a few minutes there was silence while Daniel collected his thoughts. When he finally looked up at Jonas, the glitter of tears in the other man's eyes echoed those of his own. "Sorry. Self indulgent babble."

"No. I think I understand. I lost… someone… someone close… two years ago." The catch in Jonas's voice when he spoke made Daniel move closer so he could see Jonas's face better.

"You don't have to tell me. It's not…"

"Sorry, you don't…" Seeing nothing but sadness and sympathy in Daniel's eyes Jonas closed his own and leaned back in his chair. He felt Daniel move as close as he could, pulling at his seat impatiently until they were sitting perpendicular to each other with their knees almost touching.

"Tell me."

The command was issued in a beguiling, low voice, it was impossible for Jonas to resist – he didn't want to resist, so he began the tale of how his life had been turned upside down twice. The first time by a love so powerful that it had taken the detached, scholarly man by surprise. The second time when the object of his love was killed so horribly in a terrible accident. Daniel sat back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest and listened to Jonas. As he talked Daniel began to understand many things about Jonas, but realised at the same time that there was much more to know.

"I had to fight the doctors, they didn't want me near the hospital. 'Family only' the rule is. But there wasn't any family, that's what we had in common. The only thing we had in common really. People used to scoff, Elise was the worst at first. She used to ask me over and over how I could love someone who didn't like reading, who didn't take anything seriously, who had such a disdain for authority." Jonas paused and Daniel took in the tear that had trickled out of the corner of his eye and ran down towards his hairline.

Daniel watched. And understood. He waited for Jonas to speak again.

Jonas rested his head on the back of the seat and looked up at the ceiling, staring upwards with unseeing eyes as he related his story.

"Of course it wasn't like that at all. There were plenty of things that we had in common, knowledge doesn't just come from reading it comes from living, from life, from experience."

Jonas's voice was quiet and steady, the tone of someone who is keeping an emotional distance from what they are saying. Daniel, having done the same thing himself in the past was surprised at how much Jonas was sharing with him. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, wondering if Jonas was talking to him, or if he had forgotten his presence. Briefly he wondered if people – Jack – felt this awkward when he had spoken about Sha're.

After swallowing a few times Jonas picked up where he had left off. "The people who don't appear to take things seriously are often the ones who are passionate about what really matters. Elise will never understand that some authority just isn't worth…" This time Jonas lost the battle and he had to stop talking.

Watching someone in such torment made Daniel uneasy and he wondered if he should leave. He was about to make that very suggestion when Jonas jerked suddenly upright, gasping as if he were in pain, before leaning forward and burying his face in his hands. He had no idea why he had told all that to Daniel, embarrassment at telling a stranger about his private life was mingled with relief at finally having someone to talk to about it.

Daniel watched in sympathy as Jonas fought not to give voice to his pain and grief. Jonas's body shook with the effort of keeping in two years of unacknowledged grief. It stuck in his throat and Jonas's body fought with his mind to force him to give up and give in to his feelings.

Never able to bear another person's pain, Daniel leaned forward and gently put a hand on Jonas's leg. He moved it instinctively in a soothing circular motion, and that was the catalyst that opened the floodgates to Jonas's despair.

Still battling the sobs that were breaking through his tightly controlled barriers, Jonas leaned back slightly and grabbed at the lifeline of Daniel's hand. It felt warm and real, so unlike the lifeless hand that he had last held. He gripped hard, not wanting to lose the human contact. They remained in that position for a long while, neither of them speaking, not knowing what to say.

Daniel's hand was starting to ache but each time he tried to pull away Jonas pulled back and he didn't have the heart to deny him the comfort that it so obviously gave. Hell, he'd needed it often enough in the past. Yeah, and nobody to give it to you.

"Jonas," Daniel's spoke quietly. "I'm not going anywhere, but you're going to let me have my hand back. It's kind of gone numb," he tried to joke.

Still not speaking Jonas released his grip on Daniel's hand and moved slightly away from him. Drawing up his legs he wrapped his arms round them and buried his face in his knees. Seeing such an attitude of utter despondency made a lump rise in Daniel's throat. He wondered if it was the lack of a family that had driven Jonas and himself to dive so deeply into their studies. Daniel moved closer to the other man, wanting to give some kind of reassurance, some comfort. But he shied away from analysing the methods that they had chosen of shielding themselves from hurt. That way was only more pain.

"Jonas, do you want me to leave? I mean, if you'd rather be…"

His answer was a muffled but clearly bitter laugh. "Don't say it. Who would rather be alone? You? Me?"

"Stupid question." Daniel shivered slightly, his proximity to Jonas meant that it didn't go unnoticed.

