Forgive and Forget
Michonne watches Andrea with Judith and Carol and realizes it's much easier to love than it is to forgive.

Michonne paced up and down the cells that her, Carol and the baby Judith were in with one hand swinging agitatedly by her side whilst the other was placed on her hip, the two hands switching sides each time she reached one end of the hall to the other; anything to keep herself distracted from the murmuring she could hear from the woman up above her and the small gurgling sounds of the baby.

She had not seen Andrea since their talk outside and part of her was glad for it. Ever since the woman had come stumbling back in with her own zombie on a leash – it had to hurt to see her own method shine through and stare back at her right in the face, a reminder that she had also done something that had once felt despicable to survive whereas now it felt expected and necessary – Michonne had felt uneasy and distracted, a thing that was not common occurrence for her.

It would have been a lie however to say that she had not thought of Andrea since she had returned from Woodbury after saving Glenn and Maggie, but regardless the thought of the blonde woman brought a deep anger within her chest that could not be sated (would not be sated) even when she had snapped at the woman before. It still burned in a way that made her throat dry and for her footsteps to become heavier each time she paced up and down the cell block.

Murmuring from up the stairs made her pause and glance up momentarily, surprised at the fact that Andrea had managed to sneak past her as she had been pacing to join the baby and Carol up into the upper block of the prison.

It also made her feel somewhat self-conscious, did Andrea distract her so much that she now couldn't focus on things? That was bad, she needed focus, she needed Andrea gone and damn everything else to hell (her brain and heart included) if she let anything else get in the way whilst she was here; Rick and the rest of his group needed her at full attention, not pacing up and down with restless thoughts over someone who had left her behind to be hunted like a wild animal.

Andrea's sobs still echoed in her ears and for half a moment Michonne was tempted to go up the stairs to the woman and apologize, but that was ridiculous because there was nothing to apologize for – she had been right, Andrea had left her for dead, had chosen the scum called the Governor ("Phillip", Andrea had called him 'Phillip') over her knowing that she had everything to gain, whereas Michonne had everything to lose.

Andrea had lost her but had gained a community, yet Michonne had lost Andrea and had gained a group who did not trust her (not that she could blame them for that, she didn't entirely trust them either despite the care she held for them hidden underneath) and the scars of the Governor's fingers wrapped around her neck and the glass that had been slashed at her nose and face.

She had nothing: no Mike, no Terry, no daughters, not even the good for nothing lay-about husband that she had divorced before this whole thing had happened. Nothing but the katana that she had stolen from her next door neighbour whom she had been so sure had killed her cat and had broken her fence, nothing but this sword that had saved and had killed with nothing less than a thought and a well-trained blow.

The sound of brief laughter broke her from her pacing and with that Michonne followed her first instinct of climbing up the stair rail to head upwards towards the two women and the baby that Andrea held in her arms, said women breaking away momentarily from their conversation to glance up at her before continuing when Michonne brushed past them both to pace her way up and down the cell blocks there.

She stopped her pacing once she neared a cell block that gave her enough space for her to lean most of her weight against, taking the opportunity to do so immediately while her eyes sought Andrea's out with an intensity that made the fire in the pit of her stomach start to sink its way into her blood until all Michonne could feel was the anger and the jealousy that she had kept trapped away for so long start to surface from the very back of her mind.

Hues of cerulean blue met Michonne's gaze after a few moments of peaceful silence, the intensity of said blue cutting into the other woman like shards of ice against her skin and with a flinch that Michonne had desperately tried to hold back she directed her eyes at the bundle of baby limbs that rested in Andrea's arms; anything to distract her away from the warmth that had simmered down to an almost cool liquid once she and Andrea had caught eyes with one another once more.

They were like fire and water now when before they had been like earth and rain, and the after effect? It had left Michonne devastated and hurt and possessive in a way that once upon a time would have shocked her, scared her even, but now it urged her on until all she could think about was how in all honesty she had just wanted Andrea to be with her and her alone throughout this fucked up world they now lived in and how that want had turned her inside out.

Michonne inhaled noisily; it was one thing to be terrified of the world and the walkers that now inhabited it, it was another thing to be terrified of a person whom she felt like had disappeared from her life completely without one word of goodbye.

The noise must have drawn Carol's attention because as soon as her eyes flickered upwards to stare back up at the group of three the shorter-haired woman lowered her gaze, moved her arm forwards to touch Andrea's shoulder before turning tail to head down the stairs Michonne had just come up from; the sight of it looking every bit like an animal rushing away with its tail in between its legs and also a sight that made Michonne bit the corner of her lip in confusion too – did she breed so much distrust that it frightened people no matter where she went?

