Back to the Beginning

Chapter 21: The Sad Truth

"What?!"

"Rumplestiltskin's my father."

"No, I actually heard you," she said, closing her eyes and leaning back. "I was just hoping that somehow it was wrong, or that I'd misunderstood."

"How is it that you know my father?" Neal asked, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"How I know your father?" Her expression was incredulous. "How is he your father?!" She stood up from the bed, beginning to pace in front of him. "How can he be your father and you not have said anything this entire time?"

"When your father is the Dark One, you don't exactly go shouting it from the rooftops. And I didn't think who my father was would matter to you."

"It matters!" she practically shrieked. "He's Rumpelstitskin."

"You haven't answered my question yet," he told her, trying to keep his patience. "How is it you know my father?"

She stopped her pacing abruptly, turning to face him. "He was my teacher." She bit her lower lip for a second before dropping her gaze to the floor, seeming to gather her strength as she took a deep breath and looked back up at him. "He's the one who taught me magic."

Neal leaned back at the implications of that statement. She'd been telling him stories about her teacher. About how she learned magic, and how she was taught to twist that magic into something dark - twist herself into something dark. Along with her magic, the Evil Queen was born, was nurtured and molded and turned into the terrifying ruler that earned the name that brought the fear.

His father was the one who'd done that to her.

He stood as well and crossed the room to stand at the opposite side of her, not sure if it was because of the guilt of what his father had done to others after he'd left or because of something else.

He thought back to the apologies his father had given endlessly since they'd met again, of his declarations of love for his long-lost son, and his begging to bestow his forgiveness, swearing he'd change for Neal - for Baelfire. And now he wondered if any of that had been true. He'd had a near impossible time trusting his father before, and now...now he needed to think. He needed to speak with his father himself.

"I have to go," he said suddenly, and blanched at the stricken expression on Regina's face.

"Is this because I didn't tell you about him knowing about us? Because you never told me-"

"No," he said quickly, cutting her off. "This has nothing to do with you, I have to go talk to him. I have to make sense of all of this. I have to know what he wants for myself."

"But Neal…"

She trailed off when he shook his head. "I'll be back," he said simply, and then was gone, feeling too flustered to explain anything else, to even think about anything else before he'd spoken to his father.

The door of the pawn shop slammed open with a bang, the bell attached protesting violently as Neal stormed inside. "Rumpelstiltskin," he yelled, looking around.

His father appeared from the back room looking irritated, but his expression softened when he caught sight of his son. Belle appeared behind him, looking back and forth between them in hesitation.

"My boy-" he started, but Neal continued in as if he hadn't said anything.

"How dare you."

"How dare…? What are you talking about?" he asked with genuine confusion. The last time he and his son had spoken, they hadn't been on the best terms, that was true, but there certainly hadn't been the animosity that was now radiating off Neal in waves.

"Regina."

Rumple leaned back, gripping his cane tightly as he realized what it was his son had come about. "Belle, would you mind giving us a few minutes?"

Belled nodded hurriedly, picking up her coat and sliding it on as she walked past Neal to the door. "I'll get us something from Granny's," she told him.

Once they were alone, Rumple moved forward slowly, coming to lean on one of the counters closer to his son. "Finally found out the truth, did you?"

"The truth?!" Neal asked incredulously. "You mean the truth about how you manipulated her and taught her to use dark magic? How you molded her into some version of yourself so she could carry out the curse that you wanted her to someday cast? Or about how you saw us together and then went to her office, holding it over her head, making her feel like something would drive a wedge between us?"

Rumple looked surprised at that and shook his head. "No, the truth about who she really is. The Evil Queen. I don't know what she's said to you, how she's manipulated you, but now you can free yourself from her. Now that you know the truth about who she is and what she's done."

"Because of you!" Neal yelled.

"I taught her magic yes, but becoming what she did was her choice. I don't understand, son. I thought you'd want to know who it was you were truly dealing with. You're not safe with her. You deserve better."

"I knew who I was dealing with! I know who she is! I've known since I arrived back in Storybrooke! And if you'd been truly concerned for my safety, you would have come directly to me instead of using the information to torture Regina."

Rumple stood in shock, mouth open, but unable to say anything.

"How dare you try to hurt her this way! To try to hurt us! What gives you the right?!"