Jonas squashed his emotion back where he believed it belonged, but the beast was out and he knew that it would be a long time before it was completely under his control once more. "Oh, I'm so sorry, you're freezing and I'm feeling sorry for myself here." Jonas stood up. "I'll make the bed up for you, I'll sleep on the sofa."

Doubtful, Daniel gave Jonas a long look, then looked pointedly over at the small sofa. "It doesn't look very comfortable."

"It pulls out." Gently pushing at Daniel until he too stood up, Jonas suited the action to the words and quickly converted the seat into what turned out to be a surprisingly large bed. "Don't tell me you don't have these?"

The bed was stripped and changed in a few minutes. The sofa had a sleeping bag, stowed in a compartment under the seat, which looked soft and warm.

"You sleep on that often?" Daniel indicated the sofabed.

"No… not since…" a slight hiccup told Daniel all he needed to know and he looked helplessly on as Jonas composed himself once more.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There isn't much to say. Anyway, it's too cold to stand around talking all night. Maybe tomorrow if there's time after we have been to visit Tomas Lee and his team."

"Ah yes. The naquadria." Daniel took a deep breath. "Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but that translation we went over today, you know the one…"

"The that we had to change so much…"

"The one which we refined." Daniel walked over to Jonas. As he neared he noticed that Jonas was shivering. Sighing he said, "we'd better talk about this in the morning too."

"Are you tired?"

"Not really. You?"

"No. Wait here." Jonas disappeared into his bedroom and returned a few moments later carrying all the covers which he had just put on the bed. "We can get warm and talk."

The blankets were arranged over the sleeping bag, and Daniel watched, amazed, as Jonas sat, removed his shoes and got under the covers. He huddled against the back of the sofa with the comforter pulled up to his chin.

He gave Daniel a small smile. "You can't go to bed now, you'll freeze."

Daniel looked towards the bedroom, through the open door where he could see the stripped bed, then regarded Jonas for a moment. He shivered again and sat down slowly, hesitantly, looking slightly embarrassed. He had an internal debate about the wisdom of getting into bed, albeit fully clothed, with Jonas. Daniel weighed his desire to get his point across with his reluctance to put himself in an intimate position with another man. One with whom he had just shared some very personal information. He glanced at Jonas who looked lost, forlorn and completely alone. Daniel undid his booots and crawled under the covers.

Jack would have a fit if he could see this! Daniel had a sudden flash of a horrified look in Jack's eyes and shook his head to make it go away, but he knew that if it had been Jack in the bed he wouldn't have shown a moment's hesitation. It was his turn to look wistful and sad and when he looked up he saw the concern he had so recently shown Jonas reflected upon himself.

"The translation. What were you going to say about it?"

"Jonas, did you take in anything of what it was about?" Daniel squirmed about trying to get comfortable and warm. It wasn't easy. The sofa was wider than Jonas's single bed and the blankets didn't quite stretch all the way across.

"Not really." Pulling at the covers, Jonas recovered some of what he had just lost to Daniel. "I just wanted it to be finished." He fidgeted some more then got up and switched on a table lamp before turning off the overhead light and getting back into the relative warmth of the bed.

"The Goa'uld who inhabited this planet was carrying out some experiments. I think that he either realised the potential for self-destruction or…"

"… or wiped out the civilization that was here." Jonas supplied in a low voice.

"Yes." The word was barely a whisper.

In silence they contemplated that awful thought.

"We are being very careful."

"Is it worth the risk? That stuff is lethal." Daniel was surprised when Jonas covered his face with his hands and turned slightly away from him.

"Oh yes. Lethal. It's very…" the words were cut off by a strangled sobbing noise. The hand that Daniel reached out to Jonas's arm as a gesture of comfort was shaken roughly off. "I said they should be more careful. That we should finish and refine the translations…" his voice tailed off.

Not knowing what to do or say Daniel kept quiet, it was obvious that Jonas hadn't spoken about this to anybody recently, if at all. It seemed as though it was something that he needed to get off his chest and so Daniel waited for him to unburden himself. He was beginning to think that Jonas had fallen asleep when the other man's voice broke the silence.

"He just wanted to try it out. Always going on and on about theories and how technical stuff made his head hurt. What was it he used to say? Oh yes 'we have the advantage now, we should push it home'. Military mindset you see?"

'He used to say'? "I think I'm beginning to." Daniel was horrified and fascinated at the same time. Jonas and he were so alike it was like being in another of those awful Alternate Realities. Whoever it was that Jonas was talking about was just like Jack to his Daniel. At least they'd had each other. Even if it were only for a short time. Daniel spoke aloud. "What was his name?"

