Raised by GLaDOS

Ahh Christmas, the day of peace, forgiveness and the many other things I don't do, humans love it for some reason and I have to celebrate it. According to my CPU with a Christmas chip, the only chip I never found and tore out. So every year I send the robots to tear down a tree and decorate it with balls and sprays I find.

"No I'm not thrilled you stupid bird, Christmas is the only day I'm not allowed to test," I turned to Fawkes who chose to comment on my mood. Of course I didn't want to stop testing to decorate a tree and cook; killing the turkey's ok however. Now the presents were harder to get, mainly because we rarely went out and Sirius Black is an escaped convict so he can't walk into a shop. However as a wanted person I am able to walk into a shop, demand something, pay very little and walk out, ahh the joys of being better than all of humanity. Speaking of presents I needed to deliver them, I had a few things sorted out and so did Harry, he was organised, he had started shopping the day he got back.

"Ok taking things of the dead does not technically count as shopping but he got some good stuff," I pointed out, he may have searched some of the skeletons, the rick executives had a lot of stuff on them. Credit cards, cash, rings, stolen weapons grade uranium and a lot more.

"Yes some people like to tap into our uranium supply," I told the bird before it could comment again, I could feel the thing wanting to question but it didn't, at least not yet. No I had considered putting it in with the three turkeys currently being slow cooked above a fire pit but it was too small, no I needed two for Chell and one for the others. I would be using that and saved it in my memory, she's not fat but it's still funny to see her reaction, anyway we had turkey, chicken and duck, three of each along with vegetables I stole and Christmas pudding.

"Bird you've known me since we met and you bonded with me by force, I kill birds and killed you a lot," I told the mouthy thing who for some reason was annoyed. Bond between birds? Now all I needed to do was get the prisoners ready for the day, we needed a show after all and I took some pride in the masterpiece I was going to perform.

"Yes I know it will," I agreed with the Phoenix for the first time in a long time, then my mind started to work. I had a few more things to do, the Christmas cards and of course the wakeup call.

Harry

"Jingle Bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way, I would be more fun if I could test all through this moronic day!" I woke up to hear the latest torment of Christmas morning, she would do something to a song every year and twist it. Though last year's Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day Chell ate in any way, had been kind of funny for me anyway. Christmas was a day GLaDOS loved and hated, on one side she hated not testing and on the other she got to kill birds, best of both worlds I suppose. Though her dinners are something spectacular, a lot of birds die to make them

"Good morning Harry, merry Christmas," she greeted somewhat against her will, she had to say it due to one of her chips, it was also funny and I smirked.

"Just because it's Christmas it doesn't mean I won't kill you," she warned seeing me on the verge of laughter.

"Well get to the main chamber, its present time," she announced suddenly and realising she had a thing against getting washed or dressed today I decided to go with it. Instead I walked out of the sliding door and into the corridor, like my birthday it was gone. Unlike my birthday there was no faith plates, just a drop. The sliding door suddenly hissed shut and with a few stumbles I fell down into the darkness with a yelp, a gravity funnel opened up and I heard GLaDOS laughing her virtual head off over the intercom.

"Wait where's the Flooooor?" I heard Sirius demand as he fell into a beam that was hidden by the darkness under the corridor, I heard another door open and close so I assumed Chell had fallen to. Luckily without a voice she did it with a lot more dignity than me or Sirius.

"Still funny," GLaDOS announced with a cackle and slowly we were funnelled towards the main chamber, we were however a good few feet of the floor.

"Is there a ladder?" Sirius asked and the beam cutting off answered his question, we all tumbled to the floor where a soft panel had been hidden. GLaDOS in her real computer form hanging of the ceiling turned round to watch us get up

"You're evil," I told GLaDOS whose yellow eye piece blinked

"Yes I know," was her simple response

"Well that was perhaps the most terrifying moment of my life," Sirius announced and GLaDOS turned to him

"Really? Well I better get the drill," she warned and Sirius paled

"Relax she can't test today," I told him and the man seemed relieved

"Tomorrow she will destroy you but Merry Christmas," I pointed out afterwards just to make sure he didn't get his hopes up too much

"And a Merry Christmas to you to," he smiled working out I was joking,

"Morning Chell, Merry Christmas," I greeted seeing an obviously tired Chell picking herself off the floor and brushing herself down, something that without sound seemed more dignified. She beamed at me with a wide smile.

