WARNINGS: Gay smut, language, Human and country names used and OOC'ness. Reviews and feedback always welcomed.

Pairing: Fruk.

Side pairings: Spamano & Amecan.

XxX

"...Francis? What's taking you so long? Put it in!" the prostitute complained with impatience, her tan, toned legs were spread wide open, long tracks of black hair sprawled out on the cream-colored comforter. Francis chuckled nervously and gave a quick look of distress to her then glared back down at his lifeless penis; what the hell?

"J-just a minute, cher..." He heard a loud huff of annoyance and the shuffling of fabric, Francis quickly shot his head up and looked behind him, he jumped when he saw that she was now hanging over his shoulder, her hair touching his back making him shift uncomfortably at her nosey stare. He winced as her amber eyes got wide, full of shock and disappointment, she shook her head, jet black locks smacking Francis' face in the process and hopped off the bed, heading for her 'clothes' on the floor of the room in a dark corner, if you could even call a tight leather mini skirt that stopped mid-thigh and a too-small matching bikini top 'clothing'.

"That's a damn shame Francis..you were one of my favorite customers too..oh well. You should really go get that fixed that or checked out." Francis could see that she was trying her hardest to hide the amused smirk threatening to take over her now fake, 'look of concern'.

"Mon dieu...I can't get it up.."

xXx

Antonio was the only one at the bar with a frown and expression of concern on his face whilst Gilbert and Lovino were 'coughing up a lung' from laughing so much. Francis glared holes at Lovino and Gilbert then sighed, putting his head in his pale, trembling hands. He felt a rough hand on his shoulder, ruffling the blue fabric of his navy blue polo, rubbing circles on it as some sign of comfort.

"Y-you mea-nn to tell me th-that..YOU! FRANCIS BONNEFOY C-CAN'T GET IT U-U-UP?!" Francis rolled his blue irises and groaned before banging his head on the beechwood bar counter a few times; Gilbert was such an asshole. Lovino was laughing so hard his face was truly 'like a tomato', he fell out of the plastic orange bar stool and on the dusty wooden-planked floor with Gilbert, holding his now aching stomach from continuous laughter.

"Lovi...Gil..stop that, this is really serious and you're making this embarrassing for Francis...show some support, comprende?" Antonio said in a serious tone, wagging a finger at the two in a scolding manner. Lovino was the only one that stopped laughing almost immediately, he brushed the dust and wrinkles out of his gray skinny jeans as he got off the dirty floor and walked over to Francis, putting a small hand on Francis' other unoccupied shoulder. Francis, surprised by Lovino's actions, cautiously looked up at him with a confused expression waiting for him to say something insulting.

"It's alright, Francis..." Gilbert stopped laughing right after he said that with a grimace and muttered something about 'Being unawesome'. Lovino lazily waved a hand at Gilbert as if telling him to shut the hell up, then continued. "I..I guess this is natures way of saying.." Francis immediately dropped his hopeful expression and ordered another glass of red wine once he saw Lovino attempting to hide his cracked smirk, his cheeks now in bubble to keep him from laughing on mistake, Francis was now completely ignoring him before he could continue.

"'N-NO HARD FEELINGS!'" He finished, then he let it all go, falling to the ground again next to Gilbert cackling loudly with tears in his brown eyes, Gilbert right at his side choking on his beer from laughter, some of it spewing from his nostrils. A few passerby and other customers glared at the two for being so loud and scooted as far away as possible from the noise, muttering insults under their breath to their friends about being unruly and having no manners or home training. "I think they're drunk." Francis confirmed with a scowl, downing another glass of wine without the blink of an eye, Antonio slowly nodded his head in agreement with Francis and shook his head at the two idiots still chortling on the beer covered floor. "Just ignore them amigo, tell me what's going on." Antonio said with a kind, understanding smile, he was all ears and Francis was glad he had at least one friend that wasn't a complete jerk; then he let all of his frustrations out.

"I-I don't know what's wrong with me! I mean...mon dieu I've tried everything, Toni! I tried jerking off to porn, going to a strip club and getting a sexy strip tease from one of the lovely women at the strip club downtown, and even the brothel; and it just sits there! Help me, Antonio! I miss having a good fuck, I don't want to end up like Angleterre with a stick up his ass refusing sex all the time!" Francis pulled at his messy blonde locks, for he hadn't brushed them in days out of distress and far too much worry over the situation. Gilbert stopped laughing and kicked Lovino's rib lightly to get his attention, he glared at Gilbert then smiled as Gilbert whispered something in a hushed tone into his ear, then nodded when he was done stating his 'idea'. "Yo, Franny! Why not try being like Arthur and try shoving a stick up your ass, who knows? It might get the Eiffel Tower up and going again!"

"AHAHAHAHAAA!" Lovino cried, hyperventilating a little and still holding on to his stomach in pain, along with Gilbert again; those two really needed to stop before they passed out, Antonio had enough.