Jonas reached out to grab Daniel's hand before answering. "Cyrus. He was called Cyrus. He looked a lot like…"

Everything fell into place. "Me?"

"Mm. But older."

"That's why you have tried so hard just to keep everything at a professional level?"

"I didn't do very well." Jonas's looked dejected.

"What happened?"

"You've already guessed." Jonas turned an unhappy face to Daniel. "Suffice to say that it took him three days of excruciating pain to die. He begged the doctors to give him something to end it all, begged me. I pleaded with them, really abased myself. All for nothing, their ethics won't let them…" again his voice petered out to nothing and he closed himself up by wrapping his arms tightly round his body and drawing his knees up to his chest.

He remembered how the doctors had forbidden him to even touch his lover. Jonas, with Elise's tacit agreement, had finally reached out and held Cyrus's hand….

At first Jonas had been slightly repulsed by the cold, lifeless feel of Cyrus's skin. He had shed silent tears of grief, for Cyrus and himself. Jonas thought back to how Elise had kept the other doctors away, made excuses and covered for his presence. She hadn't understood their relationship up until the final moments of Cyrus's life, and then their love for each other had hit her squarely in the face. Watching Jonas's silent grief the hard-bitten doctor, who had 'seen it all before' had cried for the pair of them. From that time she had assumed a protective role in Jonas's life, ensured that he was consulted over the funeral arrangements and kept critics of his lifestyle off his back.

Again Daniel waited for Jonas to compose himself. He could feel the other man's pain gnawing at him. Not unaccustomed to the agony of losing people he'd loved, Daniel still couldn't imagine watching one of them die so horrifically. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. Jonas was so like himself and this Cyrus… well he was…

Stop it. Jack isn't Cyrus, and he isn't going to die.

In that moment Daniel decided that he would see what he referred to as 'that thing with Jack' through to the end. That thing which had recently so spectacularly backfired, had much more of a foundation than he felt Jack had been willing to admit. Daniel closed his eyes and took himself back to the feeling of his lips on Jack's, those blissful few seconds before Jack's brain had kicked in and he'd realised that he was kissing another man.

'Fishing trip' Jack had said. If that was what it took to get them talking then a fishing trip it would have to be.

Something touched his cheek and he opened his eyes with a jerk which made Jonas pull his hand back like a scalded cat.

"Sorry, I thought maybe you'd gone to sleep. I couldn't… Who were you thinking about?" Before Daniel had a chance to answer Jonas made an educated guess and supplied it for him, "Colonel O'Neill?"

"It's that obvious?"

"Not really. It's just that you talk about him a lot and he seems protective of you. You're lucky to have someone."

"I don't." Not quite knowing what made him want to open up to Jonas, probably the intimacy of their previous conversation and the situation, Daniel carried on speaking. "We had a bit of a… well falling out really."

"Yes, but you'll get over it won't you?"

"Jonas… we're not… you know… together." Saying it aloud made it seem more definite, more depressing. Daniel felt his eyes begin to prick and blinked several times trying to hide it from Jonas.

"Oh, sorry. I thought… I mean, I got the impression that you were." Jonas looked confused. "Together I mean."

"That's what the bust up was about. I told him how I feel. I was sure he felt… feels the same." Daniel made a poor attempt at a nonchalant shrug. "Guess I was wrong."

"Maybe not. I mean, there's nothing tangible and maybe it's because you two remind me so much of…" The sentence was left hanging as another wave of sobbing overtook Jonas. He pushed himself into the corner of the sofa, head buried in his knees, hugging his legs. The sight was heartbreaking. Daniel could see himself in the huddled figure and it wasn't a pleasant thought.

The urge to console was strong and Daniel gave in to it without a second thought. Moving in close, he wrapped them both in the blankets and pulled Jonas to him. They sat like that for a while, each quietly giving and receiving comfort.

Jonas had his head against Daniel's chest, he could feel the other man's heartbeat and it was soothing. He had memories of sitting like this with his mother, but that had been a long time ago. Since then there had only been…

Jonas squashed his memories and lost himself in the moment. The warmth coming off Daniel was strangely familiar, the heavy blankets and the feel of arms around Jonas keeping the world away were beguiling. He wanted to stay there forever.

Resting his chin on the top of Jonas's head, Daniel thought not about the man in his arms, but the one he so badly wanted to be there. He absently rubbed one hand up and down Jonas's back and dropped a soft kiss onto the blonde head. They both stiffened.

"Sorry, I don't know…"

Jonas tried to push away but found that Daniel was a lot stronger than he looked. He looked up into Daniel's face and crumpled under the flood of emotions. Even knowing that Daniel wasn't Cyrus didn't help, what he craved was the closeness of another human being.

