Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't profit from them and sure do miss them. At least we have fan fictions to fill in the missing pieces.
Author's Note: This short was inspired by a conversation with Jude Mustard about TBA, and my mentioning how I thought Logan should have been the one to talk to Alec after Rachel's death, not Max. Jude got right to it and said "that sounds like a fan fiction." This is the result. I thought S2 really missed the boat in not developing the Logan/Alec friendship. Here's one little missing piece.
Mark your calendar's for 9/10/02 – that's the date Dark Angel Virtual Season 3 will premiere on darkangelvirtuality.com under the Phoenix Virtual Television umbrella. Since the show's creators haven't yet given us the continuation of the story, a group of fan fic writers will be bringing you our version of what might have been after Freak Nation.
The evening of Rachel Berrisford's funeral.
Crash was crowded for a weeknight, so Logan stopped at the top of the stairs, scanning the room for his quarry. After a minute, he nodded in satisfaction and continued on to the bottom. When he reached the main floor, he headed towards a booth set against the wall, in a dark corner of the room. Halfway there he paused, considering, and then he made a detour to the bar for a pitcher of beer. Pitcher and two glasses in hand, he resumed his journey across the room and, within moments, he had set his loot on the table, and slid into the booth across from its lone occupant.
"Hey," he said softly, pouring a glass and sliding it across the table. His companion looked up from the empty glass in front of him, seeming startled to have company.
"To what do I owe this honor?" Alec sneered, pulling the full glass towards him and taking a gulp.
"Just thought you might want some company," Logan shrugged, "and to talk about things." He poured himself a glass of beer as he spoke, glancing around the crowded, noisy bar to give Alec time to consider his words.
"I don't need your sympathy. Like I told Max, I'm good." Alec laughed, the sound harsh, "I'm an X5, remember? None of those messy emotions you normals love to wallow in. Just because Max has been out here so long she's forgotten what it is to be a soldier, doesn't mean you should assume the rest of us are like her."
Logan didn't answer immediately. Instead he sipped his own beer while he studied the younger man. Alec wasn't his usual immaculate self. His hair was untidy, and there was an air of sloppiness about him that Logan had never seen before. As he raised the beer glass, his hand shook slightly.
"How many beers have you had, anyway?" Logan asked him.
"Not nearly enough, my man. Not nearly enough." Alec finished the glass and reached out to pour himself another one, but Logan stopped him.
"It doesn't help."
"How would you know? Mr. Born-With-a-Silver-Spoon-in-his-mouth, do-gooder, hero to the masses. What do you know about the rest of us? The ones who get by and make do?"
"More than you would think." There was silence as the two men sipped their beers and Logan considered how best to proceed. Making up his mind he started to speak in a low voice. "I thought she was dead you know. After it happened, I sat in my apartment for days, without moving. I hurt so bad I didn't want to move, so I didn't."
"For three months I believed she had died in my arms. I thought about what I didn't do to prevent it, and about how I might have even caused it. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat much, I just got by. One day at a time. And I hated life and myself every single minute. I wanted to be dead too, to be with her." He stopped, his voice hoarse, and poured himself some more beer.
Alec had started out ignoring him, but by the time Logan stopped speaking he was watching him intently. "And then she came back and life was just beautiful, wasn't it?" he sneered.
"No, it stinks pretty bad right now. You know that." Logan responded refusing to be drawn.
"So tell me Logan, do you love Max?" Alec pushed.
"What do you think?" Logan asked him.
"I think love and all that goes with it is a trap. It's a lie and a snare. We live and we die. In between, the best we can do is to enjoy the time we have. Love doesn't help us do that. From what I've seen, all it does is create misery. You certainly don't seem very happy, and Max for sure is miserable. Me? Well I'm just indulging in a bit of sloppy sentimentality is all. No love involved here. I wasn't made to feel love and, watching you two sure doesn't inspire me to want to try it."
"You're full of shit, Alec." Logan's voice was full of calm certainty.
"Whoa, man." Alec was clearly startled at Logan's bluntness.
"You loved Rachel, and you blame yourself that she died. It's okay to admit it. It doesn't make you any less of a man. In my book it makes you more of one."
"Look, just because you go for that sentimental shit, don't flatter yourself that you know a damn thing about what I'm feeling. I don't believe in love. It's nothing more than a pretty facade used to disguise our instinctual need to reproduce. Lust, my man, is what makes the world go 'round. If you and Max had ever figured that out, you'd both be a lot happier right now."
"You remind me of another X5 I used to know. He was always talking about phony sentimentality too. Funny thing is, in the end he killed himself in order to give Max a chance to live. When it came down to it, I guess he realized that love wasn't such a lie after all."
"Touching story but what does all this have to do with me?"
"Maybe nothing, maybe I just like hear myself talk. So tell me Alec why are you getting wasted tonight?"
"Dunno, seemed like the thing to do in the circumstances." The pitcher was empty and Logan signaled a passing waitress who quickly provided them with a refill. The two men drank in silence as the time passed. Finally, Alec put his glass down and looked straight at Logan, challenging him with his eyes and his words.
"So what if I did love her? What the hell good did it do either of us? I spent six months in re-indoctrination under Manticore's gentle care and she ended up dead. You and Max aren't much better off. If Manticore has its way, you'll end up dead one of these days, and it'll be Max who kills you." He stopped, took a drink, and continued so softly that Logan almost couldn't hear him, "and then she'll get to spend the rest of her life knowing she killed you, just like I have to."
"You're wrong Alec. You didn't kill Rachel."
"Right. I only planted the bomb in the car. That's all."
"Manticore killed her. The same way Manticore tried to kill me. You were the tool they used. They tried to use Max the same way, but we aren't going to let them. The thing is, Alec, you can still beat them."
"Yeah, right. Rachel's dead. Ain't nothing I can do to bring her back."
"No, there isn't. And you're going to hurt over that for a long time. I can't tell you that isn't true. But, if you give in to it, and turn your back on your humanity, then they've won. You might as well be one of their perfect soldiers, trained automatons."
"What do you care? Damn, I tried to kill you. Would have too if Asha hadn't interfered."
"You remind me of Max when I first met her." Logan smiled slightly as he remembered. "All tough ass chick on the outside, but inside? Inside, just crying out for that human connection. I think you want to care, Alec. You want to be human, to be part of the world. But it hurts, and you're afraid of that."
"Whatever, man." Alec shrugged, but Logan detected a note of uncertainty in his voice and smiled to himself.
"Anyway, I wanted you to know that if you ever want to talk about…anything, I'm around. And I can relate. That's all."
Alec raised his glass, "Sure. I'll remember that."
"You do that, Alec. Look, it's late, I haveta go. You know where to reach me." Logan rose from his seat and tossed some money on the table.
Alec watched him start to walk away. Suddenly, impulsively, he called after him, "Hey, thanks man." At Logan's raised eyebrow he gestured to the pitcher, "for the beer I mean." He hesitated, then quickly added, "Ya know if you ever need it, I've got your back. I figure I owe you that much. I mean…for trying to kill you, is all."
Logan smiled and nodded. "Sure, Alec. I gotcha. Take care of yourself, and watch those checkpoints when you head out. My sources tell me the sector cops are indulging in some nasty shakedowns these days."
"Not to worry, my man." Alec raised his glass in a salute as Logan left the bar and then, smiling slightly, he rose and headed home himself.
FINIS