Merry Go 'Round

If you ain't got two kids by twenty one
You're probably gonna die alone
At least, that's what tradition told you...

Emma didn't need a mother around to fuss at her about getting married or staying single forever. She had that instinct, herself, and after twenty-eight years of broken trust and failing relationships, she had the concept down - there wasn't such a thing as love, or if there was, it wasn't in the cards for her. It wasn't a difficult idea to grasp.
Not that she didn't like the thought of love and marriage. She couldn't say she wasn't a romantic at heart; there was too much proof against that. After her fantastical relationship with her young love and surprise pregnancy, she was on an emotional high, until it had all blown up in her face and Neil had disappeared for what would've been eleven years. That's when she'd decided love was nonexistent, in her world, at least.
But she still dreamed. She often wondered if Neil would one day return, once his own curiosity and... attraction, at the danger of using any other expression... caught up with him and he couldn't resist. She imagined what life would be like if he'd come back, if all would be repaired and they'd fall back in love. And then she'd shoot herself down, telling herself that if he'd ever really loved her, he wouldn't have left in the first place. Then she'd reaffirm her belief that he didn't care about, didn't think about, didn't even remember, what they'd almost had or, if you weighed it, what he walked away from. If he really cared anymore, he would've came back long ago.
But now, Neil was merely a dream, or rather, a memory she was holding onto for far too long, only to torture herself with the past. He was something unattainable, impossible. And anyone who knew Emma Swan, knew that, of all things, she did not chase after dreams, or even less, believe in fairytales.

And it don't matter if you don't believe
Come Sunday morning, you'd best be there
In the front row like you're supposed to...

There was something about being young and living under such rules and expectations, something about answering to everyone and doing everything everyone else wanted before indulging in self-service, that inspired a sort of rebellious spirit in someone, one that made romance appear to be such an alluring, enchanting idea. Red loved the idea of love; it was something she thought would free her from deep-rooted independence issues and give her license to jump on whims and take off after any dream imaginable. She pictured falling in love as a perfect process, made up of everything her grandmother had told her was evil and wrong – emotions. Red couldn't understand why everyone feared emotions, but then, she'd never experienced the harsher end of rejection and destruction caused by the same things that she found so attractive.
But as time rolled forward, she soon came to realize that there was more to the story, something she'd never been told, and as she received a heavy burden of something inside that she was but wasn't at the same time, those same dreams and emotions were crushed and a part of her died in consequence. After years of doing exactly as she was told, living as a model granddaughter in the village she'd never escaped, the first time she'd rebelled, following an idealistic dream rather than direct orders; the first time she'd stopped keeping up face and tracing her grandmother's pattern, she was left destitute and guilty. How could something like love hurt so many people, when all she wanted was to feel something more than obligation and chase more than her family's footprints? How could something so exciting and so right turn out so wrong?

We think the first time's good enough
So we hold on to high school love
Say we won't end up like our parents...

Regina didn't understand love until she'd met Daniel. She still didn't, to some degree. For a childhood full of controversial interpretations of love, divided between her father's unconditional care and her mother's misconstrued idea of affection through protection. She'd learned both that love was weakness, only to be used as a weapon of offense or protection, and that love was a never-failing exercise of the heart that connected friends, family, and significant others by a single co-dependency in which trust was key and failure was unimaginable. Balance between the two was destructive to her own opinions, and after much inner-turmoil, Regina had settled upon a happier, healthier view of things and believed in her father.
After Daniel died, however, her views changed drastically. Her mother was determined to train her in the darker aspects of life, and because of that, she taught through example. Regina unconsciously fell into her way of thinking when her dream, her love, was ripped from her, and redirected an anger that should have been aimed at her mother to love, itself. From there, she slowly deteriorated into her mother despite all attempts to stop it. She, too, came to the acknowledgement that love was for the weak and that it only hurt and destroyed and left one with ashes alone. She couldn't live like that.

Tiny little boxes in a row
Ain't what you want, it's what you know
Just happy in the shoes you wear...