"Jonas, it's going to be okay. It hurts a lot, I know, but you will learn to live with the hurt."

"And if I don't?"

"You will." Daniel's voice was gentle but the tone was firm. "You have to. Look what you have in front of you!"

"The Stargate?"

"The Stargate. And I'm sure that our planets will become allies. We have a lot to offer each other."

"It just hurts so much. Tomorrow you will go back to Earth and I'll be…"

"Maybe you could come and visit us." Daniel shifted slightly so that they were more comfortable. "I'm sure that once our governments get talking properly they will want to arrange exchange visits. You'll be sick of the sight of us."

"Never." Jonas yawned and looked apologetically at his guest. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry for keeping you talking so late." Daniel made as if to stand up but was pulled back by Jonas.

"Daniel why don't you…"

"Do you think that's wise?" Confronted once again with miserable eyes, Daniel's mind was made up for him. He reached over and switched off the lamp then lay down next to Jonas.

For a short while both men lay in the darkness occupied by their own thoughts then Jonas turned onto his side and, with Daniel spooned up behind him, fell into his first dreamless sleep for two years.

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

"Jonas."

"Colonel O'Neill. Teal'c. Good Morning." Jack twisted around until he could see the rest of his team, who were moving slowly along the counter inspecting what was on offer for breakfast, talking animatedly.

Sam and Daniel finally made their selection, walked over and sat at the table with the others.

"Hi Jack."

"Daniel."

"So, what's the plan for today?" Daniel spoke through a mouthful of something that closely resembled a pancake. "Um… do you want to try some of these? They're good."

Jack waved away the fork that was extended towards him and glared at Daniel.

"The plan, Daniel, is to finish up here and get back to the SGC in time for the weekend." Jack stabbed a finger at him to push his point home. "In case you had forgotten we're due some leave, and the fish are…"

"Yes, yes. Calling your name." Daniel looked up from his breakfast through his lashes, giving Jack a small smile. He cupped a hand around one ear and cocked his head to one side. "I think I can hear them."

"Oh, Daniel, before I forget," Jack slid a small black bag over the table. "Two power packs, fully charged."

"We are going to take a look at the naquadria experiment. Would you like to join us?" Jonas had watched the exchange between Jack and Daniel with amusement. Teal'c and Sam seemed to ignore them, obviously they had seen this type of banter several hundred times before.

"Scientists? Nah… Teal'c, Carter and I are going to have a chat with your Defence Minister. Daniel…" Jack looked pointedly at the man sitting opposite him, "we will be leaving at 15:00 hours and if I have to come and drag your ass through the 'gate I will not be a happy camper."

"15:00 hours," Daniel looked at his watch and counted on his fingers, "that would be… what 4pm?"

Scraping his chair noisily away from the table Jack made a face and stomped out of the canteen muttering about civilians. Teal'c followed with an impassive expression, although Jonas was sure he saw the beginnings of a smile playing about his lips.

"Thanks a bunch Daniel." Sam punched him on the arm. "He's going to be going on and on and on about that all day." She grinned. "At least, until he has to come and drag you to the Stargate."

Reaching the doorway, she turned back to the two men. "Have fun, and don't be late!"

Jonas stood and waved his arm in the direction of the exit. "Shall we?"

Once again they traversed the corridors up to the labs in silence, this time, however, it was the easy silence of a friendship that doesn't need to fill every second with chatter. One or two people said hello to Jonas giving Daniel a friendly nod as they did so.

Finally they reached the lab where the current round of experiments were taking place. As he looked through the reinforced glass of the observation room at the scientists below, Daniel took careful note of the precautions the Colonans were taking. The protective glass, the suits, masks and gloves worn by the people in the testing room. He recalled what Jonas had told him in the middle of the night, just before he had fallen asleep.

"Thanks to what happened to Cyrus the safety protocol has been completely re-written. He showed us exactly how dangerous the naquadria is."

Jonas watched Daniel watching the activity below and finally reached peace with himself. Daniel looked relaxed, surely there was nothing to worry about now? Looking down at the suited up scientists Jonas gave an involuntary shudder at the memory of the vigil he had kept. Waiting by the bedside of the man who had spent his last hours shrouded in bandages, floating on a sea of sedatives and painkillers. Waiting while Cyrus's organs slowly and painfully shut down on him.

Until it happened. The sudden increase in energy emanating from the tiny amount of naquadria, the pulse that had passed over all of them.

Stunned by an awful feeling of déja vu into inaction, he had shouted as Tomas Lee had abandoned his post, hopefully to go for help – although Jonas knew deep down that he was running for cover, abandoning them to their fate. Time dilated until everything seemed to move in slow motion.