'You're scaring people, you're scaring me!' Michonne inhaled again at Andrea's words and closed her eyes to once more try and gather her thoughts, anything to distract herself from the sharp stabbing sensation she felt each time she thought back to that time in Woodbury and how everything she had loved and cherished about the other woman had whittled down to bitter ashes in her mouth.

"I frighten people." She hadn't known she had actually said anything until Michonne blinked hard again and found herself in front of the blonde woman with her hand tight around her jaw, the grip painful in a way that made her eyes narrow in frustration when Andrea looked up at her with a smile that should not have been as bright as it was.

Bright and human, something that had clearly vanished over time and yet was still alive even when Andrea's mouth opened to speak, "you're not exactly the most warm person to ever grace the earth Mich, but if you really want to know then Carol was just giving us some privacy to…"

"It must truly be ironic to speak about the lack of warmth considering the bed you've been sharing," Michonne snapped back before she could restrain herself, the regret already starting to form in the very back of her mind despite the red haze that threatened to coat her words even more with its vicious liquid that would turn everything to waste. "The warm body of the man who tried to kill me, who assaulted your friends, who pitted them against one another – that's the man who…"

Andrea cut her off with a glare that oddly made Michonne's tongue still inside her mouth at the sight of tears that pricked the very corners of the blonde woman's eyes, a sight that even at the start of their companionship Michonne hadn't seen often.

Michonne watched as the other woman gently placed the sleeping baby within the box Carol had made, her eyes lingering on the tender touch of fingers against the back of the baby's neck with already such affection that it made her stomach lurch as memories from the past flickered up to dance right in front of her very eyes in a taunting fashion that once again almost robbed her of her thoughts until all that was left was instinct.

"You made your point before and," the blonde woman paused, her hand stilling from stroking Judith's head to rest upon the very crown of the dark-haired infant, "I'm sorry, but I can't just do what Rick wants of me. There are innocent people back in Woodbury, innocents that won't stand a chance if it comes to war between our two groups! You know that what I'm saying is true Michonne, don't let it be this way. Please."

It made sense that Andrea would want this to end peacefully for the sake of the people at Woodbury, it was something that Michonne disagreed with but a thing that she understood regardless of her stance; however the only problem was that despite Andrea's insistence of wanting to help both of them, where would her loyalties lie when the living mind decided to ruin instead of preserve?

The thought made Michonne grimace, her lips set into a hard line. "And what if it came to war? Where would you make your bed this time?"

Andrea's eyes flashed with a toxicity of outrage and hurt and so Michonne did not need to fake any lack of surprise at how close the blonde woman had gotten to her in a matter of seconds, breath hot and heavy against Michonne's skin (it pleased her somewhat that her skin hid the flush that threatened to overtake her face) and the blonde hairs on her arms tickling Michonne's hands as Andrea moved them to rest her body against the bannister of the block.

"Stop making this about what happened between us!" Andrea hissed with an exasperated shake of her head, leaning forward until all Michonne could do was glance down at the other woman's lips for half a moment before returning back to stare into the eyes of cerulean that threatened to overwhelm her. "I did not choose him over you, but you left without telling me anything on what was happening, without explaining anything to me on what you feared about Phillip or…"

Immediately Michonne rolled her eyes and turned her back on the other woman, refusing to listen to anymore with such frustration making her agitated and confused enough that even when the young farm girl (pretty voice, pretty face; it had been a while since she had heard such a pretty voice that could carry a tune) bumped into her and squeaked out a 'sorry' she did not grant the girl with the smallest smile of apology that she usually did when she wasn't looking where she was going.

Footsteps followed her down the upper corridor and with a grunt she forced herself to stop, hands on hips with her face already pulled into a scowl that only tightened in its certainty when she turned to see her own expression mirror on Andrea's face; it was an expression that pulled out her next words before Michonne could even think of stopping them. "You could get killed if you stay there."

A smile appeared on the blonde's face for the very first time since Michonne had seen her, yet instead of the happiness that it usually brought there was only cynicism that fuelled Andrea's words, words that seemed silly once contrasted with the relaxed pose the other woman held and how her head had turned to stare into the pitch black cell to her left.

The cynicism didn't leave Andrea's smile. "And would you be on the other end of that weapon in my chest Mich? We've hurt one another; you have every reason to be the one delivering the killing blow, right?"

"Drop this bullshit right now," Michonne murmured with a heavy exhale escaping her lips, crossing her arms across her chest to saunter her way over to where Andrea was resting up against the gate of one of the prison cells. "If you're expecting me to beg you to stay then you're going to be disappointed; I don't want you back in Woodbury because I don't want you with him."