True love was hard to come by, and even harder to bottle. But somehow, Rumpelstiltskin hadn't realized that it had fallen into his lap until it was too late.
Of every deal he made, every item he'd collected from unfortunate hopefuls that had stumble upon their only chance at what they thought they wanted but what ultimately would destroy them; of all the trinkets and toys he'd acquired, the gold he'd spun from straw and the magic he conjured up from thin air; of everything in that shop, everything he'd ever received, Rumpelstiltskin never could find something that replaced her. Nothing he could own in a thousand years of immortality would measure up to what Belle had shown him in the brief time he'd known her before sending her away. Even years after her departure, he couldn't find anything that would fill the hole that had suddenly become much more obtrusive after it had temporarily been filled. The void she'd left was too large for magic, too deep for treasures, and too deep to be filled. He'd been familiar with such an emptiness before, but his power helped him to bury it deep within, to pretend it didn't exist and live as if he didn't remember what love had once felt like. But now she'd turned the tables on him and shown him that his power wasn't enough, because he couldn't love his power like he could love a person... Now there was such a gaping hole in everything he did and everywhere he went that he couldn't avoid it and, at the same time, couldn't face it. So he muddled through every day attempting to numb the pain and shoving the memory of her down into a chipped cup and a broken heart.

'Cause Mama's hooked on Mary Kay
Brother's hooked on Mary Jane
And Daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down...

Neither Snow nor Charming could've given love a very good testimony to love. She'd caught glimpses, he had memories, but as time passed, those glimpses and memories faded into the fear that love was only in the past. Both came from dysfunctional families, whether an evil stepmother or a threatening father figure, but coincidentally, a crushed hope and someone special destroyed. After having everything they cared about ripped away from them, seeing the beautiful things of life overturned by the twisted pains of life and those that only wished to taint it... they had taken life in different strides, his of humility and honorable selflessness and hers of ruthless theft. He simply attempted to receive peace by giving others what he could never have, and she sought satisfaction in possession and wealth; these were nothing to compare to a love they'd once had and so terribly craved for again.
But when two very different paths crossed and the tide turned, they began to realize that true love could find them again, no matter the route, background, or example set for them. They learned that knowing true love and receiving it didn't always come hand-in-hand.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
We get bored, so we get married
Just like dust, we settle in this town
On this broken merry-go-'round...

As far as Milah was concerned, love was a spark that faltered into a scalding ember over time, and marriage was an obligation that tied one person to another when they'd given up on romance and freedom. There wasn't any long-lasting emotion involved, and connection tapered away into distaste until the eye was opened to greener pastures and everywhere looked better than where you were. Being married to a coward was no better, and when opportunity knocked, there was nothing but temptation to face, and she lost. Everything was begun again and life seemed new, while Rumpel sat by wondering what had transpired and where their beginning had ended. She hadn't cared, and he knew that. He just hadn't realized to what extent she'd go for satisfaction.
It was because of her that he'd abandoned the idea of love long ago, as like everything else in life, it shone brightly amidst the seas of darkness for a squinting moment before burning out into a closed silence that left all wondering what good was done by a regretful loss and a second's peace.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
We're so bored until we're buried
Just like dust, we settle in this town
On this broken merry-go-'round...

There you have it! Merry Go 'Round by Kacey Musgraves, applied to the world of Once!

This song was recommended to me by my sister, and I was like, "Pff, I'll give it a listen" then totally fell in love. So, in order to get it out of my head, I put it to rest with a songfic. I think the main point of this song, and therefore this story, is that, until you find love, find a family in the people around you, then you'll have to attempt to fill the void with meaningless objects and unhealthy relationships. That's the message of this story, and I hope you find it matched up well :)

Don't forget to leave a review! Tell me what you think, what you like, what you don't like, etc. And how about that last episode of OUAT, huh? Made me nostalgic for season 1 goodness :)

Oh, and make sure to check out the Once cast at Paleyfest 2013. They had a great panel, good questions, and they were all hilarious! The interactions between Lana (Regina), Emillie (Belle), and Robert (Rumpel) were priceless!

* *-TheSongbird341-* *

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Once Upon A Time, any of its characters, or this song. Props to Edward Kitsis, Adam Horowitz, and Kacey Musgraves.