Jonas could only look on as Daniel pulled out his handgun and shot out the glass. Pressing himself against the safety of the wall, paralysed by shock and fear, Jonas watched in wide-eyed horror as Daniel, with a total disregard for his own safety, dived through the window. Glass shards radiated from the leaping figure. Even as he watched Jonas started to shake, realising that he was witnessing, for the second time, someone he cared about exposing himself to a lethal dose of radiation. The world seemed to shrink until it became the falling figure, the tinkle of glass as it hit the concrete floor, and the shouts of the scientists who knew were already doomed. Jonas slid down the wall, with his hands over his eyes, crouching in a foetal position until one of the rescue workers coaxed him away.

Daniel knew the instant he touched the naquadria what he had done – that he had given himself a death sentence – but had there been a choice? He looked up and saw Jonas, his face grotesquely white, and knew no help would be forthcoming from that quarter. Quickly glancing around for something to use and finding nothing, Daniel simply reached into the container and attempted to lift out the naquadria. His blood turned to ice in his veins, even as his hands were burning, but he gritted his teeth against the pain, knowing that his failure would cost millions of lives. His only conscious thought was of the innocent people, people going about their daily business completely unaware of the danger in their midst.

Instinctively, Daniel radioed Jack and after an interminable wait and many recriminative arguments, SG-1 were unceremoniously escorted back to the Stargate. Sent back on compassionate grounds to see if they could save their team-mate.

Daniel strained to see Jonas, but he was nowhere in sight. Despite his mortal injuries and the cold fear that had taken root in his gut and beginning to spread through his body, Daniel felt a pang that his last memory of the man would be the desperate look in his eyes.

All of this paled into insignificance against the pain he felt when he looked into Jack's eyes and saw the confused questions in them. More than anything he wanted to throw himself at Jack, wanted Jack's arms around him, holding him and telling him that everything was going to be okay. It was almost too much for him when Jack stretched a hand towards him, shock and grief in his eyes. Daniel managed to pull away, with a curt 'don't touch me' closing off that avenue of comfort forever.

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Jack O'Neill looked disdainfully at Jonas Quinn and pressed his lips together in order that his mouth didn't say something the SGC would regret later. Making nice with diplomats was difficult at the best of times. Making nice with someone who had been party to not only covering up Daniel's heroic act, but to making out that it had been malicious sabotage, was beyond him. So Jack sat, in uncomfortable silence, taking solace in the fact that Quinn looked worse than he felt.

The door to the briefing room finally opened admitting General Hammond, Doctor Frasier, Major Carter and Teal'c. Belatedly Jack gave Hammond the courtesy his rank was due, almost having to force his weary body into a standing position. The other members SG-1 seated themselves on either side of their CO, Hammond had taken his customary place at the head of the table, the doctor sat between the General and Jonas, opposite the remainder of Daniel's team.

"Doctor would you like to begin?" The General sounded tired and as she flipped open the file to give her report, Doctor Frasier reflected that he had always had a paternalistic approach to Daniel, losing him must be very painful.

Painful for all of us, Janet looked over at the remains of SG-1 and wondered how long it would take them to bounce back. If they ever do bounce back. The Colonel in particular looked dreadful, which surprised Janet somewhat because she wasn't the only one who had noticed a definite cooling off in their relationship over the past year. She rubbed her eyes, glanced at the papers in front of her and started talking.

"Nobody else was affected by the radiation, since there was no explosion and therefore no contamination."

"Great." Jack tipped back his chair, hands splayed on the table, and looked at the ceiling. He cupped his hands around his mouth and spoke loudly, as if the archaeologist was listening. "Hear that, Daniel, none of us are going to join you in the big blue yonder."

There was an uncomfortable silence around the briefing table, which was finally broken when General Hammond spoke again.

"As difficult as it is, we have to carry on the work we are doing here. For the time being SG-1 will be under strength, until we can find a... ah... a..."

"Don't say replacement, sir, because Daniel is irreplaceable." Jack's chair jerked back to an upright position and he glared at Jonas.

"Be that as it may. At some point SG-1 will have a new member, until that time you're down to three." The General looked intently at Sam, Teal'c and finally Jack. "Perhaps a few days down-time would..."

"Sir, with respect, a few days down-time isn't what we need. What we need is Daniel back. And if we can't have him the best thing would be to get out there doing... our thing." Jack looked round at Carter and Teal'c. "Right?"

"Missions? Sir, I really wanted to get a look at the naquadria that Jonas brought." Under the gimlet stare of her CO, Sam caved in. "Missions. Right. I can go for that."

