A/N: hey guys i'm back! this is it!
chapter 3: take this sucker down
(Marik and Bakura's theme plays)
PARADOX: Very well, Yu-Gi-Oh Pwotagonists! Let's see how you like things, in the Mawific World.
JADEN: Actually, this isn't so bad!
YUSEI: Yeah. It's actually kind of pretty here.
YAMI: Makes a nice change from the Shadow Realm, that's for sure.
PARADOX: Stop that! It is suppose to be thweatening!
YAMI: Look at all the pretty lights!
PARADOX: Stop being impwessed by the Mawific World!
YUSEI: Paradox! You've got some explaining to do!
JADEN: Yeah! Like why the hell were you in Venice?
YUSEI: Look. This isn't important.
JADEN: I disagree-
YUSEI: Shut up. Paradox, why are you trying to destroy the world?
PARADOX: You stupid pwotagonist. I am not trying to destwoy the world, I am twying to save it.
YUSEI: Not if we can stop you-wait what?
PARADOX: In the future, the world as we know it has been destroyed. Humanity's ignorance has caused the planet to become... wavaged and wifeless.
YAMI: Wavaged and wifeless?
JADEN: But how? Was it Global warming?
YUSEI: Nuclear war?
PARADOX: No, none of those things happened. What destwoyed the world was... Caaaarrrrd Gaaaames...
YUSEI: What?
PARADOX: That is wight, Caaaarrrrd Gaaaames...
YUSEI: You're serious?
PARADOX: Yes, vewwwwwwy
YUSEI: How?
PARADOX: What?
YUSEI: How did card games destroy the world?
PARADOX: Well, I was not actually there. But I heard that somebody pwayed a card game. And then boom! End of the world. It totally happened. Just like I said. Just card game-Boom! Evewyone dead.
JADEN: Okay. But how does stealing cards and killing people make everything better?
PARADOX: Look, I planned this.
JADEN: So explain it!
YUSEI: Yeah! Explain your great plan!
PARADOX: All I had to do... was invent time twavel. Then go back in time. And kill Pegasus. And then the future would be better. That's it.
YAMI: You also killed Yugi's Grandpa.
PARADOX: Yeah, and Yugi's Grandpa. I totally meant to do that too. My plan is great.
YUSEI: Also a lot of innocent people died.
PARADOX: Yes there was a little cowwateral damage. Probably not important. My plan is great.
JADEN: Then why are you riding around on a motorcycle wearing an evil mask stealing people's cards and laughing like a maniac? Does that sound like a hero?
PARADOX: Well when you put it like that not weally. But uh...
Jaden: Then what the hell man?! What the actual hell?!
PARADOX: Listen! Either I destwoy the card game or the world itself is destwoyed. It is as simple as that.
YAMI: Hm. The entire world or card games. Tough choice.
YUSEI: There is no choice. Without card games, this world isn't worth living in.
YAMI: You're right Yusei. You always were my favorite protagonist.
YuUSEI: Right back at you, Yugi. It feels so good to know you'll be playing with me. (George Michael's Careless Whisper plays) No homo!
YAMI: Uh, yes! No homo indeed.
PARADOX: Pwotagonists! I challenge you to a card game!
YUSEI: You mean the thing that's going to destroy the world?
PARADOX: Yes! That.
YUSEI: Seems kind of hypocritical.
YAMI: Yes and how is this even going to work? There's three of us against one of you.
PARADOX: It is simple. First Yusei goes, then I go, then Jaden goes, then I go-
YAMI: Wait.
PARADOX: -then Yugi goes and then I go. Sounds fair wight?
YAMI: You've got to be kidding! That means we each get one turn per round and you get like, uh, a gajillion!
PARADOX: I'm glad you understand.
YAMI: Oh come on. But nobody in their right mind would agree something like that-
JADEN: You're on, Paradox! We're going to take you down!
YAMI: Oh God no.
YUSEI: Jaden.
JADEN: Wassup?
YUSEI: If we survive this, I'm going to go back in time and I'm going to slap myself in the face for bringing you on this adventure.
YAMI: Can I come?
Yusei: You can ride with me anytime Yugi. (Careless Whisper plays) No homo!
