Recap: Rose came back from winter break when she saw that Scorpius's arrows were pointed towards death. Rose fainted when she saw that she was the one responsible for it.
The next day, Rose woke up hoping that everything from yesterday had all been a horrible, horrible nightmare. But of course, life didn't work like that, at least Rose's didn't, because she woke up in a hospital bed with a raging headache. The desire to curl up into a ball and pull the covers over her aching head was a losing battle. She never wanted to have to deal with life again.
Because she was only bloody eleven years old. She wasn't supposed to be worrying about death or have to deal with it. All she wanted right now was her mum. She had absolutely no bloody idea of what to do. Her breaths were getting shorter and faster. There was an urgent feeling of panic in the pit of her stomach and tears were gathering in her eyes; she was losing control of herself. Why did she have to be different? Why did she have to see the bloody future in those miserable paths and blasted arrows and Merlin, she hated her life.
Footsteps interrupted her inner anguish and Rose quickly shut her eyes and attempted to clear her head. She quickly wiped away her tears, hoping it was just Madame Plery and not Al, Christy, or James walking towards her because she just couldn't handle their endless onset of questions when her thoughts weren't exactly coherent. Besides, her emotions were too out of control for her to lie decently.
"Rose! Are you okay? I know you're awake so you can stop pretending." It was Christy. What did life have against Rose? Why did it wish to constantly torture her like this?
"Rose, please? I just want to see how you're feeling, I mean, well you're obviously not okay but please? I woke up early just for you, and you know I'm just going to keep talking and bring misery into your life and soon you'll go crazy because no one can—"
Rose actually managed to smile. Her face felt strained and it felt like it had been ages since she had last performed such an action.
"Christy, you're worse than Al…I didn't know anyone else could be more obnoxious."
"Thanks, Rose, but really, you need to tell people how you're feeling. I thought you got a little better because at least you told Victoire something but I don't think people faint out of nowhere for no reason. Are you eating? Is it self-image issues? Rose you can't not eat—"
"Christy, no. I do eat, you've seen me eat on a daily basis. And I'm fine—or at least I will be. But really, Christy, I really, really don't feel like talking to anyone right now, I just—I just need some time to figure things out and I don't know why am I telling you this but really, nothing is ever going to be okay because nothing ever works out and I don't know what to do." It all just came pouring out of Rose's mouth and she wasn't aware of it all. Rose's eyes pooled with tears and she tried to turn away; she hated how emotional she was being. Christy saw the tears and enveloped Rose in a tight hug.
Rose managed to pull herself together and quickly reassured Christy that she had no clue what she was saying. She added that Plery had given her a sleeping drought, which had been hampering her ability to speak properly. Christy went along with it. At this point, Rose didn't care anymore and she wanted Christy to leave because it was once again getting too much to handle.
Christy was finally leaving but as a final thought to Rose, she said, "You know that you can tell me anything, right? Something is obviously bothering you, Rose, and I know that I'm definitely not stubborn or headstrong enough to get it out of you and I'm not sure if anyone is, but you should remember that there are people that can help with whatever it is that's going on. Okay?"
But no one would understand what Rose was going through, and Rose knew she couldn't ask for anyone's help because that would require years' worth of explaining. But instead of telling Christy that, something else fell from Rose's lips before she could stop herself from saying anything.
"What do you think about destiny—or about the future?" Rose asked Christy.
When Rose realized what she had said and how close she had come to telling Christy, Rose couldn't belive herself. But—maybe, just maybe, Christy would know what to do. Maybe, maybe there was hope.
If Christy was surprised at Rose's random question, she didn't show it; she answered without hesitation. "Well, I guess I believe in serendipity, you know, that everything happens for a reason? And I guess it kinda makes everything so much less stressful because, I mean, if it happens it's part of my destiny, and if it doesn't it just wasn't meant to be. It sounds kind of weird saying it out loud, but I like to think that someone is out there guiding me through everything and making sure I make the right decisions. So I'm sure that everything's going to work out for you in the end, whatever your problem is."
Rose's heart sank but she managed to smile and thank Christy as the latter left for breakfast. Though Rose probably wouldn't have told Christy about the arrows, she now knew that she wouldn't be able to tell Christy, ever, even if she wanted to. Rose didn't want to change or spoil Christy's views on destiny by telling her about the arrows. No one deserved to have that burden thrown on them.
But Christy was out of the picture now and Rose was still helpless about keeping Malfoy alive. Plery was now walking towards her and, knowing her, would ask far too many questions which Rose didn't think she could handle, at least not in the foreseeable future.