"I too would prefer to be on a mission." Teal'c was as succinct as ever.

"Okay people. Briefing tomorrow at 15:00 hours. Dr. Quinn, will remain at the SGC until something can be arranged for him." The General pushed back his chair and stood to leave. "Colonel, a word in my office before you go?"

Jack watched the others leave, Sam and Janet talking together in low voices on their way out, Teal'c politely holding the door open for them. Jonas stood awkwardly in the briefing room, not really sure where to go, but not wanting to stay in the room that was slowly filling with O'Neill's hostility towards him. It slowly penetrated through to the Colonel, however, that Jonas had something to say.

"Yes?" His tone wasn't indicative that he was ready for a cosy chat.

"Colonel O'Neill. I know that you blame me for what happened to Daniel. I can't change the past but..."

"Pity. I wouldn't be having this conversation then."

"No... I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. He was a good man. I know how you feel, losing him like that..."

Jack's face flushed red and his fists clenched at his sides. He took three steps towards Jonas who, against Jack's expectations stood firm and looked him directly in the eye. "You have no idea how it feels to lose Daniel, you haven't a clue!"

"No?" Jonas's face had an expression that was incomprehensible to Jack. "But we owe it to him to..."

"You don't owe him anything. Except the fact that you still have your cowardly butt." Jack's flash of anger disappeared as soon as it had arisen. There was something about Jonas, he couldn't put his finger on it, that reminded him of... Don't even think it, O'Neill. Daniel was ten times the man he'll ever be.

"What I meant was that we should try, for his sake, to work together to complete what he was doing here... what he wanted to do."

"Oh and you're suddenly an expert on what Daniel wanted?" Jack's sarcasm was unmistakeable.

"And you are?" Jonas had nothing to lose. He was being vilified at home and he had made no friends at the SGC, of those two facts he was confident. The anger that he usually kept so well under wraps was unleashed onto an unsuspecting audience.

The words stunned Jack into silence. His fists were still clenched and without moving he seemed to loom over Jonas exuding menace from every pore.

"Don't you dare to presume what I do and do not know about Daniel." Jack's voice was a low growl, the colour had drained from his face and his eyes seemed to consist only of huge pupils with a small amount of brown around the edges.

"I'm sure I'm not presuming..." Jonas took a step towards Jack. "The truth hurts does it?"

"I'm not listening to you insinuating things about Daniel. Or me for that matter." Jack moved over to the door, stopping as he touched the handle to turn and face Jonas again. "Tread very carefully Jonas Quinn. Daniel may have liked you, but that doesn't give you any right to come here and..." Jack left the sentence unfinished as he opened the door and snapped an order at the SF standing outside. "Take Dr. Quinn back to his quarters."

Jonas sighed as he walked past a stony faced Colonel and back to the VIP quarters. He was glad that he had done what he had, both bringing the naquadria to Major Carter and telling the true story of what had happened to Daniel. But he hadn't realised quite how alone a person could feel. He had been lonely in the past but that was nothing compared to his current state. He wondered if he had made a massive mistake in coming here, but knew deep down that he hadn't. Jonas instinctively trusted these people to do what they said they would, he had to trust them, there wasn't anyone else.

Pulling at the chair irritably, Jonas sat at the desk and picked at the keys of the laptop that had belonged to Daniel. In the confusion after the explosion it had lain on the floor, unnoticed by everyone except him. It had been a small matter to slip the strap over his shoulder and bring it with him. The DVD that Daniel had wanted him to see was still in the bag, and over the past few days Jonas had been looking at it sporadically.

The more he poked around the Encyclopaedia Britannica the more he was convinced he had done the correct thing in coming to the SGC. If only he didn't have to face a silent barrage of accusatory stares every time he left the sanctuary of the VIP quarters.

Jonas had skimmed through as much information as he could about the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, now he was investigating the cold war. Engrossed in the details of the Bay of Pigs scenario, he didn't hear the knock at his door until it stopped suddenly and the door burst open.

"Ah, sorry... I thought..." Jack stood in the doorway looking uncertain.

"I was just..." Jonas stood and indicated the notebook on the desk. "Researching some history."

"Is that Daniel's?"

"Yes. I brought it with me. I didn't think it would hurt if I looked. I'm sure there's nothing secret on here or else he wouldn't have shown it to me."

"You know sarcasm suits you as much as it suited... him." Jack tried to cover the break in his voice with a cough. "Look, I didn't come here for a fight. Do you want to come to the commissary and get something to eat?"