YAMI: Yes! I was just about to say... uh... no homo.
PARADOX: I summon the Mawefic Cyber End Dwagon!
YAMI: Now Yusei. I should point out that this card game... is not going to take place on a motorcycle. I hope you understand that. I don't want you like trying to ride your duel disk or something. We're just going to stand with our feet planted firmly on the ground-
YUSEI: I know how to duel!
YAMI: Well okay then.
Yusei: I Synchro Summon Junk Gardna in Defense Mode.
YAMI: Synchro what?
YUSEI: Synchro Summon.
YAMI: What summon?
YUSEI: Synchro Summon.
YAMI: What what?
YUSEI: Synchro Summon.
YAMI: Oh! What's that?
YAMI: It's where you play a monst-
YAMI: Wait. I seem to have stopped caring.
PARADOX: That was a nice Synchwo Summon, Yusei.
YAMI: Synchro what?
PARADOX: But I'm afwaid not nice enough. Now I summon my Mawefic Wainbow Dwagon!
JADEN: Hey! No fair Paradox! That's my best friend's card!
YUSEI: Seriously? You have friends?
JADEN: Yes!
YAMI: You mean ones that aren't invisible?
JADEN: Oh. Right. Look who's talking.
BANNER: You tell him, Jaden. I'm still very Asian by the way.
JADEN: Freestyle time!
YUSEI: Oh please tell me he's not going to rap.
Jaden: (rapping) Paradox, man, I just want to let you know, Ain't no way you're gonna take away our card game, Yu-Gi-Oh! I'm gonna use a Spell Card to bring out my man Neos. Looks like your Cyber End Dragon is about to be toast. What's that? Come again? I got a second move. Looks like Jaden effin' Yuki's got lot to prove. Take down his Rainbow Dragon before he start mournin' I'm gonna lay these cards down right in the Trap Zone.
YAMI: Good job, Jaden! Way to get your lame on!
JADEN: Actually, it's "get your game on"-
YAMI: I know what it is.
PARADOX: Mawefic Pawadox Dwagon! Come forth!
YAMI: Holy Ra! I've seen a lot of dragons in my time but that one takes the cake!
JADEN: And he probably ate it too!
YAMI: Shut up Jaden! You're not funny. So stand back ya'll 'cause it's time for a real main character to take the field.
PARADOX: Oh pwease! You may be the King of Games in your timeline but where I come fwom, Duel Monsters have evolved far beyond your understanding. Compared to me, you are just a learner.
YAMI: That may be the case in your timeline, Paradox. But then we're not in your timeline, are we?
PARADOX: Um-
YAMI: And where I come from Duel Monsters is still a broken exploitable mess of a game. And I'm about to exploit the Hell out of it. (Magical Trevor plays) I summon the Dark Magician and Dark Magician with boobies.
DARK MAGICIAN GIRL: Hey, Dark Magician. How come we can talk in this movie?
DARK MAGICIAN: A wizard did it.
YAMI: Dark Magician and Dark Magician with big boobies, use Dark Magic Twin Burst to destroy Malefic Paradox Dragon!
JADEN: Hah yeah! Pimp slap like a mofo!
BANNER: I am so happy to be Asian today, you guys!
YAMI: I believe the appropriate phrase is a-booyah.
YUSEI: Let's see you recover from that, Paradox!
PARADOX: I will do more than that, Pwotagonists! Watch as I summon my Mawefic Twuth Dwagon! Yahaha! Ahahahaha!
BANNER: I've never felt so Asian!
(Pegasus is riding a helicopter through a storm, Spice Girls playing in the background)
PILOT: Mr. Pegasus. We appear to be flying right into a storm.
PEGASUS: Well why don't you just turn around then?
PILOT: I'm afraid I never finished my helicopter pilot training. I only know how to fly forwards.
PEGASUS: Well then, at least have the decency to turn the music up.
(Back at the duel)
JADEN: Ah s**t dawg! I've seen a lot of dragons in my time, but that behemoth definitely takes the cake.
YUSEI: And probably ate it too.
YAMI: (laughs) A dragon. Eating a cake! Yusei, you're so funny.