"Oh are we not saying good morning to the great computer who keeps you safe, secure, fed and happy," GLaDOS interjected,

"None of the personality sphere are here," I grinned in return , RIck had decided to stay with curiosity who was trying to work out what everything was, his dreams of scoring were still a long way off.

"Do you want me to kill you?" GLaDOS asked simply

"No I'm fine," I told her and she nodded, her giant form then reared up and parts of the floor opened.

"Presents, now open them so we can get to dinner and the show," she asked nicely and suddenly I had the feeling she had something planned. Something that could be somewhat dangerous.

Meanwhile- the burrow

"Arthur what's going on?" Molly shrieked as she looked outside, she was just about to wake everyone up for Christmas breakfast when she saw Fred and George. They were bouncing up in the air outside in the garden, soaring to huge heights without a broomstick and high-fiving as they ascended.

"I have no idea, "he answered with a slight smile as he took in the sight of the twins bouncing, he loved Christmas and the twins has been up early for some reason, he knew now but he had no idea how they were doing this. However what he didn't know was if he looked closely he would see a blue spray smeared on the shoes of both boys. He could also find three spray cans of Aperture Science repulsion gel in their rooms but he decided to let his boys be. It was Christmas after all.

Chell

I had been surprised, I was expecting GLaDOS to get me a weight loss DVD or something along those lines but instead I had been treated to a designer dress which I knew she stole, new shoes and sweets. Stolen or not it was the thought that counted, Harry did well as he got a selection of magical objects. Exploding cards, strange jelly bean type things, joke products and a book on curses, I hoped he had enough sense not to use them on random people. Sirius got a lot of men's products, aftershave, a razor, a DVD which I took off him immediately and also his own portal gun, it fired green and yellow portals.

"Well now I've done my buying duties get to the personal gifts," GLaDOS ordered and again I wanted to know what she had planned, obviously it would be big and either funny or destructive. Harry have her a USB stick full of magical information he had digitalised. I gave her a book on phobias and she just glared at me. I gave Harry a number of books on pranks, tricks and other spells which I knew he would like then he wanted to give something to me.

"Here you go," Harry handed me a necklace, thin golden chain and a locket at the front, inside was a picture of me and him, he was about six and it was when we all went to the beach. Well GLaDOS hadn't invented a body at that point and she came disguised as a phone. It was such a sweet picture I pulled Harry into a tight hug, that day had been great fun and I was touched he had made this and as it had my name on the locket he hadn't just found it.

"Aww," Sirius murmured walking over, he held two packages which looked like brooms

"Well seeing as neither of you know how to fly I made a mail order and decided to get you something practical, so here are two prototype nimbus 2001's," he grinned handing the broom over, I unwrapped it and he tapped the edge, seconds later I was hovering in the air.

"Cool," Harry grinned knowing he was going to have fun with this, then Sirius turned to GLaDOS without getting me down. I was scared to move in case I went flying into a wall

"You know love, you may be a giant computer but you gave me a home and my life back, you got me out of prison and that's why I got you this, a wand," he told her. GLaDOS just looked at him

"A wand? You got me a wand?" she asked and Sirius was worried he had gotten her something wrong, however I knew how her software worked; oh no, this was dangerous.

"Connection established," the announcer voice confirmed it, he had given her a connection to magic.

"What does that mean?" he asked brightly

"It means you just gave her complete control of the magical world," Harry answered

"Just for that I promise never to test harmful things on you for two weeks, Chell are you getting down," GLaDOS answered giving the most thanks she had ever given. I nodded

"Depends on what you got me," the man answered with a grin, I hadn't got anything for him, all my shopping was done before he arrived and I was worried, what could I get him. Then I had an idea, I kissed him. He was stunned which allowed me to climb down off the broom without getting hurt.

"Can I be the first to be repulsed by that?" GLaDOS asked aloud and Harry just laughed as I walked out of the room leaving a dumbstruck escaped convict behind.

Sirius

Dinner had been amazing, I had never had so much meat in my life and GLaDOS said she would sae the rest for the new year. This Christmas had been incredible to say the least and with all the presents and a kiss I had no idea how this day could get any better.

"Presenting the nutcracker puppets," GLaDOS suddenly announced and I gaped at the cast, all were prisoners, from Barty Crouch as the nutcracker to... Oh My God.

"Bella?" I questioned aloud and the woman dressed up as the sugar-plum fairy looked up, looking furious with what the strings tied to her arms were making her do,

"Please do not interact with the puppets," she requested aloud.