Jack diffidently shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at Jonas properly for the first time since he'd arrived at the SGC. He was quite shocked. In the space of a week Jonas's face had gone from being not exactly full... Jack didn't know how to describe how it had been before, but now it was angular, with prominent cheekbones and dark circles under his eyes. Shaking his head Jonas said that he wasn't hungry, but Jack didn't believe him. He tried a different tack.

"So what history are you researching?" Jack hovered in the doorway, not wanting to go in and spend time with the man, but he felt badly about leaving him alone for some strange reason.

"I was just reading about the Bay of Pigs."

"A not particularly salubrious chapter."

"Daniel told me that it was a turning point in the arms race."

"Daniel told you lots of things it seems."

Through the fabric of his BDU pants Jonas could see Jack's fists clenching and unclenching in his pockets. He wondered how many more times he would have to mention Daniel before Jack punched him. Deciding that he would welcome a display of emotion, any emotion, from Jack, he pushed a little more.

"We had a long discussion the night he stayed in my quarters. It was fascinating, Daniel was very passionate about things."

The hands balled into fists and stayed that way. Jonas also noticed the skin over Jack's jawbone tighten as he clenched his teeth.

'Quarters'? Not 'at my place' not 'at my house' but 'my quarters'. What the…?

Jack looked slowly around the VIP quarters. His eyes traversed the room taking in the desk, chairs, cabinets, the door to the bathroom and inevitably came to rest on the bed.

A king sized monstrosity of a bed. Jack could hardly drag his eyes away from the huge bed in the room.

VIP Quarters.

Quarters.

"Colonel?" Jonas sounded nervous. "Is everything okay?"

Jack pulled himself together and gestured around the room. "Anything like your quarters then?" He enunciated the word very carefully.

"Not really. I had cooking facilities, and a separate bedroom." Jonas noticed how Jack relaxed slightly at the last two words and decided to wind him up some more. "Of course it was nowhere near as warm as it is here, Daniel and I ended up sleeping together on…"

"Spare me the details." The words came out as a whisper, the look of loss on Jack's face jolted Jonas and he immediately regretted the hurt he was causing. Causing it intentionally, against his usual nature.

"We were freezing, but Daniel wanted to talk. You know that he only stayed to persuade me to try to convince the High Minister that building that bomb would be a really bad move." Jonas took another step towards Jack and stretched out his hand to touch the other man, withdrawing it at the last minute and folding both arms around his body. "Why don't you come in, we can talk if you like."

"Talk? What is there to talk about?"

"How we can carry on what Daniel was doing? His… death… whatever it was, is pointless if we just get caught up in the emotions and don't see the action through." Jonas walked over to one of the easy chairs and sat down.

Jack turned and finally closed the door, cutting off their conversation to the SF who was posted outside. He rummaged around in one of the cabinets, until he found what he was looking for, and started the coffee machine. Opening the door once more he instructed the airman to fetch some sandwiches from the commissary, brushing off the man's concerned look over at Jonas with a scowl that could have felled trees.

The room was nearly bursting with oppressive silence when finally there was a knock on the door, and the airman returned with a tray of sandwiches, some cake and plates. He set them on the table and, with a quick glance at the Colonel, retreated hastily to his post.

Jack thrust a plate into Jonas's hands and spoke roughly. "Dig in, you look like you haven't eaten in a week."

When Jonas merely stood, mutely looking at his adversary, he took the plate again and put a small pile of sandwiches on it. With exaggerated politeness he set it on the table and pulled out a chair, indicating that Jonas should sit. Finally he supplied two mugs of coffee, with apologies for the lack of sugar and milk, and sat on the chair opposite and sipped at the hot liquid.

"Eat. There is no talking until they," he pointed at Jonas's plate, "have gone."

Occasionally giving Jack a look from under his eyelashes – a look that was so familiar and reminiscent of Daniel that it tugged at Jack's heart – Jonas dispatched the sandwiches in quick order. When the plate was empty, Jack piled on some more, but this time took some for himself. They munched in silence, alternately eating and drinking until the sandwiches were gone and only a few pieces of cake remained.

Holding up one hand in polite refusal Jonas waved away the proffered platter. "No thank you. I've had plenty."

"Keep it for later then."

"Is there any more coffee?" Jonas stood up. "I'll get it."

Finally they were arranged on opposite sides of the table, with the coffee pot between them.

"You wanted to talk? So talk." Jack knew that it was unfair, but he hadn't quite forgiven Jonas for the exchange in the briefing room that afternoon.

"You never told him how much you cared for him." Jonas was feeling bold, but not brave enough to look his adversary in the eye.

The bald statement caught Jack off-balance and his face revealed all Jonas wanted to know about the relationship between the Air Force Colonel and the archaeologist.