JADEN: Oh, come on! That's the same joke I used from before!
YAMI: Yes, but Yusei told it better.
PARADOX: Oh, I wish my gweat-gweat gwandfather Dartz was here to see me do this. He would be so pwoud of me.
YAMI: Gentlemen, if we don't make it through this I want you do know it's been an honor playing card games with you. Even you Jaden.
JADEN: Ballin'!
YUSEI: You can be my wingman anytime Yugi.
YAMI: No Yusei, you can be mine. (Careless Whisper plays)
YUSEI: No homo right?
YAMI: All of the homo!
PARADOX: Mawefic Twuth Dwagon, lay waste to their monsters and change the future! (The shared Life Points of Yugi, Yusei, and Jaden drop to 500) I am wictowious!
YUSEI: (singing) There's just no way that we can win. His cards are epic beasts. He duels too well because he's from another time.
YAMI: Listen, both of you! (singing) He's gonna to rewrite history. He's gonna to wipe out our card games.
JADEN: Never!
YAMI: Unless we break his massive monster into pieces.
JADEN: Homies. (singing) We've been through so much stuff.
YUSEI: I had to hear Jaden rapping.
YAMI: That was rough.
YAMI, JADEN AND YUSEI: Now it's time to take this sucker dow-ow-own.
JADEN: Come on, guys, now it's time to blow doors down.
YUSEI: I hear you, Jaden, now it's time to blow doors down.
JADEN: So make your move cuz' I'm throwing a face-down.
YAMI: Okay, just make sure you don't summon a gay clown.
YAMI, JADEN AND YUSEI: Now we've got to take this sucker down.
YAMI: My hairy balls will make sure he won't take us down.
KURIBOH: Dodolalalalalalalala.
PARADOX:(singing) No this can't be happening, how do I get them down?
JADEN: We're going to beat ya! Oh Paradox! No doubt about it! Our card game rocks!
YUSEI: As far as villains go, In anime, I hate to tell you, You're just cliché.
YAMI: That's right you messed with The wrong show. We're not just anyone, We're Yu-Gi-Oh!
YAMI, JADEN AND YUSEI: We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh! We're Yu-Gi-Oh!
PARADOX: No no no! No no no no no! No no no! No no no no noooooooooooooooooo!
(Paradox's life points go down to 0 as Malefic Truth Dragon is destroyed by the combined efforts of Dark Magician, Elemental HERO Neos and Stardust Dragon.)
YAMI: Huh. I think we may have just killed a man.
YUSEI: If anyone asks, Jaden did it.
JADEN: (laughs Yeah! Wait, what?
YAMI: (narrating) Meanwhile, thousands of miles away...
PEGASUS: (giving cards to other duelists) Ooh! So many restraining orders just waiting to happen.
YUSEI: We defeated Paradox. But at what cost?
JADEN: At least we still have card games.
YAMI: Who knows whether we made the right choice. However, the most important thing is that I totally won that duel.
JADEN: What? Ya-Hey! No. I won the duel.
YAMI: I think you'll find it was me.
JADEN: Was not!
YUSEI: You're both wrong.
YAMI: If I were wrong I would be saying you won the duel but I'm not because I did.
YUSEI: It doesn't matter who won. The important thing is, we can keep on winning as friends.
JADEN: That's right. Even though we may never see each other again, we'll always be in each other's hearts.
YAMI: And I totally won that duel.
YUSEI: We all won the duel.
YAMI: Nope. Me. I did it.
YUSEI: Enough! All that matters is we managed to get through all this without disrupting the space time continuum.
JADEN: Yeah! Even though I nearly told Yugi that the Pharaoh dies at the end of his series.
YAMI: What's that now?
(everything goes white)
(in subspace) Well. This is just fan-tucking-fastic. Now we're stuck in subspace. Way to go Jaden.
JADEN: It's not my fault! I thought spoilers were okay. It's been like, ten years!
YUSEI: This really could not get much worse.
YUMA: Hey guys! This subspace thing is pretty extreme, huh! Talk about pop-flyin'! Get set to get decked motherf**kers. Yeah!
Yusei: What's wrong with his hair?