"HEY, I SAID CUT IT OUT!" Antonio roared, slamming his mug down causing some of his drink to spill it contents onto the bar and floor a little, splashing Lovino in the face lightly. Gilbert stopped laughing then looked down with a guilty look on his face, quietly apologizing to Francis then going back to sit on the uncomfortable orange stool again. Lovino, still sitting on the ground glared at Antonio and crossed his arms at him, "Hey, fuck you! If I want to laugh then I'm gon-." Antonio glowered at Lovino and cut him off "For the love of god, Lovino; shut the hell up!" Gilbert, Lovino, even Francis all gasped, their mouths open trying to speak up but only causing themselves to look like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.

"F-fuck you, shithead! I'm going home, don't even think about coming home because you can sleep on the damn lawn, tomato bastard! 'I'm a good guy, I pay rent on time, I have a job, I promise to be the best roommate ever, I love you!' MY ASS!" Lovino screeched, the bartender looked up to see what all the commotion was about, once he saw it was only Lovino's bantering he shook his head and returned back to cleaning mugs and wine glasses like usual. Antonio jumped up and ran after Lovino whining a bit to him. "Lovi~! C'mon, I just wanted you to shut up!"

Francis winced. "Ooohhh...not a good thing to say, Toni..tsk tsk tsk!" He chuckled a tad bit before realizing the situation he was in then went straight back to frowning again. Gilbert growled, he grabbed Francis' shoulders and began shaking him back and forward rapidly giving Francis a slight headache. "Now listen here, Franny! I'm sick of you moaning and whining around like a little bitch! Now, are you going to let us help you with this problem or are you going to continue weeping pathetically?...Like your penis..." Lovino stopped his movement and let go off the rusted door knob to the front of the bar door, then looked back to see Francis' un-amused face then to Gilbert's cracking mouth. Brown eyes clashed with red; then they started laughing, again. "KESESESESESE! YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT WAS A FUNNY ONE, TONIO!" Lovino nodded in agreement with Gilbert as he walked back over to him and gave him a high five. "Y-yeah! Even though you are still a potato b-baa-bastard, you're not as bad as your tight-assed brother! I still hate you though!" Lovino managed to say between chuckles and gasp for air.

Francis rolled his eyes dramatically and stared back at Antonio for help only to see that he was hiding his mouth behind his quivering hands and watering eyes. "W-what? Antonio don't you da-!"

"AHAHAHAA! THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY, GIL!" Antonio screeched while holding onto a bar stool for support to keep him from falling to the ground. Francis sighed again for the thousandth time today and grimaced, he thought Antonio knew better than to laugh along with them. Francis quickly paid for his drinks, leaving a big tip as if apologizing for his 'friends' behaviour, grabbing his light jacket from the coat hanger and stomping angrily out the door, slamming it in the process to show his current attitude towards them at the time. The weather was gloomy here for California here in America, surprisingly. Usually it would be bright and sunny but today it was very cloudy, the sun barely shining its way through little holes in the clouds, it was warm but the harsh wind made it seem cooler than it really was.

Francis stopped in the middle of the narrow sidewalk to take out his flashy iPhone 5 from his pant pocket and dialed up someone totally unexpected; Canada. Francis knew under his little Mathieu's angelic face was a wild sex beast hidden under that fake mask of innocence, he was his 'son', he raised him for a bit, afterall.

"Allo, Mathieu."

"Francis? Comment soyez-"

"Mon petit chou...please...call me papa, we are far past formalities, oui? I am not feeling so well...is it alright if we met up somewhere down in this putrid city?"

"Of course Fr-...I-I mean...papa? Alfred! Get off me while I'm on the phon- get off."

Francis chuckled, those two haven't changed a bit. "But, Mattie! You promised you'd play Call of Duty with me once you got off your flight, so, I'm not letting go of your leg till you get off the phone!" Francis heard Alfred whine like a child in the background.

"Like I was saying, of course we can meet up! What time were you thinking?"

"Ah well...how about tomorrow around 5PM at that Starbucks Alfred always takes us to when we visit?"

"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"Oui, see you." Then Francis hung up his phone and slid it back into his deep pant pocket, letting out a frustrated sigh, running his hands through his un-groomed hair. He glared down between his legs, blaming his soft penis for everything.

'You're so cruel to me..what did I do to deserve this?'

xXx

Woot woot, first chapter is done. YES! Hopefully this FrUK fanfic I've typed up will get more feedback than my other one? Reviews and constructive criticism is always welcomed. Please point of spelling, grammar, and other errors.

I want to apologize if Romano and Spain seem a little OOC, sorry. Also, Francis is supposed to be OOC here because...well...you know. I don't know where I'm going with this?I meant for this to be a One-shot but I didn't feel like typing it all into one chapter, and don't worry, Francis'...cure will be in the next chapter. 'wink wonk'

-flees the scene- /)_(\