The situation was strange. Here were two men, each of them had lost the person that meant the most to them. Jonas thought sadly of Cyrus, it would be difficult to find a man as like Colonel O'Neill if one searched whole galaxies. Jonas was glad the differences ended at his appearance. If Cyrus had looked like Jack and not an older version of Daniel… it didn't bear thinking about. Knowing that Jack was hurting, and given his similarities to his lover, it was difficult for Jonas not to touch him. Not to try to comfort him in some way.

Jack, on the other hand, had lost Daniel. Jonas didn't pretend to himself that he was anything like Daniel, but there were some similarities. He wondered if Jack was feeling any of the same conflicting emotions, if this was the reason why Jack had suddenly come to visit him. The guy had to be hurting badly, maybe he was only now coming to terms with what had happened to Daniel. Feeling his eyes pricking at the memory of his evening with Daniel, Jonas determined to change the subject.

Jack beat him to it.

"So, you think that you can pick up this experiment… the same experiment that a Goa'uld managed to foul up enough to wipe out the population of your planet...?"

"That's just one theory."

"Daniel's theory. He's not often wrong."

"That's immaterial. What happened to…" The look on Jack's face, as he realised that Jonas was about to refer to the accident that had taken Daniel from him, choked off the words. "The accident has put their experiments back by several months. By the time they have enough naquadria to repeat it…"

"Repeat it?" Jack stood up in fury. "Repeat it? Hello? It just killed several of their best scientists! How do they think their second best scientists are going to achieve anything?"

"We have to find a way to incorporate the naquadria we have here into some kind of shielding. Something that we can show to them, to make them see the sense of abandoning their plan for something safer." Now Jonas was standing too, the passion of his words had brought a flush to his cheeks.

The irrelevant thought that a bit of colour and some food had done the world of good to Jonas's appearance flitted across Jack's mind, to be swatted away in irritation.

Jack resumed his seat and drained his coffee before Jonas emulated his action.

"You believe that will make a difference?" Jack said.

"I have no idea. But we have to try."

"Who is this 'we' you keep talking about?"

"Colonel, are you going to send me back? Do you know what I've done? The punishment for treason is absolute."

Looking shocked Jack chose his words carefully. "We won't send you back. As long as you want to stay here… we owe you that much."

"Major Carter and your scientists may need some help," Jonas tapped the side of his head. "I have a good memory, maybe I can help them."

"Possibly," Jack conceded.

"You have nothing to lose. You can always turn me over to my people if it doesn't work. Then you will have shut of me," Jonas directed a penetrating stare at Jack. "And you'll have your revenge."

"Revenge?"

"He loved you so much… it can't have been all one sided." Jonas looked into the depths of his coffee cup and spoke to the dregs within. "I think he was going to try to talk to you again about it."

"That was quite some cozy little chat you two had, wasn't it?" Jack's sarcasm didn't quite work and he cringed inwardly at how petty he sounded.

"Colonel, no matter what you think of me Daniel found that he could trust me. I didn't make it easy for him, tried to keep him at arm's length, but… Oh I don't know… was he always like that?"

"Oh yeah. I bet he was the kid who nursed the legless spiders the other kids left behind." Jack gave Jonas a half smile, "what he did… it was so like Daniel I'm surprised he didn't do something like that sooner. I was always bawling him out about acting first and to hell with the consequences, but he didn't take a blind bit of notice."

Jonas unsuccessfully tried to cover a yawn. "Sorry."

"The doc can give you something to help you sleep if you want."

"No thanks. I'll be okay." Jonas smiled for the first time in a week. "How about you?"

"Nah. I prefer to have the dreams, at least that way he's… well you know." Embarassed at his revalation Jack stood up. "I'd better go."

"Colonel O'Neill," Jonas called out as Jack got to the door. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He walked back to Jonas and spoke in a clear, steady but low voice. "I loved him too. More than he could imagine."

This time upon reaching the exit, Jack pulled open the door. He turned to face Jonas, who was already sitting at the table, pulling the notebook towards him. "Don't stay up all night looking at that thing."

As the door closed behind the Colonel, Jonas was shutting down the computer. He switched off the main lights, took off his clothes and got into the oversized bed. Huddling at the edge, he was reaching out to turn off the lamp when there was a rap at the door.

"Yes?"

"You decent?"

"Kind of."

O'Neill's head appeared around the door. "I'll send someone to come and get you for breakfast. You can't hide in here all the time… not if you're going to stay here. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Jonas was speaking to thin air. As he switched off the lamp he wondered if he were already asleep and dreaming that last exchange. I guess I'll find out in the morning, was the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep.

~The End~