Andrea only glanced back up at her and it felt like her heart had suddenly jumped into her throat. "I know him Michonne," she waved her hand rapidly at the immediate protest that had started to bubble up Michonne's throat at her friend's words. "I know his vile and cruel and that he manipulated me into being someone who he used whenever he wanted it; but I also know I'm not going back for him: I'm going back for the people of Woodbury and I'm sorry but you can't stop me."

Michonne bit her lip and tilted her chin up to stare down at her old companion, eyes softening for a split second at the worried skin that had been bitten to shreds just on the very bottom of the blonde's lip before she remembered what had fleetingly occurred moments ago and settled her hand to wrap around one of the bar's on the prison's doors.

"You don't owe them anything." It would fall on deaf ears, Michonne knew that, but she couldn't help but try and get Andrea to stay here no matter how much she knew it would hurt the other woman to be placed in the same situation with the likes of Merle Dixon; but that would hurt less after a while whereas staying with a person like the Governor? Michonne had no control on what would happen behind those walls whatsoever.

"It doesn't matter; it's what I'm going to do." Andrea responded with a shrug that once more made Michonne's stomach constrict painfully and for her heart to beat rapidly against her chest at how insufferable this woman was behaving right now. "It's what Dale would have done, he wouldn't have wanted unnecessary bloodshed and neither do I. I'm stopping this and I'm going to help them, that is that."

Michonne's lips twitched into a half-hearted smile that did not reach her eyes whatsoever, regardless it made Andrea's face brighten slightly at the thought that perhaps she had Michonne's blessing or something of that particular wavelength.

Despite the smile on her face, Michonne was far from happy with the decision. "This group needs you and you're running off to play the Messiah?"

"I want to help both of you, but let's be realistic here," Andrea had moved forward once again and of course it made Michonne once more feel withdrawn back into her shield that had been put up the moment Andrea had fallen under the Governor's spell. "You're still upset about me leaving."

Michonne's eyes darkened with something she was still not sure was jealousy or something else entirely. "I wouldn't have hesitated in picking you over everything in this world yet you can toss me aside so easily for him?"

The warmth of hands wrapped around her face startled Michonne into tensing up against the thin bones and tender skin that pressed up against her face, ebony eyes wide with shock whilst her mouth clamped close as if she was trying to protect any other secrets that threatened to spill out.

"I didn't choose him over you!" Andrea spat out desperately, the corners of her eyes pricked with tears that made Michonne sigh and rest her head against the very side of Andrea's temple. "I needed a community Michonne! I needed something that could remind me of a normal life, something that gave me a reason to wake up every single day."

Michonne ripped her head away from the other woman's grip with a huff, displeased at the answer given to her no matter how much sense she could see in it; she was far too gone with the image of the Governor manipulating Andrea into the weapon that would end her; his own little sick revenge that he would use to stab her without even having to lift up his own finger to do so.

"We had one another," Michonne whispered sulkily, thumb brushing the torn fabric of her sword's hilt to distract herself from doing anything else that would drive Andrea further away. "It's what we cared about for most of our travels together – we had one another to count on."

Her words screamed a desperation that once upon a time would have caused Michonne to shake her head at her own weakness, now? She's slowly getting used to it regardless of whether she liked it or not.

"Stay." One word, it's the last Michonne's going to say to this woman before she departed to check the grounds with Carl and Maggie; it would just hurt too much if she said anything else and they had both hurt one another enough to last two lifetimes, never mind one.

"What happened to no begging?" Andrea replied with a smile that was just as dry and humourless as Michonne felt.

She shrugged at the blonde's words and made a non-committal noise at the very back of her throat; perhaps she had just stopped caring about her pride and instead only wanted in a way a drowning man wants the sweet air of oxygen to fill his lungs – some things just don't seem to make sense anymore, and her want for Andrea is just one of those things.

"I can't."

Michonne snorted with a shake of her head, what else had she expected really? Of course Andrea couldn't stay, she had too much of a good heart to leave others who probably wouldn't have offered her the same kindness and yet Michonne had no idea whether to find the trait admirable or ridiculously inhuman considering the dire circumstances they now lived in.

What's worse is that in spite of everything, in spite of the hurt they've inflicted on one another…There's still a fond, nearly tender balminess that basked Michonne in an embrace that is not far off from the love she felt before with Mike's arms around her as she fell asleep in their bed, it's a sensation that she had thought had died right along with him.

She can't forgive Andrea right at this moment, but there's no use in denying she can't stop caring and loving her and for that reason alone she walked back down the stairs to head towards the cell block where the main group awaited her.

Everything hurts too much.