Les Amis de l'ABC House Rules:

Covering your head with pot noodles and shouting "VIVE LA FRANCE!" is a poor imitation of Enjolras and is in no way amusing.

Convincing Joly that he has pneumonia when he sneezes is unacceptable. If you insist on doing it anyway, you are responsible for dealing with his panic attack.

Anyone that calls Eponine up on her foul language will get what's fucking coming to them.

Eponine is not a messenger pigeon. If you insist on writing letters when you have a perfectly functional phone, deliver them yourself.

Gavroche is not to be given sugar before 11 o clock in the morning, and after 8 o clock in the evening, or suffer being locked in the spare bedroom with him until he's calmed down.

Setting up Enjolras's auto correct on his computer so that "France" is replaced with "my mistress" in his dissertation on the social and economic divide of the country will result in your Sims 3 disc being hidden for a maximum of 2 months.

Rifling through his underwear drawer and flying his bright red boxers on the TV aerial and shouting "VIVE LA BUTTS!" on the roof at 3 o clock in the morning will result in the deletion of the any Glee episode recorded on the Sky Box.

Courfeyrac's fortnightly Musical evening must not be disturbed, under pain of death. Or being subject to his drunken rendition of Fly, Fly Away from Catch Me If You Can.

You may only join him if you agree to duet with him for What is this Feeling? from Wicked.

Greeting Bahorel's date in the morning with "Nice to meet you, you're prettier than the last one." is not funny and you run the risk of castration if you attempt it.

Anyone that takes Grantaire and Eponine's Ben and Jerry's without permission must replace it within 24 hours, or interest in way of extra tubs will accumulate at a rate of two Chocolate Fudge Brownie's a day for the first three days, and then a Cookie dough added to that for every subsequent day.

If you cannot fit the ice cream you owe them in the freezer, you are at their beck and call to buy it tub by tub for them until the debt is repaid.

Throwing things at Marius when he starts talking about Cosette is only permitted after the 10th offense of the day. Shouting "NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR LONELY SOUL." is acceptable at any time.

The battle to decide which team Eponine plays Halo with on Halo Night (every other Thursday) shall be carried out the night before. As the subject of the duel, Eponine gets to choose the mode of battle. Teams pick one member from the opposing side to participate.

Just because Courfeyrac discovered Eponine's talent for Halo does not mean he gets any special treatment in battle.

Gavroche is not allowed to play. Stop giving him the controller.

Posting Jean's poem drafts through people's letterboxes with a note underneath reading "my poetry is as powerful as my loins" and his phone number attached is banned.

"I would climb you like a barricade", is an atrocious pick up line. Anyone caught using it inside the house has to stand in the corner of shame for 20 minutes.

When Eponine and Enjolras actually show affection in front of anyone else, it is unacceptable to gaze in mock awe and whisper "the marble man has cracked" in an ethereal manner. If you continue to do it, all rights to protect your testicles from Eponine's Dr Marten's are relinquished.

When Cosette is visiting, being rude to her face is absolutely off-limits. Pretending to vomit or shoot one's self when her and Marius get cosy is tolerated.

We are not starting a bowling team called "The Barricade Boys". Stop asking.

If you choose to help Gavroche with his homework, you must be sensible, or face the wrath of his teacher alone.

Joly is not permitted to visit the doctor or the hospital alone. Reckless abandonment in a place of healing results in the discomfort of other patients and an attempt to have Joly institutionalised.

"Enjy" is not an appropriate nickname for a 3rd Year University Student. Unless said student just referred to you as "Eppy."

Hiding Feuilly's polish sausages around the house and playing kielbasa hunt is only sanctioned if you can remember how many are hidden. If you forget about one, you are responsible for cleaning up the mess when it is discovered.

Telling Joly about the mould that was growing on the one underneath Lesgle's bed is hereby prohibited. Some of us don't want to spend our Saturday afternoons restraining him as he tries to compulsively bleach every surface in the house.

During exams, everyone must keep an eye on Enjolras, and the coffee supply. If he has had more than 4 cups before midday, confiscate the kettle and force him to relax.

Remember that no matter how much he protests, remind him firmly that it is for his own good, and staying up for 5 days and nights consecutively to revise will adversely affect his health.

Using Eponine to distract him is distasteful and unappreciated.

However, telling him he's working too hard by singing Dancing Through Life from Wicked is unwelcome. If you partake, you risk having heavy politics textbooks thrown at you. (There is safety in numbers, and flying books can be avoided by performing as an ensemble.)

If you insult Musichetta's coffee, you are subject to 3 unpaid shifts at the Musain, and you will be totally at her mercy.

The keycode to the alcohol cabinet is hereby to be changed weekly by Enjolras. Anyone wishing to have a drink must see him first.

Anyone caught giving the code to Grantaire during the week will have to suck on a lemon.

If you move Enjolras's books out of alphabetical order, you will be required to cook him dinner for 5 days.

Responding to the question "who's there?" with "THE FRENCH REVOLUTION!" got old after the 238th time.

"Enjolras did it." is not an acceptable excuse for Gavroche to use the living room furniture to build a barricade.

If Montparnasse turns up at the door, unleash hell.

Disney movies are compulsory for every occupant of the house.

Just because Combeferre thinks himself philosophical, does not mean you can reply to everything he says with "why?".

When Peter, Jacques and Azelma finally move in, there will not be a competition to see who can corrupt them first.

Anyone who does not comply to these rules will will subject to a trial. The punishment will be delegated in accordance with the severity of the disregard.