"I'm not trying to hurt you," Rumple said, face twisting from shock to desperation at the realization that his son was once again angry with him. "I want to protect you, my boy! Not hurt you!"

"Then you would leave the woman I love alone!"

Rumple staggered back at the statement, not believing his ears. "Love?" His whispered question almost went unheard by Neal, but his son took two large steps toward him.

"Love," he said firmly. "You think I don't know who Regina is, but I know her better than you ever will. Better than anyone else ever will! I know the woman behind the Evil Queen, just as I knew she was the Evil Queen. Because she's told me stories of her past. She hasn't tried to hide the things she's done from me. She was convinced I'd leave her if I knew the truth about everything she'd done during her reign, but I didn't. Because I know who she really is. And that is not the queen you helped to create."

Rumple made his way dazedly to a chair in the corner. "I don't understand son," he said miserably. "How can you possibly know her so well after such a short time?"

"It hasn't been such a short time, though," Neal said icily. "You abandoned me in this world long ago. I spent a lifetime in the clutches of Peter Pan before Regina and I somehow found each other in this world, neither of us knowing we'd met someone from our own. We were together almost a year before your curse managed to put an end to it. She had to come back. She had to leave me. You managed to ruin my life again and you didn't even know it," Neal said, laughing bitterly. "And then the universe gave me yet another chance, and here we are again. You never were able to keep your nose out of other people's business, were you? You just have to keep picking at people's wounds, finding ways to cause misery for your own entertainment. You haven't changed and you never will!"

His father shook his head violently. "No, I can. I can change! I will change, for you!"

"You've already proven you can't!"

"I can! You know who Regina is, you know that I was her teacher, and I'm sure she's told you all about what I've done to her, but what about the things she's done to me?!"

"The things she's done to you?!" Neal asked incredulously. "This is exactly what I'm talking about! It's always about you! You always find a way to make yourself the victim, but you're not!"

Rumple stood quickly, anger overtaking his features once more. "She locked Belle in a tower for years! Told me she'd killed herself, made me believe she was dead. And here! The whole duration of this curse, Belle - an innocent - was locked in an asylum. Tell me again how you love Regina, how you blame me for everything that's been done!"

Neal shook his head. "I'm done! I'm not going to stand here and listen to this anymore!"

"Because you fear I'm right?" Rumple asked loudly, taking steps to follow his son as he made his way to the door.

Neal didn't even glance back at him as he threw the door open.

"Son, wait! I'm sorry!" he yelled out the open door, but Neal left Rumple standing breathless outside his shop. He went back inside, slamming the door shut behind him. He stood in silence for a few seconds, trying to process everything that had just happened, but then he let out a feral scream, taking his cane to the case next to him, taking little satisfaction in the sound of the shattering glass. He continued on his path of destruction, screaming in rage and despair and wondering if he'd ever have his son back.

Regina had sat on the bed for several minutes after Neal left. With racing thoughts, she attempted to go downstairs and fix herself a snack, but with so much weighing on her, she couldn't find any appetite at all, and after staring blankly at the food in her kitchen, she made her way to the living room. She sat, legs tucked up underneath her, wondering if she and Neal would be able to weather this particular storm. She didn't think she'd been setting something so large into motion when she'd told Neal the truth about Gold. She'd known he wouldn't be happy about it, but this went beyond that.

Never had she expected for Neal to be his son. Which meant the Dark One was also her son's other biological grandfather.

She stood from the couch and poured herself a large glass of wine before sitting back down and sinking back into the dark thoughts that had begun to form since Neal made his admission.

It was no wonder Gold had taken such sick pleasure and sitting back to watch how their relationship played out. Neal was upset with her for not telling him the truth, and she couldn't blame him. And it hurt.

She took another giant swallow and heard the sound of the front door. She didn't move, didn't even turn her head. She was afraid to face what was coming now that Neal knew the truth and had gone to talk to his father.

Neal found her that way, sunk back into the couch with her feet tucked up, her knees against her chest as she cradled a glass of wine in her hands.

She looked miserable. Not quite sad, but there also was no hope left in her expression. She looked empty, and it scared him.

"Regina," he said, moving to sit next to her.

She didn't stir, but he could see that she was listening to him, so he continued.