In the afternoon, Al and James visited her separately, or so she was told by Plery, who hadn't let them in. Rose was thankful that Plery had shooed them away. Rose could tell that Plery's arrows kept alternating between keeping Rose in the wing another night or discharging her, so Rose took every opportunity to prove to Plery that she wasn't doing better, which really wasn't that difficult seeing as Rose wasn't doing too well to being with.
Victoire came to visit Rose that evening. Rose was slightly surprised to see her. She didn't know how Victoire had managed to convince Plery to let her in, since Plery was very strict about patients being visited in the later hours.
"Hey, Rose, I've heard that you had a little incident in Herbology the other day. Neville was pretty worried, how are you? What happened?"
"I'm fine, Vic, no point in worrying. I don't know why I fainted, I just remembering feeling dizzy and then it just happened."
"Rose, I think that your life would be ten times simpler if you just agreed to share your feelings once in a while. Or maybe, possibly share them when there's something that causes you to faint. Plery still doesn't understand what caused such a reaction, but just looking at you now I can tell that there's something bothering you. Rose, I can help. Please, just let me?"
Vic moved to sit on the edge of Rose's bed and pulled her into a hug. While she still was enclosed in Vic's arms, Rose felt tears threatening to fall out of her closed eyes. She hated hugs sometimes, especially when she was really upset because then the tears would begin to fall, almost straight away. Out of nowhere, Rose started to sob. The pressure had gotten to her, had been getting to her and she was never strong enough to deal with something like this anyway. Victoire just held her, mumbling soothing words, yet Rose just cried even harder.
Finally, Victoire allowed Rose to pull away and Rose's hands automatically went to her own face to wipe away her tears. Rose lay down and sighed. She turned away from Victoire and wondered if she was finally ready to tell someone about the arrows. Rose told herself she wasn't ready, but a voice in her head was convincing, pleading, prompting her accept the help Victoire was offering.
"Rose, I'm ready to listen to anything. I promise, I won't tell anyone, not if you don't want me to. I promise I can help, Rose."
Rose opened her mouth and before she changed her mind, in a broken voice she began. "I—I just…I just don't know what to do and I can't do anything and I hate everything about this and—and—and I just can't." Rose spoke quickly, with one breath. She gasped and waited for Victoire's reaction.
"Rose, how about you start from the beginning and I can promise you that we will figure something out. Everything will work out. What I like to do when I get into stressful situations is to think of a time when I'll be able to laugh at whatever's happening, because I know that right now, it seems like the worst thing ever, but sooner, hopefully, rather than later, everything will be okay. Okay? And we have all the time you need. I promised Plery that I would be able to help you feel better and she said I could stay for as long as I want to."
Rose began, only slightly aware of Victoire, who was listening closely to Rose's every word. Vic was rather shocked by Rose's revelation. To Rose, it was as if she was revealing a horrible secret, which was never supposed to be spoken.
She told Vic about her trip to Paris and the day with Al when Rose had realized that no one else could see the arrows. Rose stared up at the white ceiling and tried to forget that Vic was there listening, judging her, taking in her every word. Finally, she reached the part involving Malfoy, about death, about what really happened with the Sorting Hat. Rose felt as if she was slowly inching toward the edge of a cliff; with every word Rose was coming closer and closer to completely revealing herself to Vic. With every word her secret was unraveling, and when she finally stopped, it felt like she was looking down at the cliff, breathlessly wondering if she would find bliss or unbearable pain if she were to fall off the edge.
Rose waited helplessly for Vic's reaction, with her eyes scrunched close and her breath held. She didn't know what to expect—it would either be bliss or pain. But when Vic's arms enveloped her, and she whispered, "Rose, Merlin, Rose—I can't believe you, I can't believe that you would keep this to yourself. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must have been. You should have told someone, anyone, about this earlier. So many people love you, Rose, and you shouldn't shy away from the help they're willing to give. But never mind that, Rose, I don't know what to tell you. I can't believe you thought for one second that you had to figure this out by yourself. I want you to promise me that the next time you have a problem you will ask for help and." Here Victoire stopped, drawing breath. "Oh, Rose I'm sorry about the lecture. We'll figure this out, I promise. Everything is going to be okay."
Rose felt as if someone had placed a net at the bottom of the cliff. She was still falling, yet her fear had been replaced with a strange, but welcome, kind of hope.
a/n: I would love to hear what you though :)
And thanks to maybewesortosoon for betaing this :)