"Regina, honey, I gave you the wrong impression when I rushed out of here earlier, and for that I am very, very sorry."

The gentle tone of his voice seemed to break her out of her thoughts a little and she turned her head enough to meet his gaze.

"I'm upset. Livid actually, but not with you," he promised. "With my father. What he did-"

"Wasn't completely unjustified," she finished.

"Of course it was! He has no right to-"

"Neal, I know you're angry, but you haven't given me a chance to speak yet." She took a deep, shaky breath and set her wine glass on the coffee table. "I'm not innocent in the history between Rumplestiltskin and I. He's done terrible things, yes, but so have I."

"He told me about Belle," Neal said, surprising her, but then her expression hardened.

"Of course he did." She shook her head a bit to clear the anger. "So you have to know that I've done terrible things as well. I'm sure that he wasn't trying to hurt you when he-"

"But he did!" Neal stopped her. "Regina, I understand that you've done things in your past, but that's not you anymore! You've changed. You proved that to me in New York. And when he does things to hurt you, he hurts me, too."

She shook her head sadly, looking at him with nothing but misery. "But I've done things even since New York, Neal. Belle stayed locked away even after I returned. I've killed since then."

"Regina, stop trying to push me away. It's not going to happen. You have changed. I've seen you working hard at it every day since I've been here."

"But why do you want to forgive me?" Regina cried. "I don't understand how you can know who I am and still love me?"

He quickly gathered her hands in his own and gave them a firm squeeze, urging her to look back up at him.

"Because you are you," he said firmly. "I love you for so many reasons, Regina, and I hate that my father has made you doubt that love simply by knowing about us."

"But how can you forgive me and not forgive him?" she asked in a near whisper, attempting to pull her hands from him.

"You can't compare yourself to him," Neal told her angrily. "He's had so many chances to change, and every time he had it, he wasted it. He disappointed me over and over again, hurt me, hurt others around him. And when we had our chance to escape all of it - the true test of whether he'd be willing to change for me - he abandoned me. He let go of my hand and let me fall through a portal to a strange world on my own."

Her face fell, feeling the pain for him, but then she shook her head again. "I haven't had the time to disappoint you. I still could."

"I have faith you won't. And you've already done more than he ever did to convince me that you felt real regret for the things you did."

"Not enough to want to change them," she admitted.

"No," he agreed. "But again, you had reason for that. You've told me. Henry. The only reason you wouldn't want to go back and change everything is because of the love for your son - my son - our son. I couldn't possibly fault you for that. If anything, it makes me love you even more. I always thought you felt things more deeply than anyone else I'd ever known, and I know now that I wasn't wrong. That proves to me that you do have the ability to change, and that you've already been using it."

She looked down, tears escaping as she continued to process everything. She of all people knew what it was like to have a parent who you wanted to love and be loved by so badly, but never to have that. She knew how much it destroyed pieces of your soul to feel that disappointment, but she still couldn't quite bring herself to believe that Gold didn't deserve another chance. Since the shock had begun to wear off, she'd started making connections, and she now knew Neal had been the entire reason behind the curse. Rumple had spoken many times about the curse, always about how it would help her, benefit her, and she'd wondered since coming here what the real reason behind all of it had been. The things he'd said since their waking up hadn't made any sense to her before, but now it did. He'd done all of it to get his son back.

He still loved Neal, fiercely, and as a mother, she couldn't understand how Rumple had ever let go of his son's hand, but she could imagine the immediate regret that would have settled in, the tearing of his soul, and the fierce determination to do whatever it took to fix his mistake.

She couldn't believe she was even thinking such a thing about the man who'd been her mentor, but maybe he did deserve another chance. One more. But she had no idea how to say that to someone who felt a betrayal she understood well. The betrayal of a parent in the worst way imaginable - making their child feel unloved, unwanted, unsafe and alone.

So for now, she said nothing, instead picking up her glass of wine and taking a sip, unsure of how to continue.

"Regina?" He placed a hand on her knee and started a small, comforting circular pattern as he looked at her questioningly.

"Hmm?"

"We're going to be okay."

She placed one of her hands over his and slid her fingers around to grasp it, giving him a small, but sincere smile. For the first time since he'd reappeared in her life, she actually let herself believe they would be.